Second thoughts?

[beachy]

I've been having second thoughts about BTKR. Mainly because I have too much time to think and the crazies (aka what-ifs) and scaries are starting in my brain. Getting a little stressed out here!!

Would someone kindly talk me off the ledge? Or push me over it. Mainly worried about post op pain.
Thanks

 

[Laurenkate]

It's funny you wrote this earlier. I just told my husband that the thought of a btkr gave me the willies but if I had to do it over again, would give it serious consideration. My right knee is getting so bad so quickly that it's affecting my "new" 18 month old knee. The thought of a second recovery makes me want to scream but am so miserable at night now that i'm actually looking forward to the surgery next week just to be out of some pain for a few hours.

A knee replacement isn't fun and it isn't for the faint of heart. The first couple of days aren't too bad pain wise as long as you stay on top of your medication and don't go all macho and think you can handle it. Days 7-10 were the worst for me because I was ready for it to be OVER and the realization started sinking in that recovery was going to take a long time. It's so hard to explain how the post op pain is different from that crushing bone on bone pain and it makes it easier realizing things will get better as everything starts to heal. Blah, blah, blah. Bottom line.....if you live with the grinding knee pain long enough which makes your life narrow and miserable, a tkr is not fun but you'll be working toward getting your life back. And that's a good thing! Besides, you want to be able to go to the beach for the rest of your life, right?

 

[beachy]

Thanks, Laurenkate. Those are the things I need (kneed) to keep reinforcing my decision. And especially coming from a non BTKR. I don't want to be like that....doing Lefty and regretting not doing Righty at the same time.

I only have 1 foot on the ledge now LOL

Wow...you described the pain I have now as crushing. Perfect.
Logical mind is making me do BTKR
Beachy mind is freaking out.

 

[beachy]

I guess my description of "Beachy mind" isn't allowed, buy loving out is not what I meant.
And it wasn't a curse or suggestive word.
"Beachy mind is going nutso"
That should work.

 

[InkedMarie]

I wish my surgeon did bilateral because i’d Be all over that! TKR’s are going to suck any way you look at it and I’d personally rather get it over & done with. Good luck!

 

[beachy]

My first OS who I had been with for 3 yrs (cortisone shots, meniscus repair, Synvisc) doesn't do BTKR either! Or use a nickel free implant...which I'm being tested for end of this month.

Second opinion OS does bilateral and recommended it in my case. And sent me for allergy testing. And uses spinal anesthesia. If he didn't use staples I think I might have kissed him. LOL That would have been a grand slam! Instead I get a 3 run homer.

looking forward to hearing about your recovery InkedMarie!

 

[lovetocookandsew]

The fact that you're doing a bi-lateral means you'll only have one surgery, one recovery, one pre-op time filled with worry, doubt, angst, stress, and so on. That's a good thing, IMHO. If you put this off, you'll just have to go through the roller coaster of emotions at a later date as your knee will only get worse. It's like a toothache-if you put off seeing the dentist to get it fixed, the tooth will hurt more, continue to decay, get infected, need a root canal, or worse. If you had gone at the first sign of the ache, you'd only likely have needed a small filling; instead it's become a major repair with a lot of pain involved. The longer you go before getting the surgery, the worse your knee is at the time of surgery. No one likes the pre-op emotional roller coaster and we all wish we could get off at some point. But, we all just surrender to the inevitable and do it, knowing it's the only way to take our lives back.

It won't be easy, nor fun, but the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel propels us towards the surgery. You have a lot of time to think about this, unfortunately, so my suggestion to you is to take this summer and make it fun. Do whatever you are able to do, and enjoy yourself as much as you can. As the time gets closer, shift gears to getting yourself super prepared for the three months or so when your activity will be limited. Plan for meals, plan and acquire any devices you'll need, plan your home for walker/crutches/cane use, speak to friends and family and see what they are able and/or willing to do in the form of help and visits to brighten your days. Decide where you'll spend the early recovery days and prepare that area so you have everything handy that you'll need. I also purposely left specific things to do in the few days before the surgery so as to keep me as busy as possible and keep my mind on tasks instead of the surgery. By the time you have all that done, your date will be upon you.

