Boss thinks surgery isn't necessary!

[naina]

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. Having worked with someone all those years and then being dismissed and violated in such a manor is contemptible. I understand some what of what you are going through as I have a similar situation. I work for a large non-profit, so I am covered under FMLA. Today I actually sent my paperwork in to the HR . Surgery 10/22. I have not yet told my bosses, as I know I will have the same exact reaction that you have had. They have had a history of showing no compassion nor empathy, so I don't expect any from them. What is so sad, is it has taken so much strength to make the decision, and then to be treated this way. I am so very sorry. It sounds as if your workplace, like mine is toxic. There comes a time when you must put yourself first, not just physical, but spiritual and emotionaly. Be kind to yourself and go through this sugery with a positive outlook and do not let this nasty person harm you. Sending you warm wishes.

 

[Butterfly]

naina What I've wondered about for some time, long before I finally retired from my workplace -- is what makes employers get like this? Clearly, treating employees like they are furniture or worse does not increase their productivity or their pride in their work or their loyalty to the company. Kind words and encouragement go a lot farther to accomplish those goals. Yet, many employers act this way, even toward long-established employees. It makes no sense at all. It gets them nowhere, except maybe to massage their feelings of power and perfection. But surely it is a LOT more trouble to train a new employee and get to the point where you know you can trust them, etc., than to just be a bit flexible with their personal issues and medical needs. In the case of my toxic environment, it was not just me that got treated that way, everyone got treated like **** to the point that everyone walked on eggshells. I just do not get it.

Why did I stay so long -- the money for one; I really needed a job and at my age it isn't the easiest thing to find another job. I also liked the people I worked with, other than the boss, and enjoyed mentoring younger folks in the job. I liked the connection with others outside the firm, etc., and liked being part of the fabric of life, so to speak. And I liked my work itself, in general. Also there was the lethargy of just not wanting to move on at my time of life. In retrospect, I should have moved on about ten years ago, but didn't. When I first started working there, some 15 or 16 years ago, it was a nice workplace, then slowly got more and more toxic and the boss got more and more difficult, insensitive and micromanaging. Oh well, it is behind me now.

 

[Jozilla]

Hi naina and butterfly! It is so disturbing to me that employers can function this way whether a small or large company. We have very few rights in the USA when it comes to our health. We can be fired for any reason. It is not just me at this company either. My bosses work thru intimidation and bullying as most of us are in our late 50's and our options are limited. I am happy I have made the decision to have surgery and hope it gets scheduled soon. I too wish I had not said anything and given them less notice until I had a firm date. I thought I would be helping the company out but I have put myself in a precarious position. I am however looking so forward to having surgery and having a life again and that outweighs this stress - although it will be a much "poorer" one financially. I thank you for your good thoughts


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[Jozilla]

Well I finally have a surgery date. I was hoping it would be sooner, but my custom Depuy Trumatch knee will not be made and delivered until the middle to end of November. I took the first available date my OS had which is Dec. 9th. I hated to even tell my curmudgeon boss but I did yesterday. As I have great healthcare which is not changing at all with the Affordable Care Act, I am trying to get at least my right knee done while working. (Left to follow after a few months.) I will be going on state disability when I have the surgery and, after my second tkr, am truly hoping I can find another position or get on social security disability due to the many health issues I have.

The toxic environment is not getting any better. My boss has mentioned he knows many people who were totally recovered after two weeks and asked my if I had seen some video (some smart reference as to when I should be able to return to work). I then asked him if he had watched the video on total knee replacements - that my leg would be sawed in two places, drilled and hammered back and I would not be returning until my OS cleared me which could take two to three months barring any complications as during my tkr my leg was also going to be straightened. Grrrrrr. He avoided me the rest of the day so it ended up a good day.

Well enough of him. I was just added to the December list of surgeries - yeah!!! I am so looking forward 2014 and a new life. Does anyone know if I should start a new thread in the pre-op area or continue with this one? I have been a lot of posts the past couple of months and am getting lots of Bonesmart advice. Thank you all!

 

[renatelynne]

I hate to wish bad on anyone but your boss should have to have something that will show him just how much this procedure takes. Most men I know would be laying in bed for weeks moaning and wanting to be pampered.

 

[Tykey]

My boss has mentioned he knows many people who were totally recovered after two weeks

Ask him to name a few, so you can ask them to tell you how to do it (because of course you want to do the same).

It's the same old "Auntie Mabel's Cousin's next door neighbour syndrome". It's really amazing how they know so many people

 

[Roy Gardiner]

:iagree:


Or even ask him to name just one, because he can't. He is either delusional, doesn't understand what's happening to you, or is lying.

Mad, stupid or deceitful. Cool alternatives, eh ?

 

[Jozilla]

Yes all those words describe him - mad, crazy, deceitful and delusional. And a couple others I can think of - selfish and self centered. Things are only important if they involve him or his family. I also told him sorry but I felt I was important and I was going to take care of me first. Anyway I am strong and am willing to fight for what I believe in. He is more upset as he cannot intimidate me right now!


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[leejaa]

It is good thing you have enough gumption not to be intimidated by your boss and are taking care of yourself. Great job- most bullies cannot handle someone standing up to them, especially when they do it with class and calmness. You are awesome.

 

[Jozilla]

Thank you. I think I am so strong right now because this tkr is extremely important to me and it has taken me awhile to decide to have surgery. I am not going to let anything get in my way now!


