Revision TKR Sondrals’ Revision

[Jockette]

I’m so sorry you are so scared and upset.

At 5 weeks post op everything you just described is par for the course. You are NOT a failure, you are recovering from a very major surgery that is going to take approximately 52 weeks (one year) and you are now 5 weeks.

I used my cane for MONTHS.

I cried lots!!
https://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/post-op-blues-is-a-reality-be-prepared-for-it.7591/

I was also terrified of falling.

I felt like most people didn’t understand.

I also felt like a failure because I didn’t recover within the unrealistic timeframe I expected.

Try to calm down and don’t be so hard on yourself. We here at Bonesmart do understand and we are here for you.

 

[Didot]

It often feels like you’re never going to progress. I also battled and seemed behind so many others, wondering what I did wrong. Personally, I think you are currently in the middle of the worst part and should just get the other one done too, as you are so limited anyway. Thereafter you can work on both and move out of this terrible phase ... and not look back. I’m recovering from my second, after a disastrous first in January, and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Celle]

You are not behind. You're just having a more difficult time because you've had to go back to work so early. That means you're having to ask much more from your new knee than it is physically ready to do. Another result of that is your other knee is also having to do too much, and that's why it's hurting.

Complete recovery from a TKR takes a full year. It's not the sort of recovery you can bounce back from in just a few weeks.
It seems that none of you were prepared for that.

You don't need counselling - you need help.
It's time for your boy friend to show his worth and do more to help you. Your mother, too, if she's got over her little temper fit.
Show them this article, complete with the photos, and they may realise that you've been through a major, traumatic surgery.
TKR surgery - WARNING: real life photos

And don't feel you can't ask for help because your boy friend works 10 hours a day. I'm sure you'd gladly help him if he'd had this surgery. This article may help you to feel better about needing help:
Nurturing mother: how to let go and accept help

I have this weird shifting feeling when I put full weight on my surgery knee, is that at all normal? I guess I’m terrified something is wrong with my replacement. My knees have always dislocated and that was why I had surgery but is it just residual fear or something real? I feel so far behind on my walking. I can’t stand still for very long because I put all my weight on my right leg. Is there some way I can just force myself to use my new knee.

Your new knee is strong and it was able to bear your full weight from Day One post-op. Try to trust it and practice putting your full weight on it. Stand with your weight evenly distributed between both your legs. Practice this while using your walker, so you have support.

 

[luvcats]

It is completely normal to be an emotional mess this soon after surgery, and you have more going on than is really good for you. I had a near meltdown the other day because a bill paying website changed their format. I had to put it aside to deal with later. That is not normal for me.

I chose to do my surgeries close together to save on the insurance deductibles. It worked well for me, but I have great support and a more flexible job. I'm really glad I had it done.

 

[sondrals]

It's time for your boy friend to show his worth and do more to help you. Your mother, too, if she's got over her little temper fit.

My bf has been a huge help, it's more that "I" feel I shouldn't NEED help anymore. I just want to feel normal again I guess.

My mother has never returned, and will not as long as my bf and I live together. She apparently had other commitments, like a road trip with my brother, helping my aunt after her carpal tunnel surgery, and had surgery herself (minor, cyst removal) this morning. But regardless, she will not step foot into my house, so yeah.

 

[sondrals]

It is completely normal to be an emotional mess this soon after surgery, and you have more going on than is really good for you. I had a near meltdown the other day because a bill paying website changed their format. I had to put it aside to deal with later. That is not normal for me.

I chose to do my surgeries close together to save on the insurance deductibles. It worked well for me, but I have great support and a more flexible job. I'm really glad I had it done.

My bank just changed their bill pay site, but I guess at least they notified me before or I might of had a meltdown as well. I did realize I didn't hit submit back in August when I "paid my bills" right after surgery, thankfully I hadn't missed any due dates, but had a minor meltdown upon finding that out.

Yeah, it's one of several reasons I'm even considering it I guess, my deductible is $2,000.00 and my max out of pocket is $7500.00. I've paid it this year, so I'd really not be much more out of pocket if I did it. I'm just not sure I'm emotionally "ready", I feel like such a mess all the time. Also, my boss has been very generous, in that he paid me vacation time I didn't really have while I was out for surgery. Which resulted in my going back to work out of obligation pretty early, at 3 weeks. I'm not sure I'd feel right asking again, to do the same thing again, because I obviously STILL don't have vacation time to take. I don't want to be a moocher. I mean I already feel like a giant leach everywhere else in my life.

 

[sondrals]

I was also terrified of falling.

I felt like most people didn’t understand.

