Utterly terrified of imminent surgery - please help

[Selkie Girl]

Hi there

I'm hoping someone on this site can please offer me words of advice

I'm forty two years old and I'm having one of many panic attacks about my impending surgery - left hip replacement - due to take place at the very beginning of September. I'm thinking of postponing/cancelling it even though I'm in a desperate situation.

I've already cancelled the op a number of times - or made excuses by saying I'm too busy, the dates clash with work etc. A lot of the time I feel ready/positive and accepting of the surgery - but right at this moment I want to head for the hills and hide. I can't stop crying and I'm terrified I'll get on that operating table and change my mind, only by that point it will be too late.

I've just come across a post in the hip recovery section where the poster goes into graphic detail about the pain she experienced following surgery. Another person replied to her saying the pain was worse than childbirth.

I now feel sick with fear at what I have read, as I had assumed the post-op pain would be manageable. I've been feeling very emotional since reading the post and I am now absolutely terrified. I'm just wondering if the horriific pain this person describes is normal?

Another issue that I have is that I was sexually assaulted a number of years ago and I now have real control issues over my body. I'm terrified of that part of my body being out of control and worried that I might have flashbacks. I have told the research nurse who works for my surgeon. She is very sympathetic, but there isn't a lot she can do . . . I know I still have to hand over control of my body to the surgeon . . . and I do trust this surgeon's professional capabilities as much as I trust anyone.

I'm also wondering about what anaesthetic to have. I don't like the thought of being out entirely with a general and I also understand a general makes the recovery time a little more difficult. I'm hoping to go for a local/epidural and sedation - also partly because I'll still feel some element of control. However, I've now also got second thoughts about that because a woman I know who had this said she found it horrendous due to hearing all the drilling etc going on in the background.

Something else that adds to the stress I feel at the moment is that I have no family I can rely on. I live alone and, although I do have lovely friends, I don't think they really appreciate how difficult this whole thing is for me, and I don't reallly want to talk to them about it, anyway, because I don't want to feel like a burden.

A bit about the background to my conditon . . I was born with congenital hip dysplasia in both hips that went undiagnosed until a few years ago. I've been in pain my whole adult life because of it and I'm finally coming to accept I need this operation. Surgeons wanted to do it when they first found the undiagnosed dysplasia (following an x-ray after a car accident.) I the now walk very slowly with a cane and have been told the surgeons also hope to lengthen my unequal leg length.


I'm sorry for all these questions in a post that seems a bit jumbled up. It is just my mind feels a bit jumbled/terrified at the moment. I know this is an excellent website and there are wise people who use the site.

I hope someone can help.

Best wishes.

Selkie

 

[uktanny]

Ah Selkie, well done on finding us on Bonesmart, you will find so much support, love and encouragement here that I am sure within a few hours your panic will have subsided a bit.

first off, I had this surgery just over 2 weeks ago and I felt exactly the same as you. I had also cancelled it twice. First time, I was just not ready, and 2nd time my mum was dying of cancer.

Now that I have been through it, I feel I can say its all been worth it!

 

[uktanny]

sorry submitted by mistake!!!

I have already forgotten the pain!!! I am still in discomfort and pain if I over do it. but I can already see so much improvement!!! I have a greater range of movement already and as I said I am only 2 weeks out.

I had the spinal and sedation (it was totally fine) so much better that a GA. I heard, saw, smelt nothing at all during the op, it was like I went to sleep and then just woke up. No pain, nothing. No horrible groggy feeling like after GA. Yes I did have pain later, but it comes on gradually and most people have a morphine pump to self administer pain relief. I didnt for some reason.

Im sure in a moment some of the experts on this site will come and talk to you.

I too had a panic attack before my op, but I can honestly say hand on heart when I have my next one I wont be nowhere near as worried.

Jo, reassured me massively when she said that she had NEVER known a patient to die on the table in YEARS of being an orthapedic nurse.

regarding your issue after being sexually assaulted, I wish I had words of comfort, but I can only say that I was treated with dignity and as a person, even though I knew I was just patient number one on the day! lol

When I was pre op, I never really read much on post op, i guess i thought ignorance is bliss and I just wanted to get through the pre op bit with my sanity intact.

