TKR kmak's TKR recovery thread

[kmak81230]

I just put the kibosh on the backwards "dreadmill" walking for now (PS: love that term @Pheebs52)-- I have been more sore and stiff the last two afternoons and as far as I can recall that is the only new addition to my activity routine (5 minutes of walking backwards uphill - retro walking is the official term). I will see if that helps out with the soreness and swelling.

I have also been "wearing" my decision to postpone hockey for a few months and it feels good. Thanks again for the feedback my Smartie friends.

 

[kmak81230]

I think I am struggling now with complacency or frustration at the "same old, same old" when it comes to this knee. I don't seem to be making progress so continue to press the limits, which impedes progress but I worry I am not doing enough to help myself improve. In my mind I know the answers: patience, don't over do it, progress takes time, yada, yada, yada, but every day I fight this battle of thinking that I am not doing enough so I add other things.

 

[Fire wolf]

I am right there with you on the whole thinking, especially since my activities consist of just going to work every day. You are doing so much more than that, as I wish I were. When you say that you don't seem to be making progress, what are you referring to? ROM, swelling, pain, activities, amt of time thinking about knee...? I found that at this point I have to look for progress in the smallest of things, as I am guessing that we have already obtained most of the giant noticeable progress. But I'm just learning as I go, so don't know anything definitive. Sounds to me like you are doing very well!! Remember, we have more recovery months ahead of us than we do behind us at this point!

 

[Pheebs52]

@kmak81230, it's just so bleeping hard!!! @Fire wolf's comment regarding "no more giant progress," really resonates in a "meh" type of way. It's true. Where have all the flowers gone? Promises of *someday* just seem too remote right now.

 

[Jockette]

I agree, promises of someday seem so remote right now, and I am several months ahead if you timewise, and yet you are way ahead of me activitywise.

I know this recovery takes a year or more, but at times my pity party says, but it's been 6 months and I still don't feel as good as I did before surgery. Sure, before surgery my knees hurt when I got up from a chair or when I sat down or did stairs, but those were the only times I hurt. It didn't hurt to walk. And now I just have this discomfort and inability to do so much, and I've had to relearn to walk. This recovery "progress" is way worse than my pre surgery days.

And I got a partial, believing that was a good choice. Now I realize it most likely will have to be redone some time in the future and I get to go through this recovery again. It is not an encouraging thought.

 

[kmak81230]

All I can say at this time of night is "covfefe"

 

[Polkadot]

I've been thinking these same thoughts, especially as my PT winds down, my ROM doesn't seem to get better, and the ADLs I have been able to assume so far continue to seem paltry. I'm definitely fighting both complacency and frustration, as you have said, @kmak81230. (Well-said!) The fear that I'm no doing enough came out just tonight when taking a walk with my DH. He's reassuring, but waiting is hard! What if I'm not doing enough?

I really get why you want to get back to hockey (besides the fact that it's dang fun,I mean). Now that would be a tangible proof of progress, right? It's funny, because to me, you're progressing beautifully, what with the hiking, camping, spin class, ability to ride a real bike on a real street, and all.

There's a paradox,in that I have no doubt that you , @Pheebs52 , @Fire wolf ,@Jockette , and other BoneSmarties are going to make it, yet I have doubts as to myself. Maybe we are all better at seeing each others' victories rather than our own.

Walking backwards on an inclined treadmill sounds so cool and advanced. But if it's hurting your forward motion, it's not worth it. You may be able to try it again next week, or next month. In the meantime, just look at all the things you can do that you couldn't do a month ago!

 

[Jockette]

@Polkadot I wonder, too, if I'm not doing enough to encourage my knee. My husband and I are retired and we live a quiet life. There's not a whole lot of ADL's.

Interesting that we are all having these same thoughts tonight.

 

[Pheebs52]

There's a lot to be said for objectivity @Polkadot! "What if," indeed. I'll be the first to say that I typically do my best to avoid that line of thinking, but...I go there upon occasion. Tonight is one of them; pffft.

 

[Pheebs52]

@Jockette, perhaps it's the phase of the moon? Sunspots? Who knows, eh?

 

[Pheebs52]

<---Work to accept limitations!

 

[Jockette]

Must be!

 

[Pheebs52]

Remember the old song by Genesis...."I can feel it coming in the air tonight....oh boy!"

 

[kmak81230]

It is good to remind oneself of the things we can do and I am really thankful for that - there's just a lot of self-questioning when you are reminded of this new knee with every stair or overstretch or slip up day after day. You're right @pheebs that it's really not productive to dwell in the "what if's" - tomorrow is another day on this "long and winding road." Sweet dreams to all of you!

 

[Jockette]

And by the way, I have 2 friends who play hockey! My husband and I even went to one of their games once. Not being into sports myself, I was so surprised there was an ice hockey league for women!

I discovered bowling about a year and a half ago. I hope to get back to my pre surgery way of throwing. I started bowling again, carefully!, at 12 weeks post op, but I just carry the ball to the line and throw it from there, no crouching when I throw, so I have less control of the ball since I'm not used to throwing it this way, and my ball speed is slower.

And, for your reading pleasure, that is how I got the nickname of Jockette! Most of the women in our league through a slow ball, anywhere from 4-8 miles an hour. My ball is only 8 lbs and before surgery it went between 10-11 miles an hour. One of my friends called me a jock, which I have never been called before in my life, then she changed it to Jockette since it's more girly! What a hoot!!!

We must all dream of the future while taking care in the present, so that future will happen.

