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TKR Recovering at home

It is definitely way too early for you to travel 3 hours away and be away from home! You will have a lot of additional pain if you go, and additional energy drain and be just plain miserable the whole time.

This is not the time to please others, this is the time you have to take care of your surgically traumatized knee and make sure it has the best conditions so it can heal.

Shame on anyone who doesn’t understand that.
 
I’m sorry your boyfriend’s mother is pushing you to travel. You won’t be but two weeks out from surgery on Christmas. I don’t how far away she lives, but I do know that even short stays away from home can be disastrous. I’m seven months out from my surgery and I find sleeping in strange beds, on strange pillows, and without all my little props (the small pillow for between my legs while side sleeping, the larger pillow for same, my ottoman for sitting on the sofa and icing, the ice packs as needed) left me with sometimes sore knees. And my knees are usually pain-free at this point.

Follow your instincts and what your knee is telling you.

Travel in a car aside, you need your nest(s), and your comfy stuff. You will be on pain-killers and will want to take LOTS of naps. Lots. You won’t be able to help (should anyone think that possible) and you won’t particularly want to socialize (trust me). At best you will look cute propped on a couch for an hour or so and then will want to vanish to a bedroom for the rest of the day, only to reemerge (still cute) for dinner.

Unless you feel desperately driven to make the trip, don’t bother. Stay home. Be safe and comfy and under less stress, all of which are better for your healing than a stress-filled visit. You will also be doing the mother a favor. You have a lot of needs she would have to accommodate: ice, rest, mobility, bathroom (how will you shower there? And if the toilet is low...), and medication schedule. Your boyfriend and his mother can enjoy their time together, and you can enjoy the peace and quiet. There’s always FaceTime or something like that if you want to share gift-opening. Just a thought. Hope you work it out!

:reindeerlights:
 
Thank you all for saying what I need to say them. I am a pleaser, it's Christmas and I really thought a 3 hour trip would be doable if we stopped and let me get and walk, etc. occasionally. You all helped me realized that some people are causing me added stress that I need to stop. I personally would never put someone's health or recovery at risk to satisfy my need. I'm sure she is afraid he will stay home if I don't go but he told me he is going whether I go or not. I just want to heal quietly and comfortably as possible without being in the middle of a household of people partying and also having to dodge 2 large dogs that jump up on you. Thank God for the love and support from my family and friends.
 
Good decision! I can’t imagine traveling 3 hours 2 weeks post op. At this point your physical well being is most important. It was had for me to be around a lot people early in recovery. A few minutes of visiting was nice, but then I just wanted to be alone to close my eyes.
 
Herewego77, my family had a surprise birthday party for my mother-in-law 17 days after my surgery 7 hours away. Before my surgery, I asked my dr. if I could go. His response was "I'm not going to tell you no but you will be really sorry if you do." So I went. He was certainly right. Oh, my, was he right! The pain and swelling was horrendous afterwards and probably set my recovery back two months. It was impossible not to overdo and really hard to ice, rest, elevate and do all the things I should have while I was away. I would tell your boyfriend and his mother that the dr. said you cannot travel this early. Your dr. may even tell you that himself. There will be other Christmases.
 
If your boyfriend's mother is this controlling now, think of what she'd be if you married him! She's not thinking about you at all, just herself. You have certainly made the right decision to stay home. What you need most of all right now is peace and quiet!

I recovery alone and I believe I had it so much better than a lot of you! No stress, just taking care of my own needs!
 
Herewego77 said:
That my having a TKR last week is causing such tension between me, my boyfriend, and his mother. They live 3 hours away and she can't understand my hesitancy to travel this Saturday and return home next Monday evening. I keep telling him to go without me, my family is nearby if I need them and I would prefer being comfortable and close to home right now. His mother thinks I should come there for Christmas and do Christmas with my family later. Boyfriend says he feels stuck in the middle because he wants to travel too...ugghh!!!
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Herewego77 said:
Thank you all for saying what I need to say them. I am a pleaser, it's Christmas and I really thought a 3 hour trip would be doable if we stopped and let me get and walk, etc. occasionally. You all helped me realized that some people are causing me added stress that I need to stop. I personally would never put someone's health or recovery at risk to satisfy my need. I'm sure she is afraid he will stay home if I don't go but he told me he is going whether I go or not. I just want to heal quietly and comfortably as possible without being in the middle of a household of people partying and also having to dodge 2 large dogs that jump up on you.
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You poor thing! You're being pulled both ways.

This is the time to speak up for yourself and what you need, not to be a pleaser and try to fit in with other people's plans.

Your knee needs you to stay home and continue to rest, elevate and ice it. Listen to your knee. Do what both you and your knee need, to be comfortable and in less pain. Travelling so early in recovery is bad for both of you.
If necessary, tell your boyfriend's mother that you have been advised not to travel so early in recovery. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't understand what a serious operation you have had.

