terrified!

[melani]

hi everyone
Lots of you will know my date for my THR is aug.6th. i am so scared, i need to find strength from somewhere to get through this. I feel unsure if i am doing the right thing as i've had no pain the last 2 wks. all of those close to me think this is because i am so scared i've got into my head its not so bad & maybe doesn't need doing yet. I am also dreading been away from my husband & 2 daughters. My husband says if i cancel the pain is bound to return next week. I have been keeping busy & trying to keep it at the back of my mind, but now its so close im struggling. How can i be more brave & be sure i'm doing the right thing at the right time?
melanie:shk:

 

[Jamie]

You don't have to be brave, hon! We ALL were scared and worried before surgery. What you DO need to be is determined.....determined to get your life back and enjoy that beautiful family of yours. You won't be able to do this with a gimpy hip!!

Your hubby is very perceptive. It is amazing how many people feel like the joint improves in the weeks right before surgery. I think he is more correct when he says a person enters into a state of denial where the pain that is probably still there is ignored. The mind is a VERY powerful thing and it can be done....but only for a while. He's right...it will come back and possibly even worse.

You see, your hip cannot heal itself without the surgery. It can only get worse. That is not the future you want for yourself or for your family. Your bad hip impacts more than you....it's everyone around you too. So, while you are doing this for yourself, your whole family is going to benefit!

You ARE doing the right thing. You are a wise woman who has made a positive choice to get your life back. No need to second guess that choice....it was well researched and well thought out. You have a good surgeon on board, a plan for action, and a bunch of family support (plus us BoneSmarties!). This will get you through the last of the waiting.

Trust me that the waiting is absolutely the most difficult part of joint replacement. Spend these last few days doing things you enjoy to keep busy. Clean house and get things ready for your return. Go out to lunch with friends. Have your hair done and a pedicure. Make lists of the activities you want to do once recovery is over. Shop. Sit out and enjoy the beauty of summer. Cuddle with hubby and your daughters. There are a million things that will keep your mind from wandering to the Land of Doubt. Don't go there!!!

Come here and post any old time!!! We'll help!

 

[Josephine]

Melani, trust me - there is no way Nanu would be doing your hip if it wasn't necessary. He has enough work on his hands without doing unnecessary operations!

I have a friend who was one of my nurses back in my days as a theatre manager. She is always saying how she was really surprised when the surgeon told her she needed a new hip and didn't want to believe it. But she believed him as she'd known and worked with him for years. Then, once she'd had her hip done, it was only then she really realised how badly she did need it doing.

I think you are a lot like my friend. Once it's done you'll go

"Gosh, I really did need it doing!"

 

[NatalieMeadows]

Melani I have the exact same fears and I like you don't want to be away from the kids and my husband but I just keep thinking about how much my life has been determined over the last 7 years by this damn knee and now it is time for me to take control and get my life back,I don't want to be the disabled mummy anymore or the mummy that has to stay in bed because I am too tired to walk and the drugs have wasted me!I want to be the mummy who can go to the park whenevr take them swimming go on bike rides and after this op I will be able to do all those things and you will too.

It's so hard to stay positive when your scared but I just look at my family andrealilise they need this replacement as much as me xxxx

 

[Mz_Yoga]

Melani, August 6 is a lucky day; it will be my 27 th anniversary, and it will be the first day of your recovery. Our minds play games with us because the surgery looms large; I found it best to focus on how I was going to get better and be able to do many things I had given up on. We'll all be pulling for you.

 

[Thomasinaa]

Hi Melani
Your bonesmart friends are all gathering around you to help you through this.

The folks above have already said what you need to hear and I hope you can find a comfortable place in your mind to accept this.

I too want my life back and my husband wants me to be able to join him on long hikes once again..just like your kids and husband want their wife and mom back.

You take care and soak in all the cyber hugs from your Bonesmart friends..and your loving family.

 

[pkuznets]

Oh, yes....the pre-surgery jitters! I had plenty of them myself. I began second-guessing myself, thinking "hey, maybe I've just blown this whole thing out of proportion" and "maybe I'm embarking on an even more monstrous situation than I already have!" Seriously, as Jo commented, these docs have WAY more things to do than operate on people just for the heck of it! Once you are through the surgery, you honestly will truly realize how much your quality of life had been compromised pre-surgery----and how much your family forfeited by having a mom and wife who wasn't able to fully join in the fun of life! Go for it--leave the what-if's behind you and concentrate on all you will be able to do again...and without pain! This surgery is a god-send, and I will cheerfully have the other hip replaced when that time rolls around.
Stay on the boards here and post to your heart's content!
Patrikya

 

[Jaycey]

Melani, you will find I posted the same (if not more) worries pre-op on this forum. And just like you I got the wonderful support and strength from all my cyber friends here on BoneSmart.

