TKR BCS Anna's Recovery

[lovetocookandsew]

@BCSAnna I suspect my husband gave your husband some pointers in the kitchen. Mine had everything he had used, was using, and might one day use out on my counters. I asked him why and he said something to the effect that he'd just have to get it out again so just let it all live on the counters. One of the first things I did as soon as I was able was to put every darn thing back where they belonged!

I'm glad your staple removal was painless-I never want anyone to go through what I did five years ago when almost all of my staples were scabbed over and it about killed me to have them removed.

 

[BCSAnna]

@lovetocookandsew

Kim,

It sure sounds like our spouses learned kitchen housekeeping from the same manual!

I just couldn't face looking at that mess of clutter in my kitchen one more day. And, what made matters worst, we have an open floor plan in our home. So when my visiting nurse entered through our front door, she not only saw the "cluttered kitchen mess," but, also, in the dining area, my unpacked hospital overnight bag and pillows used for my ride room!

My spouse is a wonderful caregiver to me.
However, his housekeeping skills are seriously lacking. The most challenging part of my recovery, so far, is sitting back and trying to accept the temporary disorganization in my home.

Anna

 

[Benay]

Absolutely agree, I try not to be OCD but I am

 

[luvcats]

All in all, in hindsight, this surgery and recovery, so far, was way worst in my mind than it actually has been.

Woohoo!!! That's all wonderful news!

Hear that knee -looking down- we can do it like that and it will be better for everyone. I hope she's listening! lol

 

[BCSAnna]

@luvcats

Best of luck to you this coming Monday.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I sincerely hope that your surgery and recovery goes as well as mine has gone so far. Just follow the BoneSmart guidelines and you will do great.

Anna

 

[luvcats]

Thanks @BCSAnna. I'm really glad I found this forum and all the lovely supportive people on it!

 

[BCSAnna]

Hi Everyone,

Question:

Has anyone else experienced guilt over the need to cancel out of special family occasions due to their knee surgery/recovery?

I know I am not yet three weeks out from my surgery; however, right now I feel really bad and a bit guilty for the need to cancel our annual family 4th of July celebration.

Ever since my first grandchild was born twelve years ago, my daughter and her family would travel down to our home at the beach to spend an extended visit to celebrate the big USA summer holiday. As the years passed, the celebration grow bigger and bigger, especially now with five grandchildren. Every year, my daughter and I would make a big family breakfast before we all went into the center of our little resort town to watch the annual parade. Which the kids loved. Alternating between having fun in our back yard swimming pool and sampling the bounty of classic summertime picnic foods available at our community holiday celebration, the kids enjoyed the time of their young lives. And, of course, the evening was capped off by all going down to the beach to watch the fireworks display. This year there will be none of that.

Knowing that it would be difficult, I was still willing to give it a try again this year. My husband said absolutely not, that it was too much too soon. Even though our daughter was willing to handle all the meal preparations; bed making; housekeeping, etc. And while my daughter does, in the end, agree with her father, I still can't help but feel that I am ruining everyone else's holiday.

Thank you for allowing me to express my guilty feelings.

Anna

 

[luvcats]

Please don't let yourself feel badly. Nana's health and future is so much more important than any one holiday. "Your knee, your rules" remember? One skipped year won't ruin a tradition and next year will be so much the better because you'll be up for more.

Just pretend Penelope is a huge weather front promising pouring rain for the whole 4th weekend. Unfortunate, but things happen. Nothing to be upset or take blame for.

 

[kneeper]

I think your husband is right. Even if others helped, you would still do too much and wouldn't feel like you could go lie down etc.
They will be disappointed but I agree with luvcats that they'll appreciate it even more next year.

 

[lovetocookandsew]

Last year shortly after my revision, I had family visit for a week. It was only two adults, but it was a lot. I thought about canceling but they had already bought the plane tickets, taken time off work, etc. so I didn't change the plans. It wasn't a disaster but it was very difficult for me. The extra noise and clutter around the house was hard to handle. The extra clutter in this small house made it difficult to get around with my walker safely as I had to avoid shoes, suitcases, and the like. Add more people and children with their toys and stuff, and it's a disaster waiting to happen.

For your health and safety, cancelling the event is better than trying to accommodate others right now. They can take a year off and change how they celebrate the holiday. Next year you'll be whole again and ready to celebrate; this year your needs have to come first. I know as a mom we always want to put our families first, but at times our needs must come first, and family members can take that time to return a portion of the care and love you've always given them. Instead of feeling guilty for taking care of yourself, feel happy that you're fixing the problem so you can take your life back and be able to live your life fully once again.

 

[Glosnana]

Although, I think "lefty" got a look at what happened to old "righty" and decided maybe she had better behave for now!

Haha Anna - this exactly how my left has been! There was no difference between the two on x-ray but my right knee decided it would be first and caused the most problems. Apart from a couple of damp days when the left reminded me as to why I had the op, it's co-operating. Long may it last!

 

[Celle]

Has anyone else experienced guilt over the need to cancel out of special family occasions due to their knee surgery/recovery?

It's probably normal to feel a bit guilty, but please try not to.
This is your time, to look after yourself and your knee. That has to come first - and full marks to your husband for saying so. It's much too early in your recovery for having a house full of visitors. Doing that would wear you out, even if your daughter did alll the catering.

Your recovery is the time for everyone else to step up to the plate and look after you - you've looked after them for so long. Now it's your turn.
You'll be able to resume normal celebrations next year.

This article may help you to feel a bit better about accepting help and not doing everything:
Nurturing mother: how to let go and accept help

 

[BCSAnna]

luvcats, kneeper, lovetocookandsew
Celle

Thank you all for your support and advice. It means a lot to me and has helped in lifting my "guilt trip." And, I know that your advice is right on target.

Truth be told, when I first mentioned to my husband my desire to have our annual family celebration, his response was, "What are you nuts?" "When we are both functioning at a hundred percent it's a three ring circus with that gang here!" "No, absolutely not!"

And so, this year, it will be a quiet little holiday with "Penelope" taking center stage.

Anna

 

[BCSAnna]

@Glosnana

Like you, on x-rays both of my knees were stage 4 OA, bone on bone, with my right knee being slightly worst. However, since my right knee has been replaced, my left knee has not so much as made an abnormal twitch let alone attempted a painful move. Touching wood, I hope "old lefty" keeps up the good behavior.

Anna

 

[Celle]

@luvcats @kneeper @lovetocookandsew
@Celle

Thank you all for your support and advice. It means a lot to me and has helped in lifting my "guilt trip." And, I know that your advice is right on target.

Anna

Anna, thank you for all the appreciations. However, I've had to edit your post, to remove the tags.

Please don't start a post with a list of tags. Doing that makes it difficult for people reading on smaller devices, such as phones, because all they can see is that list of tags.

Just saying somethign like "Thank you all for you advice and help" is sufficient, because we'll all be reading your thread anyway.

Here's an article about the correct way to use tags.
How to tag another member; how to answer when someone tags you

 

[BCSAnna]

I had one of the best surprises of my life last night!

Seeing how depressed I was over not celebrating our annual family July 4th tradition, due to my recovery, my dear husband and daughter conspired behind my back and produced magic.

One of my husband's long time clients owns a number of condos down in Ocean City, MD. And, by the grace of God, had one available for my daughter and her family to stay in this week.

Last evening when the doorbell rang I was expecting one of our neighbors stopping by. A few minutes later my three little grandsons walked in holding a bouquet of my favorite pink roses and said, "These are for you Nana, we love you." I honestly thought I had stopped breathing for a moment as the tears filled my eyes.

And so, my grandchildren won't miss out on spending the holiday at the beach. I no longer feel guilty about disrupting our annual tradition. My daughter can pitch in and help her father with the housekeeping tasks. While my son-in-law takes the kids to the beach and boardwalk. And best of all, when I feel up to it, we can all visit. And when I don't feel up to it, the family circus; noise; clutter; toys; and cranky kids will be nine miles down the Coastal Highway from us.

The best of both worlds.

Anna

 

[lovetocookandsew]

What great news! The best of both worlds indeed!

 

[Poctdb]

See....not all conspiracies are bad....

 

[Cynof4]

@BCSAnna,
So glad you get to feel the grands love while continuing your recovery.

We always go home to SC for Thanksgiving. One year we could not because my son was playing in a state playoff football game. My amazing family brought Thanksgiving to us, went to the game and stayed at local hotels. It was marvelous and a great memory for all. Sometimes change is good! Being flexible and cognizant of others needs is an important life lesson for all
~Cynthia

 

[BCSAnna]

@Cynof4

What a lovely story. Sounds like both of us have been truly blessed by having wonderful loving families.

And besides laughter, receiving hugs and kisses from the grandbabies is the best medicine in the world!

Anna