Hello
@Canucklady I am the 82 year old Layla referenced for you. I had my third surgery in 2 years, 2 of them revisions on the same hip about 6 weeks ago. I know how frightening the whole process can be especially if you are 80.
It is hard for me to understand your mother's inability to stand after surgery without a bit more information. My understanding is that she could stand before surgery? Is she in uncontrolled pain when she tries? You say she is afraid to try now. So where do you think this fear is coming from?
I am so sorry you and she are going through this trying time. But these things can be addressed with time. I do hope it can be arranged for your mom to go into a rehab situation. That would free you up to get some rest and a handle on how to arrange things once mom comes home where ever that may be.
In the meantime, what does PT do when your mom refuses to try to stand? Clearly she is in need of more assistance, anti-depression meds? Pain control? Some psychological help?
If I could sit on the edge of the bed and speak to her, I would ask what are you afraid of? I understand fully that you are afraid. I was afraid I would still be in pain. That my future would be the same as before surgery. It is a chilling moment to take that first step but when you do and realize things feel differently it gives you the courage to move even further and pretty soon you are walking to the end of the room, and then out the door, and then to the end of the next room and then the hall. And then you learn how to get in and out of bed and the car and pretty soon you are home and on your way to a fine recovery. But you have to put that fear away and try. That's the thing. You must find that brave part of yourself. The part that raised children, a fine daughter for one, and faced the loss of a husband. I did too, lost a husband, so I know that that pain is the worst of all. So you've been through the worst possible pain a person can bear; you can do this. Find that brave soul that is you and take that first step and you'll never look back. Trust me. I know where you are and I know where you've been. You can do this. Do this for yourself. You deserve it.
That is what I would say to her and how much I wish I could. Because I know what it is to be 80 and face this recovery. It is daunting. I know you have the patience of a good daughter to handle this. And I've been there too, as a daughter with a mother in need.
It is not an easy path you are on either. Each of you in each your own way suffer this burden. The thing is it can't be changed. It is what it is. Hopefully you can get some help somehow. I hope some of it will come from your mom's choice to take the steps to assist herself for her own future. As a caregiver, you must take care of yourself to continue being a help to your mom.
I will watch for your updates. I wish you the very best in your situation. I know you both can do this together. Patience is the key, I think. Many hugs to you. And please hug your mom for me. . .hug each other. I think there are brighter days ahead for you both.
United States