It is natural to be worried and afraid. It is also natural to question whether you need the op. But please believe me it is far better you do this now versus waiting until you can't move anymore. That's the only direct things will go if you wait.

So keep posting - be strong and (as Jamie says determined). And think about all the things you will be able to do with your family once this is done. August 6th is the first day of a new beginning for you.

A big (((cyber hug))) for you! :cnsl:

 

[kangaroo]

Dear Melanie,
We on the post op side of this, have all been there and we get it......its the "what ifs..." that make it difficult to deal with. But those what ifs are solvable and if you can just look at the reality of the situation and not what you imagine will be the problems you will face, then some of the fear will dissipate......so why not writing down the things that are scaring you and maybe we can offer some alternative ways of looking at the problem.

* I was scared that I mightn't be able to cope with the pain....my imagination was far worse than the reality and if I needed it then the pain relief was available....
*.I was scared I would be bored senseless because I would be incapacitated for a while , yes patience is required, but by the time I had done the physio I was tired, needed a rest and then time for food and more physio
*I was scared of being dependent an others.....please remember that by allowing others to help you, you are actually allowing them to do something good for others (namely you) ...so whilst it seems uncomfortable being out of control of whats going on, you are actually giving your loved ones to show in practical ways their love for you.
*Some people are scared of the anaesthetics (I wasn't).....modern anaesthetics are SO much more advanced than they were in years gone by, problems can happen , but so rarely these days, and given that you are young and otherwise in good health this probably isn't an issue
*what if the surgeon makes an error....rare but it is a real fear....presumably you have done your research and found someone that you know and trust and who has a fantastic track record in dealing with your specific surgical problem
*infection....again a real but rare occurance, but medically able to be dealt with....

I think you would get my point, all the fears I had were able to be dealt with when I looked at the facts logically, and those which were just fear of the unknown, and the irrational ones that existed simply because I am human, I was able to push to the side adequately so that I could get on with the surgery....

Melanie, you are only 35, you have SO much life to live with those beautiful girls of yours and a husband there to support you. I mostly had little pain, only when I stressed the hip with too much housework. BUT my life had shrunk to the point of being a spectator. Now I live life and I am getting on with it. My reason to have the surgery was not solely to do with pain, the pain issue was able to be dealt with, through pain killers and anti inflammatories, ....going off pain killers before the surgery wasn't a big deal for me I was hardly on them anyway. I was tired of watching life pass me by, and I hated the idea of getting to 60 and not lived 40 and 50. I needed to live life not just watch it.....
You can do this! and afterwards when all is well, you will wonder why it took you SO long to have the surgery and those little girls of yours will have their beautiful Mum back, and whats more, despite the scars , you will be more beautiful, because as time goes by you will become more capable and your self image will grow and this will lead you on to doing more and so your confidence will grow. THR is not just about hips...its actually about life.....

Be brave Melanie
Rachel

 

[melani]

hi jamie
thanks so much for your very positive reply, it means so much to me all the time people take to give reassurance, & support its lovely. i've just got to keep focused on the end result. im just a worrier! your advice is great thanks again
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi Josephine i know you are right, my husband laughed the other night & said he was going to get some water for me to turn into wine as i was a miracle worker! as i said i think its improved as its not hurting the last couple weeks & maybe i should ask nanu for another x ray before the op. just incase! thanks for reply
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi sylvia
thanks for your reply & support, hope you get your date soon so you can get your life back & go hiking with your husband.
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi patrikya
thanks for your reply, sounds very familiar! making me feel a lot better about the op. since receiving these replys.
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi jacey
thanks for your reply, it means so much to me having the support on here. i know what you are all saying is true i just need to be determined & stay strong, & think of what i will do post op long term - fingers crossed!
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi rachel
thanks for your reply really appreciate the time you have put into reassuring me, & its definately helping! you sound so positive i must try & be more positive & worry less! the points you are making are so true i just need to be reminded of them!
thanks again
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi natalie
your knee must give you more trouble than my hip does, but i wish i was as determined as you, i know what advice i'd be given to others, but not quite as good taking it to myself! im like you restricting activities gradually with the kids & i need that back, lifes too short to be in pain everyday.
good luck for thurs. ill be thinking of you.
melanie x:D

 

[melani]

hi judy
thanks for your reply & positive advice.
enjoy your anniversary
melanie x:D

 

[Jamie]

my husband laughed the other night & said he was going to get some water for me to turn into wine as i was a miracle worker!

Melanie.....I LOVE your hubby's attitude!!! What a peach he is. I'm so happy you have someone in your immediate family who can support you in this way with a little dose of humor. It's priceless.