TKR Feeling sorry for myself and frustrated. LTKR ten days ago.

[Roy Gardiner]

I could tell by his tone this morning that he is losing his patience

Well again I think he's not looking at it properly; it's not 'how soon can you get back?' but 'how much more can I do?'

My daughter in law has worked on a med surge unit and has taken care of ortho patients

Well fair enough, IMO she should know better than to talk about where one 'ought' to be, there's no such thing in the TKR world.

 

[InkedMarie]

I hate when friends & family tell us what we should be doing. They don’t know squat. Working with Ortho patients doesn’t mean squat either. They aren’t YOU. YOU are different than ME. I’ve had both knees and both hips replaced and I would never tell people where they should be in their journey. Well....I do tell people that they’ve done too much LOL.

 

[Bridgy]

@Nanmo1228 I can relate to much of what you said. I’m one day ahead of you and haven’t considered letting go of the walker yet (although occasionally I realize I’ve almost forgotten it and started walking holding on to something). My flexion is not close to 90 either but my PT is supportive and can see I’ve made lots of progress and will get there. My partner is getting a little impatient with his role as my nurse. I’m trying hard to become independent. He doesn’t mind making meals and gives me the laundry to fold and we have temporarily gotten a cleaning crew to come every 2 weeks which helps. I was just at a family reunion where everyone agreed I have not made enough progress and need to work harder at PT. Very frustrating. But there are good moments and small victories. I guess once in awhile I think my knee may turn out ok. Smile.

 

[Nanmo1228]

We have gotten a cleaning service as well. It is a big help for sure. I can get around with the cane okay in short bursts. It certainly works different muscles when you use the cane. You really have to concentrate on your balance. I was able to make it upstairs to use the upstairs shower today. I did have hubby escort me up and down the stairs. Right now I am doing the exercises the home PT has given twice a day. I continue to stretch the knee as often as possible. I just hope eventually the knee feels normal.

 

[Zanza]

My son is married to a nurse and she even told him that I should be off the walker be now.

She's not much of a nurse if she's pushing for you to get off the walker. Were it me, I'd have to put my (non-operative) foot down, hard, and tell her that if she wants to give advice about a knee replacement, she needs to go and educate herself about a knee replacement.

 

[Zanza]

I was just at a family reunion where everyone agreed I have not made enough progress and need to work harder at PT.

That's just lame. Everyone agreed you have not made enough progress, it's a shame everyone who has an opinion doesn't have to feel the pain in your knee or suffer through the difficulty of trying to get it to work. It seems to be a fact of human nature that the less people understand about something, the more certain they are that they know all about it. I can only hope that you let your knee, your knee, set the pace.

 

[JusticeRider]

Isn’t managing (tuning out) everyone else’s expectations the hardest part sometimes? Everyone does seem to have an opinion or questions about the timeline. It’s maddening! If one more person asks me, “When are you supposed to be able to (insert milestone)?” I’m going to lose it!
Nanmo, I feel your frustration. The knee decides when it is ready, is what I am finding out.

 

[Nanmo1228]

Yes, it is hard managing other’s expectations. It seems everyone knows someone who had the surgery and was back on the golf course or some other recreational activity within a few weeks of surgery. The truth is if my husband had the surgery he would have nothing to worry about other than focusing on his recovery.

 

[Zanza]

Yes, it is hard managing other’s expectations. It seems everyone knows someone who had the surgery and was back on the golf course or some other recreational activity within a few weeks of surgery. The truth is if my husband had the surgery he would have nothing to worry about other than focusing on his recovery.

That's just aggravating. I hate to say it, but it sounds like people are just annoyed that you're not up to speed, rather than being sympathetic with what you're going through. And that just causes stress, and stress is not good for recovery. Your husband especially should be willing to show some kindness, now that he sees all that you do for him.

 

[Nanmo1228]

You are pretty accurate. I don’t think there is any real convenient time to have this surgery. When my doctor first mentioned the surgery I made a comment about it being a lot for the family. He is doing okay as a caregiver. He did go back to work yesterday. He goes in late after I take my shower. He is just not a guy that’s super sympathetic. He has said that he is surprised I’m getting around so well, I’m sure there are people that would take advantage of their caregiver, but that’s not me. When I took the pre op class the teacher told us about a woman who’s husband wouldn’t let her lift a finger and it slowed her recovery.

 

[Zanza]

@Nanmo1228
My husband and my son did a pretty good job with me. My husband is very sympathetic, but he's pretty incompetent as a caregiver. I had my foot propped on a pillow to straighten my leg, and I asked my husband to get my foot off the pillow. He picked up my foot and dropped my leg on the bed! After I was done howling, I explained that he needed to move slowly and carefully, but honestly, I think it hurt him more than it did me. He wants desperately to help but he just doesn't know what to do. Some people are naturals at nursing and others aren't. My son is very good at taking care of sick people, he helped with my parents when they had health issues and he helped with a friend who was in hospice care. So I've been lucky.

As you say, there is no convenient time for this surgery. It's like being pregnant, except there is no baby to look forward to so people just don't get it. Unless you're in shorts so they can see the scar, you look normal. People should still be more sympathetic. It takes the same amount of breath to say something nice as it does to say something mean.