Ill be watching your posts Selkie and really hope to see your anxiey levels come down with all the good advice you will get here

big hugs to you

Tanny x

 

[Tykey]

Hi Selkie, you jut sound like lots of new members who just naturally believe the odd negative comment yet ignore thousand of really positive comments:biggrin:

I'm sure Tanny won't mind me saying she was one of the biggest worriers we have welcomed recently, and now here she is encouraging you (as we all told her she would:yes 4

Just goes to show that reality is nothing like imagination.

Try to concentrate on the fact that you will have a new pain-free life, full of all those lovely things you used to do. When the kids go into the sea for a swim, you won't be the one alway left minding the bags and towels, you'll be racing them down the beach (and beating them)

Life on the other side is brilliant:biggrin:

Anyway, what pain? I've got a new knee, and like many many other, the post-op pain was minimal. Alright some do have pain for some reason, but they are a minority.

You owe it to yourself and your friends and your family to re-join the world with a smile.:flowerysmile::happy dance:

 

[Jamie]

Hi, Selkie....welcome to the BoneSmart family. You say you don't have any immediate family close by to help you through your surgery.....well now you have US!!!! We'll be here for you every step of the way. Sometimes we even tuck ourselves away into the operating room (virtually, of course) just to give you that extra measure of support. Such is the power of prayer and virtual friendship these days....we can be anywhere you want us to be!!

Tykey and Tanny have provided you with some wonderful insight into how great this surgery can be. It is life-changing and, at your young age, you deserve to have your FULL life back.

Try not to be discouraged by a couple of the posts you've seen where people have pain problems after surgery. Although it does happen sometimes, it's NOT the norm. An important factor will be your communication with your medical team all through the process to tell them where you are mentally and physically. Believe me, they WANT to help you and do the best for you. But they need to know what's troubling you. So never, ever hesitate to say and say again that you are concerned about this or that or that you have pain.

I'm glad to hear you have some friends to help you out. Frankly, I've found over the years that friends can be a lot more valuable than family many times! These are folks you have picked (ya can't pick your family, you know) to be in your life's circle and you are important to each other. Even though it is difficult, I urge you to let them in to the concerns you have. Most friends will welcome the opportunity to help someone they love.

It doesn't have to be a lot, but you could ask someone to be with you on the surgery day. That helps with those anxioius moments. And maybe someone to get you settled back at home and check on you the first week or so. This is a time for YOU and I bet your friends would enjoy a chance to maybe prepare and share a meal with you or take you on a needed errand in the weeks when you should not be driving.

As for your worries and anxiety....as you hear from more BoneSmarties, you're going to find that is sooooo normal!! This surgery is a big deal. There are a lot of unknowns until you've been through it. And that's the purpose of BoneSmart....to have folks who have been right where you are tell you about their experiences so that your mind can be eased.

You have some great days, months and years ahead of you with your new hip. You'll get through this and you'll be all the wiser and stronger for it. I promise!!!

Now.....don't hesitate to post and tell us each and every little thing that concerns you. We'll deal with them one at a time and see if we can make the whole thing a lot less scary.

 

[Justine]

Hi Selkie

I had my Left Hip Replacement 2 weeks ago, in the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow, following undiagnosed Congenital Dysplasia of the Hip. I am 40 and felt much too young for this sort of thing but, with my quality of life lessening and being left out of so many family and friends' activities, I felt I couldn't wait for the operation.

Above, Tykey mentioned Tanny was a real worrier - and I was right there with her (and then some)!!! The wonderful thing about this site is that we met (virtually) and could discuss our fears; knowing that someone was going through exactly the same thing was such a help.

I PROMISE that the pain was far from horrific. The hospital keep well on top of your meds and also, these days, you have control over it yourself - either with a morphine button that you can press, or oral morphine on demand.

Like Tanny, I was treated with real respect by medical staff, and I really empathise with your worries in that area. I was never alone in a closed room with one person - there was a female nurse with me every step of the way from anaesthetic through surgery and recovery. I felt truly cared for.

Re anaesthetic, I had a spinal with sedation and was not aware of anything during surgery. The anaesthetist old me I would go to sleep shortly and the next thing I know, I woke up in recovery. One of my fears was a general anaesthetic but the hospital wanted to steer me away from that anyway, for some reason.

As we are reasonably close geographically (I'm in Scotland too) I would be more than happy to chat to you on the phone about this, if you would like to.

