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TKR Dad refusing to stand after discharged using walker

Being a caregiver is hard work, isn't it!! I know all about it as my husband is quite ill. The best thing for you is to just let things happen. It will make your life easier. Six exercises 3 times a day is really too much exercise for someone who just had a knee replacement. once a day would be plenty.

Also, we have folks on the forum who do no exercise and they recover quite well. I think you will be surprised that your dad will be more mobile once his knee stops hurting so much. I wonder why your stepbrother babies your dad---maybe he needs his own life. At any rate, you now know that your dad can move around if he wants to.!!

I find that sometimes with my husband, if I get too bossy or controlling, he balks and won't do anything. I have learned that it is best to just step back. You can be the cheerful daughter who wants to talk about landscaping with your dad. Believe me it will help you more than him!!!
 
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@skigirl

3 times might be too much, but, we just want to make sure he is moving the knee. It was so stiff today he could barely move it.

My fear is that he will get so scared of the joint soreness and not try to move. It's difficult for us because my Dad has always been very reasonable and focused. My step sister us getting married next year and he is the only father she has known since she was 7. He wants to walk her down the aisle.

I have to step back and not be so demanding. My stepmom told me he has been standing on his own and walking to the table and bathroom. That's more than he would do yesterday.

I wAs so glad to hear that he is making some progress.

Baby steps
 
Challenging times! I was thinking about you last night. I had a similar experience with my mom years ago. She had major gastrointestinal surgery and was in the hospital 10 days. She could only be discharged into care so moved into my house for the first few days. She was fully functioning when she left the hospital but quickly stopped doing anything for herself. As I had to work during the day, this meant I came home to a list of things she wanted done. Obviously it only worked for a short time.

Near the end of her stay she was supposed to call her family doctor to advise her status and decide whether she could go home. I came home to find that she had not made the call. When I asked why not, she said she "couldn't dial the number". I guess that was the final straw. My reply was "you had surgery on your gut Mother - not your brain. Here's the phone, make the call". And I walked away.

Sounds like your step brother has created a similar scenario with your father. Keep him focused on his goal to walk down the aisle with your step sister. He will only be able to do that if he builds up his strength gradually beginning now.
 
The good news is it sounds like your dad can do what needs to be done if he wants to and he has a good therapist (although that may be a bit much on the exercises, shrug). Your dad did work with the therapist, and that massage on the tight muscles had to help.

From what you've described, your dad has gotten into the habit of inactivity. That can be tough to overcome. It's easier if your dad can find a small thing that's more active and building in that, but it's best if he wants to do it.

At least you have the peace of mind from watching the therapist with him.


Jean

RTKR (Stryker Triathlon): 21 June 2016
LTKR (Stryker Triathlon): 21 April 2015
Right Knee Arthroscopy: 25 July 2006
Left Knee Arthroscopy: 10 February 2005
 
@Jaycey,

Yeah, parents can be so stubborn! I spoke with him this morning and he sounded great! He told me that he has been getting to a standing position on his own and making short trips down the hallway. i told him to make sure he takes his pain medication on time and he has been doing that, he told me he doesn't have that much pain.

My stepmom and brother went to church for about an hour, so, he is home alone, but they got him breakfast and he is sitting in his recliner. He told me he did the bed exercises and is able to really bend his knee, so, I am so happy about that. I think he is going to be fine, just needs to be persistent and slowly increase his activity level.
He has been inactive for so long!

My niece graduated from college in May and it was such a struggle for him to move around because they had two different ceremonies at two different locations. He called us in June and told us he was getting his knee replaced! We couldn't believe it! We have been trying to get him to have the surgery for over 10 years, but, you can't do it until you are ready.

I struggled as well because I am still on the quest for my hip replacement and being delayed due to a weight requirement, but, I am on a medically supervised program right now and losing slowly, but still losing.

@PolarBear60

The therapist is wonderful. The first thing he did was feel the quad muscle and explain how much trauma the muscle goes through and how tight it was. He started the massage right away and as he worked on lifting his leg a little, he was watching the quad muscle and noticing how it was starting to get stronger.