 

[mngirl]

@beachy, I agree with LauraKate! The pain, and knee grinding, popping, locking are what has me looking forward to getting this over with and getting back to pontooning, horseback riding, doing things with my Grandchildren again!


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[beachy]

Thank you, Kim and mngirl.

Both feet almost off the ledge now. I have prepped as much as possible for now. Lounge Doctor and basket for bike, I mean walker, comes tomorrow. Have my caretakers in place....hubs and wonderful son. Going recliner shopping end of this month.

I've been allowing myself to stress too much. Had a 36 hr migraine and gut issues over it and I'm not the pity party type. Haven't had a migraine in years.

Today I pulled up my girl panties and faced reality, thanks to my BS friends. Thank you all.

 

[newlybionic]

While shopping for a recliner at least get one that has a motor to raise and lowers your feet. They are available at any furniture store. I bought one and loved it for each of my knee surgeries. You can also buy one that ‘stands you up’. I found they were much more expensive.

 

[Laurenkate]

In the meantime, enjoy sleeping in your favorite position and putting on your underwear without feeling like it's the equivalent of landing on the beaches at Normandy on D-Day.

 

[beachy]

@newlybionic That's exactly the kind of recliner I want. The ones where you have to push your legs down to lower your feet are a .
I also want it to have several position when extended. 1 to lie almost flat and another to sit up for meals, laptop, etc. And maybe 1 in-between. And something that pops M &Ms into my mouth.
I think I read somewhere on BS that the lift seat isn't recommended so that you can start using the muscles to get out of the chair with your walker.

@Laurenkate I snorted ice water out of my nose with D-Day landing LOLOL I needed that!

Maybe I can get a recliner that raises the seat cushion as it slides me into my unders.

 

[SusieShoes]

Scares and willies! While thinking about having both knees done at the same time is a little, well, intimidating, the reality is not all that bad! I mean, I had both done and I not only survived it, I'm happy as can be I did it this way. And I think you will be too, @beachy.

There are no guarantees for any TKR. BTKRs are just TKRs, after all. It's kind of inconvenient at first to be dealing with two TKRs at the same time. To be sure, you won't have a good leg to stand on... wait a second. Let me rephrase that: You already don't have a good leg to stand on! If your knees are bad enough you're having a BTKR, your knees are shot. Your operated knees are going to be better than the ones you trade in.

I stood up three hours after surgery. Mr. Shoes was there, looking on as if he was watching me attempt a trapeze handoff. Would the knees work? Would I be able to stand?

I stood. Easily. The pain was considerable, but surprisingly it wasn't any worse than pre-op! I'd expected much worse. To say I was thrilled would be an understatement.

I walked. And that wasn't much harder than pre-op either.

Okay, sitting down on a toilet was worse.

The thing is I was golden! I had two new knees and they worked, and my pain from that point on was only going to get better... not worse the way it had been getting. Not grinding with every step. Not unable to lift my body up a single step because the knee was so deformed and crunchy. My knees were in!

BOTH of them.

There would be no going back for another surgery. Whether I had an easy recovery or a less easy one -- I had no way of knowing what awaited me -- I was all in. I would only have one recovery. However long it took, that was what I would do. At the end of it I would have the result my surgeon and the best of my ability to manage a recovery could give me. But there was no going back and no second-thinking myself out of a second knee.

One pre-op period, one surgery, one bout with anesthesia, one recovery period. One spell of my life revolving around... knees. Over and done. As far as I'm concerned, that's a win.

 

[beachy]

@SusieShoes
I know you are right because you speak from BTKR experience. I have read your entire thread a few times. You are a superstar. So hard to imagine standing post op on 2 new knees without excruciating pain! Did you have your doubts before the surgery?

