Question from a Spouse about hospital stay

[hnkford]

My husband is scheduled for LTKR on May 11th. When we attended the pre-op class we were told that all of the rooms were private and that each room had a recliner in them if a famliy member/friend wanted to sleep there after surgery. We really couldn't tell if the nurse was encouraging this or not and didn't think to ask a the time.

I was planning on spending the night at the hospital on the 11th but my husband doesn't want me to do so. So my question is has this been an option for any one else and did your family/friend stay the night?

Doing so would probably mean that I take off of work on the 12th since I doubt I will actually sleep and this is part of why my husband doesn't want me to do it. He thinks I should save my leave for later down the road. Which does make sense but I want to be there for him and I sort of feel that if I don't spend the first night there that I am "abandoning" him. If I stay the night I can be there the next morning when he wakes up and be supportive. If I don't stay the night I end up going to work in the morning, and don't think I can stop by the hospital for a quick visit before doing so. Visiting hours don't start until 10 AM. Which means I wouldn't be able to see him until I got off work around 5 PM.

Another question I have is how much time did your family/friend stay with you while you were in the hospital? Should I just plan on taking the 3 or 4 days after surgery off work to be with him in the hospital? I had originally intended to work as much as I could while he was in the hospital but would it better for me to be there? I plan on being home with him for about a week and a half after he is released which is when I know he will REALLY need me. But would it do any good to be there a lot at the hospital or would I just be in the way?

 

[GaryM]

hnkford


Hey I had both knees done at the sametime in July 08. I asked my wife not to come by untill the evening the day after. I knew I wouldn't be in any mood to talk. I just wanted to rest. I was told that she did stop by in the morning but I was sleeping.

The recliner in my room was for me to sit in. I was in that thing most of the day. They didn't want me lying aroud in bed all day.

I don't even remember visitors for the few days I was there. I guess I was so doped up. I think it is a big help for the staff if family does show up during your hospital stay. My wife helped me bath, go to PT and feed me. She also learned to do dressing change and give me those painful shots in the gut haha. Blood thinner shots I think they were. She also observed the PT so that she could work with me at home. Lets staff work with others that don't have the support.

 

[TBONE]

hnkford--my surgery, BTHR is scheduled on Wednesday and my wife and I have gone through the same issues.
She won't take no for an answer and is staying at a hotel close by for the 3-4 day stay. However, my surgery is in PA and we are from the DC area. Our hospital, and most hospitals have affiliated housing and some even let spouses stay in an adjacent room. Our hospital wouldn't let her stay in room and she didn't want to be in a dorm style room, so we opted for a v.close hotel nearby.
I told her not to come for the whole thing, but I lost that argument. Truth is, I will enjoy her company. However, the hospital told us what your husband told you: get your sleep and rest up during the hospital stay because you may need after discharge.
So it is a judgment call clearly. You are not abandoning him at all. And I suspect that the hospital will let you stop in before visiting hours to see him. When my wife had surgery last year laclly, I did just what you and your husband are discussing. I was there for the surgery, but I did not stay overnight. I then visited before work and then at lunch and after work.
Best of luck on the surgery.
Tom

 

[TBONE]

"laclly"
That's "locally"
Tom

 

[hnkford]

Gary & Tom,

Thank you for your replies. I think I knew what the answer would be but was hoping to hear something different. It is really hard to sit on the sidelines. I want to do as much as possible to be supportive but I guess I'll just be in the way at the hospital.

I suppose I will have plenty of time to be supportive during rehab.

