And here we are, day before surgery!
I'm doing pretty well, mentally. I only lost it the other day when unpacking all of the stuff I ordered. Was a complete ninny when I put the shower chair in my bathtub and tried to imagine my left leg paralyzed and in pain and realized I had no idea how I would use the yoga strap to lift it in and then....whee....oh my god, this stuff is going to become permanent....oh why me....oh boo hoo....ye gads.
To be fair, I bought a lot of this stuff when my parents were losing their independence, so seeing it all in my house brought back some really unpleasant feelings. Still. Get a GRIP, puckhead.
Yesterday the anxiety was a real bear for a bit. Went to the gym for swimming and weights and then to play my last hockey game of the season. Here's the conversation in my head:
Anxiety: "You'd better enjoy this. This is the last time YOU'LL ever see a pulldown bar or get into a pool or lace up those skates...you'll NEVER do this again..."
Me: "Thanks for dropping a turd in the punchbowl, a-hole. Move along now."
Anxiety: "You know I'm right. You going to be in CHRONIC PAIN and never walk normally again."
Me: "Well, my choice is this - live with this level of pain that has me not trusting putting weight on my leg, knowing this is the best it will ever feel and it won't get better, may likely get worse, OR, fix the problem, live through whatever funhouse the recovery turns out to be, and get back to life. I'm picking door #2. Now eff off."
Joint camp was fine - met with the NP who went over the meds I needed to get and bring with me (I'm having the surgery in an outpatient center, so I bring everything with me) and had me and my wife pick out our meal options. She was thrilled that she gets a meal, too, LOL. Then met with the PT who assured me I was going to be walking pretty much as soon as they wheeled me into my room. I was laughing and she thought I was scared, but it was a mix of nerves and elation at the thought of walking without that hip pain. Bring it on. Can't wait. She said she'd be sure I could get out of bed, do steps, etc.
So I have a list of questions for her because I don't know if I'm supposed to be glued to the walker 24-7 or if I can take a few steps with a cane if the walker won't fit somewhere or how creative I'm allowed to be to maneuver into places. Also hoping they'll set the walker at proper height. Have been reassured that dislocations are very, very rare. In fact, they have not seen one in years. Presumably they're talking about not seeing any right after surgery, but hey, I appreciate the reassurance.
Got the call for my surgery time while on a volunteer shift and another volunteer overheard and kept making clucking, cooing sympathy noises. She said, "gosh, they're just going to kick you out? Oh, dear, how awful. I guess that's how insurance makes millions...gosh, what an awful experience...such a long recovery...." Er....I'm learning what NOT to say to people who have a surgery scheduled anyway. Also, I apparently don't like to be cooed over and coddled. Ick.
And, lucky me, just got a giant urgent work project dumped in my inbox to keep my mind on work today.
So, today I have work, floors to clean, pets with nails to trim, run last minute errands, etc. Should keep me good and busy.
My mother in law is doing well - she is in a rehab facility and moving on her walker without screaming and begging for death. In fact, she said she only feels tired after using the walker. This is an absolute miracle. A little over a week ago, she couldn't use a walker or move without off-the-chart pain. She focused her whole day worrying about when she'd have to go to the bathroom. Now she worries about when she gets to go home and what's on the television and is actually talking about doing things like sleeping somewhere other than her chair. Her surgeon took a picture of her hip because it was one of the worst he'd ever seen. Said it was supposed to be shaped like a marble but it looked like a piece of popcorn - totally misshapen and mostly dead. Only tiny stripes of actual bone left. He had to put in a bigger cup than he expected because of the wear and tear and said she absolutely cannot have anything happen to the implant while the bone grows in because if it does, it's not reparable. Yikes. But thankfully she's in the best possible place to be sure nothing does happen. Anyway, seeing that kind of change is incredibly confidence-inspiring.
I can't believe that, a year ago, I was starting PT for "weird quad pain" and here I am having joint replacement therapy tomorrow. Long journey to this point, but I know I've done all I can to prepare and time to just get it done and start over on the other side. Cheers!