I'm glad your boyfriend is going to go spend Christmas with his mother. You can ask your family to spend some time with you, but basically, this should be a quiet Christmas for you.

This is a good opportunity to set the ground rules with your boyfriend's mother and let her know, by looking after your own needs, that you will not be at her beck and call. If you don't, she could become a nightmare future mother-in-law.
You and your boyfriend will need to find a way of giving equal time to each of your families, but not this year. This year, it's your time to have your needs met.
 
A lot of people have heard of people with relatively minor knee surgeries and don't understand that TKR is *major* surgery. I'm glad you will take care of yourself this holiday and not be pressured by expectations of people who don't get it.
 
Thank you. I am back at my place and settled in and feeling much better. Boyfriend told his mother to 'back off and where I spent Christmas is my decision to make. I finally realized it doesn't matter if others understand the seriousness of this surgery or not...I do and it's up to me to put me first. I will see my kids and grandkids when they visit on Saturday and my parents on Christmas Day and no more stressing about a 3 hour trip by car.
 
@herewego (I still can't figure out how to tag someone), applause to you and your boyfriend for doing what is best for you this year. BTW, my husband and I had two pre-marital agreements. One was that we would never live in the same states as our parents. The other was that he would always take out the trash. We managed the first one and it really cut down on interference. The second - well, mostly...

I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing Christmas and know that by this time next year, you won't believe how good you feel. Take care.
:merry christmas:
 
Thanks for the smile...yes mommy dearest is a bit of a controller but I'm very independent. I feel a little better every day and am so thankful for the encouragement and support I have found here. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
 
Does anyone else feel that their incision site feels warm, almost hot to the touch at times? I am 2 weeks out from a TKR and moving around with the help of my walker or cane, and without either one if I'm at home. I live in a one bedroom with no stairs. I've noticed an itching sensation which I was told is part of the healing process. I have not had much PT...my decision because I felt like some of the exercises were too soon. I have a post op on Jan 2nd where the waterproof covering on the incision will be removed. I feel the area is still very tender and if the doctor comes at me too aggressively I will probably deck him...seriously.
 
@Herewego77
You'll notice that I have merged your newest thread with your original recovery thread. For several reasons, we prefer that you only have one recovery thread:
  • That way, we have all your information in one place. This makes it easier to go back and review your history before providing advice.
  • If you keep starting new threads, you miss the posts and advice others have left for you in the old threads, and some information may be unnecessarily repeated
  • Having only one thread will act as a diary of your progress that you can look back on.
So please post any updates, questions or concerns about your recovery here. If you prefer a different thread title, just post what you want and we'll get it changed for you.
If you need an urgent response to a question, just tag a member of staff.
How to tag another member; how to answer when someone tags you

Here are the instructions on finding your thread, How can I find my threads and posts? . Many members bookmark their thread, so they can find it when they log on.
 
Herewego77 said:
Does anyone else feel that their incision site feels warm, almost hot to the touch at times?
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That's very common. Your knee will feel warmer than the other knee for as long as a year. It's a sign that healing is still going on beneath the surface.
You will probably notice that your knee feels warmer after exercise or some other activity, but it should cool down again, with rest, ice and elevation.

You only need to worry if your knee feels hot all the time (hotter than usual) and becomes more swollen, red and painful.

Herewego77 said:
I've noticed an itching sensation which I was told is part of the healing process.
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That's correct.

Herewego77 said:
I have not had much PT...my decision because I felt like some of the exercises were too soon.
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Good decision!
It's not exercising that gets you your ROM - it's time. Time to recover, time for swelling and pain to settle, and time to heal. Your ROM is there right from the start, just waiting for all that to happen, so it can show itself.

Herewego77 said:
I have a post op on Jan 2nd where the waterproof covering on the incision will be removed. I feel the area is still very tender and if the doctor comes at me too aggressively I will probably deck him...seriously.
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Make sure he knows not to do anything that will hurt you - but try not to deck him. :heehee:
 
Postop appt went fine...said to keep doing what i've been doing which is getting back to my normal routine. TKR was 4 wks ago this thursday, using a cane the last week and a half, driving, icing and elevating and do heel slides but not any physical therapy yet. I had one session and felt that it was too aggressive so I haven't done anymore. I was on Tramadol but had to come off because of the nausea. How long does the lack of energy last? Im sleeping fine but still find myself worn out by 3 in the afternoon. I know patience is a very important thing right now and i'm thankful im doing as well as I am.
 
Yep, that energy drain is a real thing. It really surprised me after surgery, even though I'd read about it. It's not unusual for TKR patients to need a few naps a day for a couple months. You're really exceptional in that you can sleep well through the night! People who have trouble sleeping at night need more naps. But everyone is subject to the energy drain, as explained in the articles.

My energy drain went away around the three month mark. I had bilateral knees, so maybe that pushed out my timeline a bit. But once I got back my usual zip, it stuck around. :SUNsmile:
 
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