trip to os

[mdakota]

i was at work and having intense left thigh pain above the knee, dr checked it , its fine. i know its from the left carring all the weight from the right. os was wondering if i was ready for the upcomming surgery. i was so scared. when the right collapsed i was pregnant, nothing they could do . after i wanted it done, had to wait until hormones were out per doctor. but by work i had to have 1250 hours in. so now were 7 months later with surgery planned 6/08/09. i'm not afraid of the surgery my nerves are shot because i have to keep waiting. i'm a planner by nature and a type A personality. i've lost so much in the last year and i want my life back. i'm a sad that my mom is gone and she wont be here with me. this will be the first time. but the last thing i'm afraid of is the surgery. i've got a ton of insurance and leave papers to fill out and i'm the primary provider in my house right now. i want everything planned before i cant get up to take care of it. i've been reading alot of threads where people have felt the same way so i know i'm not different. he just dosent understand that this isnt just a surgery to me . its a chance at life that has had a 20 year build up. its like waiting 20 years for christmas you just want everything ready and perfect...

 

[Judles]

Dakota.....as if you needed yet another reason or justification to go ahead and have this surgery! You owe it to yourself AND your family, sweetie! Besides, Mom will be watching OVER you! You just CAN'T go wrong! Its just the anticipation of it all that's so overwhelming! That's where WE come in!

 

[Texas]

You just answered your own worries "Its been 20 yrs and you want your life back" . This seems to be the only way to go. I have read all your post , you are so so strong , I wish I wear that strong....My dad pasted away as well, but ya know he's hear watching over me and your mom is to.Stay strong like you KNOW you are...Dont sit and think that is the worst..You seem like a go getter..So go get this done..And we will be here after to support you as well.

 

[Sticker Lady]

Dakota-
Judles is right--you are so very deserving of whatever it takes to make your life better. I,too, have had a long wait for my BTKR (set for May 18th) and I know how hard it is. You can do it! Take one step at a time, make lists, do what you can ahead, and then let go and let God take over. You will do fine--everyone here will be pulling for you, and will be here to listen when you need us. A wonderful and wonderfilled new life is waiting for you.
Blessings,
Irene

 

[Jamie]

Dakota, as you know very well, the WORST part of joint replacement surgery is any WAITING beforehand!!! You make up your mind, you've been in extended periods of pain, you've made your plans and backup plans, and now you.........wait........it's sooo difficult! But we'll be here for you. Please post whenever you want to talk. We understand how you feel. Just try to keep focusing on AFTER the surgery when things will be better.

I'm sorry you won't have your Mom's physical presence at this important time in your life. But she IS with you. She's in your heart and that NEVER changes. When you need to speak with her, close your eyes and she'll be right there for you. I know.....I did that with my parents and I could actually feel their hugs. God bless you.

 

[mdakota]

thanks yall. i really needed that. all i can thing is maybe what he can see that i'm frustrated, but he is taking it that i'm worried about weather he's up to the task. shoot i wouldnt even be there if i didnt trust him. he is the only one i do trust. he did send my mom off when she was on her third revision. of course you have to imagine when i ask questions i'm very specific and i'm sure i come off as hurried right now, but that's what it is. all the paperwork has to be turned in 30 days or less from anticipated day out and then their is the big one will i have reached the 1250 hours required because i'm cutting it close. oh yall have to hear this, i had an acute dialysis pt up at the hospital yesterday and i asked one of the nurses if i could talk to him, i asked him to be my nurse. even when i'm in the dialysis room he'll bring me some lunch and check on his patients. i told him what i'm having done he said that's great youll feel so much better i've had both mine.....
yall how cool is that. here is the best part. i didnt know. and i consider myself a conoseur of fine stride. lol. i couldt have guessed by a little limp that told a tale nothing. oh and it is 13 years old and still no problems. done 4 months apart. God is so good....;

 

[Judles]

Amen!!! THAT'S the way to think!
Jamie,,,,that was such a touching way of feeling our loved ones that have passed!

