Linderbelle, how frustrating for you. I think that the wrapping---I only had a wrap around my knee it self. It was about 20 inches long. I did find the wrapping quite effective and when I took it off, the swelling did not return.
So, two things, perhaps your doc needs to talk to the lymphadema specialist. There is no reason that she cannot wrap you in the hospital and maintain that wrapping for two or three weeks to mitigate the risk of infection. You will not be up and about that much during those first three weeks or so and so the wrapping will not bother you that much.
I think your doc will be comfortable talking to the lymphadema specialist. Also, talk with her yourself. How often does she see you wearing the wrapping? Does she think the effect will be temporary or permanent? what does she see as your role in the procedure and how long will it take for there to be permanent change?
You just need more info right now. As far as massaging the groin area--that is something you can do yourself four or five times a day---back to asking your therapist how you can help this process so that she can teach you how to do it.
However, I would be very reluctant to work with a doc who is "afraid" of your lymphadema and whose nurse is unprofessional enough to say that to you. You need a knee specialist who has seen lymphadema before and who understands that it is a treatable position. Also, he is so worried about infection--I wonder if he has had patients with infections in the past? Have you asked him what his infection rate is?
My doc, who is a knee specialist has an infection rate of less than .01%. You might have to go farther afield to get a better doc with more experience. Maybe an hour away? Remember that you will only see the surgeon once a year after the surgery and its immediate four or five visits, so it does not have to be a doc in your small town. I don't know where you live, but Jamie can help you find a knee specialist if you need one.
Jamie
Remember, you are early in the process of finding a doc--but you do not have to "settle" for whomever is living in your town especially when he does not have enough respect to talk to you personally and also especially when his staff is so unprofessional. I would move on from him right away. There are tons of great doctors in this country, you do not have to agree to sub standard care. Kelly