THR On the other side of surgery

[Jamie]

If you haven’t called your husband’s doctor’s emergency line, you need to because of the low blood pressure (90/60 is considered a medical emergency and needs a 911 call) and the dizziness and difficulty breathing. These things can be very serious and your doctor may tell him to go to the ER because of it to get checked out. Low blood pressure can mean vital organs like the brain, heart and lungs get starved for oxygen. Obviously that’s not a good thing. Please don’t wait until tomorrow to make this call if his blood pressure remains this low and he’s still feeling breathless and dizzy.

 

[Layla]

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. In regard to your husband, his symptoms and BP sound concerning to me. Have you checked with his physician? His low BP, shortness of breath, dizziness and weakness can be signs of infection. He may also be reacting to medications. If you haven't checked with his physician, even tonight someone from the office should be on call, otherwise I'd get him to the ER to make sure there isn't a serious complication such as sepsis. I don't want to frighten you, but I don't think you should ignore these symptoms.

Barbara, I really wish you could get some help in caring for your husband. Given what you've shared here, I am assuming you're not a nurse and it sounds like he needs professional care and you need a break for your own physical and mental health. This is too much for you to handle by yourself as you're healing.

If the state of your home really bothers you and it's within the budget, hire a cleaning service to come in once or twice. It will be worth the peace of mind and you'll feel more at ease.

Do the exercises you're able to do. If you don't have the step platform and don't want to spend money on one, tell the therapist that on Monday and ask for another exercise to do in place of it.

Personally, I think your number one concern right now is figuring out some type of transitional care for your husband AFTER you speak with his physician in regard to his symptoms, or take a trip to the ER.
@barbloki

 

[EalingGran]

Things are rough around this house. It hasn't been vacuumed in over 2 weeks. I'm doing the best I can with other cleaning. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.

I really wouldn't worry about the housekeeping- it will be fine to think about that once you are better. Nobody really cares about a bit of dust unless you are asthmatic.
You need to prioritise your recovery and also make clear to your husband what is realistic.
It's a bit like those airline safety talks where they emphasise how you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.
It really sounds as though he should go to a nursing facility. You won't be doing him any favours if you overdo things and fall/ have a relapse yourself.

 

[myglasshalffull]

I hope you called an ambulance & had him transferred to a hospital. I cannot believe what you are dealing with. And if he does end up back in the hospital please don’t feel guilty having him go to a rehab facility for several days.
You don’t need to be a hero here. You need to take care of yourself.
I’m very concerned.

 

[Layla]

Hi Barbara,
You are on my mind this morning so I thought I'd check in. I hope your husband is doing better. If you feel up to it, please let us know how things are going. No rush to reply, just want you to know we're thinking of you and wishing you the best.
@barbloki

 

[barbloki]

It's been rough going around here. Hubby is back at the hospital, ER. I couldn't sit there waiting in those uncomfortable chairs so I came home. 35 min drive over and 35 min back. I've had my fill of driving the car today. UGH. I just want to sleep for a year. I'm feeling discouraged. I'm 6 weeks today since surgery and should be further along than I am. I'm still using the walker sometimes because my leg aches with the cane.

 

[Pumpkin]

I feel for you and your husband, glad he is in the ER where he can receive the care he needs.
Sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[barbloki]

They found blood clots in his lungs (probably from the 2 surgeries in 2 weeks) so he's being admitted. Looks like I'll be alone for Thanksgiving. I'll be getting lots of rest and doing my PT exercises.

 

[Layla]

I'm sorry to read the news. Thankfully you got him to the hospital, he's in good hands and hopefully able to stay for several days and you can catch up on sleep. You're never alone here, so stop by on Thanksgiving if you're bored. Someone will be around. If it's the traditional meal you're going to miss, and you like to cook, you and hubs can do that once you're both feeling stronger.
I hope you sleep well tonight.
@barbloki

 

[barbloki]

@Layla I feel like I'm in a dream or a nightmare. We saw his surgeon today and were told that this wound dressing will take 1 to 2 months so this is going to be a daily thing for me while I'm recovering from my hip surgery. I feel it in my hip every time I bend over him to dress the wounds. There's just no easy way to get to it. I can hear my mother saying "acceptance." I can't change it so I need to accept it and stop complaining or wishing it were different. I feel like I'm going to start bawling and not stop.

