THR Are We There Yet?

[Barbaraj]

At least it's sunny this morning, to help boost my mood which is feeling a bit low as I'm completely exhausted and hobbling about this morning. Note to self: Do a better job spreading out hosting and meal prep tasks BEFORE the day of an event! But it was a fun evening, I think, and my trusty lemon drops did the trick of getting everyone laughing and chatting after arrival and willing to participate in a silly event. My husband and I weren't "suspects", mere bystanders according to the kit's directions, but we got to ask questions and participate despite our more limited roles. It was a dinner event, with structured dialogue and clues, @Going4fun, and although alcohol helped everyone loosen up a bit, it also meant that folks got confused at various points about what they were supposed to be doing so a bit chaotic at times. But, no mind, it was all good fun and I think folks enjoyed themselves. I am attaching a picture of "Bonnie Lass" and her fellow host and husband, "Bud Wizer" (FBI agent down on his luck and working as a private detective). Once the game ended, and we'd all made guesses as to "whodunnit", we played the final bit of the kit's enclosed CD which had been guiding us through the mystery, and the bad guy was revealed.

After dinner guests had left, my husband and I tackled cleaning up and washing a ton of crystal, silver flatware, martini glasses, etc. We finally fell into bed around 10:30, exhausted. I slept badly--oh, my aching hips both sides, plus unaccountable leg cramps that had me up and stumbling about in the wee hours of the morning while Bud Wizer snoozed on obliviously! I clearly overdid things--again--yesterday, and I am thinking today I'll simply veg out. If I'm not feeling much better by noon, I'll throw back some of that extra strength Tylenol. But, off now to take a leaf out of our dining room table and resettle things around the house. May try to take a walk with a neighbor later on, as the sunshine is very tempting. Ah, Mondays...

And thanks, @Klassy and @Going4fun, for your supportive comments. I do have ups and downs, but I try to make my posts not too crabby. Feeling sorry for myself is a constant temptation and I try not to give into it as it does nothing to whine endlessly. I am lucky that I do have a good life overall and I understand that any overexertion with resultant discomfort is all my fault. No cursing the gods for my aching hips! At almost five months post-surgery, it feels like a lifetime away. But, clearly, I am reminded forcibly all the time that I'm still recovering and need to pace myself better. I totally suck at that, I'm afraid. But, onwards!

 

[Layla]

Hi @Barbaraj
Sounds like fun was had by all. Lots of effort on your part but many great memories created thanks to you giving of yourself so freely in hosting and all the prep it took to pull off the "whodunnit" themed party.
Cute photo of you and hubs in your costumes! I hope you find time to catch up on some rest today and feel back to your new normal by tomorrow.
A great week to you!

 

[Klassy]

You do look great. Definitely a night to remember!

 

[Going4fun]

Thanks for the info @Barbaraj, that game sounds like fun ... How cool to have an event like that ... I hosted some dinner parties last summer in which I invited about ten people ... to share stories on a topic ... The first one was good .... the second one absolutely fabulous--I figured out how to pick topics better ... The idea of hosting dinner events just thrills me ... so social ... so old-school playful ... so non-digital ... with real humans interacting.

There is an energy with a group of friends gathered that is just totally different (and more playful to me) from meeting a bunch of these friends one one one.

You and Bud Wizer are quite the good-looking couple ... you guys look like the picture of health. That's a cool hat on Mr. Bud Wizer.

 

[bickypeg]

Wow @Barbaraj you look like a model! Can't believe you're a year younger than me! Are you sure?!
But go and lie in a darkened room for the next 24 hours! You must be exhausted! 12 months to get over a hip replacement don't forget.

 

[bickypeg]

Oh wise @Layla ! I hate to sound like your mother @Barbaraj , though I am a year older than you, but although you're doing some lovely fun things you really need to step back a bit and think of yourself!! You are still healing and I think you need much more Me time! At least pace yourself a bit. Less gym if you've had the kids say - they're a work out in themselves! Let your husband go to the gym on his own, and have the occasional takeaway!
I know what you mean about Scandinavian novels- I like to pronounce names in my head too, and they're often clunky translations. I enjoyed Will Dean's Dark Pines and Red Snow set in Sweden but he's English and his feisty heroine has a manageable name . Very snowy though. You might be better with a nice thriller set in a heatwave !
Do look after yourself.

 

[SurreyGirl]

The dinner sounded like great fun. Hope you are giving your hips a rest now. It is hard to strike a balance between overdoing it and getting the exercise isn’t it!