I am sure you'll find this site invaluable; the people are wonderfully supportive. I couldn't believe i had so many well-wishes from people I had never met before, but who genuinely cared for me. We'llall care for you too.

Justine x

 

[forbesy]

Selkie

I am guessing your from the borders, now what is all this nonsense about canceling don't you know we are made from girders. :wink1:
I realise you may have concerns as you are on your own but are you not entitled to any form of help community care from your local council eg help with showers and meals etc, maybe you need to check on that one selkie.
also getting a district nurse to call and check how you are on a daily basis as well will help.
I got my trhr in february and i am practically six months into recovery and I helped carry a fridge up two flights of stairs today, decorated ie painted the spare room last week and the stiffness in my back is easing off slowly.
There is no doubt you are going to feel a certain amount of pain but not compared to the relentless pain you have probably suffered for how long now.
In all honesty Selkie I would get the operation in September and look forward to a better quality of life, do the sensible thing all the people giving you support here can't be wrong.

 

[saku]

Selkie, I also have hip dysplasia in both hips and suffered for quite a few years before they figured out what was going on. I even had an orthopedic doctor tell me the pain might be from an ovarian cyst that was spotted on an MRI. Thankfully I was referred to a great clinic/hospital with an extraordinary surgeon. I had surgery on my hip the last week of April so I am at 14 weeks post-op. I can say honestly that no pain that I have had since then, has been as bad as the pain before. Also the pain is managed so much better than that horrible arthritic pain that nothing seems to touch. When I need to I will get my left hip done sooner rather than later knowing what I know now. When I took the first step after surgery and I did get kind of teary eyed, not because of the pain, but because the horrible arthritic pain was gone!
Now for full disclosure it wasn’t all wine and roses. There were times when I was uncomfortable. The worst pain was the muscle spasms, in the leg that had surgery. I would have them a few times a day for the first week or so. I honestly forgot about them until I started thinking back so I could give you an accurate picture of my experience. The spasms started in the hospital and the doctor gave me a muscle relaxer in the hospital and some for home. I also applied heat and they got less intense over the first week and then I realized I hadn’t had one in a few days. The PT folks said it was because I was using muscles that I either hadn’t being using or had been using incorrectly because I was limping for quite awhile before I had surgery. I also had a leg length discrepancy also so I had to learn to walk again. The discomfort/mild pain I had was muscle aches and the expected tenderness around the incision. I made taking my pain meds regularly a habit after surgery so I could move and do my exercises without pain. I also elevated my leg when not up and about and iced the incision site numerous times throughout the day, which is the only area I had swelling.

I had GA, but after hearing everyone’s positive experiences with spinals/epidurals with sedation, next time I am asking about that. But even with GA all went well, they gave me something for nausea during the surgery and I never had even a smidgen of an upset stomach. I didn’t have much appetite for awhile, but that is normal for me when I am on narcotics.

This morning I worked in my garden watering, pruning, and cleaning up and I came inside because it was so blasted hot not because my hip hurt which would have been the case pre-op. I went grocery shopping last week- I can’t remember the last time I did it; my husband has had to do it for quite awhile because he couldn’t stand seeing me limp painfully as I shopped. I baked for fun this past weekend and actually did some housework. Although not my favorite activity :th_heehee: I enjoyed the fact that I did it pain free. I still get tired a little sooner than I would like, but after reading on this webpage I realized it was going to be awhile before my strength and endurance was up to par. Although it keeps getting better and better. My GP took me off my BP medicine because now that I have gotten rid of my chronic pain my BP is in normal range w/o the med.

I know I have rambled on for while, but it is only because I would hate for someone to miss out on how good it can be post-op, because of worry about the unknown. I put off surgery until I realized it was only going to get continue to get worse. I didn’t like who I was becoming- depressed, withdrawn from life, grumpy, overweight and I wasn’t sure how I could continue to work (I am a teacher.). I looked at my situation logically and realized surgery was the only reasonable option if I wanted to be able to enjoy life again! And at 48 I have quite a bit of living I want to do yet! :yes 4:

Please talk to some of your friends and ask for some help. Although I did have family help, my friends also helped- they brought dinners, took me to appointments, visited and called to check on me. Now I am in a place where I can return the favor when they need it- I actually look forward to it being about someone else and not me!

Best wishes and prayers are coming your way!

