THR Other side for Tamra!'

[tamra]

No one comes to visit me. Did anyone else find out who your real friends were when you were healing? I have three friends that stopped and visited me last weekend and one of those ladies brought me something I needed from the store a few days ago. The person I thought was my best friend lives 20 miles away, has time and vehicle to visit and yet the only time I heard from her was when I texted her this week asking about HER problems. The others I can understand. But this seems like she probably isn't my best friend. Need to re-evaluate I think. At least my sister and her granddaughter are coming to visit this afternoon. And I am finally able to read some again. I was getting so tired of TV and movies!

 

[Jaycey]

Did anyone else find out who your real friends were when you were healing?

Yes, and like you I was surprised and disappointed. One thing you need to remember - many people are afraid of anything medical. There are people who can't even find the courage to visit someone in hospital. Then there are those who worry that they might see something like an incision or blood when they visit you. Finally there are those who think hip replacement is something like having your toe nails clipped. They assume you are up and around and back to normal - especially if you are like me and get up and dressed everyday.

You have friends here @tamra ! We all understand and many of our members find this is the only place they can be themselves through this journey. Keep posting - it does help!

Enjoy your visit with your sister and granddaughter. And well done on the reading. That's a major milestone for some.

 

[Postalgal]

@tamra We have been discussing this as well. NONE of my kids have been here, really? They all work, one is in Michigan, you know what, I don't care! lol They should take off time and visit right? Daughter is 70 miles away, doing a divorce, soooooo....youngest is 20 minutes away, and off Friday-sunday, 10 hour days, so he is hunting.
I have explained it this way, I am there for them for everything, did I spoil too much? When it comes time for me to be sick or injured, where are they? In other words, this is grim...Don't tell me how much you love me at my funeral, tell me now and see me. I haven't been happy with my kids, and my 40 cousins. Amazing huh?
No one comes, no coworkers, so I live in the boonies, again soooo? I get texts some calls, but nothing like seeing a face. I dread when Monday comes. And yes we have our friends on here.

 

[tamra]

Postalgal, My daughter is busy and hunts too! She took a big doe down yesterday with bow. She is supposed to come see me Monday. Looking forward to it.

Sorry you get that too. I understand people are busy but I have put myself out for many of the ones I am surprised at not visiting. Especially the one I thought was off. That friendship is only benefiting her and is probably done since I am done.

I am inviting people now to visit. Get more response than Facebook general request. Although only a couple have accepted.

It's sad because I try to do so much for others and now I feel they just using me. Oh well .. got a few good friends to count on and new ones here!

 

[Josephine]

Did anyone else find out who your real friends were when you were healing?

Yes, like zero! Second knee I only had my next door neighbour who was wonderful but no-one else. Fact of life sadly.

If I need more Norco I will take the second one. Maybe when I do start pt.

A word of warning - never take pain meds just before PT. Pain has a function which is to tell us when what we are doing is getting towards being harmful. If you block that response, you put yourself at risk.

 

[tamra]

A word of warning - never take pain meds just before PT. Pain has a function which is to tell us when what we are doing is getting towards being harmful. If you block that response, you put yourself at risk.

I meant if pain gets worse after i actually start using and exercising leg more but that fact is good to know and i will remember that! Thank you!

 

[jaymo]

I had a similar issue with friends, there were a whole set of them who said they would come visit and that never happened. However my best friend who lives 35 miles away and works full time found the time to visit after my surgery several times. One other casual friend also came by to visit and I never expected her to- what a nice surprise. And through it all my daughter has been here every 2-3 days to visit, drive me to appointments and bring me groceries. She has been so sweet and supportive. But she and I have always been extremely close. I count myself very fortunate to have this supportive group. As for the others who never called texted or visited, I was sad they didn't come by but these kinds of events have a way of showing you who is going to be there for you and who is not. I vowed not to let to get to me during my loneliest times and focus on the few friends that I could count on.

The good news is your fellow bones smarties are here! If you have a question (however trivial) or just need an ear, reach out to us. I have found that this community helps in ways that even my friends can't. Back in my first few weeks postop I was on this forum reading stories and articles nonstop. If I has a new ache or pain, I came here to see if anyone else had experienced the same thing. And I still do! Only those who have been through this surgery can fully understand what you are going through!


Sent from my iPad using BoneSmart Forum

 

[Miss Muffet]

Well,I'll just add my twopence worth. Jaycey is right, there is an all too common belief that you just pop into hospital, get fixed up and come home all sorted out. Truth is you've had something done and now you've come home to heal, and that takes time. But also there are many who are really phobic about hospitals, or visiting people who have had surgery. We get bored and restless and need at least a bit of a diversion from what has engulfed and preoccupied us for so long. It is a process which we have to go through and any help is welcomed. But what I will add is that, when it comes to understanding and compassion, I found my true friends here. Purely because they could empathise. I'm sorry I can't visit you in person - I'm sure we all would and then have a Bonesmartie-fest! I found that when I was sleepless or restless there was always someone else awake somewhere in the world who I could chat to on BS. So keep tapping on here because that's what gets us through.

 

[tamra]

. So sorry so many of you found the same thing happening. I think it is harder for those of us that actually go out of our way to visit/help others who end up in the same situation. The only one that really surprised me though was the so-called best friend. I suppose it shouldn't have since I have known for a long time that she is very self-centered but there truly isn't much left for me in that relationship so not really a great loss. I think i can find a better bff Not too hard since I was always the one that visited her.