 

[Jamie]

Barbara, My heart goes out to you and the situation in which you find yourself. I’m glad you got your husband to the ER and that they admitted him. Blood clots are nothing to mess with and can be fatal, so he’s definitely where he needs to be.

These clots may have come as a result of the surgery, but they can also appear at any time when a person is spending a lot of time in bed or not walking around. It’s why we tell our joint replacement patients that they need to get up and walk around for 5 minutes or so every hour during the day. Since he’s had them now, he may be more likely to have future problems with this. So he will need to be very aware of the symptoms and get to an ER quickly if they appear again. Next time if he has these symptoms, though, please call an ambulance and don’t attempt to drive him to the ER. Blood clots can break loose and move to a place where breathing is suddenly impossible and the person dies within minutes. You could not cope with this situation if it happened on the way to the hospital, but paramedics can and a person has a much better chance for recovery in their hands. This is honestly a very, very serious condition.

I am very concerned about you, though. I know you want to be able to care for your husband, but quite frankly attempting this level of caregiving for 1 to 2 months is going to have a negative impact on your own recovery. It’s possible that your hip might not heal properly and that could result in a revision surgery. Or, if your pain levels stay elevated like they are now, the constant high level of inflammation can result in chronic pain that never goes away and impacts your life forever (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome - CRPS).

This is not a situation you have to just accept and try to work through. There is help available for you. Please be assertive with the hospital social worker and with your husband if the best option is a rehab facility for a short while. You both will be better off to accept the help that is there for you. Please take time to read this website about pulmonary embolisms from the Cleveland Clinic. It’s excellent and will help both you and your husband understand the severity of this condition.

What Is a Pulmonary Embolism?

This life-threatening condition involves your lungs. Learn more about pulmonary embolism.

my.clevelandclinic.org

 

[mendogal]

@barbloki
I am going to write this with directness based on a 40+ yr career as a professional RN/public health certified nurse, including many years in both hospital discharge planning and home health:

Your husband needs to be in a short term rehab/skilled nursing facility where licensed nurses can provide wound care and vital signs monitoring.

He has no right to endanger both his life AND yours by insisting on going to a home situation without a proper caregiver.

And there's no way you can fulfill that caregiving role. Period.

 

[djklaugh]

@barbloki And I will add to what has been said here - insist on speaking to the hospital social worker and tell her (and your husband's doctors and nurses) that you are unable to provide the level of care husband needs at home! You would be of no use to him if you became ill yourself by neglecting your own healing and welfare. AND just reading what you have written here it is clear to me (not a nurse but I did work in a medical setting for a long time) that your husband needs a professional level of care. This is no fault of yours!!! And I am rather appalled that the hospital and doctors have not seen this.

 

[myglasshalffull]

Totally agree with what is being advised. Please insist on your husband going to a rehab facility for at least a few weeks.
And I’ll be home on Thanksgiving & will check in.

 

[EalingGran]

You're never alone here, so stop by on Thanksgiving if you're bored

Remember there are lots of members in parts of the world that don't celebrate Thanksgiving- so always someone around to check in with.
Hope things improve for you both.

 

[Layla]

Aww Sandy, you are so thoughtful and kind. I wish you a peaceful Thanksgiving.
@myglasshalffull

 

[Layla]

Barbara, I am so sorry. This is a very difficult situation, not only physically, but emotionally. You're taking on more than anyone reasonably could recovering from major surgery only five weeks ago. You really shouldn't be doing this heavy caregiving as you are still healing, in pain and tired. Doing so can set you back in your own recovery.
You're "accepting" overload, pain and ignoring your own needs and you're paying for that.

