I totally understand what you're going through. I've always been a SAH mom and wife, and my husband has always worked outside the home, until he retired, plus he has always done the big maintenance and outside chores, and similar. In retirement, he's learned a new set of skills, including taking over some of what I've always done (I love that he's the one in charge of floor cleaning now!). He also had to learn to take care of me after my many surgeries, both before he retired and after. At first it was new to him, but he was more than willing to do the job, and wanted to do it well. Over time, he became skilled at the many facets of taking care of someone during recovery.
Nurturing was always something I did as a mom; anytime anyone was sick, I was the main caretaker. But, given the need, my husband became an expert at caring for me. The only thing he was unable to master was the cooking......lol. He is now good at grocery shopping, as long as I give him a detailed list, but actually cooking anything other than eggs and pancakes is beyond his ability.
Some of what I did to prepare for my recovery is make a ton of freezer meals that he could easily heat for us, along with plan menus so all he had to do was go to one of the freezers, take out dinner in the afternoon, and microwave the meal a couple of hours later. You've made plans for meals also; even though it's different than how I did it, it's what works for you. That not only makes sure you have meals you both can eat, it takes the pressure off your husband as to how to feed you. I also made sure to have a stock of lunch meat, and other lunch foods he could manage. I didn't want six weeks of pancakes and fast food, so I made sure there were plenty of meals for two for the duration.
But the main thing is that your husband needs to know he can do this. It will require using a new and different set of skills than he's ever done before, but he can do it. In my case, my husband had a desire to care for me, and was more than willing to do so. My job was to let him know what my needs were, and to never criticize his efforts. I tried my best to button my lips whenever he did things differently than I did. Even when I would go into my kitchen and see all kinds of food and serving items on the countertops, which drove me nuts, I didn't complain. Of course, the first time I did ask him why all the food, etc, was there instead of being put away, and he said it was handier for him that way......lol. I knew after I recovered I'd have to find everything that he put away in the "wrong" places, and put all the stuff back in the cabinets and pantry, but until then I lived with his different ways of doing things, even when it about killed me............
I also made sure to praise his efforts and thank him, even when I wasn't feeling like doing so. Recovery has many ups and downs, and there were days when all I wanted to do was complain, or be grouchy, or mope, etc. I can't say I was perfect, but I tried my best, and he also tried his very best, even when he was struggling with a cranky wife, a new skill, being stuck in the house, etc. And that, I think, is the secret to caring for someone during recovery. Doing the very best you can do at any given point, knowing that you won't be perfect, but also knowing the the patient appreciates all your efforts, plus never criticizing one another. Keep the lines of communication open, talk about your fears and anxieties, and know that it won't be an easy time, but you can get through it.
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