I also felt like a failure because I didn’t recover within the unrealistic timeframe I expected.

Try to calm down and don’t be so hard on yourself. We here at Bonesmart do understand and we are here for you.

I'm SO scared of falling, like ridiculously so. And it's like amplified 1000 times if I'm in public. I'd rather fall at home than in front of people.

I'm trying to get my emotions under control. I keep getting told to "buck up buttercup" pretty much. I'm so frustrated by my inability to walk normally. Even if it were slow, short steps, I'd be happier, but for some reason I just can't figure it out.

 

[sondrals]

Does anyone live in a climate that has ice/snow? Can someone make any recommendations for getting around safely?

It's supposed to snow next week, I'm a lot freaked out about it. I looked out the window this morning and almost panicked because it looked white out. Turns out, thankfully, it's just fog this morning.

I have Icebug shoes, but I have to change them and there's no place to sit down in the entrance to our building, so I may have to resort to bringing my wheeled walker with me just as a place to sit and change shoes. I'm having a difficult time standing on just one leg, especially my surgery leg.

I ordered some slip on grippy things for my shoes, but once again, I think I'll need to sit down to put them on/take them off.

I have a Hurrycane, but I can't seem to find a spiked tip for it, I've emailed them to see if it's "safe" on ice/snow, but I wonder if I would be better off getting a different cane with a single tip?

Any other suggestions?

 

[Carole4815]

I think you are remarkably brave and daring (and smart!) to be figuring out how to do these things without falling.

I am ZERO help because I live in New Orleans and we don't have ice or snow. I'm such a scaredy cat when it comes to falling! Honestly I would be too scared to try going out in it even if I hadn't had TKR surgery. So see? you are not the most ridiculously scared about falling, not one bit.

I am thinking of delaying my other TKR until March or April, so that I can wear short shorts every day that don't touch my incision. That's about as far as my planning goes concerning weather.

 

[sistersinhim]

I used a cane for at least 4 months while I was out of the house. I, too, was and still am, afraid of falling. My cane is still in my car, just in case I need it. I find crowds are terribly scary. When you use a cane, people seem to watch out for you more. I think you should use it as long as you feel you need it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with using a cane.

 

[sondrals]

@sistersinhim did you need need it for 4 months? I’m coming up on 6 weeks and still can’t walk without it, at all. I can’t figure out if I’m reluctant to put weight on it, if it’s weak, or what. Sometimes I feel this shifting sideways when I try to stand with all my weight on that leg. I have a blister on my hand from the cane. When I try to walk without it I do a weird hop step limp thing. It’s super discouraging to me that I can’t figure out how to walk normally

 

[sistersinhim]

did you need need it for 4 months?

Yes, I used it for at least that long. Having no kneecaps leave my knees much weaker than a normal person's are. I had used it for at least 20 years before my tkr, so walking now without it is a huge success story! I still carry it with me though, in case of a huge crowd or bad weather conditions. I don't want to fall and the cane helps to keep me from doing that.

 

[sondrals]

@sistersinhim Im wondering if having a subluxed kneecap my entire life had made my leg super weak. I just can’t get the hang of walking now. My leg is straight which makes it feel longer I guess. And I’m scared to put much weight on it. I keep working to try but it’s just not progressing which scares me.

 

[sistersinhim]

You are being way too impatient. This surgery isn't something that you can snap back from in a month or so. It takes months and months before you even start to feel halfway normal. Total healing takes a year or more. You can't force it to heal any faster that it's going to heal. But, you can slow it down by doing too much. This isn't a sport injury that you can work on. It's 2 bones that were cut off and had metal jammed down inside of them, soft tissue that was cut and pulled apart, a kneecap that was turned upside down and 6 layers of stitches to hold the soft tissues back together until they knit back.

Please stop worrying so much. Spend your time reading lots of threads. You'll find out that your recovery is not any worse or slower than average.

 

[Celle]

did you need need it for 4 months? I’m coming up on 6 weeks and still can’t walk without it, at all. I can’t figure out if I’m reluctant to put weight on it, if it’s weak, or what. Sometimes I feel this shifting sideways when I try to stand with all my weight on that leg. I have a blister on my hand from the cane. When I try to walk without it I do a weird hop step limp thing. It’s super discouraging to me that I can’t figure out how to walk normally

You still need the cane and that's perfectly normal for 6 weeks post op.
Some people are still using a walker at that stage and will still need it for months more. I was still using two crutches.

Until you can walk normally without the cane, keep using it. It's just a tool and there are no prizes for giving it up early.
Since you have a blister on your hand, that's an indication you're still putting too much weight on the cane. Your body isn't ready to stop using it yet.