 

[Tykey]

Hi there




I'm also wondering about what anaesthetic to have. I don't like the thought of being out entirely with a general and I also understand a general makes the recovery time a little more difficult. I'm hoping to go for a local/epidural and sedation - also partly because I'll still feel some element of control. However, I've now also got second thoughts about that because a woman I know who had this said she found it horrendous due to hearing all the drilling etc going on in the background.

I heard these noises, but they aren't from your own op, they are from someone elses!!!!! You will be totally unaware of your own op:wink1:

Get a new friend who wants to help rather than scare you. There are hundreds on here Why do people always want to scare you? I had people tell me about their third cousin's next-door neighbour's sister' auntie, who said that their leg dropped off after the op. Ignore 'em.

 

[Jaycey]

Hi Selkie - welcome to BoneSmart!

I had my left hip replaced almost 15 months ago. I must say that I was feeling the same panic and fear when I first found this forum. In my case I had no choice but to go ahead. It was either the op or a wheelchair!

Please don't worry about the bad stories you may read. Remember that for the few people who stick around here following their ops there are hundreds who just drift away following a good recovery.

The good news is your post-op pain is totally manageable. No more bone on bone pain!

They will not discharge you until you can manage on your own. Stairs, to and from the loo, getting in and out of the car - they test you on all the basics before the let you go home.

If the anxiety is really getting to you go to your GP and see if he can give you something to help you calm down. I did that before my spinal surgery. Also when you get to the hospital ask staff for something to help. They really understand your fears and will do everything they can to help you through this.

I was determined I would never have a spinal before I found this site. But after reading and discussing it here I had one. Be sure and tell staff your concern about being awake or waking up during the op. They will sedate you into a nice comfy sleep as Tanny and Justine described. Recovery from spinal is SO much easier. No groggy feeling and no nausea. Plus no pain as it takes a few hours for the spinal to wear off.

Please keep posting here Selkie. It does help to share your concerns with others who are feeling the same or who have already been on the journey.

 

[newnee]

Hi Selkie
I too live alone and have no family I have some very dear friends who have adopted me into their family. I also have 2 large dogs to take care of. I am hoping that today I finally get scheduled for LTKR. There will be some pain post op but it will be managed and it will be nothing like what you have been going through. Just look at one you have to gain from having the surgery Getting your life back

Don't worry about posts that sound negative you have to realize that many people come to forums to seek help and once they have received the help they needed to get through they move on with their new pain free lives. I know this because I had been a member of a forum for my GERD surgery. Once I got my life back I moved on. I now feel bad about that and should have come back periodically to help those who are going through what I had. I went back to my old forum and posted my success story.

As has already been said we are your family we are here to help and support each other. Whenever you have any doubts please come here and talk to us we are all going on this wonderful journey toghether

 

[MagnoliaMs]

Hi Selkie I was so nervous about my first surgery in April. I found such solid info here on Bonesmart that by the time my surgery date came I felt in control and confident. I hope that happens to you as well. I totally understand the freaking out from the horror stories that seem to pop up. I had a smooth recovery, no pain (unless a feeling like a scratch would feel around the incision and a little stiffness is pain), and yet I also get unnerved by reports of debilitating pain and things going awry, as I head toward a second replacement. It is so important to look at the overall statistics that Jo keeps telling us about and to keep in mind all the good recoveries. I found it very helpful to focus on the days after surgery--rather than the day of.

 

[Spring Chicken]

As usual, I am late to the party. Dear Selkie, I changed my mind all the time in the months leading up to my surgery. I had panic attack, I cried every night after I put my son to bed. It's scary to be in the position of making a choice to have this surgery. The "what ifs" are endless.

I wrote my post op thread in the hopes that people in your position would be reassured by it. After reading so many posts about things going wrong, I was more scared!! Happily for me, I had an uneventful surgery, and pleasant recovery. Today, I went about my afternoon errands and chores without my cane for the first time.

It is ok to freak out. It is ok to be mad, scared, confused, unsure. You will go through these and more before it's all over but please do not cancel the surgery!

