Deteriorating, 37 days to go, just hanging on

[webbie73]

Hi Cindy, you are having surgery the day before me. It must be so hard for you right now.

I have never suffered from depression but I bet I would have been diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I hit rock bottom. Like you said the crying that comes from now where. I have so much on my plate right now with my medical problems and hubby's cancer treatments. It just felt like too much to handle. So you do have my support.

I have my husband to help a little but I know how hard it is to get outside help. Just getting a ride to PT is going to be a challenge. We have an income so I do not qualify for most services. Heck I am willing to pay for those services but they don't allow that. It can be infuriating. I just hope I can drive by the time I need to go to PT post surgery.

What kind of dog do you have?. He/ she must be a real comfort to you.

Are you planning on going to a rehab center after surgery?

Come vent any time. LOL we have the whole month!!

 

[Cindy99]

Thanks! Yes, my emotions are all over the place. it really sucks

I live 40 miles from the hospital so transportation is a big issue. And left hip, clutch truck. i'm planning on being out of commission for two months. they will send PT to me.

i'm disappointed right now because some of the help I reached out for in my community is not materializing. perhaps it will come through in the end, but right now it looks like a lot of good intentions and no action.

I have a 70 pound sweet mutt. He's about 13 years old and also having hip issues. I am going to have to go to rehab, and I will miss him dearly while away from him. he's going to be with strangers, and very confused I'm sure. The local librarian offered to take him, she has two dogs and I'm sure will take good care of him. I was thinking of Skyping with him, but I think that would be more confusing than not.

I have pretty much figured out the logistics of things, but now I'm realizing that I'm really alone through this whole thing. I appreciate the support from you and this group, and I will certainly lean on you guys.

deeply depressed Friday, okay yesterday, and crying again today. it's hard when the emotions are all over the place.

here's a simple thing which really bothers me. If there is something I've forgotten or not thought of while in rehab, I have no one to go to my house and get it. So I'm having to think of every conceivable thing I might need or want during a weeklong stay in a place I'm unfamiliar with. I did go look at a couple rehab places, but I have no idea where they will send me. it's not a fatal thing, it's just a simple thing which ain't so simple for me.

sorry, just feeling sorry for myself

it really just boils down to me wanting someone with me. not a stranger but someone who I know. I just don't have close relationships in my current situation... so I'm just going to have to buck up, I guess.

sorry about the punctuation, but I often dictate things using Siri, and he/she is not so great at capitalization and I don't have the energy to go back and fix it.

I hope your operation goes well. I hope everyone's operations go well. this group is incredibly valuable to me. I was amazed that the care coordinator at orthopedics at Dartmouth Hitchcock did not know about this group. she does now.

Cindy, sent from iPad using bonesmart app

 

[webbie73]

Awww what a sweet face! LOL the dogs that is!

I visited a few rehab centers. the way it works here is you give the social worker at the hospital your first choice. They contact the place and if a bed is available and if the place takes your insurance then transport will be arranged. They work from a list you give them. you have the right to reject a place you don't like.

A few things I used last time in rehab that you might not think about. A water bottle. A small bag like a makeup bag to keep all the little things together..ie cell phone, pencil, ID. Also a small hand mirror. I hated not being able to seeing if my hair was sticking out in a weird way and I did not want to get up every time I wanted to see.

As for wanting someone with you, well, I will not have anyone with me the day of surgery. I will be dropped off in the morning by my husband but will not see him until dinner time. I had a horrible experience in recovery last hip and that memory will wear on my mind. My hubby and daughter were there the first time and were my advocates but I will not have them this time. Like you said I will just have to buck up!

You have us all for support!

 

[Cindy99]

Thanks for the ideas! I definitely hadn't thought of a mirror. I wonder if any one has developed a comprehensive list of suggested things one should take to rehab?


Cindy, sent from iPad using bonesmart app

 

[Cindy99]

Thanks for the ideas! I definitely hadn't thought of a mirror. I wonder if any one has developed a comprehensive list of suggested things one should take to rehab?


Cindy, sent from iPad using bonesmart app

I do worry that I won't be an effective advocate for myself when drugged and disoriented...



Cindy, sent from iPad using bonesmart app

 

[webbie73]

You are not going to be drugged and disoriented except for the time during the surgery. You will be fine and able to make decisions.

 

[craftdee]

Hi @Cindy99 Firstly welcome to Bonesmart... it really will be your lifeline for the next few months at least

I had my left hip replaced in October 2014, my right will be done some time in the near future. I have suffered Depression (yes, I give it a capital "D"!) for many years - most of my entire adult life (first "bout" at 16) I was VERY concerned pre op as my mental state was, well let's just say "compromised". I really was beyond nervous, physically ill with anxiety, but most concerned at how the recovery with all it's implications would impact on my Depression (or how the depression would impact on the recovery!!) I want to tell you that it has been, with a few noticeable exceptions (bad days, not weeks!), the best time mentally for me for as long as I can remember.