 

[Barbaraj]

Yes, @Layla, @bickypeg, and @SurreyGirl, you are all right--I totally need to back off the exercise and activity for awhile. I have been pushing myself too hard, I know. Yesterday morning I mostly vegged out, but in the afternoon I went for a walk in the neighborhood with a friend. Wow, I was unprepared for how uncomfortable that was--my right inner thigh began aching badly and--horror of horrors--I started limping. We cut the walk short and went back to my friend's house where she gave me a mug of tea and a heating pad. It was a sobering experience as this discomfort was the worst I've experienced when walking since surgery (5 months ago today). So, nothing on my agenda but relaxing and doing nothing. I am so frustrated with myself! Where's the darn owner's manual when you need it? I want to keep moving ahead but it's so hard to figure out how much is enough and how much is too much. Yes, I know it's trial and error, but I'd so much prefer to have it spelled out clearly and in advance. This lurching around through recovery is such a drag. Deep breath...

Good news is that my new Kindle is arriving today so I will have fun figuring out how to use it while keeping my tush firmly in a chair for the day. Hopefully the books I had on the old one will transfer over seamlessly and then I will, @bickypeg, get back to reading a mystery novel of some sort. Finished up a couple of those Scandinavian mysteries a week or so ago, so need to hit the library's website and download a few more.

What kind of "topics" did you find to discuss at your salon gatherings, @Going4fun? I am assuming politics and religion were off-limits, but lots of other things that could be explored by a lively, engaged group of folks. Sounds like it would be a fun experience for you and your guests. My parents used to do something like that eons ago. They formed a group with the name "SGOST" (Small Group of Serious Thinkers) and they got together monthly on a Saturday evening. There were a variety of discussions and activities--I was a kid so don't recall these meetings in great detail, but I remember one night they took roles in Edward Albee's "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" and read it out loud. Another time they were each handed a bag of materials and told to go home and create a "work of art", then bring it to the next meeting and discuss what they'd made and why. I always thought that would be a cool sort of thing to do but have never organized anything.

And thank you, @bickypeg and @Going4fun, for the kind words about the picture I posted. Always flattering to have folks say you're a good looking couple. We tried to dress the parts we'd assigned ourselves and I think, overall, we achieved a good look. Of course, we gave ourselves the easiest of the costume assignments (as the hosts we got to choose!) so we didn't have to come up with dreadful costumes (really felt badly for "Otto Von Schnapps" who was supposed to wear lederhosen!) "Bonnie Lass" and "Bud Wizer" were pretty tame costume choices and fairly simple to put together.

 

[Klassy]

I suspect if you found the user’s manual it would tell you that your chassis needed to spend some time in the garage.

SGOST sounds like fun. If you do decide to give it a try, could you keep your workload down by asking everyone to bring food and drink and things to eat and drink out of, and take the washing up home? Your contribution would be the idea, the venue and bringing together a mix of people. Friends and neighbours might be perfectly happy to be invited on that basis.

 

[bickypeg]

And paper plates and cups!

 

[Going4fun]

@Barbaraj, just something that is working for my 5 month + hip ... icing ... I stopped icing after maybe 2 or 3 months ... but recently ... as I have had some tightness in my IT band area ... I've been icing again ... and yes, I sense a difference. The icing seems to pay off ... after two or three days of multiple sessions. And I sorta hate to suggest this possibility ... but you're new hip could be strong enough (I'm just thinking aloud here) such that your body is now placing more weight on that hip than ever before ... because that new hip might now be stronger than the other hip ... Our bodies are constantly making these types of neuromuscular adjustments ... so your new right hip could just be taking on a lot more responsibility than it has until now.

At the first dinner salon, I had two speakers ... and the rest of us responded ... One speaker talked about going to the Burning Man festival ... and another talked about her new understanding of her sexual orientation ...

For the second salon, I realized I wanted more equal talk ... and more stories ... so I came up with the theme "trips and journeys." I asked people to tell a story about a trip or journey that has been important in their life ... the trip could be internal or external ... That dinner was fabulous ... People shared all kinds of stories ... Invariably, a speaker would begin by saying, "well I don't know if this story is interesting to anyone and I'm not even sure what the story means" ... and of course, the person proceeded to tell a blockbuster story ... often about a resolution of a particular struggle ... or a turning point in their lives. I told of the "journey" I went on when my mother died ten years ago ... I stayed with my oldest brother for the funeral ... and in the days before and after the funeral, my brother told me stories about our mom that blew my mind (in the best sense) .... stories that made sense of our mother's life in ways I didn't know.