I hope to see you posting more leading up to the day of your surgery.
Take Care,
Denise

 

[Vikki]

Hi Slekie,
I to am trying to decide on what anaesthetic to have on 20th Aug when I have a THR on right hip. I asked the anaesthetist at my pre-op and she said she'd have a spinal, which seemed a good recommendation.
I can fully sympathise with your need to have some feeling of control, especially with your past experiences. Whilst I think its unlikely that you will need any control as these are highly professional and caring people, and in reality its probably an illusion, it makes me feel better thinking this to and is part of why I am veering towards the spinal!
Thank you to Justine for explaining that you can go to sleep whilst its happening as I wasn't quite sure about the noise etc. But I do like the thought of being awake afterwards, not groggy and not feeling sick - which I hate. The anaesthetist told me that patients tend not to self administer the morphine pump often enough, that it is set to prevent you overdosing - 'so use it' was her advice.
I can only encourage you to go ahead, don't postpone because you have the rest of your life to live - without pain in your hip! On the days I want to cancel I go for a walk to re-affirm the pain in a slightly masochistic way, and by the time I limp home I am ready to call the surgeon and ask for it NOW!
I am trying to focus on the after time - being able to dance again...in fact it will be my 55th birthday in November and I hope to do some then. There are days of course when I think I'm being stupid taking a risk and can 'cope' with the pain, but everyone on this forum has been so helpful and supportive that I am getting more and more positive vibes about the after life.
I do however regulalry wake at 3am most nights and have very negative and fearful thoughts that keep me awake for a while.
I don't know if you have heard of Mindfulness, but that and meditation are great calming influences - but take some time to focus, breath and think positive thoughts, sounds silly but really helps. As does a bath with a glass of wine and a good book!
I understand that being alone will be a bit scary, but friends are great and in some ways a better support than family for the reasons already discussed. Either way, take all the physical support offered as that will help you recover.
Thats enough from me, do post again so we can chat about our looming ops. I am in Sussex, so a long way from Scotland, but thats the beauty of this forum.
Write your op date in big letters on your calendar as a pivotal point in your life and then plan your mobile after-life.:yes 4:

Best wishes and heartfelt thoughts

Vikki

 

[jsnail89]

Selkie -

I am so sorry for what you've had to go through. Nobody should need to be in that much pain - both emotionally and physically.

I can tell you that at 21 I am scared beyond all belief of my surgery on the 25th of this month. When my mom first broached the topic of having my hip replaced I cried multiple times daily for weeks on end. But finally my friends told me how happy and excited for me to finally be able to do what I want and that they'd be there for me every step of the way.

Honestly, friends and family - it's hard to tell the difference sometimes, you know?

Now, hearing the surgery...Back in 2010 I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. It took six months to diagnose and six more to control. During the diagnosis months I had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, and pill camera test. During the first two I was sedated under what they call "twilight anesthesia" which is basically the same as the anesthetic you get during a spinal block hip replacement. I was so afraid that I might be able to feel something, hear something, or choke on the endoscope that I almost cancelled the procedure and changed my phone number so they couldn't reach me.

Let me tell you..the last thing I remember was them taking my blood pressure and then I was in recovery. As long as you make sure your anesthesiologist understands that you do not want to hear/see anything I am positive that he/she will make your wishes come true.

If it was up to me I would scoop you up, put you in the guest room of my house, and take care of you during recovery. Considering I'm a stranger, just imagine how your friends will feel, especially when they realize how much better your life will be with this surgery. Plus you can do so many cool things with them when you are sans-cane.

If you would like I can write you about my surgery and the spinal block - twilight anesthesia approach. I also keep a blog (link in my signature) that I update and will definitely write about the procedure - I'm hoping that they let me bring my computer so I can blog and skype while in the hospital.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you with your road to a better life!!

 

[Tykey]

"twilight anesthesia"

I agree 100% with you Jessica, it's a lovely post. If they called it twilight anaesthesia, it's not the best description I've heard of this anaesthetic..

Totally unconscious having a wonderful sleep might be better. As far as we are concerned it's the same effect as a general anaesthetic apart from waking up feeling better and making a much quicker recovery.

I loved mine, I wish I could have one every night:biggrin:

I wanted to stay awake and watch, but I think he got fed up with me rabbitting on about things, so he gave me a bit extra happy juice and I missed the whole event

 

[Josephine]

Selkie, I notice you haven't been back since you posted this. I hope you've been reading without logging in. I do wish you would come back and talk with us. We do know exactly how you are feeling.

 

[Selkie Girl]

Hello lovely fellow hippies

I am still here and I just wanted to thank you all so much for responding to my post. I have not signed in since I first posted - although I have read and re-read your responses.