I have a very supportive family, for which I was grateful, BUT I can also tell you that in THR you really ARE on your own anyway. I "shared" - oh boy, did I share - with all around me, but it wasn't until I found Bonesmart that I felt I'd found anyone that truly understood what I was going through, or at least how I felt about it. I didn't know anyone that had had a THR, the medical fraternity know and educate you on the "nuts and bolts" of it all, but they don't know what you're experiencing, I liken it to a childless midwife... they 'know' the drill but don't 'get it'. My sister is having her right hip replaced on 14 April, I can "help" her with my experience but I've still steered her here as I value the range of experiences offered here, and acknowledge that my experience and suggestions may not work for her while someone else's may - and we're all "been there done that, got the T Shirt" on here

You do have additional issues, but read through this forum and you will realize that MANY do - and we all survive, thrive even. I don't usually tell people to read my thread, but if you do (here's a link) you'll see what I mean. I was very much in 'victim' mode pre op "why is this happening TO ME" "THEY want me to do things I can't" sort of thing, but once I decided to take control of my situation I found it very empowering... that sense of achievement has stayed with me and, I think, is the reason my mental state is still so good (well good for ME ) I had a bad year with health issues last year, this year is MUCH better, thank goodness.

I say in my very first post

I really feel for any of you pre-op who are suffering serious anxiety. No one can tell you not to worry, because all us worriers just "know" that they're going to have problems; but seriously I'm going home tomorrow (Day 3) after a technically difficult Posterior THR, and I'm nothing special

so I won't tell you not to worry, but you really will NOT be anywhere near as "drugged up" and disabled as you are anticipating right now. I was on Oxycodone and I DID feel a bit 'fuzzy', but certainly not 'out of it', definitely able to advocate for myself. I was off that in a few weeks, the pain was readily managed with lesser drugs.

I also say in that post

So many of the things I was worried about proved to be basically non-events

and that really is something to hold on to. I felt so much less disabled than I was expecting, such a relief. I was able to do so many more of my ADL (Acivities of Daily Living) than I was expecting... they all just took a bit longer, primarily because of my hip precautions, and hey, if you live on your own nobody really cares if the bed's not made!! There's a lot of sleeping/resting at first, and not having to 'put on a face' for those around you could actually work in your favour :cool: Quite a lot of THR recipients live alone, I'm sure some of those will pop on and give you some hints that apply soon. Your dog (who looks like a real sweetie BTW ) being elderly works for you too... at least he's not going to need three walks a day from the get go Not being able to drive is a real nuisance, I dreaded it... but again, it was nowhere near as bad as I anticipated it would be; I didn't feel the need to be out and about for a good few weeks, and once I could drive (at six weeks) I was feeling so much better in the hip department that I found I could get my 'clear air' from walking whereas I'd always gone for a drive to get it pre op.

There are articles in the library here (Recovery Aids: A comprehensive list for hospital and home) read this and see if there's anything you haven't thought of. Now I found I didn't need ALL of these things, so don't panic if you can't get hold of them in time. Essentials for most people are the raised toilet seat, crutches (which you already have), grabbers (if you have the 90 degree restriction). Having a pill box with sections in is a great idea... eg sort your meds into breakfast lunch dinner bed then you'll know you're taking the right thing at the right time. Your pharmacist will do it for you if you're unable/unsure. I actually didn't have a problem remembering what I'd taken, I was really lucid - but some here have said they lost track. I did find that a long handled (shoulder type) handbag was great... my sister made me one with pockets in so I could easily carry (and locate!) my glasses, iPhone, remote controllers, water bottle... myriad of bits! It's really hard to carry anything in your hands when your on two crutches for that first couple of weeks... we don't seem to go to walkers here in Australia, straight to crutches, but if you have a walker you can hang the bag over that anyway. Like I said read some post op threads, you'll see what worked for different people. Maybe you could find something suitable in a second hand or thrift shop

The waiting is TRULY the absolutely worst part of the process.There are challenges in recovery FOR SURE, but at least you know what you're dealing with! You have some additional challenges (but as I said many of us do, it's surprising how many peeps are worse off than ourselves once you start reading) but NONE are insurmountable. I declared at one point in my recovery thread to be "proud of myself"... proud for being a grown up about it, about taking charge and of simply "doin' it" I still feel that pride, I somehow turned a page with this op, one I'm glad to have turned. As someone who has suffered from serious debilitating Depression for so very long I feel I've earned this feeling, and I feel the need to share with other Black Dog sufferers the fact that suffering Depression doesn't mean you are going to have a harder time of it post op, not at all

Stick with the forum, wealth of information for a start and a true sense of comradeship HELPS. I think I used it to have a whine as much as anything else, but that was cathartic and so of real value. Not long now and you'll be 'on the other side'... a much better place to be.

