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Random Ponderings.....

Mojo333

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With allergy season in full force down south, thought I needed to clarify

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Jamie

Jamie

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* Just a reminder that Shakespeare was quarantined for the plague when he wrote King Lear. No pressure!!!

* Remember when we thought we were going to have a bad week because of the time change, full moon, and Friday the 13th?

* Maybe now society will realize we can make it without celebrities and professional sports… but we can’t make it without farmers and ranchers!

* April Fools Day was cancelled this year because no made-up prank could
match the unbelievable things going on in the world right now.

* Case of real irony: With March and April cancelled, the next holiday is Cinco De Mayo -
sponsored by Corona.

* Stay inside, isolate or practice social distancing, clean yourself… OMG, I’ve become a house cat!

* September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.

* Since everyone has started washing their hands like we’re supposed to, we’ll be working on shapes and colors next week.

* If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.









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Jamie

Jamie

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1. The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China.

2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.

3.. Packaged toilet paper wasn't sold in the United States until 1857.

4. Joseph Gayety, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S. had his name printed on every sheet.

5. Global toilet paper demand uses nearly 30,000 trees every day.

6. That's 10 million trees a year.

7. It wasn't until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to promise Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.

8. Seven percent of Americans admit to stealing rolls of toilet paper in hotels.

9. Americans use an average of 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom.

10. The average roll has 333 sheets.

11. Historically, what you use to wipe depended on your income level.

12. In the middle ages they used something called a gompf stick which was just an actual stick used to scrape.

13. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water and French royalty used lace.

14. Other things that were used before toilet paper include: Hay, corn cobs, sticks, stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit peels, ferns, sponges, seashells, knotted ropes, and broken pottery (ouch!).

15. 70-75% of the world still doesn't use toilet paper because it is too expensive or there is not sufficient plumbing.

16. In many Western European countries, bidets are seen as more effective and preferable to toilet paper.

17. Colored toilet paper was popular in the U.S. until the 1960s.

18. The reason toilet paper disintegrates so quickly when wet is that the fibers used to make it are very short.

19. On the International Space Station, they still use regular toilet paper but it has to be sealed in special containers and Compressed.

20. During Desert Storm, the U.S. Army used toilet paper to camouflage their tanks.

21. In 1973 Johnny Carson caused a toilet paper shortage. He said as a joke that there was a shortage, which there wasn't, until everyone believed him and ran out to buy up the supply. It took three weeks for some stores to get more stock.

22. There is a contest sponsored by Charmin to design and make wedding dresses out of toilet paper. The winner gets $2,000.

23.. There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin, The Madison Museum of Bathroom Tissue, but it closed in 2000.

24. The museum once had over 3,000 rolls of TP from places all over the world, including The Guggenheim, Ellis Island, and Graceland.

25. There is still a virtual toilet paper museum called Nobody's Perfect.

26. The Pentagon uses, on average, 666 rolls of toilet paper per day.

27. The most expensive toilet paper in the world is from Portuguese brand Renova.

28. Renova is three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll and comes in several colors including black, red, blue and green.

29. The CEO of Renova came up with the idea for black toilet paper while he was at a Cirque du Soleil show.

30. Beyonce uses only red Renova toilet paper.

31. Kris Jenner uses only the black Renova toilet paper.

32. If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the top, you're considered more intelligent than someone who pulls it from the bottom. (Wonder how this was determined?)

33. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper.

34. The novel takes place in a public bathroom and the entire story runs approximately three feet long.

35. When asked what necessity they would bring to a desert island, 49% of people said toilet paper before food.
 

Tykey

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Did you know that corona virus is caused by the 5G mobile network?

I know this to be true, because David Icke says so.

He's an ex British professional footballer, and always wears purple.

He also claims that our Royal Family are shape-shifting reptilians who change into lizards when they get together in private

A true copper bottomed imbecile. But worth reading about him on t' Internet for a few laughs and to pass the time.

PS I also forgot that he claims the vaccines which are being developed will contain nanobots (whatever they are) which the Chinese will use to control all our actions, and they will be able to take over the whole world.

I wouldn't worry too much
 

Tykey

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I'm bored!

Every year (but maybe not this one) a pub in our fantastic Lake District organises the World Lying Championships.
I won it for the last 5 years!!

We all have 5 minutes to tell a story, then the audience chooses the best believable lie

One year, the BBC sent cameras and reporters, got to the pub and asked the landlord if this was the right place, of course he said no, so they went home with nothing.

My story this year will be along the lines:

Elephants are BIG, VERY BIG.
Their hearts are also big, but still have problems pumping blood to every extremity, and back.
Nature (and Charles Darwin) then decided they need a bit of a design change, so modern elephants now have a supplementary heart in each foot. These pump blood out of their feet back up to their main body
Without these, their feet would swell, and they would look like they were wearing wellies full of custard.

Any other tall tales to tell?
 

Tykey

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It's well established that the Vikings settled in North America.
What isn't widely know is that they also reached Australia.
A TV programme called Time Team Oz, spent 3 days excavating a site just outside Sydney, and what they found was very surprising.
The Vikings were often playing a dice game, called Fostermite, for which they, whilst at home, carved the dice out of bone.
They quickly discovered all the strange animals who lived there, and were particularly interested in the wombat, because they produced cubic poos, perfectly sized as dice. All they had to do was paint on the dots.
Of course, when they lost them, the poos all rotted away, but the archaeologists in time team oz, were able to establish what had happened because they found 21 paint dots close together.
Being a huge trading nation, its likely the Vikings brought some of them home, but we haven't found anything yet. The search continues.

PS there is a truthful fact in this story, where is it?
 
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Jamie

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I know it's true that Australia has wombats and they poop cubie little things that they stack to make fences around their territory.
 
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Jamie

Jamie

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Everything I learned about poop, I learned from BoneSmart! :heehee:
 

Hip4life

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@Tykey If you’ve won the contest the last five years, should I believe anything you’re saying? :rotfl:
Here’s something else to pass the time.
First person to second person: “Everything you say is a lie.”
Second person: “I am lying.”
 

Tykey

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Have you noticed that whenever there is a lull in a conversation it is always 10, 30 or 50 minutes after the hour, give or take 10 minutes.
It's uncanny!
 

Tykey

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It's 8pm here in Blighty.
At this time every week, everyone in the country goes out on to the street to clap and make noise, set off fireworks etc, to show our thanks to all the nurses, doctors and carers who are saving our lives, and sometimes lose their own.
It's quite emotional to see the community spirit the hardship is creating.
My parents said much the same during the war.
 

kneeper

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Interesting to see the Queen making the connection to her own wartime days in her speech.
 

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