My Dad told me this morning the message really helped him stand easier

Thanks for all the love Bonesmart, you all are the best
 
You are so welcome and you might like to explore the hip forum on our site as well.
 
I started on the hip forum 2 years ago. I just haven't posted much there because until I can lose the weight to have the surgery, there is nothing to really talk about. But, I read all the other posts on that side.

In fact, this thread for my Dad is my first venture on the knee side
 
Sounds like your dad got a good home PT. Hopefully as your dad realizes he can trust his new knee he will enjoy getting up and about the house.
Over the months as he recovers he will likely notice that though he still has to pace himself and not overdo, he will be able to do more and more.
 
That's a positive update on your dad. I think he's going to be fine.
 
How old is your dad? With his new knee he should feel like he's got a new life now!
 
@Pumpkln,

Unfortunately, my insurance is super strict on the BMI requirement and I have to use an in-plan doc for the surgery. I met with the head of ortho surgery and he told me in a very diplomatic way that I need to lose weight to qualify for the surgery. He suggested gastric, which I promptly told him is not going to happen.
So, I was so stressed out, instead of losing, I gained another 35 lbs!
I am now in a medically supervise program and I have lost10 lbs so far, so,we'll see how it goes.
I have also scheduled an appointment outside of my insurance with one of the top ortho docs in Baltimore, MD, Dr. Ciotola. He had already told me he had no problem operating on me at my present weight, so, I am going to see what options are available.
@sistersinhim, my Dad is 78. My stepmom told me just now he finally had a bowel movement today, but, he didn't want to use the over the toilet thingie that gives him the arms to push up in, so, they had to lift him up.
I have no Idea why he didn't want to use it, maybe he thinks it's not strong enough to hold hm. But, he has been doing his exercises, so, I am happy. His upper body strength is so limited, so, it is going to be tough.

Thanks all.
 
Oh yes, I'm still using my over the toilet seat. I suggest the next time dad has to go, that nobody baby him and make him go and do it by himself. He can. If we can, he can! He just has to build up that confidence. Once he starts feeling that independence he going to want more of it! It feels wonderful to be able to do things on our own! Hurray for his bowel relief! That will make him feel much better! Be sure and keep on with his laxative and stool softeners. As long as he's on pain meds he'll have to take those.
 
Glad the poop fairy visited your father!
Sorry to hear your insurance has a weight restriction, when there is no need. It will be interesting to hear what the out of network OS says.
 
Yeah, I agree, he has to stand on his own., hopefully, he will use it the next time. It's the famil members in the house that keep babying him. He knows if I was there, it wouldn't happen. But, he can manipulate them because he has been doing it for a long time.

I will make sure they keep Ex lax and prune juice in the house
 
So glad things are settling for your dad! Well done on staying patient but persistent! Please keep us updated!
 
Your dad is lucky to have you. I watched a show about people who weigh 600 lbs or more. I felt so sorry for them---it must be ghastly to live like that. But, everyone of them ate fast food constantly and had family members that brought food to them.

It looks like it takes a village to make someone morbidly obese. I just don't understand the thinking there, unless they feel superior, bringing fattening food to a heavy person. I am a big fan of Cesar salads with chicken, I think they are the best food for lunch. And the Asian Salad at McDonald's tastes wonderful---but I never see family members bringing them on the show.

I have struggled with weight most of my life---even though I am very active, I am certainly not thin. I have just lost 12 lbs which brings me into the size 12 realm of life which I find very comfortable. However, I cannot stay here and just eat anything that I want to eat. I noticed that thin ladies always ate a salad for lunch and so I started doing it too. One thing is that it takes so long to much and crunch your way through a big salad that you don't have time to eat anything else!!!!
 
What your family is doing is called "Learned Helplessness". They are doing things he can do on his own, but since they do it for him, he learns he cannot do anything and is helpless. One of the PT's or nurses should be able to deal with the family on this and let them know what they are doing.
 
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