Donna

 

[Cindy99]

Thanks all. These comments really help alot. I've had entirely too much time before surgery (almost a year) to develop my anxiety. I had to wait while I found a surgeon, transportation and wait for snow/ice to go away (necessary for recovery at my house).

Three weeks from today I will be at the hospital. I can't believe it.


Cindy, sent from iPad using bonesmart app

 

[wcgirl]

Hello hipster twin w 27 april rainbow date! Happy you found us and able to share. I am following several threads and so much rings true for me in one way or another. It sure is reassuring. I'm sore tonite and wonder if i'll make it to pre-op date, let alone the surgery date. Lying down feels so good w a 'chillow' next to my hip.

 

[Cindy99]

Had my pre-op yesterday, all is well. Got new xrays, hip looks really messed up! No wonder it crunches every time I take a step. Fortunately other hip looks ok for now.

Was thrown a little by nurse and OS saying that it's not an automatic that I will go to rehab despite living alone and having zero support system. Nurse told me words NOT to say to discharge planners, but I have no idea how she expects me to remember -- I've forgotten already!

Talked to my NP PCP today who said she would put a note in her report saying rehab is required, and she'll try to go to bat for me. I have Medicare, and I'm so afraid of tripping over their rules and getting a nasty surprise in the mail later on.

Doc etc told me to chill out. I do feel better now. Nice nurse, nice doc, nice PCP, nice care coordinator. No more docs til surgery day. Train is rolling along... can't stop it now!

Good luck to fellow hippers, hippies, hispsters!

 

[Great Aunt Janet]

Hi @Cindy99, hope your chillin' is going really well and all your organising is in place or nearly! Even though I was really prepared pre-op, I still found the last week stressful, and developed new worries in my head every day. This is the last of the worst bit - I know everyone says that - and it is TRUE.

Post op is a whole different thing and coping with it, much easier.

So, sending you all the best wishes for next week and looking forward to hearing from you as brand new Hippie! xxx

 

[Cindy99]

Hi @Cindy99, hope your chillin' is going really well and all your organising is in place or nearly! Even though I was really prepared pre-op, I still found the last week stressful, and developed new worries in my head every day. This is the last of the worst bit - I know everyone says that - and it is TRUE.

Post op is a whole different thing and coping with it, much easier.

So, sending you all the best wishes for next week and looking forward to hearing from you as brand new Hippie! xxx

@Great Aunt Janet Thanks so much for your well wishes! Thing bothering me most this week, have to drive four times. Driving is very painful, but have to do it. I'm sure reality will set in for me next Sunday after I deliver my dog to his keeper and I'm alone in the house...

 

[wcgirl]

@Cindy99 Oh, I am thinking of you sister hipster! I've been sitting on icepacks when I do the long drive! We are both on the final leg of pre-op -- I'm looking for the calm and I'm thinking I'm coming to it as I'm beginning to realize that there is no more that I can do, everything is in place, and it is not in my hands anymore. There are things that I just won't know until…
I think you'll be happy Sunday when you deliver your pup knowing that he is safe and in good hands while you continue on your journey with me to being a new hipster next Monday.

 

[Cindy99]

@wcgirl Yes, alot of my calm is knowing I've done all I can.

I predict that I will break down on Sunday from all of the tension, and being/feeling so very alone (not even my pup).

Unavoidable, I'm afriad.

I hope you find the calm soon. I'll think of you on Monday.

Boy, the time certainly flew by quickly...

 

[webbie73]

I fear this week will drag by. I am so ready to get this over and be on the other side. Both Cindy and WCgirl will be hipsters one day before me..

Cindy, you will be fine on Sunday night, the house will just be quiet. I look forward to reading how you do.

 

[craftdee]

If you only breakdown on Sunday @Cindy99 you'll be doing well... I broke down well before that, dreadful! I'm not just saying I was 'upset' either, I think I've mentioned before that I too suffer from Depression so I refer to being debilitated by the stress from the same viewpoint as yourself. The day before surgery was most definitely not the worst though as that "Well at least it's happening" feeling came along with the knowledge that I'd done all in my power to prepare.