And I am extremely thankful for my new knowledgeable friends here! I appreciated all the help and advice and find new things to appreciate every time I read anything!

 

[Josephine]

And we're pleased you've found this site helpful!Music to our ears!

However, I need to ask you not to start your post with a string of tags.
You can read why here Use of multiple tags or alerts in posts

 

[tamra]

So .. really first extended visit with anyone yesterday. My sister and her grand-daughter (eight years old and hyper lol) came early afternoon and stayed quite a while. Sis and I talked while my great-niece tormented my son (she has always called him her 'toy' lol) for a while. Then I got up and we moved to the kitchen so I could teach my sister how to make a deep dish tater tot pizza (delish to me since I can't eat regular pizza crust due to gluten sensitivity). That took about an hour off and on while we all played Uno at my kitchen table. After four games I finally HAD to get back to my recliner and ice and get my leg up. But over all, being up and moving a little for a couple of hours was NICE. It did let me know how much healing I have left to do though! Was in pain by the time I got myself back to my nest. The rest of the evening my sister and I watched the new Tarzan movie and I was served the TT pizza and coffee on request lol. Nice evening in all. Sure needed it.

Went to bed about 10 and actually stayed there till after 7 this morning which is a record. Usually 6 hours in my bed and ready to get back up. Woke up ever 2 or 3 hours but it was restful enough.

Hope all my fellow bonesmarties had a good Saturday evening! Not feeling too bad this morning so to me .. there is hope!

 

[Jaycey]

Sounds like you have turned the corner @tamra . Getting back to real sleeping is a great milestone. Long may it continue!

 

[SwimGirl]

@tamra My heart goes out to you. We are in this together but you are really having a time. Glad
Josephine answered some questions. I have to share with you that before my right hip was done I put most of my weight on my left hip. Lost muscle strength on right quads big time. That is why I was on the walker for 3 weeks. After working with PT to build those quads I am happy to say that it came back pretty quickly Now have strength and mobility on right side. Once you get the swelling down and do some PT exercises when it is time, you will be amazed at your progress. That physical therapist who said she hasn't seen this must be new. Sorry! Now you know you are not alone.

 

[tamra]

What amazing weather in northern Indiana to recover by. 2 weeks post op. Enjoying my deck.

 

[SwimGirl]

@tamra wow! That IS beautiful! Just went outside here to go to OS appointment. I need to sit on my back porch more often. It has been nice outside. So different from summer weather. Of course then I only went outside to swim! Read about what you said about friends not stopping by. By now my house looks like the hurricane actually DID hit. Haven't had energy to clean but know that the mess will still be there. So, not concerned about friends coming by. They call and check in. That is alright by me. Is that too sad? When I get the house cleaned up for the holidays then I will be happy for company!

 

[gertie]

@SwimGirl I said something to the PT this morning about needing to tidy up the house and feeling embarrassed when people came by and she reminded me that my job is to heal, not entertain. Hm...still feel weird when folks see the messy living room.

@tamra What a gorgeous deck! Looks like a healing place to sit.

 

[tamra]

Hope all my hippie friends are doing well! Last week my appt with my OS went well. Discussed the right quad not working (at the knee end) with him and he did a lot of poking, prodding and hammering and thinks everything is well connected (thank goodness) and that where the nerves branch out into my knee were just traumatized by the pressure that was put on them when they had trouble getting my ball joint out of the socket (ball was oversize apparently, bone on bone so it didn't show on CTs and x-rays). I am getting signs of life returning to the numb areas around my knee and inner thigh although I still have the band right around my knee that is really numb still. Doc gave me Neurotin for nerve pain that I take just before I go to bed at night (knee was bothering me a lot and keeping me awake due to really weird feeling and pressure felt in it at night) which did wonders! No pain pills needed at night now. I do have to take the Neurotin and give myself at least 8 hours before getting up and moving around much because it makes me groggy but it was nice to be able to cut down on the pain pills at night.

So .. starting PT today after my four hour shift at work is over (working 8-12 weekdays now). Their main job is to get that muscle working because it is one of the muscles that keeps your knee from collapsing when you walk. Doc thinks it may take electro-stimulation. Since it does not work for me right now ... I have to keep using the walker which I am quickly beginning to hate! Still have some problems putting full weight on that leg too though so I guess I need the walker. It does keep me from falling if that knee collapses on me (only happened once so far but really careful about how I plant that foot on the ground).

Work is going better than I could have hoped. Wish I could work four hours everyday though instead of the normal eight cause the day flies by! Nice to be getting a little independence back! Pain is worse later in the day mostly because I, of course, am pushing my limits but down to two tylenol in morning and just before bed and maybe 2 or 3 (depends on how much I pushed) 5mg Norco a day. So I think I am doing well there.

Now .. if we can just kickstart that quad at my knee!

 

[SwimGirl]

@tamra Hello again! Enjoyed reading your update. Sounds like your Dr. is on top of things. This is good.
We all have a different recovery. My left hip is totally different than my right. Using cane now for stabilization but don't totally trust left leg. Feels kind of rubbery in muscles at hip. Saw PT who gave me real simple exercises
To strengthen those muscles. I see OS on Dec 5th and have lots of questions. They see everything so my case won't be new. Just want answers like you. Sorry you are back to walker. Better to be safe. No collapsing! One time is too many! Take care!

 

[Tweetybrd]

@tamra I totally missed your update! Glad to hear you are doing better and that you have seen the doctor and will be starting PT and working on that silly muscle. Keep up the healing!