Even though I no longer use a cane, I keep one in the car, for days when it's very wet or slippery underfoot. Canes are also useful for warning people to give you enough room, and for warding off rushing children and dogs.

You've had major surgery, not something you can bounce back from in just a few weeks. Complete recovery is going to take a full year and you can't speed that up, no matter how much you wish you could. It's a real trial of patience, but you can do it.
Where are you in recovery?? (TKR)

 

[luvcats]

I am having to completely learn to walk again to learn how to not limp. I have some partial step exercises I do to break down the mechanics to help me learn. It's going to be a long road.

Is there really still a lot of pain when you step and put weight on your new knee, or is it learned fear? I'm still dealing with learned fear every time I have to stand up out of a chair. I guess it does still hurt, but nothing like it used to.

 

[sondrals]

@luvcats I don't think it's pain but I'm beginning to think I may have something wrong with my pain receptors where I don't actually feel pain, if that's even possible.

It feels a little bit like it's going to collapse if I attempt to stand on one foot with the other in the air. When I walk I limp badly, I rush off of it, so it's probably some fear and some weakness. I was trying to isolate what is bothering me so much, I think I'm stepping ok, it's the pushing off it that seems to be more weak and is giving me trouble. It's really hard to explain, which makes it more frustrating because I can't even isolate what is wrong.

 

[sondrals]

@Celle I think patience and me are not cohabitating together right now. I almost checked myself into the hospital last night, mentally I am having a hard time dealing with this. I didn't expect it to be so depressing. I feel like I made a huge mistake most the time and maybe I would have been better off without surgery

 

[Carole4815]

@sondrals , last Tuesday it had been 7 weeks since my surgery. I am still using a walker, although I just switched to a rollator walker this week. I haven't even figured out how to use my cane properly! I am trying to learn but if I don't hurry I may end up skipping over the cane stage.

Here's why - - this morning, once again, I noticed that I am accidentally walking with no walker every time I need to go only 10-15 feet or so, because it seems natural to me, doesn't hurt, I feel solid and stable, and so on. Honestly I *could* ditch my rollator completely today, I suppose, but right now I am still afraid of falling or getting too tired after 40-50 feet or so. When the time is right, I'll know it.

And like Celle says, there are no prizes for ditching these devices that assist us. In time we will be walking unassisted, and then it won't matter to us how long it took. No need to rush.

I think that feeling as though your knee will collapse, is going to suddenly get a lot better as your knee gets stronger. That's what happened with my right knee, anyway. For nearly forever I couldn't put my weight on it for long enough to step over the three inch threshold and into the shower with my left foot, and then one day, boom! It happened and it has been pretty easy ever since.

 

[Celle]

When I walk I limp badly, I rush off of it, so it's probably some fear and some weakness. I was trying to isolate what is bothering me so much, I think I'm stepping ok, it's the pushing off it that seems to be more weak and is giving me trouble. It's really hard to explain, which makes it more frustrating because I can't even isolate what is wrong.

Are you still going to PT at all? I know we often say that PT is no longer necessary when you're back at work, but walking properly and using a good gait is something that PT therapists should be helping you with, rather than obsessing about ROM numbers.

Your leg is going to feel stronger as you recover, but learning to trust it also takes time.

@Celle I think patience and me are not cohabitating together right now. I almost checked myself into the hospital last night, mentally I am having a hard time dealing with this. I didn't expect it to be so depressing. I feel like I made a huge mistake most the time and maybe I would have been better off without surgery

You're not alone in this. We understand. It is depressing when you think about how long this is going to take, but try to think of the benefits you'll enjoy once this long, dark stretch is over. You're still in the worst stage of recovery. Soon, things will start to get easier. You won't always feel as bad as you do now.

By the way, almost everyone regrets having the surgery when they are at the same number of recovery weeks as you are. Almost all of them have changed their minds and appreciate their new knee by the time recovery is over.

We get do many people here on BoneSmart who go into surgery without knowing that recovery is going to take lots of time. Like you, they get anxious and depressed when they discover that recovery is going to take far longer than they expected. It does take patience - lots and lots of it - and you'll have to dig deep to find it. I know you can do that, but worrying about trying to keep up with the recovery schedule you imagined you'd reach won't help.

Your body and your knee know what they're doing. They're going to recover at their own pace, so try to go along with their schedule.

Have you talked to you own doctor about feeling so depressed? A short course of anti-depressants may help you to get through this difficult, but fortunately temporary, phase.
There is light at the end of this tunnel - and it isn't a train.