THR Resurfacing

[Josephine]

Oh medic, that's very cruel of her. But it's a fact that family and friends often don't understand what all this is about and eventually reach a stage when they think you should be over it all by now. So that's where BoneSmart comes in - we're always here for a vent so don't worry about that!

 

[medic4355]

She tells me that I need to accept who I am. She thinks that I am disabled so I should just do nothing but sit home. I have finished one degree in cinematography but now I am wanting to finish my nursing degree. I was a paramedic for 18 years and there are plenty of nursing jobs that don't require you to be on your feet all day. Ultimately I would like to go back and finish my Nurse Practitioner. I could work part time and make twice as much as I make on disability plus I am only 41. I do accept my disability but I do see disabled people work all the time. My Dad worked with mentally handicapped people for over 40 years and I learned that all they wanted was to be was treated like normal people. I feel the same way. Crazy thing is Vocational Rehab is paying for all of it. I am starting back on January 15th and she is contemptuous about it. We have not yet separated but the only reason is for the sake of my daughter. I am staying another 3 months to get us out of our lease and save enough money to get my daughter to a better safer neighborhood. For me its all about my daughter.

 

[Hoppy Nanny]

That's what everyone wants....to feel our own sense of 'normal'.....good luck to you in your endeavours .....to stay at home and do nothing would be an easy option and I applaud the fact you want to help others despite your own problems. It's a shame that your wife doesn't share your convictions but until you've been through some form of disability it's hard to imagine how it can affect you. Thinking of you xxx


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[Josephine]

She tells me that I need to accept who I am.

Easy to say but I bet if she had your pain, she'd be singing a different tune!

 

[medic4355]

If you believe in prayer I am asking for it. She actually told me tonight that she would consider counseling for the first time in 21 years so I have no idea where we stand now. Furthermore at this point I am not sure I am committed to this marriage after all that has been said to me. Thanks everyone so much for all your support.

 

[medic4355]

Also prayers are appreciated as I start back to nursing school Thursday. Wahoo!!!!! I am excited about going back to school. It is a bit of a strange situation as it is a predominantly all black school and I am actually getting a minority scholarship for being one of the 8 white students in the whole class. That is just funny to me because after 18 years in the medical field I have found that we all bleed the same and I can honestly say there is not a prejudice bone in my body.

 

[Jaycey]

@medic4355 so glad to see you back here. I applaud your efforts to get that degree and do what work you can. I so hope you and your wife can work things out. This immobility issue can be a big one for all parties. But in any case you will have a new career and that chance to help people again. Well done! Please do keep us updated!

 

[Josephine]

Ooh, I'd love to see one of our members become a registered nurse! How cool!

And you have my prayers, my friend ...

 

[Jamie]

Medic, I'll be praying for you too. Maybe a light bulb went on for your wife and with counseling she may begin to understand your drive to have a productive life. You are amazing to me!!! I'm so impressed with your accomplishments already and more to come!! You'll always have the support of your BoneSmart family.

 

[scottfamilyman]

Well, by now you've already had your SUCCESSFUL surgery. You'll be fine! Like everyone on bone smart has told me, take it slow and take your meds. Dont be Macho like I tried to do. Hang in there and see you around, Scott

 

[medic4355]

Registered for classes today. Chemistry for the first time in 20 years. This should be interesting.

 

[Poppet]

You can do it @medic4355 - you are such a survivor and achiever - good for you, your Bonesmart family are right behind you

 

[Jamie]

I bet you'll surprise yourself! I remember taking some courses years after school and I was amazed at how much easier it was to learn as an adult. Your brain functions so differently and you really see the purpose of it all. Go get 'em!!!!

 

[medic4355]

Scars are just a sign of competition. I did not live my life sitting in a chair. I loved life and I lived it out loud. And it's not over yet.

 

[Hoppy Nanny]

Great attitude...hope it goes well xxx


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[katflwr]

@medic4355 I'm new here at bonesmart and wanted to jump in and say HI. As a fellow comrade in emergency medicine (I'm an RN in the ER) and former addict myself, I relate to so much of what I have seen in your posts. I'm also a woman of strong faith, and nothing, NOTHING, has brought me the peace and solitude in my life other than God. After my struggles and darkness with addiction from medical issues, I was really scared about this surgery and the need for any pain medication. I prayed repeatedly for God to remove any desire or enjoyment from any of the medications. Honestly, taking any pain meds after this surgery was literally like poison in my system. I hated it. I hated the way it made me feel! My prayers were definately answered! It has been a definite balance of trying to make sure I'm comfortable, and I do believe I am guilty of "under" medicating because there have been days I've hurt unnecessarily. I totally get it. I've also seen far too many co workers and other good people lose their lives to addiction, and the thought of ever living in that darkness again terrifies me so much. I know that walking with the Lord, I will not walk that darkness ever again. Best of luck in school, we have so much to give back to others don't we?

 

[medic4355]

@katflwr Thanks for the response and you are right my faith in God has brought me to where I am now. I still do have to take some pain meds but not on a daily or often even on a weekly basis. It took me a while to learn the difference in addiction and dependency. There was without a doubt a time in my life when I was addicted. I have strong family around me with my mom and two sisters. My Dr keeps a close eye me and monitors how much meds I am taking. He and I have been friends for a while. He tells me often I am guilty of under medicating. He is right but when you have lived in a life of bondage addicted to drugs you fear ever going back there. Looks like God is working behind the scenes with my wife and doing some unique things. She is finally figuring out I am just not built to sit home. I usually take tramadol which is a controlled substance but not one that will make you high at all to keep my pains in check. I have been prayed for and anointed many of times and I do believe that God said he doesn't start a work he will not finish. When I had my accident I was flat line for over a minute so I believe if he started healing me then he will finish. Whether its this side of heaven or the next. I spent a long time thinking what I would do when I got better and then God ask me what would I do right now if I didn't get better. So school is next. I want to eventually get my NP and work with children or hospice. Those are the two places in life where people will listen. My prayers are with you and if you ever need anything just let me know.