Warning, whiny rant ahead:
Well, I ended up not going to the concert tonight, after obsessing all day, back and forth, go, not go. It would have been a 25 minute drive there and back, a bit of a walk from the parking area, not sure what the seating would be like but possibly folding chairs, and just generally feeling wary of being in a crowd. At first I felt relief at my decision but that quickly morphed into a funk and lots of second guessing and feeling sick and tired of being in my house and calling myself a wimp and...you get the picture. I seem to remember going through the same thing after my hip replacement last fall--making plans and then backing out--but it was at an earlier stage of recovery, 5 or 6 weeks rather than the 8 weeks I am now from knee 2. I am well and truly sick of this and tell myself to pull up my big girl pants and get out there and...ugh. Sick of myself, sick of my couch, sick of TV, sick of my own company...but obviously not quite ready for the big wide world.
I talked with a friend about all this and she named it "old lady syndrome", jokingly (she's my age), but I'm afraid there's truth in that and I don't like it and don't want to fall into an old lady hermit pattern, afraid to go out at night, just generally cautious.
Boldness is needed, bravery, and I'm feeling like those are in short supply right now chez Lynn.