Need help planning two THRs at 29

[Layla]

@hipster333 Please don't have any regrets for not having surgery sooner.
Everything happens for a reason, you weren't ready.
Your kids still had their mom and that's all that matters.
The new memories you create with them will shine brighter than any loss they felt by comparison.

@ketchup
I have faith that you will choose the route best for you and your family.
Prayers for insight and wisdom as you move forward!

 

[Mascaramom]

@ketchup I apologize for not popping back in last night. My 5 year old and I fell asleep together not long after dinner. I had definitely overdone it the day before, and my body let me know..
I'm 44 with an 11 year old and 5 year old sidekicks.

Although my hubs is now retired active duty, His civilian job is equally as demanding, And he is away from home a lot. I am more familiar than I want to be with the VA and its services. That being said, I went with my husband's civilian insurance rather than anything having to do with the VA or tricare.
I'm so sorry they're making you jump through so many hoops.
@hipster333 is correct in saying....

the biggest thing in recovery is not to push yourself too hard

I feel like the minute I start to feel able, I'm trying to catch up with all of the things that I've missed, and then I OVER DO it...

You WILL NEED HELP! But even more important, you will have to allow yourself to accept that help. This is a hurdle that I fight on a regular basis but even more so since learning I needed surgery.

Do you live on base???

 

[ketchup]

@Mascaramom - no worries about not coming back last night, I totally get it! I wish I didn't know as much about TriCare as I do, but I'm used to the hoops at this point. I really am concerned with the overdoing it thing, because I find it difficult to police myself post-op if the meds help me feel pain free (or at least that is how I was after both of my csections) .. let alone if my husband is gone and I've got a toddler and infant to care for.

Accepting help. I'm literally a professional at not doing that. When my husband was deployed last year for 5 months, I was pregnant and dealing with undiagnosed osteoarthritis and AVN in my hips (literally found out the day before my scheduled MRI that I was pregnant, and all bets were off at that point in terms of getting to the bottom of my hip pain). Couldn't accept help. It's definitely a personal obstacle of mine, and I'm going to have to work on it.

We (very purposefully) do not live on base. I'm not much of a mil spouse in terms of socializing with the other wives, but I do have a few friends I've made over the years. I know I could most likely count on them for help, but what I am really hoping for is my husband qualifying for a humanitarian deferment of assignment, so that he doesn't have to deploy in July. With needing both hips done, and surgery on the first looking like it will be the first or second week of April, I have no idea whether or not I'll be medically considered to need help still. If we have the documentation, they will likely approve the request, but with 6-7wks between surgeries, that brings me to 6wks post-op on my second hip the first week of July (so right before they'd be leaving). That's why my question is how long--on average--will a surgeon consider a hip replacement patient with high physical demands at home to need help. I'm really hoping it is more than 6wks, because I'm terrified that they'll spout out an average, and I'll be forced to live up to it whether I'm ready or not.

 

[MammaT]

My doc has me written off unable to work for 12 weeks with one hip. Since you are dealing with docs who are used to tricker, I would talk to them about concerns. I would think how they phrase things will be key.

 

[Celle]

Accepting help. I'm literally a professional at not doing that. When my husband was deployed last year for 5 months, I was pregnant and dealing with undiagnosed osteoarthritis and AVN in my hips (literally found out the day before my scheduled MRI that I was pregnant, and all bets were off at that point in terms of getting to the bottom of my hip pain). Couldn't accept help. It's definitely a personal obstacle of mine, and I'm going to have to work on it.

This article may help you to learn to accept help:
Nurturing mother: how to let go and accept help

 

[Mascaramom]

Hey @ketchup
We need never did base housing either.. it's "not my bag" as hubs would say. Mostly for the same reasons you describe lol
I'm not sure how to link it here, maybe someone can help me, but there is an article showing expected progress after surgery. Maybe @Layla or one of the crew can help.

I too am a professional "I don't need your help!!!" performer, THIS was eye opening. This has in some ways been more difficult then recovering after my 2C sections. My husband was deployed many times in between my pregnancies but somehow he was home for both deliveries.

 

[ketchup]

Hey @ketchup
This has in some ways been more difficult then recovering after my 2C sections. My husband was deployed many times in between my pregnancies but somehow he was home for both deliveries.

Ugh. This is what I was concerned about. I was actually googling csection recovery vs. THR recovery yesterday, just to get an idea of what other women who have had both think in terms of pain/recovery. Can you elaborate more on your experience? How has this been more difficult than csection recovery, and in what ways would you say it has been easier (if at all)?

I'm glad your H was able to be home for both deliveries. Mine was deployed for pretty much my entire second pregnancy, and he sure as hell cut it close this time, but he made it. I have no idea how I would have cared for my toddler and my newborn in those first few weeks without his help.

 

[Mascaramom]

Ok. I just read back in your thread and see that Leyla already posted the thread I was referring to in regards to progression of recovery.
As far as comparing it to a C-section, I do think the body floods us with hormones after pregnancy that makes us capable of moving mountains, and leaping tall buildings for our babies.... Those hormones aren't flooding after THR. And although my desire to be supermom is just as strong, it just aint happening.

Also... with Csection, I was able to sleep when the baby slept after we came home from the hospital. These kids aren't sleeping 20 hours a day after my hip replacement lol

I continue to be surprised at how many muscles I hadn't been using before surgery to compensate for the pain, and how sore my entire body is from head to toe now that it is learning to re engage those muscles.

Secretly, I'm kind of grateful that I have a 2 story home because being forced to stay up and away from the chaos has been a blessing in disguise I think. The few times I have come downstairs to join in family festivities Like my 11 year old's birthday, Or a family dinner even if I'm not eating it lol has been difficult to recover from the next day. I hate to admit it but it's true. My "suck it up, soldier" mentality is being tested for sure...

 

[ketchup]

Thanks for the perspective, @Mascaramom. I've got everything crossed for your recovery--including your littles taking it easy on you--and will be following your journey closely. What you say re: csection vs. THR recovery, more specifically the sleep thing, makes total sense.

On that note, what I wouldn't give for 20hr/day sleepers again! Love my kids, love this crazy ride, but they are some seriously one-way street humans that require the kind of energy that would make someone a billionaire if they could bottle it up for sale. lol

 

[Toddlermom]

@ketchup. Hey lady! My recovery 2 years ago involved a 2 & 4 year old. I was able to manage solo in short bursts ( 2-5:30 pm) at 3 weeks. Full-time solo 24/7......I handled a 5 day stint breakfast to bedtime....at 6-8 weeks? But I needed a full weekend of rest to recover.
However, I wasn't lifting kids, and I was an ancient parent 42 old! So you are likely more spunky than Me.

Eight months after THR, my husband traveled extensively for 9 months. Everything was fine by then.

I postponed #2 until this year because the stability of the first one improved everything for a while. It was very difficult to explain to the 2 year old why I couldn't lift her or play on the floor for a while. By the time I was starting to recover, I wasn't ready to start over with my recovery milestones. And recovery wore me out!

However, 6 weeks would have been the right window, I think.

 

[Layla]

Hi @ketchup
I just noticed your scheduled date of April 2nd.
Wishing you well as you plan for surgery over the next month.
Hope your week is going great!

 

[ketchup]

Hi, @Layla! Yep, I scheduled it last week a day or so after I intro’d over here. It was the first available Monday for surgery. Logic with a Monday operation is that I will be at least 6 days post-op before the kiddos will be home full-time for the weekend. Not expecting to be able to do much at that point, but at least I have a head start.