When I tried to respond to your posts, I became so moved because all you people who do not even know me have taken time to offer me words of support. Every time I've tried to reply, I have become emotional and unable to put the words down.

So . . . this is me just trying very hard to get my thoughts/words together, to let you know I am ok (kind of) and to thank you so much for taking the time to be there for me - even though you are all going through your own worries over surgery or other things in your lives. (((Big, big hugs)))

I am still scheduled for the very beginning of September for my surgery - and it feels as if it is happening too fast - even though my life is so limited at the moment.

I am going through waves of elation at thoughts of being 'normal' again, followed by extreme anxiety/terror.

I went to see my surgeon this morning to speak to him about one of my main worries - that I might have flashbacks to the sexual assault during the procedure.

As I sat in the waiting room to see him, I burst into tears at the reality of everything. When I made it into his office, he told me there is no evidence of surgery linking back to past trauma. I'm sure that is what he said, at least. He seems a very nice, kind man, but very matter-of-fact which is fair enough for a surgeon. (He isn't a counsellor, after all.) . . . Anyway, my mind couldn't really take in what he was saying to me and I wished I had brought someone with me to the meeting. I make the mistake sometimes of thinking I must just tough out everything alone instead of admitting I need help.

Anyway, no sooner had the surgeon told me this, than I began to worry about something else. He has told me my ceramic replacement will be inserted using the posterior approach. I had assumed it would be anterior because it appears to have more advantages . . . So, now I'm questioning his approach, even though his waiting lists are so long for surgery because he is very popular. Is he just doing this approach because it is easier/cheaper? Is it the only approach he is skilled in? Is it really the right one for me? (I'm going to post this question in a new thread.)

I've been reading the book and have got the relaxation download recommended on the Bonesmart website about healing effectively following surgery. The basic premis is the more relaxed/calm you are before/during surgery the easier you will heal. I've also been having weekly reiki sessions from a lovely lady, which have been helping . . . They are getting me used to having a stranger touch my body in a non-threatening way.

With regards support from other people - my closest friend is going to be supporting me during my hospital stay. However, she lives a distance away, so I can't just meet her for coffee whenever I start to freak. I really wish she had come to the surgeon's meeting with me today, but I didn't want to hassle her.

I've also got another close friend who lives nearby who is going to bring me home from hospital. He has also offered to do any shopping I might need - but he is struggling to keep his business afloat at the minute and working all hours, so I'm going to find it difficult to ask him for help.

I feel funny asking friends for help because I was let down badly by someone I have known for many years whom I consider(ed) a close friend. She has all but disappeared since I got my surgery date a few months ago . . . She didn't even respond when I mentioned I had my date, even though she knows how anxious I am about it. (I promise, I haven't gone on and on about my fears to her. I didn't chase her away through moaning about things ;-)) Anyway, I guess it is times like these you find out who your true friends are.

Before I cancelled my previous appointment - at the beginning of the year - I was with a partner who had wanted to support me, but we split up around the time I was due to go in. The stress of our relationship was one of the reasons I cancelled the operation, I think.

However, he got in touch the other day out of the blue and we met for a coffee - but he hasn't offered to 'be there' for me in the way he would have been in the past - and I haven't asked him, as I don't think it would be fair of me. He has, however, asked me to call him if I have any worries prior to going in. He is also keen to meet up again before I go in - but I'm worried the meeting won't go well and I'll end up with even more stress before surgery. (We had a lovely meeting the other day and I want to keep my happy positive thoughts of him before my op, if that makes sense.)

Following your sage forum advice, I have gone to my GP regarding my concerns about living alone. She's told me if the hospital think I need help, they'll organise it while I'm there. I guess if they don't offer it and I still think I need it, it will be a case of me fighting for it.

To the forum lady from Glasgow - Justine - who kindly offered to speak to me on the phone. That would just be brilliant. Thank you. If you want to message me your phone number, I can call you or - if you prefer - I can give you my number.

Thank you all so much again and apologies for this post being so long - but this forum is the one place I feel I can be completely honest, at the moment.

My best wishes to you all.

 

[Justine]

Hi there

I responded to your personal message but, just as I sent it, my laptop stalled/crashed. I sent another - hope you got it.

Justine

 

[Selkie Girl]

I got it, thanks, Justine. I have just responded. :wink1: