TKR I'm back again

[Dolphin5]

So depression has hit me. 12.15pm still in bed with no motivation to get up. Ice packed once and that's it. I did go back to sleep for about 90 minutes. I'm probably tired from the trial of doing elevation during the night and lost 2 hours sleep.

I just wish the PT yesterday had lied and said my flexion was 47o. Then I wondered if he HAD lied about saying it was still 45o just to instil the urgency of doing all the exercises. 47o was such a small thing to hope for.

 

[Andypandy]

@Dolphin5 I really feel the anguish you are experiencing. This journey is not easy and we are facing different feelings, not only in our bodies but in our minds. Many of us suffered the "blues", comes with the operation, I cried almost every day in pure frustration because I didn't like the situation I was in. How the heck was I going to get out of it, it really dragged me down. At 7 weeks I spoke with my GP who was brilliant in understanding what I was having to deal with and prescribed an anxiety/sleep tablet. I absolutely do not like medication and it certainly doesn't like me, I suffer with reflux and allergic to many meds. However these work and have helped me enormously. I couldn't achieve a good flexion and after lengthy conversations with my surgeon he performed an mua at 12 weeks, which I must add, this was due to scar tissue. Please, don't think this is for you. I believe you need to try to stop thinking about this figure of 45, it's early days and many people have taken months before achieving a suitable flexion. Carry on with gentle exercises and try to accept the flexion you have now and wait until your next Physio to see how you're doing. Then you can be guided as to the best exercise to move forward with. Little things I can do now seemed a million years away, I started sleeping on my side at 5 weeks, lying on my back too long is disastrous for me as I have a nasty back. Wasn't great to start but over the weeks better and now so much better. So this really is a long journey and we are in charge. I hope you can find a little enthusiasm as dwelling on the 'down bits' is just using your good thoughts to waste. Put on your music, sing, dance (the best your knee will allow) and if you need to let tears fall, think of us who are with you all the way. Wish you well xx

 

[Dolphin5]

Thank you Andypandy. Now I'm crying after reading your post. Perhaps it's tiredness, but I just wanted the tiniest of improvement.

Like you I don't sleep well on my back and it was a relief to start sleeping on my side, a little, at about the same time as you. Thankfully the two strong painkillers I still take an hour before bed do make me sleep soundly (though I'm up at least 3 times for the loo in the night).

It's a sunny day today and after doing 2 X 10 minutes walk outside yesterday and 10 minutes in the bungalow I'd intended to do the same today. I need to build up my walking so I can think of walking my dogs again. That would open my world right up. I'm a very determined person but this is something else.

On a positive note, I've no ill effects of yesterday so do have the go ahead to do the same today with a bit more but my heart is not in it today. My son is coming over tomorrow for a few days so we'll take the dogs out (he can drive my car) so I'd hoped today to continue to build up the walking. The thing is that if I don't get my act together and get some exercises/walks in today I'll feel like a failure later and beat myself up about it.

Perhaps I'm just weary and need a day off. Plus I had no water yesterday from 12.30 am til the middle of the night due to a burst water pipe. Thankfully a neighbour was able to give me a bottle of water late afternoon but it was all concerning.

 

[Layla]

I am sorry you're feeling a little low today, Dolphin. You'll have those days. Sending a warm hug your way.

What if getting out in the fresh air and beautiful sunshine for a walk makes you feel better? It just may. You can always give it a try and if it doesn't, make it a short walk today. Imagine us walking alongside you, cheering you on in support, because we are, you just can't see us, lol.

I'm happy your son will be there soon. Nothing like the loving care and company of our kids to put a smile on our face. I will imagine you grinning from ear to ear, Dolphin, and soaking in every minute of time with him until he leaves...and you still won't be alone, because you always have us!
Happy Friday! Enjoy the weekend!
@Dolphin5

 

[Jamie]

@Dolphin5 … so sorry that you were without water for an extended period of time. That can be a risk when one lives on an island. If you are able to get groceries delivered, I suggest that you order some bottled water to keep on hand for that type of emergency. If you went from 12:30am to the middle of the night with only one bottle of water to drink, you likely were a bit dehydrated. This in itself can make you feel unwell and depressed. Please make sure you are drinking at least 8 cups of water each day (water, not any other beverage). After being dehydrated, it can take a day or two to rehydrate, so you may have to work at it a little.

Also, please don’t agonize over 2 degrees in a measurement. Therapists can have variations on any given day in their measurements of up to 5 degrees. It is possible to place the measuring device in a slightly different place each time it’s done. It’s one of the reasons we try not to focus on numbers, but on functionality.

 

[Dolphin5]

Thank you for your comments. I don't think I,was dihydrated. It was a 2 litre bottle.

I'm still feeling very down, like a deflated balloon. All I've done today is one ice pack this morning. Simply couldn't be asked to do elevations, exercises, ice packs etc. I think mentally perhaps I've just needed a day off.

I hope I can get myself together in the morning. My son comes mid afternoon and he doesn't deserve to see me like this.

Point taken about the measurements though I knew there hadn't been much improvement, you can tell of course. I just hope I can get back to everything tomorrow.......Just weary of it all.

 

[Jamie]

I understand. The length of time and effort required for recovery from joint replacement surgery can seem overwhelming sometimes. This is why it’s always a good idea to have ways to distract you from these negative thoughts. You might try to plan ahead for days like this with a list of things to do to lighten your spirits when you have a down day. I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you can come up with 3 or 4 things that would begin to get you back in a positive mode again. Then when you have a bad day, pull out the list and do the things you’ve identified. It can be as simple as just phoning a friend, inviting someone over for lunch, or sitting outside in the sun and watching birds awakening to Spring.

 

[Layla]

Hi Dolphin,
I am sorry you're feeling down. Hopefully your sweet son will bring a smile to your face tomorrow and your mood will lighten.

You mentioned your location before and I came across a resource that you may be interested in. They provide many services and among them are volunteers that will check in on you for a visit and chat. It can be a way for you to connect with someone and something to look forward to in these days and weeks as you're healing.
Give it some consideration and talk it over with your son and see what he thinks. Following is a link -

Good Neighbour Scheme: Volunteer Befriending Service

The Good Neighbour Scheme offers befriending, practical support and reassurance for older people with no-one else to turn to.

www.ageuk.org.uk

Best wishes for a great weekend with your son!
@Dolphin.

 

[Dolphin5]

Thank you Jamie and Layla.

Unfortunately I don't seem to have any friends on the island. A handful of people I thought were friends I've discovered aren't. They are in their clique and hard as I've tried they seem only interested in their own lives. One lady who I've been out for coffee some 8/9 times over the past couple of years, gone to the theatre with and even had some beach days with hasn't even called me. Just the occasional text. When I'm better I'll look into a group called Island Buddies. Of course, normally I'd be playing bowls in the summer and also playing table tennis but I'm aware that I need more friends. I've been on the island just over 3 years but it was a very challenging 3 years for many reasons but one being that my brother died under horrible circumstances a few months after I moved here and the ensuing year or so was very difficult. Also there was so much to do in the bungalow and garden.

I do have friends calling me from where I used to live. I'll certainly look into the good neighbour scheme. I've already got it in mind to call my local vicar. Age UK has a volunteer transport scheme but I'm reluctant to use this as I feel there will be others needing the service more than me. Not comfortable with a volunteer having to wait for me whilst i have the physio.

It is 3 weeks 2 days since I started doing my recovery the forum way, ie elevate, ice and rest. I did this for about 10 days but, apart from walking, did virtually no exercises, partly due to the worry I'd hurt my knee and cause further swelling, and partly hoping it would be enough. I then started doing a few exercises, but not many, again wary of hurting my knee. So all the constant ice packs and 2 X elevations every day plus walking hasn't really worked.

I know now that the way forward is to push the exercises. The PT wants me to do the chair slides every one or two hours, 3 repetitions, holding for 30 seconds to one minute. I'll start with 3 times a day, plus do the other exercises and if my knee is ok the following day, will increase to 5 times a day. And if the knee is ok, increase to 7 times a day.

It was strange getting into bed last night. I felt like I used to feel before the op. Normal. I realised it was because I had done nothing all day regarding the recovery. Every day is consumed with exercises, elevation, ice packs, more elevation, more exercises etc. Perhaps I should have one day every week where I do nothing apart from walking, just to keep my sanity and give me a break.

There are two sides to me, one is extrovert and this is how I'd have been the whole time except for a difficult upbringing, parents and marriage. The other side is introvert which is how I am at present and makes me not particularly sociable.

My main challenge right now is to pick myself up, dust myself down and get back into the exercise regime. It's two weeks today for my party, and two weeks 5 days before I see the PT again. Once I get started I'll be ok, it's just getting started again that's difficult and feeling positive again which is hard right now.

Thank you. I don't like the way I'm so self absorbed these days.

 

[Jcx]

@Dolphin5 Keep posting and exercising you will get your normal life back. It's a long and sometimes lonely journey at times but your fellow bonesmarties are here for you. Take care jcx.

 

[Andypandy]

@Dolphin5 Just want to wish you a fabulous weekend with your son. The sun is shining, love to look at the sea when the sun dances across it. Yes, have a day off, gets on your nerves with the same old every day. When my son's call me and ask what I am doing, "Same old, same old" is the answer. I am just across the water from you, Chichester West Sussex and feel blessed to what we have around us. Have a glorious weekend xx

 

[Layla]

Hi Dolphin,
My heart goes out to you on the tragic loss of your brother. I am sure losing him was difficult. I am happy you're willing to look into the Volunteer Befriending group. It sounds like you're aware of another group, Island Buddies. That's wonderful! if may be a way to relieve some loneliness, boost your mood and possibly make some new, permanent friends!

As for the services that provide transportation to appointments, please try to accept that they're willing to wait while you're in Physio and view your therapy as a medical appointment if it's bringing results and you're temporarily unable to drive yourself.

How about increasing your reps with the exercises every couple of days, rather than every day, and see how that works. I don't see anything wrong with taking a break from exercises and gentle stretches once a week, but I think you should continue to ice / elevate if there is swelling and try not to lay around in bed on those days off because you really do need to be moving at this point in time. Go outdoors for walks and go about the activities of daily living. I say this because if you're in a low mood, its too easy to fall into a trap of lying around and it wont help you feel better.

There are two sides to me, one is extrovert and this is how I'd have been the whole time except for a difficult upbringing, parents and marriage. The other side is introvert which is how I am at present and makes me not particularly sociable.

Fake it till you make it! Have you heard that saying before? You may need to somewhat ignore your feelings and push yourself through the motions and the improved mood will come. You'll feel much better putting forth the effort, than you will letting your emotions dictate your day.

Hopefully with your sons arrival, you'll feel less "self absorbed" (your description of yourself above) Possibly you can go for walks together, or prepare meals together, or dine out! Getting out and feeling like you're part of the world again goes a long way in our recovery journey. Enjoy the weekend!

 

[beralc]

My real quibble is the high number of repetitions on the sit to stand. Our recovering bodies often don't like repetition. May I suggest trying one set of 5, done at a relaxed pace, every other day, then slowly increase only as they are tolerated.