 

[NewToMe]

Hey there! I had my Left done 3 years to day before you. I also had husband issues! The one thing I did that helped him the most was meal planning. He can cook, but figure out what's for dinner after 2 weeks was exhausting him. Of course, I am wondering how he thinks I've done it all these years!

I LOVE Roy's comment...be the general from a chair!

It was over a month before I dropped the walker for a cane.

6 months before I slept through a night...everyone is different! Keep up the ADLs as the knee lets you, USE this site to vent and read when you are up in middle of night.

Hang in there

 

[HoneyMcG]

Nanmo1228 - I feel your pain as I am two weeks post right TKR today! My left knee was done in April and I used the walker for just about four weeks before successfully (and comfortably) transitioning to the cane. My in-home PT person has had me try using the cane a few times but I'm just not ready yet and it sounds like you are not either. Don't let them push you into doing something you are not ready for as you know your body best. I had read on-line that some people use their walkers for up to 6 weeks. Good luck!

 

[Zanza]

@HoneyMcG
I started using a cane at six weeks but I only used it for about a week. The physical therapist was annoyed at how long it took for me to give up the walker but it wasn't his knee so I didn't care. It wasn't him who was afraid of falling either. I say do what you want when you want.

 

[FCBayern]

@Nanmo1228 It's been my observation that the more your range of motion was impaired before surgery, the longer it takes to recover ROM post surgery. It does happen though, it just takes a little longer.

Prior to my TKR I was aware of the BoneSmart gentle approach to recovery as opposed to rigorous PT. I was lucky enough to find the site before my TKR. Even though I knew about the BoneSmart approach my OS was all about PT and "whatever ROM you have when your scar turns silver is all the ROM you will ever have." He was the trained surgeon that has done many, many replacements, he must know what he's talking about right? So off I went to my first visit to PT, about 2 weeks out from TKR. The next day when my knee was more swollen and I was in much more pain I opted for a BoneSmart recovery. I never went to another PT session. That was one of the best decisions of my life. Not only did I suffer less pain, but my ROM has continued to improve over two years. It took me a full year to reach 120 degrees of flexion, and I was still 4 degrees from straight. By the end of the second year I was over 140 and past straight. I've been hiking over rough terrain for miles, scuba diving, and just living a happy active pain free life with more ROM than I ever thought I would have again after many painful years. I've now had a hip replacement with equal success following a BoneSmart approach. You don't have to suffer needlessly to have an amazing recovery.

It is a long journey but if you stick with the BoneSmart approach the journey will be less painful and you will still reach the same final destination. Ultimately you get to choose the path, the tough rocky road through painful PT, or the BoneSmart path through the meadow with the pretty wild flowers.

 

[Layla]

I could tell by his tone this morning that he is losing his patience.

Is hubs getting a break from caregiving at all? I mean out of the house, away from home break?
If not, consider having him get you set up to fend for yourself for a few hours. It may make all the difference in the world in his attitude if he's able to get a breather. If he is getting breaks and still impatient, tell him you wrangled up a posse of your own here and were coming after him! Haha!

 

[Nanmo1228]

Hubby is definitely getting breaks. He got to go out and enjoy his favorite activity ( pickleball) this weekend twice. He went back into the office one day last week and has gone back almost a full day as of yesterday. We have a cleaning service, but he still has to grocery shop and do laundry. My kids have helped out as much as possible. I think he really thought they would do more.

 

[Flashlight]

Hi Nanmo, 16 days post op I think you are doing well. I'm at 6-weeks and if I feel I need the walker I grab it. By 3-weeks I was able to move around the kitchen without it, but that was about all. My doctor wanted me to try and walk every hour for a few minutes increasing weekly. I did that and it really helped to get my strength back. I also take a shower every day. At first, I was ready to collapse, and my hair wasn't really dry but that was my gauge on how I was doing. I still have to make dinner in steps and nothing too complicated. My husband will barbeque a day and there is always pizza which takes some of the pressure off. My daughter has been keeping us in soup. I do the laundry if he helps carry the basket. He changes out my ice for me. I never know what he will come home with when he goes to the grocery store with my list. I know he is trying. I'm sure your husband is as well. This is all new to him so talk about it with him.

 

[Nanmo1228]

So very true about the grocery store. When I send him I never know what he’s going to come back with. We have been just winging it as far as dinner. I think we need to make a meal plan, but he’s not much of a cook. I still can’t stand for very long. Home PT came today and she says I need to get out of the house this weekend. Even if it’s for a quick lunch out and a drive. I am just scared I am going to left worse off than before the surgery.

 

[benne68]

I am just scared I am going to left worse off than before the surgery.

Remember that you are just a bit over two weeks into a year-long recovery. Your body still has a lot of healing to do from all the trauma inflicted during surgery.

I think most of us had that same worry in the early weeks and months. I remember asking: "will I ever get better?" My surgery was a year ago and I couldn't be happier with the outcome. I have my life back!

You will recover, too. It just takes time.