My therapist (mind) once told me that frustration is merely another expression of anger.
I know it's normal to feel frustrated at times. I'm just trying to get over my frustration. My DH says I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, which is quite true, so how I deal with frustration is all or nothing. I either do nothing, or I overdo things. I know intellectually that this is counterproductive.
My doing nothing the past few days has involved sitting up, like a normal person. It means avoiding doing my exercises. I'm fed up with trying to straighten my leg. It's at the same point it was at pre-surgery. My leg screeches at me if I just sit with it extended and trying to relax it. All the muscles are resisting relaxing into pain, and they always fight back. I have to consciously stop them. I'm sick and tired of lying on my back with my feet elevated. Whenever I lie on my back like this, my legs start hurting and twitching, then they start having muscle spasms from the hip to the toes.
I'm frustrated, because I still can't drive. I have to rely on someone else, and I've never, ever in my life had to rely on anyone, as in my DH, to take me places. Even when I had a previous surgery on my knee, I still managed to get myself around. I'm frustrated, because I can't sleep very well, and my ability to nap has disappeared.
On the plus side, my stubbornness has resulted in me being able to walk a little without my cane and doing my chair squats means I can get down and up from the toilet more easily.
Up until now, I've felt mostly positive, but I think I have just hit a wall.
I think I'm going to have me a good cry, put some laundry in the dryer, do some harp practice, which requires sitting up, a shower, and then I might feel better.
Thank you for reading my vent. I can't say anything to anyone else at all, because they don't understand, and I know that people don't like hearing about bad things. I feel guilty for complaining, as so many other people here have so many more problems to overcome with their recoveries.