Revision TKR Never give up, keep trying, don't settle - that's me, Bonnie

[RestAssured]

No, no, no! To apply to be on the Extreme Makeover show you have to be 200 pounds overweight. I have lost 143, and I still have about 100 to go. By then, all that will be needed, is the skin removal surgery. I am proud though. It has taken me two years, a lifestyle change back to the way I was taught to eat as a kid, and exercise. There is no magic formula, and people that are as heavy as I started have had something in their past they are trying to bury. So I had to deal with being sexually molested at the age of 16, by a friend of the family, before I could ever truly start changing my life!

I see so many men and women that are 400 pounds plus, and I know they are hiding something. Nobody just decides to become a public spectacle. I thought I was "hiding" behind the wall, and that no one would ever hurt me again! Well, as we know in real life, if you are "different". From what people's definition of "normal" is the suffering will take place.

God brought me out of this along with a great counselor, PT, Personal Trainer, and friends and family.

One thing I would like to say to anyone who is reading this, be proud of who you are! The past must be dealt with, but only you can make the change!

People that are saying well we would like to help our family members: I will tell you what I told my sister. I love you, but you can't help me unless I WANT to change. You can't force anybody else to do anything. They might be anorexic/bulimic. They have skeletons too. If they go into treatment because you force them, 9 times out of 10 they will fail. It is the same, when they are ready they will take care of it. All family and friends can do is be role models and hope that the person sees the change they want soon.

Sorry this is so long! Wow, first time I have discussed this on the forum.

Bonnie thank you for believing in me! I am strong, and with God's lighting my path, I will succeed!

 

[bottomshollow]

Sonja, you have been through so much and come so far. You can and should be so proud of yourself.

God loves you and so do we.

 

[RunA42K]

24 is an even number! Hey Bonnie: glad to catch up with you. Not cool that your knee isn't letting you run as you wished to, but glad to see you are working around it (i.e. Planning for a full, but only if your knee agrees). I too am having to compromise on my exercise. I did quite a bit of walking in FL these past couple of days, and my R knee isn't happy. I'm glad I gave myself a few months before I teach aerobics, but I'm handling teaching strength training fine.

I'm of of those people who would LOVE to ride a bike! My quads, however, have always disagreed.

Hey, Friday is the 13th. Hope something good happens to you!

Hugs.

Oh Poo Shay!! I know that 24 is an even number...but 25 is a better number to stop. It is a quarter of 100! I don't think that anything really good happened to me on Friday the 13th but nothing bad happened either. I worked in my son's store in The Woodlands, Texas and bought an awesome brightly colored pair of Asics running shoes. I won't run in them, just wear em around cause they look cool. My running shoes are the most cushioned, stable, shock absorbing shoe I can wear which are Asics Kayano. Those stay in the closet except for running day. On Saturday late morning I ran 4 miles. 86 degrees and all the humidity that Houston has to offer. I wanted to quit at 3 miles but pushed ahead. Then the next day my 32 year old daughter was running in the heat and humidity and she wanted to quit, but told herself, "No, darn it if my Mom who is 60 and has a new knee can run 4 miles then I can run 4 miles!" So Lacy ran her 4 miles. I love that I can still inspire my kids!

Dave has been under the weather still, we are not sure why. I have to take him to the doctor early so I will get up early, take him, bring him back home then drive 16 miles back to The Woodlands to work 10am-7pm. That is how my life has been. MUST go to sleep early tonight. Dave went to bed at 5:30 pm, just no energy and all of his joints hurts and his crohns is flaring up. He stopped the Humira injections because they were making him so sick. He must go back to work at least part time beginning August 17 or lose his job and we go on Cobra benefits. Long term disability payments are once a month and not near what his salary is and Cobra is very expensive, so I have been picking up the slack and working as much as I can while taking care of him.

I never got to share the pictures of the dogs in ICU because the other program would not let me upload them. Here are several. Lucy is the Border Collie, Gracie is the Miniature Dachshund wearing the pink sweater. My daughter Lacy is the blond in the long sleeve gray T-shirt and I am bed side too in the black jacket. Of course Dave is in bed! Now they are on here multiply times...I don't know why!

I never got

 

[RunA42K]

Ah the other attachments don't work when you click on them. Let me post separate.

Lucy and Dave with Lacy my daughter.

 

[RunA42K]

I'll show you one with me too!

 

[RestAssured]

Sonja, you have been through so much and come so far. You can and should be so proud of yourself.

God loves you and so do we.

Thank you Judy! When I was 16, I was encouraged to just pretend like it never happened! Well, you can only pretend for so long before the skeletons start rattling so loud you think "the whole world knows your secret!". I have shared this over and over with people who are battling "themselves!" It's like knee replacements, no one can truly understand unless they have had similar problems in their past.". God always knows what's in my heart though, and he sent me some of the greatest Christian people who became my good friends. My best friend and I are both strong Christians, she brought me back to Christ, and I found out along the way that she had similar circumstances. God puts people in our path for a reason!

 

[Janet2012]

Thank you Judy! When I was 16, I was encouraged to just pretend like it never happened! Well, you can only pretend for so long before the skeletons start rattling so loud you think "the whole world knows your secret!". I have shared this over and over with people who are battling "themselves!" It's like knee replacements, no one can truly understand unless they have had similar problems in their past.". God always knows what's in my heart though, and he sent me some of the greatest Christian people who became my good friends. My best friend and I are both strong Christians, she brought me back to Christ, and I found out along the way that she had similar circumstances. God puts people in our path for a reason!