I've spent a lot of time today reading the successful recoveries threads. Totally wiped out now that company has left, migraine has left and I have "me" time.
I think I was over tired and hit a low point that snowballed.
Watching everyone enjoying the beautiful weather and the beach hit home. Sitting at the pool with a bazillion screaming kids just wasn't like the beach.

Getting my mojo back now and thanking God for the blessings in my life.
So grateful having this forum to reach out to.

 

[SusieShoes]

Did I have doubts? Gosh, yes. I'm a fiction writer and I can imagine the worst possible outcomes for any situation. Knee replacements are no exception. I lay in bed nights telling my fears to poor Mr. Shoes, who listened to my most gruesome imaginings and tried to be helpful: "So cancel. You don't have to do it."

"I know that! But I can't even walk."

"You can barely get off the sofa."

"Tell me about it."

"Or go up the stairs."

"You don't have to pile on. Apparently I'm doomed no matter what I do."

So, being doomed anyway to a life I knew for a fact was filled with pain, immobility, lack of exercise, and flat out no fun, I decided to roll the dice on BTKR actually working. Because I also knew that, as bad as the worst outcomes could be, most TKRs, bilateral or single, turn out really well! I knew lots of people who'd had them and all but one had encountered no complications at all. They'd returned to active lives. They could walk! My odds were good.

But doubts... a gazillion of them. Fears... all kinds. Reality... inescapable.

 

[Laurenkate]

Another thing about a BTKR is that you probably save some money too. I was just thinking about that as I was writing out a huge check for the co-pay this afternoon. If I'd done it all at once, we could have gone on a very, very nice vacation instead of paying for another knee.

 

[beachy]

@SusieShoes I guess fact is stranger than fiction then! LOL Thanks for sharing your doubts and fears. Sounds very familiar.
@Laurenkate I'm waiting until Oct when my Medicare starts. Until then I have an obscene deductible. And high premium. I've already signed onto a private insurance co for supplemental coverage for Medicare. All set.
I know about writing those checks for co-pays.

 

[babette12]

I'll tell you what I did to deal with the overthinking and anxiety. I realized that once I have this knee, and possibly the other, done, I could SKI again. Then I found an utterly wonderful women's ski website/forum/blog and *that's* where I've been spending my time, making new friends and plans for the coming ski season. This kept me away from scary stories and kept my mind and heart engaged.

I went to my "knee school" at the hospital today and was greatly reassured. I wish my surgery was tomorrow and I wish it was bilateral (I'm a get it over with kind of person). You'll be fine, this too shall pass.

 

[Rhodyrhody]

Am sure you already have a lot of good advice, but...

Am going for BKTR in September. All kinds of anxiety...specially when I'm sitting around and they don't hurt. But...I need/want to get back to being able to walk a couple miles and I can't do that now. I know the surgery is going to bring on some new/different pain, but... chances are "extremely high to virtual certainty" that if I did one, the other might never happen...probably the biggest reason I'm doing both at once.

I just keep repeating to myself...the most frequent complaint I hear about this is, "I wish I had done it sooner."

Love the verse in your signature line.

Take care.

Edit: Handicap placard received - getting real.

 

[beachy]

Thanks, @Babette. Your TKR is soon! I will be following your recovery.
I know my recovery is going to be good, as will yours. I had a "rabbit hole" few days and coming here really pulled me out of it.

@Rhodyrhody You will be approx 3 to 4 weeks BTKR before me. Today you're officially 2 months to the big day. I will be following your recovery with great interest. I think Susieshoes told me that if I did 1 at a time then I still wouldn't have a "good" leg to stand on since they both suck equally. That hit home and made perfect sense.
I wish I had done it sooner, too!
And yes, the verse in my signature has gotten me through the worst times of my life. Worse than anticipating BTKR!

I can say that I am now out of the rabbit hole. Thanks, everyone!