Hi @Dolphin5 have read quickly and it certainly sounds like you’re making progress, with some hurdles which is normal. It’s not about how much it’s progress.
I am sorry for your loss

In regards to the exercise @mendogal mentioned I was given these exercises by physio but after about 5 I knew there was no way I was going to cope so I placed 2 seat cushions one on top of the other on a chair so that the standing from sitting was hardly anything at all and much less of a demand on my quads and I only did with 3 in the morning and evening a day. I worked until I can now do 2x10 and am considering removing one of the cushions, but I won’t rush it, it’s a big demand. Don’t know if that may help.
Keep going it will happen and change will come

 

[Dolphin5]

I've fallen apart. Having a breakdown. Cancelled my son yesterday as he doesn't handle tears very well but he is on the island and coming over at 11. I can't stop crying. Since yesterday morning. I was under the bed covers til 5.30pm. Every time I thought about exercises I cried even more. I just want normal days again. Saturday when all I did was one ice pack early on made me feel normal again. First time in over 10 weeks. I'm not sure I can face exercises again. For nearly 3 weeks I've ice packed 10-12 times a day and elevated twice daily. No improvement I can see in ROM. I can't do this. I can't do these exercises any more. So I'll be a cripple forever and not be able to drive.....

I just can't stop crying. I've tried SO HARD since coming out of hospital.

My party is in 13 days time. I just can't see me being able to have it. No energy for organising the various bits and pieces.

I think what's brought this on is how hard I've tried, only to go to the physio on Thursday with so little, if any, improvement. Saturday was so nice to feel normal again and have a normal day but I know that's not going to help me long term but I just can't stop crying.

 

[Andypandy]

@Dolphin5 can you contact your GP tomorrow and have a chat, please. Honestly, I felt exactly as you are and my saviour was my GP. I am a strong willed person, normaly, had breast cancer an coped very well. This, well this is just something else. You can do this but you must get help. Always here xx

 

[beralc]

Oh @Dolphin5 reading your post made me cry. I feel so sad for you. And whilst we’re not you I believe everyone of us here can relate to what you’re going through,if not exactly, then on some level.

I think the most important part of your recovery at present is your mental health and it may be a bit of a cliche, but I think things started to improve for me in both mind and body, when I reached a point when nothing seemed to work and when I felt pressure to be better than I was. I really couldn’t see my recovery going anywhere and that I’d be stuck like it forever. It did just suddenly change.

I don’t think we give ourselves enough care and time around this recovery process, cos it takes such a toll on the body, it’s traumatic and you had the added difficult start to contend with too. It’s difficult at this time to listen to advice, because you feel so desperate and I believe your situation is made more difficult because you haven’t got someone physically present to sound out to on a daily basis, so I think @Andypandy is right, see if you can get a GP appt and hopefully there’s something they can help you through this time. Sometimes just getting some attention and feeling heard is all the medicine we need.

I really hope you do have your party but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it right now. Sending you lots of hugs and letting you know you’re in my thoughts and I’m looking forward to the day things start to inevitably shift for you

 

[Layla]

Hi Dolphin,
I am sorry you're feeling so blue.
Hopefully you had a little time to collect yourself before your son made his way to your home today. I know you don't want to upset him. With any luck your heart feels lighter and you're enjoying his company.

I understand recovery can be tough, but every little bit of effort counts and I'm sure you've noticed some improvement over the past two months. So, let's focus on that. You're still in a challenging phase of this year long recovery and you do need to actively work on this. If not, it may slow your progress even more which will only add to your frustration. My concern is that the isolation you're dealing with may be a big part of your current mood. I agree that it may be a good time for you to speak with your Primary Care Physician for some advice, recommendations for counseling, or possibly even medication (temporarily) to help you through your healing journey emotionally. There is no shame in reaching out for help since you're struggling so.

I know this is difficult for you, but you really should keep up with some gentle exercising and daily movement. It will make a difference. We can be your support system, but we can't do the work for you. You have to want to help yourself. It seems as though your efforts aren't producing much results. If you agree, you might consider another follow up visit with your OS to make sure there are no underlying issues. He may be able to pinpoint if something is slowing your progress and offer some solutions.

Every time I thought about exercises I cried even more.

Does the thought of a ten to twelve minute walk outdoors make you feel this way? It may do you good to get outdoors and deep breathe, taking in fresh air, sunshine and the sounds of nature. It may help calm you.

Saturday when all I did was one ice pack early on made me feel normal again. First time in over 10 weeks. I'm not sure I can face exercises again.

