Warning: post is going to be whiny and a disorganized rambling but I need to vent
I’m having a really bad day...make that days.
I try to be positive on here and even when I’ve had setbacks I find something good or minimize it but for some reason I have slid into a real funk and am so sad and realize I’m really frightened over my knee progress or lack of.
I feel like it’s never going to get better.
What if this is my new normal? What have I done? I had constant pain but at least I could live. Now- no pain like I had but I am not living and what if I can’t do all the things I still wanted to??
I still can’t walk without my cane and it looks horrible.
I don’t have pain 95% of the time but it always feels like it’s too tight. Like there is no space in the joint to bend
I still can’t voluntarily bend to past 75 but gravity will take it a bit more.
I can’t voluntarily straighten it try as I may and then I lay on my stomach and it drops after a few minutes completely flat.
I still don’t sleep more than an hour at a time unless I medicate because I can only lay two ways.
All I can see lately is everything I can’t do because there is so many. Even my little victories seem so hollow now.
I’m sorry. I know everyone is used to me being so upbeat and encouraging and humorous but I just don’t feel it now.
I’m thinking I should see if my OS will meet with my pt and I and have a good talk.
Maybe I need an Mua.
Maybe I did something wrong at the start and messed it up.
Maybe he’s seen this before.
Maybe I’m just exhausted finally after all these months of trying.
Thanks for listening. Sometimes just giving our fears a face can start the process of dealing with them.