We worry so much about the time we are not in control... but when you weigh the few hours of surgery against the weeks or months of preparation and worry we've done beforehand you can see that we really ARE in control for the vast majority of the process. I have been in a better "place" mentally since my surgery than I have for many years, I took control of my recovery and something just switched... I mention it somewhere in my recovery thread... it is a switch I'm very glad to have made I might add!! :cool:

I was so very worried beforehand that the operation and difficulties recovery would bring would upset that fine balance I lived with... it never takes much to tip me over... but it just DIDN'T; I got out of bed a few hours after surgery with an "I can do this" attitude (I had been feeling a bit, okay a LOT, "poor me" "why me" "it's bound to go badly for me" substitute "victim") right up to the IV going in yet I woke up feeling pretty good physically and so POSITIVE mentally... I felt like my recovery was something I could "DO" - it wasn't being done TO me, so I decided to do it well - or at least to the very best of my ability; so empowering!

@webbie73 you will find that this week most definitely does NOT drag... the weeks until this one crawl by, this one flies!! So much of your prep can't be done until this week, so you have more to distract you for a start, my sister had her hip replaced last week and was running (okay, limping) around the day before with the phone stuck to her ear telling me she'd "run out of time"... she was getting a haircut while her quilt was in the laundromat, paying the bills that were due that week and stocking up on prunes... all things she didn't want to do TOO far ahead but thought she's have loads of time. Really good because you don't have time to dwell.

Before you know it, it's time to have 'the' shower in the yummy special soap & get into your cleanly laundered sheets - a few hours after that it's the Big Day. (Now you're probably thinking "oh no, that dreadful soap, it's going to dry my skin.... blah blah".... it's really NOT that bad - in fact I could have got by without washing my hair the next day, and I have long hair that I am very proud to have looking good) - they've definitely improved it over the last few years! I did wash my hair, because I was allowed to have a shower... not being allowed to have a shower was another thing that was doing my head in beforehand... another thing that I burned mental energy on for no good reason - it's so hard, but try not to "deal" with stuff beforehand that might just not need "dealing" with - save your energy for what DOES come up.

I tell everyone, and most people here would agree, the time before surgery is by far the worst. We feel unsure & vulnerable, our world is full of what if's and will I's... once you have the surgery you know what you're dealing with, and so much of it is easier by far than we anticipate beforehand

Not long for you guys, and @wcgirl too.

Donna

 

[Legin]

Not totally alone lass you have people from all over the world behind you. Take care lass

Legin THR Sep 14

 

[narnybose]

@Cindy99 Ah sweetheart try not to be frightened. You will manage I live alone in the UK I know I am fortunate I can order my food shop on line and had stocked up before I had my op but listen friend you are frightened of fear itself.
Take all the advice on here on board, get some ice gel packs they are brilliant, make sure you have your meds keep a little diary and take them on time. The awful pain you have now will be much worse than anything you have after your op I was terrified I was going to be unable to cope and it is a breeze. Your new hip works it is your fear and building some strength in the muscles etc that slows you down. The rules if your hip is bad you already follow them because you have to I could not walk and twist my legs and hips as I wanted so if you turn round do it in little movements. I wish I could take your fears away, what is the worst thing. You miss a couple of meals make up little bags of dried fruit and nuts keep them next to you if you need a snack before meds, that way you don't have to muck about it could be potato chips etc. So what if the washing has to wait a while, get grabbers you will be able to get dressed, move your lovely dogs bowls, everything with them get them now and practice you will be surprised how much you can managed. I live alone I have had to get on with it my family have picked up care duties for my mum, take a deep breath and say I am going to be sooooo much better after this operation.
No more constant nasty draining pain that will just keep getting worse, nothing is a problem I can get manage. Keep in touch I will help you in any way I can I feel your pain I suffer from anxiety I had to fight like it was for my life to make it possible for this operation or I would have kept putting it off. This will be the best thing for you I send you love from UK and hugs xxx Mags

 

[Cindy99]

Friends, I don't mean to whine about stuff any more than any one else! I just don't have any one to talk to to siphon off some of the fear, anxiety, depression, pain. I'm holding myself together because I have to, but I know that underneath there is a cesspool of depression waiting for me.

On the other hand maybe being relieved of chronic pain and immobility will be such a relief that I will start dancing in the halls! Watch out so that I don't knock you over!

@narnybose Thanks for the nice note, I will try to hold your advice. And I will bag up fruit and nuts as you suggest. No bad food in the house, and since I won't be able to cook or shop I've loaded up my freezer with weeks worth of food. And I set up waist-level pots of soil yesterday in the faint hope that I will be able to grow a few tomatoes and some greens this summer.

Thanks all. You ARE my support system...

 

[Legin]

@Cindy99 nope not whining just fear of what you are about to face. All the it will be fine comments dont really take that away, only time for it to be over. You have arms from all around the world giving you a hug right now. So offload all you want lass

Legin THR Sep 14