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shrinkette I can feel your pain from your post. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because no one can, but I sure know pretty close to how you feel, because I was there just a couple months ago. The unrelenting pain and inability to do anything just wears down your very soul to a point where you don't know if you can go on, or, sometimes in the wee hours, if you even want to. You just get to feeling useless and hopeless, and always the pain is there and the fear. And it so hard to believe that this surgery will really make the pain go away. It is a very fearsome place to be. There were many times I didn't think Id get through it -- I would think "I'm old and useless anyway, what's the point?" Those were the times I'd come on here and rant and ramble on and whine and ask for help -- that's all I could do, and it helped. Family was sympathetic, but no one can really know what horrible chronic pain does to you until they have been there. It sucks out your patience, your humor, your joy in living, your interest in things that used to fascinate you, as well as even the small things you used to care about. It becomes the absolute epicenter of your shrinking world.
I have arthritis in other joints as well -- hands, knees and shoulders, one ankle and an elbow I broke many years ago, and my lumbar spine. I could live with what I had in those, at least so far I can, but I could not live with that awful pain in the hips that kept me pretty much confined to my recliner.
The one thing I focused on during the last month or so before the first surgery (I became very depressed) was that everyone on here, my surgeon, my chiropractor and my GP told me it would be successful and it helps absolutely almost everyone who has it done. I am still pretty clunky and ungraceful in my walking with my cane, but that awful grinding pain is gone. I can get across my kitchen without hip pain. I still limp a bit when not using the cane, but then I'm only 10 weeks and 6 weeks out. I feel I am getting better most every day. I do worry about my knee, as it is acting up, but I am putting that out of my mind for now, as my surgeon told me to do. He says it may get better on its own as my pelvic tilt adjusts (I've had one leg shorter than the other all my life), and the new leg length (he says he evened them up) may cause it to take a while for my muscles and tendons, etc. to adjust].
I've realized that I may never get back to the strength and fitness I had when I was 50, and I've accepted that's OK. Well, I'd rather have that back, but I'm far from 50 now , so it's unlikely. I'm not going to get back the face I had when I was 50, either. BUT, I can get to the point where I can live everyday life without pain and get around and do for myself and go shopping, go out to do things to stay involved in the world, walk my dogs, and take care of myself. If I can't ever ride my bike again, I can accept that, but I couldn't accept living in my recliner in pain.
As to the "bravery" in getting them both done, they were both awful, and I wasn't brave enough to face the rest of my life in the condition I was in, so I had to face the lesser of two evils, i.e., the surgeries. Just fixing one hip wasn't going to help all that much, and I had to do it while I still had my resolve. If you do find that you have to have the other one done, too, I'd urge you to do them as close together as possible, so you can get it behind you and get on with your life.
I don't know that I would ever get up the courage to have a knee done. From what I've read it is a much longer and more painful recovery than the hips, which really DO almost take care of themselves, as Josephine says. You've been through a knee and have come through it fine, so I think you will be fine with the hip. As much as I could, in the days and weeks right before the surgery I tried to focus very hard on the gift of getting rid of the pain. I was an emotional basket case, though. I also found the pre-op stuff very stressful, as I was terrified they would find something wrong that would preclude the surgery. I started out being terrified I'd have to have the surgery and ended up being terrified I couldn't have it. (weird, huh?)
Please try to hold on. You are getting close now to the day it will be behind you and you can start recovering. You are a dear friend and I want you to enjoy the miracle of having that pain GONE! You just have to get through this dark tunnel first. Try Belleruth Naperstek's CD on depression, and the one on preparing for surgery. They both helped me to calm down, even when I fell asleep listening to them. I still listen to them, particularly the one on depression. Amazon.com has them and they arrive petty quickly. They also have them for MP3 for downloading.
Love to you, and I wish you peace of mind and spirit.
Milli
United States