Are you saying you felt your best on a day when all you did was ice once and did zero exercises?
Did you go outdoors for a walk on this day?

I can't do this. I can't do these exercises any more. So I'll be a cripple forever and not be able to drive.....

You can walk though, so how about increasing those daily walks from one, to two, short walks outdoors each day for now. See how you do, it may be enough and allow you to take a break from some of the exercises for a couple days. Please avoid the temptation to lay in bed during the day and think of things you're able to do around your home to remain upright and mobile.

My party is in 13 days time. I just can't see me being able to have it. No energy for organising the various bits and pieces.

Have you considered cancelling? You can always have it at a later date, once you've made more progress and you'll likely enjoy it more also that way. Or skip it this year altogether if the thought of the prep and all it involves feels overwhelming. I'm sure friends and family will understand.

Dolphin, I do understand you're going through a difficult time and I truly empathize. My suggestions may come across as tough love because I want to see you making progress which will make you feel better. Recovery isn't easy, but you're stronger than you think and I don't like seeing you stuck and allowing frustration to take over.
Please consider all carefully and try to create some fun memories with your son over the next few days that will bring a smile once he leaves for home.

Sending love and a hug.

 

[eaglemom]

I am so glad that you can verbalize your frustration to us. To me that is a very healthy sign, you know exactly why you are feeling blue. Recovery for each one of us is different, as each one of us is different. My concern is that your putting undo pressure on yourself to be "normal" for your party. I fear you've set your expiations far too high. You can have a party, you can have fun and you can dance - but you will have to take breaks. The good thing about taking a break is people (guests) will come & chat with you because you'll be seated resting.

It would be a good idea to reach out to your PCP tomorrow about how your feeling. Life sometimes is just plain difficult and there is nothing wrong with admitting that to your physician. Just tell them what you are feeling.

Finally, I'd bet you've made more progress than your giving yourself. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try changing you mindset to one that your improving, slowly, but improving. You've got this.

 

[Jamie]

@Dolphin, your situation is very concerning to me unless things now have improved somewhat. And I’m hoping you did see your son and things are better.

But if they are not, I’m going to follow on a bit with Layla’s “tough love” advice. Hon, of all times in the world this is the ONE TIME YOU NEED YOUR SON to help you. You are struggling and you don’t have to be the tough one. You can lean on those that love you. Imagine how your loving son would feel if he knew what you were going through and that you didn’t allow him to be there for you. Please let him know how bad you’re feeling and that you need help. Believe me, he will want to be there for you, tears and all. I fear you’re not giving him enough credit for being the strong man you raised.

I agree that a call to your GP is warranted. Hopefully you can do that Monday morning. But if I remember, your doctor is on the mainland and it will be quite the trip to go for an appointment. Again, though, you need to let your son know that you need to see this doctor and get some assistance to get there and back.

Please post and let us have an update on how you’re doing. We may be oceans away, but our hearts are right there with you and we care about you.

 

[BindyMag]

I feel your pain @Dolphin5. I had a RTKR on December 4th and my recovery has been up and down, one forward, two back. I only went to Physio thre times, I then stopped because the day after I could hardly use my leg at, and it wouldn't bend! I know a few people, in the UK, who have never been referred to physio, or had to wait so long it was too late to bother. They have progressed really well without to many problems. I don't live in the UK now, I had my op in Spain, and I went to a private physio. The only thing that helped was her massage, but the movements she forced for ROM were excessive and I firmly believe she set me back!
The most helpful things I've found are a TENs machine, for pain, and my static cycle has been great for ROM. I'm 4 months out now, I always get pain and swelling after any exercise and I expect that this will go on for sometime. TKR is one of the worst operations you can go through with one of the longest recovery periods! As for your surgeon, it might be worth talking to your local patient liaison service (PALS) and asking their advice.
Keep reading the posts on here and follow the Bonesmart philosophy. The site is reassuring and supportive!
I wish you all the best going forward.