What a shame, and far too common a response to something criminal. I was 11, and it was never brushed aside, the police were called, all that. I was validated. And because of that, I've never felt I carried a burden from that. But also, I was very naive and didn't understand the bigger picture that the actions implicated. I just knew they were wrong. But it makes me so angry when I hear a story such as yours! I'm so glad you found the path that fills your heart with so much joy and love.

 

[RestAssured]

What a shame, and far too common a response to something criminal. I was 11, and it was never brushed aside, the police were called, all that. I was validated. And because of that, I've never felt I carried a burden from that. But also, I was very naive and didn't understand the bigger picture that the actions implicated. I just knew they were wrong. But it makes me so angry when I hear a story such as yours! I'm so glad you found the path that fills your heart with so much joy and love.

Thank you Janet! Two and a half years ago I would not had the courage to discuss this, because I always thought I had done something wrong since we weren't supposed to talk about it! My counselor has helped me see that the reason it had to remain a secret, was because HE knew he was wrong! He was in his 60's!

Now I have moved on,learned to embrace life, and enjoy every minute possible! Yes, even those days when I am hurting although I don't enjoy them as much! LOL

 

[karmigirl]

Bonnie,
Thanks for the info. Since the pain from the injection is now gone so is the pan in the knee itself. It was a rough week and a half, I have never had pain, especially this bad, from a steroid injection before and was really getting scared about it, but all seems to be well now.

 

[Janet2012]

Thank you Janet! Two and a half years ago I would not had the courage to discuss this, because I always thought I had done something wrong since we weren't supposed to talk about it! My counselor has helped me see that the reason it had to remain a secret, was because HE knew he was wrong! He was in his 60's!

Now I have moved on,learned to embrace life, and enjoy every minute possible! Yes, even those when I am hurting although I don't enjoy them as much! LOL

I'd bet that 30% of the women on this sight have a similar story. Mine was a neighbor friends elderly grandfather. In front of his grandchildren. Whom he said wouldn't let him touch them. The family knew what he was up to and protected him. Shameful. One of those kids, a boy, committed suicide years later. One can never pretend it didn't happen. The victims are never in the wrong. Hugs to 16 year old Sonja!

 

[RestAssured]

Yep Janet!

He had grand daughters that were younger than I was. One of them asked me if he ever "played" with me. I told her yes, and she said he did it to her too but her parents didn't believe her. He told me if I ever told, that he would tell everyone that I was a liar and after all who would they believe, him, a pillar of the community, or some kid!

Unfortunately, some of us bury it deep down though and it comes out in many different forms. Extreme anger, weight issues, suicide, trouble in marriages, etc.."....

 

[PooShay]

Hugs to Bonnie for working so hard, and hugs to Dave, poor guy.

Mega hugs to Sonja and Janet! Kudos to you for dealing with the situation.

 

[Randi]

Just have to say, you guys are amazing and inspiring. Having gone through so much early in life and more recently you're still positive and encouraging. Thanks to you all for your honesty and sharing. Wonderful models for some, like me, who get down on themselves ...

 

[RunA42K]

Just wanted to let you all know that after the doctor finally realized that my medial pain was the Saphenous nerve and I have been using the RX cream of Lidocaine/Ketoprofen, the pain is GONE! This morning I ran 4 miles and feeling good! So just to let you know that anyone who is months out past surgery like me (16 months yesterday) and still has pain on the medial side of the knee, ask your OS if it could be the Saphenous nerve.

 

[RestAssured]

I am so glad you found the answer to your pain! Running is your therapy, and I'm glad you can do it without pain!

 

[RunA42K]

Sonja, I just wish that I could be happy with only running a short distance once or twice a week. I still mourn for training for a marathon with a group of friends running 20 miles on a Saturday morning. I feel so troubled over it still. I had a customer in the store today that I was helping and I asked if she was training for a marathon...it is training season here in Houston. She said oh no, I am done with that I just do 1/2 marathons now, I don't want to punish my body like that anymore (26.2). I thought to myself...why can't I feel that way? It makes me so sad.

 

[RestAssured]

Bonnie,

If I had my way my exercise would be getting out on the basketball court for a game of one on one with a friend. She and I are both very competitive, but her knees are shot and I am not going to risk my new ones. I have changed my perspective and am thankful that I am able to exercise again!

 

[RunA42K]

I know that I should do the same. It is hard to let go. After everything that you have been through Sonja, I would not risk anything with those knees of yours. I just need to find my happy place so I can let go, I just have not found it yet.

 

[PooShay]

Bonnie/Sonja. Just like me teaching low impact Jazzercise. My happy place had to be a compromise!

 

[RunA42K]

Bonnie/Sonja. Just like me teaching low impact Jazzercise. My happy place had to be a compromise!

I am happy for you Pooshay especially with two new knees! Letting go is more of a emotional/mental thing for me then a physical thing because I do workout regularly, it is just not what I love the most. I do not want to hurt myself, I do not want a revision, but why do I feel like a quitter if I let myself say no more?