 

[Jamie]

Thanks, Judles....it is real. I've awoken at nights sometimes and honestly FEEL my parents' loving touch or hug. It was kind of spooky the first time it happened, but I have really grown to appreciate it. They ARE with me and I believe they protect me when I need it. (And sometimes give me a little boot in the butt when I need that too)

 

[mdakota]

i feel the boot alot. i knew how sick my mom was because if i had a day off she would say " you didnt lose your job did you". she made my type A seem like a B, lol. when i was with her in alaska she didnt want me to leave. that was so odd of her. she comes up all the time right now. she knew all of my medical history i dont. i know the cliffs notes, number of surgeries and most of the names but me and os are figuring out some of it as we go. She always told me to wait and i wonder if she would say go ahead now. i just miss her and i know she'll be there in my heart but its still hard. my brother ( the good child) is finally having his first baby at 34 and i really hate it that she wont be here for that. having a mom with dysplasia and replacemtent truly means i didnt get any slack for having the same.lol. I am greatful. i've accomplished alot because of the boot.

 

[Judles]

Once a Mom......ALWAYS a Mom!!!!

 

[Judles]

And next Sunday, we who have lost our Moms will be bawling! :(

 

[mdakota]

yeah, that is a tough day her bday is the end of may too.

 

[Jamie]

I lost both my parents 10 years ago in 1999. I was an only child so I literally felt like an orphan for quite a while. Fortunately the pain is less now. I am finally even able to get rid of many of the things I had been holding on to all this time. Bless my husband, even though the basement and attic (and a couple of rooms) are loaded with my parents' things, he rarely has said anything about it. He understands that I had to do it in my own time. That's why I feel so strongly about the "hold them in your heart" thing. Turns out all the furniture, keepsakes and things are just....things. I am working on reducing it down to just a few important items and photos instead of an entire houseful of old things. Can't believe how difficult all that was and sometimes still is.

 

[Peta]

And next Sunday, we who have lost our Moms will be bawling! :(

Yes it's always a bittersweet day. I lost my mum (or mom as you guys say) 19 years ago and my dad 24 years ago, and to this day I still miss them both. I'm thankful that I have a sister who is my best friend, but it's not the same.

I get thoroughly spoilt by my children each Mothers Day, but there's a big part of me which wishes I could still do the "spoiling".

 

[Judles]

Jamie! I'm an "only" too! Isn't it odd that no matter how old WE get! We will ALWAYS be only children....and are "orphans" as well! My parents had me late in life and I always felt cheated that I didn't have them longer but they are my guardian angels eternally!

 

[Jamie]

My parents also married later in life. They were in their mid-30's when they had me. That was LATE in 1948. I was lucky that they both were alive into their late 80's and that I got to spend a LOT of one-on-one time with them the last 2 years of their lives. That was such a blessing and helped me establish memories that would have never been there otherwise.

We'll wish each other a Happy Mother's Day this year, Judi!!!

 

[mdakota]

my brother and i talked about that exact feeling, orphans. there are the two of us and my grandma, that is it and she has had a rough year so i think both of us have a fear of losing her. we try harder now to stay in touch because of it. my mom spent the last 6 years in alaska, us in alabama. she was there teaching on a reservation. she lived life to the fullest and was happy about that and god made the last six weeks special but i my dad left when i was seven and started a new family. she was it. thank all yall for the kind words. these last few weeks are just nerve wrecking. ohh i hate this i want to be on the other side so bad.
monique

 

[Peta]

Hi Dakota - I can feel how frustrated you are from here! The waiting is the worst part of all this - I know! I guess the only thing you can do is take it one day at a time, get yourself organised and leave it in Gods hands. Your surgery date (early June wasn't it?) will be here before you know it!

 

[Josephine]

And next Sunday, we who have lost our Moms will be bawling! :(

I hate being an orphan. It's the loneliest feeling in the world!

 

[mdakota]

it really is, i miss her. we had our share of rough times but in the end my kids and i were there at the very end when everyone else was in the bed. i'll never forget how much happened in the end that left she and i closer. on the plane home i had all her liquid meds and a note from the dr saying i was medical transport she was terminal. a man started to have siezures in the back of the plane they asked me to help because of the note. when i got there it was his heart their was a doc on the plane too. we worked together stabalized him got an iv and were ready to push the big drugs if we had to but we got him better. she asked if i lived in alaska and said wed make a great team. i told her why i was there and she said she knows my friend margaret simple. not complex but simple. (i'll never forget that) i asked her to stop and say hi. she said "lets go now" we got to the seat she took my moms hand and said" i was comming to tell you what an amazing daughter you have but once she told me who her mother was i knew it just ran in the family". my mom emailed her friends and told the story and then told them she never knew i could do that. it was the biggest day of my life. what we did wasnt anything out of the ordinary but to have my mom see me ment everything. \
so on this mothers day i hope everyone that is orphaned can remember their things like this