I stopped the dinners when I had the surgery. It's getting time for me to resume them.

 

[Barbaraj]

Lovely sunny start to the day, so feeling cheerful despite achy hips. I am really trying to back off on activity, as so many have sensibly suggested and I will try icing for awhile this morning as well. I am back in Pilates this morning with a friend, and I would like to be able to do this without bringing on more aching. I also will be attending a meeting with some neighborhood women, none of whom I've meant before, for an exploratory discussion about starting a mystery book club. I saw an announcement on a local website and thought it would be fun to meet new folks and engage in an activity I already enjoy. The woman who is hosting the initial meeting lives quite close to me and I would like to be able to walk down to her house. I am a little nervous about that, but with some icing plus perhaps some extra strength Tylenol, I hope it will be okay. And after that we're schlepping my granddaughter to her a ballet lesson so I've got a full schedule today and hope to be up for it all.

Oh, @Going4fun, your gatherings sound like fun! I'd cheerfully attend one of your dinners, to share my own stories and listen avidly to others. And, @bickypeg and @Klassy, I appreciate your sensible suggestions on how I could do something like that myself with more of a potluck focused evening, including disposable plates, cups and napkins. The only downside for me is that I have many lovely dishes, glassware and flatware, and part of the enjoyment of entertaining, for me, is being able to drag this stuff out and use it. Using lovely things reminds me of the women who passed these things on to me, and it's very satisfying. Of course, at 10:30 at night after an event when I'm exhausted and hand washing far too much stuff, I feel crabby. But it would be hard to switch over to disposables as I derive such pleasure from using some of the lovely dishes and other items I have in my cupboards. I think potluck would be okay, but I also would like guests to be able to come and enjoy themselves without having to do anything other than show up! I know the "modern" thing is to have everyone bring something (and given my lackluster cooking skills you'd think I'd be embracing this) but I always think about how much I enjoy being invited to an event and the only thing I have to do is simply decide what to wear, not what I have to prepare. Still it's something to consider. I appreciate everyone's thoughts.

 

[Layla]

It's sunny in my neck of the woods today too!
It can have such a positive effect on mood this time of year.
We have one those book clubs in my community. I don't partake because I've heard it's more of a and gossip sesh, than discussing any book some may have read. The group takes turns meeting at one another's homes and since you seem great at hosting you'd probably really enjoy this activity. Only you'll probably be 5 books ahead of them all at the speed you read. I guess I shouldn't judge unti I've witnessed one of these soirée's firsthand, just don't feel like going even once to give them any subject matter on myself. I hope your experience is a good one @Barbaraj

Have fun spending time with your granddaughter later today!

 

[KathyB]

@Barbaraj Hi, your party sounds like it was fabulous even though you may have overdone it a bit. I understand wanting to use your nice crystal, etc. and not having your guests have to bring any of the food. Maybe you could hire some wait staff for your next event. They could help with the set up, service and cleanup. Sounds like Pilates time might be better used for rest and icing today as your schedule sounds busy enough. All of your activities sound like a lot of fun and I am sure it must be hard to not be able to do everything you want. Hardest part of recovery. Glad to hear you are getting some sunshine. Be careful walking to your neighborhood meeting and have a lovely day.

 

[Going4fun]

@Barbaraj, I wanted to share my view of the potluck. If a person has hosting skills and organizational skills and some strong cooking skills, then a regular dinner (asking guests to bring nothing) definitely can work. I do not have those skills ... and am not a good enough cook to prepare everything myself.

I get your point: I too LOVE going to dinners when I don't have to bring anything.

On the other hand, for my salon-discussion parties, asking people to bring a dish (and having them ask what was needed or what should they bring) really gets them invested in the outcome. People who bring dishes to the potluck feel great when others eat their food! I guess they feel like good hosts. And people tend not to cancel at the last moment for vague reasons because they know they are being counted on for some food (I think).

I had two out-of-town guests at my last party ... and I certainly did NOT ask them to bring any food. So I doubled up on my own mediocre cooking. But yes, one day, I'd love to throw a fully-hosted gathering!

 

[Carriemay60]

Another idea would be to order a nice selection of Indian or in your area a nice sushi platter. We have done Chinese also. The time we did a big sushi platter, we were amazed at how fresh it was and the nori still had a nice crunch to it.

 

[Barbaraj]

Oh, @KathyB, @Going4fun, and @Carriemay60--how kind of you all to weigh in with your kind comments and thoughtful suggestions. It is indeed a dilemma for me, figuring out what makes the most sense when entertaining, and I do struggle with how to do it in a way that makes sense for me and my guests. To some extent, I think I am the product of my upbringing. My mother was "old school" in her approach to entertaining, although she seemed to carry this off easily and apparently relaxed as I recall. She would have been horrified to use anything other than "the good stuff" to set her table, she did all the cooking (never, ever a potluck) and presumably she handled all the clean-up as well. She never complained, that I remember. But, the olden days are precisely that--OLDen days and I clearly need to get comfortable with updating my entertaining approach to make it easier and not so overwhelming. I have updated my entertaining somewhat--I love cocktail parties which my mother never hosted as she and my dad didn't drink. And cocktail parties are easy--good booze, music on our CD player and some easy to throw together appetizers! And I love "ladies who lunch" events--a good soup, some homemade bread and a glass of wine combined with a couple of friends, lots of chatter and laughter-- a perfect midday break. Dinner parties are just my Achilles heel.

Okay, enough chatter about this--onto to hips! I am icing as I am writing this, an icepack wrapped around my upper thigh, with a lap robe over this so I don't get too chilled on this wintery morning. I iced yesterday before Pilates and it did help. I felt much more comfortable than I have the previous few days although I definitely tried to be gentle doing the exercises and not doing any that seemed likely to overstrain my thigh muscles. I am guessing icing is the key here, as heating pad felt lovely but didn't seem to do a darn thing in terms of easing muscle ache and pain.

Yesterday afternoon I felt well enough to walk down and back to the mystery book group meeting and, yes, @Layla, I am sure that it will be no problem for me to stay on top of the book each month as I probably read a couple of books a week, and most of 'em are mysteries. The book group is an afternoon gathering, from 1 - 3, and judging from the women in attendance, I don't see a lot of drinkers in the crowd, at least not afternoon drinkers. I don't mind a glass of wine in the afternoon, but the older I get the more likely it is that this will induce late afternoon napping! We had tea and cake for the inaugural meeting, and I've offered to host the next one as well as sponsor the book. The women are all around my age, retired and avid mystery readers like me so should introduce me through the year to other mystery writers, as well as getting to know a group of women in my community. So, all good so far!

Happy Friday!

 

[Klassy]

I’m glad to hear other hippies are having sunshine. It’s raining here! I’m not complaining, it’s about time, plus it is still relatively mild.

Lucky you @Barbaraj to have lovely things that also bring good memories, I understand your wanting to use them.

I’m glad your book meeting was enjoyable. Coincidentally I have just done something very similar. I saw on a neighbourhood website that a woman who lives walking distance from me was setting up a gardening discussion group, and I went to her house last Saturday and met 8 other women for the first time. We all talked about our gardens and our successes and problems, and we will visit each others’ gardens and share seeds and cuttings etc. Just as you say, nice to meet new folk in connection with a hobby I enjoy. I appreciate this stranger taking the initiative and making the effort to bring us together.

Isn’t it funny how these groups always seem to be all female?! Apparently there is at least one man who said he would like to join the gardening group, but he didn’t appear on the day.

Have you read “The Jane Austen Book Club”?

 

[Carriemay60]

Oh gosh! Where do I start? This is such a fantastic discussion!

@barb We lived overseas for about 15 years and for the most part in countries where having household help was doing our host country a service by offering employment. So for entertaining, I had prep, firing and clean up help and was able to concentrate of entertaining. Our last help was in Shanghai and we had a lovely lady, Sio who was the bomb!! I still miss her so much 10 years later! Living as expats, and my husband being a senior manager, we entertained a lot both professionally and socially so over time I bought some incredible tableware and serving dishes. I actually had a service for 16 handmade in Pakistan in blue/white. I love nothing more than bringing out my bits. Unique shapes, colours, etc. so I totally get you! My opportunities are very rare now as we got sent back to Canada and don't have friends in our city/

 

[Carriemay60]

In my humble opinion Barbara, I think you need to leave the pilates, gym, etc alone for a bit and just do a bit of walking. You seem to be waffling between ok and not so great every few days. I am NO expert but just from lurking here for 5 years, that would be my approach.