Well, just an update. I feel alot better just by re-reading this thread and the many others on this forum. I did find a counsellor, thinking that would help and met him once. I didn't feel he was the one so didn't continue. I know what I need is more answers to my questions and if it is not known, I am more accepting of this. By knowledge I am more in control of why I need to have this done. As previously written in many threads, waiting till I can't do anything will be worse as I would have lost what I have now, ie walking etc.
Have found new questions to ask my OS when I see him in Jan 2011, which will hopefully help.
The good news, is that I am going on hoilday to California - Palo Alto on Tuesday for 10 days so can't wait!! The snow is driving me crazy!! ;)
Jyoti