What you really should try to accept is that you need help / support in this. I hope your husband recognizes and respects that also. I recall from earlier that options seemed bleak, but there has to be some way you can get help for him, which will also benefit you. You can't keep pushing through pain, losing sleep and moving your body in ways that are hurting you in an effort to help him. You need rest / sleep. You can not feel guilty for unsuccessfully struggling to do it all and feel like you're letting him down. You've certainly given more than you're physically capable of already.

I understand you're feeling overwhelmed. It's heartbreaking. Know that we're here for you. We will support and encourage you the best that we can and if you feel a need to vent, we're good listeners, so stop by as often as you need to, someone will be here.
Sending a hug your way and wishes for peace of mind today.
@barbloki

 

[Jamie]

Thinking about you this morning and hoping you were able to get some much needed rest last night. Sleep and nap as much as you can. Your body has been through so much these past weeks. As everyone has said, we are here for you, even through the holiday weekend. Lean on your BoneSmart family if you need to. We care about you!

 

[myglasshalffull]

I’m wondering if someone here on bonesmart might live near you?
Sure would be nice to have some help around the house and cook a meal. If I lived closer I’d come help you! I had several good friends during my recovery that stopped over for coffee or a quick bite to eat & it certainly is such a pick me up. I was fortunate my partner kept up with the vacuuming. I was able to make the bed & even do some cooking. My sweet daughter in law came over & cleaned my bathroom top to bottom when I couldn’t manage the entire room. I was sobbing one morning cause I couldn’t get down far enough to scrub my glass shower doors.! I called her crying & she must have thought something horrible happened and then I choked through my tears “I can’t clean my bathroom”. Next day she was here. And she came every couple of weeks to keep up with my shower doors.
You don’t mention children so my guess is no kids around either? Hope I’m not being too nosy.
But I know you have to be exhausted & overwhelmed & our mental well being is as important as our physical health.

 

[barbloki]

You don’t mention children so my guess is no kids around either?

We have no children. All of hubby's family is passed away. I have aunts, uncles, cousins in NH but we live in NC now. There's really no one around where we live since we moved here to the boonies 2 1/2 years ago. If we still lived down near the city and our church, we'd have more help. It's just a long drive for them all now. 40 minutes minimum.
I agree, my shower glass has water spots and it's driving me crazy. I just try not to look at it. My house hasn't been vacuumed in almost 3 weeks. I'm keeping up with the dishes and laundry and light cooking. I made a meatloaf yesterday before this latest episode with hubby happened. At least I have that to eat for the next 7 days. I'm sure I won't want meatloaf for a really long time after this. I'm not even hungry. Haven't had anything to eat today. Haven't even taken my meds.
I had diarrhea in my bed at 1am this morning so I had to get up and strip the bed and wash everything. More interrupted sleep.
Doctors are transferring hubby to another hospital today to do a surgery to break up the blood clot (or something like that). I'm sitting by the phone waiting for the call about when he's being transferred. He hasn't had breakfast and won't get lunch because of the surgery. He said he's hungry. He's scared. He was crying on the phone. I feel so helpless and like I should be there but I just can't. The drive is too much. It hurts me every time I do it. And the long walk through the hospital halls. I know I need to be walking but that's just too much.
This is like the last time when I had my right hip replaced. We were in the process of building this house, being forced to move because of a jerk neighbor that we dealt with for 4 years and it finally got to be too much, right after my surgery my dog died (I still can't look at pictures of him 3 years later), and right after that I had a heart attack. I fell into a deep dark depression, lost 48 lbs, couldn't eat, was just plain sick. Somehow I got through moving out here to the boonies and stayed depressed for a long time. It's hard to meet people when you live so far out and don't work anymore. I still have my people from my church but now they are 40 minutes or more away. I tried finding a new church up this way but nothing felt right.
I supposed I should take my pills and maybe think about eating. Nothing sounds good. Maybe I'll just lay down and take a nap.