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[Butterfly]

Aaah -- power and intimidation, I remember them well. Such lovely traits in a boss. He is going to try to make you feel utterly worthless and stupid and will probably do it in front of the whole office. He'll probably ignore you as much as possible when he isn't berating or belittling you. Been there, done that -- I finally retired, because I had that option at my age. Not that I had any retirement benefits from the office. I'm surprised the person even offers health insurance. Mine didn't. Unfortunately, the way the laws are, small businesses an get away with absolute murder, and you have no real recourse, because most of the labor protection laws don't apply to them.

Remember who you are, and your value as a person, even if as a long term, loyal employee you are being treated like this. The way he is behaving says NOTHING about you, but it sure says a lot about him, both as an employer and a human being (if you can call him that). THough I do not wish ill on anyone, I believe Karma will catch up with him, hopefully sooner than later.

You're a courageous woman -- do not let this despicable excuse for a person break your spirit! You deserve to do this for yourself and you deserve to be free from pain and from bullies! Hope he sleeps well at night, treating others like this.

Hang in there.

Peace and love to you,

Milli

 

[Jozilla]

Hi milli - yes karma is a good friend of mine. I appreciate your good thoughts.

JoAnne


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[VancouverUSAgal]

my custom Depuy Trumatch knee will not be made and delivered until the middle to end of November.

I hope so. They told me that those get "backed up" this time of year and sometimes get delayed. That's what my surgeon wanted me to get also and hopefully I'll be getting those next Spring.

So sorry you're having such difficulties with your boss. I've been there but they finally did me the favor of laying me off last year. Maybe you'll be so lucky - I got severance pay and collected unemployment for a year. I'm sure they only offered severance because I'd been there 10 years and all the employees they layed off were older and longer term so they were probably afraid of lawsuits. Those lawsuits are difficult for employees to win but even having to fight them is expensive for the companies so they like to avoid them. Maybe you need to let it get around that discrimination against someone needing surgery could be the basis for a lawsuit. That might get him to back off, especially since he's been so public in his comments.

 

[Jozilla]

Hi Vancouver - I just went and read your thread to catch up with your story and the depuy trumatch. I will maintain a calmness in case it doesn't happen on schedule. I think you have the right idea waiting with all the insurance changes going on. That is a great decision.

Even tho i am not covered by Family Medical Leave Act at work I am covered by the Americans with disability Act - ADA. I did mention to curmudgeon boss that I was making a reasonable request to him regarding my tkr since I was unable to walk without assistance, which i considered a life function and I could not shop, cook or clean my house and that to me was the definition of a disability. It is also part of the definition on the ADA.gov website.

I am trying to be smart about all this. I cannot change his thinking but perhaps like you said he will ease up. In any event I am very cautious and just hoping to get the first tkr done.


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[referee54]

The toxic environment is not getting any better. My boss has mentioned he knows many people who were totally recovered after two weeks

I think your boss is living in a fantasy world. IF he knows these people, I would ask him to giveyou at least three names with phone #'s!

I then asked him if he had watched the video on total knee replacements - that my leg would be sawed in two places, drilled and hammered back

Show him these pics!
TKR surgery - WARNING: real life photos

Or, show him this video---I personally think that the guy is insensitive and ignorant; I am sorry that you have to deal with this!

 

[Jozilla]

Thanks! I can't watch or look at these photos yet but I will be more than happy to show him. Hahaha it will be a great topic for Monday.


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[referee54]

Don't worry---I always went by the "Ignorance is bliss" perspective before my BTKR---I really did not want to know, either---just wanted to be the "finished product"!

 

[scaredinCA]

Have you thought of having both your knees done at once?

 

[Jozilla]

Yes i did consider btkr. My surgeon will only do them three months apart and I love him. He is actually an OS that has had knee surgeries. If I do lose my job I would be able to get coverage under the affordable care act or thru my husbands employer.


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[Bionic woman2]

Well enough of him. I was just added to the December list of surgeries - yeah!!! I am so looking forward 2014 and a new life. Does anyone know if I should start a new thread in the pre-op area or continue with this one? I have been a lot of posts the past couple of months and am getting lots of Bonesmart advice. Thank you all!

I think you start a thread in the Pre-op area. You can reference this thread by adding the link in your signature. That way you can focus on your knee, ask questions and get input on your upcoming surgery/recovery. Oh, and we have comedy hour there. In the recovery area some of us do Stand-up. Seriously, I'm no expert on where to place your thread. I just really wanted to say, congratulations on your surgery date.

You have the right idea about dealing with your boss employer. There is no reason on this earth for you to allow his nasty demeanor change yours. It's so hard to deal with wicked ignorant people, but they do not have to know it is. Your needing TKRs has absolutely nothing to do with him... "Dude, this is SO not about you." He does not help you perform your daily routines in pain and he will not assist you during recovery. Your life, is your life.... don't let him see you sweat! Should you lose your job, you'll have your new knees and peace of mind... something money can't buy. If you stay, you'll have your new knees and the pleasure of knowing you stood up to a bully and did what was best for you.

People behave this way for many reasons, but the main reason is THEY THEMSELVES feel insecure, so they do everything in their power to flip the script and try to make other people feel insecure and indebted to them. It's even worse when that person is in a position of power. Some people really can't handle being in charge and take it to mean ownership of a person, rather than leadership. What a sad state of affairs it is, when people like this can call the shots. Unfortunately, that spirit is everywhere these days. I'm glad you started your thread and you're getting the support you need. We know what it feels like to lose a part of your life, to live in pain and deal with difficult people along the way. December will be here before you know it and no matter what, you're getting your new knees! You GO Girl! Yay You!