 

[Pheebs52]

Sweet dreams to you as well!

 

[kmak81230]

Good morning - woke up early for spin class in a much better frame of mind with a less achy knee - YES!

@Jockette, Hockey is really fun and I'm terrible at it (seriously) . . . I don't usually stick with things that I am horrible at but I can't help it with hockey. Maybe because here we only play from October-March and when October comes around I've forgotten all of the aches and pains and frustrations from the season before. Jockette - that is a great nickname. I figured you were recovering to get back to Iron Man's or marathons or the Tour de France or Senior Olympics . I also love bowling. I used to bowl in a league but our bowling alley shut down about twelve years ago. It was so much fun. We bowled on Monday nights - it was called The Football Widows bowling league. Perhaps you can practice your bowling steps in your living room - without the ball of course - it does require some bendiness for that last step and slide, doesn't it.

@Polkadot - I think you are on to something with us being our own worst critics with self-doubts that we don't project on others here. It probably ties into the anxiety that you so clearly described in another discussion last week.
@Fire wolf - Did you have to remind us that there are more weeks ahead of us than behind us - just kidding. Always good to have a realist in the crowd! My uninformed earlier self figured that by now I'd have forgotten which knee had the surgery - HA!

 

[Polkadot]

Thank God for you realistic, funny, optimistic, mostly fearless women! @Kathleen, morning has broken, and it usually does mean a reset, doesn't it? I'm happy you are less achy today. That really helps with the optimism. I was noticing last night after my mini meltdown with my husband--my "what if" moment--that I was having the tight-band feeling, which hadn't registered with me earlier. Understand that I am very familiar with tight-band, but it has mostly been absent or very mild these past couple of weeks. So when it returned more strongly--and I didn't notice, that's probably why my optimism faded.

I think that's another reason to back off on whatever causes soreness and stiffness, after a good trial. We need to hang on to our optimism. That's what will get us through the rest of this recovery. In fact, just yesterday I saw an author on CBS This Morning discussing optimism as the biggest determinant of success and resilience.

@Jockette, I'm into that quiet life thing, too, with not a lot of ADLs. My husband is still working, but I've been retired for a while now, and my knees pre-TKR gradually shut off many of my pursuits. I started to write, "and I didn't notice," but then after my other comments, you all would think that I'm a non-noticer! So I'll just say that after a 35+ year career around lots of people, this introvert needed some troglodyte time and didn't miss the activities she couldn't do over the past couple of years.

Now I'm realizing the active life I have put aside and am trying to resurrect it, or to start new-to-me activities with the knew knee. That's one reason I find you inspiring, Kathleen. The life you are getting back to is one I'm beginning to crave. Now I find out that you don't think you are "good" at hockey, yet you still play! That's fantastic. I want to get there someday. (Not playing hockey; doing stuff I enjoy at which I'm not accomplished).

If I lived in Colorado, I would come watch you in a game! I may not have inherited the athletic gene, but I'm very good at rooting others on. I would also love to be a fly on the wall in the locker room with those clumsy bruisers. You sound...er...very persuasive.

 

[SusieShoes]

Man, I miss out on all the best conversations because I go to bed early. Anyway, I'm on the "When Will This Recovery Get To The Station?" train. The further we go along in recovery, the less satisfied we tend to be, mostly because the rewards -- more bend, more extension, walker to cane to just our legs, off the drugs, we can sleep again!, driving, and shopping, and socializing -- trickle down to nearly nothing. Instead of new gains every week, we look for gain over a month, or two months, or a year. That's too long between rewards for most of us.

No matter how well I do, I am always aware I'm not there yet. Stairs are not yet effortless. Knees are still stiff upon getting up from a chair. I can't bowl yet because my crouch isn't where it needs to be. I've been testing my crouch and it's rather sad, though it does qualify as a crouch. It's just awkward and lurch.

As a quiet person, I lead a quiet life. I've never been athletic like Kathleen, nor as energetic as Marie. My recovery is perhaps more satisfying for my goals being much less. Physically, I'm way ahead of where I was pre-BTKR and grateful for that. And yet recovery still feels interminable some days.

Maybe this is just another stage of recovery. The opposite of acceptance, discontent. We're doing so well we have the luxury of wanting more than we have. I know I do. But I also truly believe we will get there. Just not today.

 

[kmak81230]

Perspective! That's what you always give us @SusieShoes. "We're doing so well we have the luxury of wanting more than we have . . . " I will try to remember that. While less achy today I am still less bendy so gave myself permission to raise the bike seat yet another notch at spin class - yes, I'm going backwards in terms of the purpose of biking but I decided I wanted to just pedal and not feel a stretch with subsequent increased swelling. And I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I also skipped the little hops and kneeling and balance exercises that I do after spinning. Trying not to feel guilty, but rather reminding myself that I have over seven months to get all of those exercises in .

@Polkadot - I think my activity motives at this point in my life are not about excelling or even doing well, but rather trying new things, staying active for health reasons, and socializing. I am mostly an introvert so not too much socializing but I have a tendency to be a hermit otherwise. I also think some of my recent anxiety about all of this is that I turn the BIG 60 next month. That's sweet that you would come to a hockey game. My DW gave that up long ago -- it's cold at the rink (@liam2015 can verify), the hockey is not good to watch, and we often play at 9 pm or 10:30 at night because the kids get the reasonable ice times.

Perhaps we should start a BS bowling team - we could have the best looking shirts with fabulous sayings on them.