Now I just have to figure out how to tell him he was right without letting on that he was right

 

[ship4]

hnkford,
Welcome! I had BTKR last June at the age of 58. For a time-line, I was in the hospital for the day of surgery a Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday. I was transferred to the rehab hospital directly behind my hospital for the following 6 days. Once released I could walk with 2 crutches outside, and with one or none inside our home.
My husband came to visit after I was released from the recovery room. Our 30 yo son also came to visit. My husband did not stay over at all, but came to visit daily while I had dinner and was done with PT and all my "stuff" for the day.
I did have 2 femoral nerve blocks and did not get up and out of the bed while in the hospital as I had no feeling in my legs at all. The femoral nerve blocks help with the surgery and the pain regulation the first couple of days. I thought they were great. I did do PT with a pulley in the hospital (even though I had less feeling in my leg) where I exercised my knees. I did not have a CPM machine in my hospital room.......
Once I was transferred to the rehab hospital, I was allowed to stand with a walker, leave my room only in a wheel chair, and started PT right away. They also did Occupational Therapy with standing in the kitchen and showing me how to move properly when doing dishes, loading a dishwasher, cooking at the stove. I also was given Lessons on how to use the bathroom at home and what would be good aids to have at home.
The nurses are busy, but with TV, napping, and PT and OT a patient is busy! No need to stay the night IMO.
Best,
Crystal

 

[Linda2]

It is much more important for most of us to have the help once we get home. There are plenty of folks in the hospital to help. Save your sick time for after (except the day of surgery, of course).

 

[Sandy R]

Since we are both retired, there were no work issues to deal with, so I did stay with my husband during much of the daylight hours he was in the hospital... but that was my choice, not his. He thanked me for being there but told me he would have been perfectly fine without me. I chose not to sleep there... I knew I wouldn't sleep and I knew he would need me once he was at home. But I was concerned about the night hours, so I asked around and found a caregiver that stayed with him at night. The fact is, he didn't need her either but it sure made me feel better... and he really did enjoy the back massage she gave him each night!
Sandy

 

[Judles]

Welcome, hnkford! Your hubby is very
Lucky you are so supportive! That will
Make a tremendous difference in his re hab!
Nah! There's no need to tell him you're
Sorry,,,,,just tell him you had a change of mind!

 

[Josephine]

Well, I had no visitors at all during my 7 day hospital stay and can't say it bothered me all that much. There were plenty of nurses on call to provide whatever care I need. I was much more concerned about having folk around when I got out.

 

[Jamie]

Welcome to the forum, Hnkford!

I agree that your time off will be better used during recovery, when you are the only one available to help your husband.

If it was me, I would plan to be at the hospital all day for the surgery and stay until he get settled in his room. Ask his nurse for the phone number to the nurse's station and then when you get home, you can call and talk to the nurse any time you want an update on how he's doing. When my husband was in the hospital, I would call and check on him right as I went to bed (he was usually fine and sleeping soundly) and sometimes the next morning. In your case, since you're going in to work, just drop by and check on him before you go in. Family can visit ANY TIME....you don't have to adhere to any of the visiting hours rules. Then you can speak with his nurse and ask how he did through the night. You could swing by again after work if you wanted to or call when you get home.

There will be plenty of people there for him. He will be busy when he's not sleeping (which he'll be doing a LOT of) and even though you would not be in the way, you probably really don't need to be there.

 

[Gretchendz]

Welcome!

I had two separate TKRs last year. The second time hubby and I agreed he really did not need to hang around the hospital too much. I was too busy in PT or sleeping or being woken up for all the vitals, etc.

It was far more important for him to be with me at home for 3-5 days after I returned home. that's when I needed him. I needed him fresh and rested for this so I would have discouraged the "stay in the room" thing with me.

When he comes home, you will have PLENTY to do to make you feel useful.

 

[Rowdy66]

Welcome to BoneSmart! Had BTKR about end and half months ago and I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital, however, I did have one son who came to see me. He and my husband were at the hospital for my surgery and they stayed and made sure that I was going to be okay and then they went home. The next day I called my husband early and told him to stay home, I would call him and let him know when I was ready to come home. I was in hospital six days and he came a couple of times. My son, who works for the University associated with the hospital was there for a while everyday but really I didn't need anyone. The recliner in my room was for me, darn it and I sure didn't want to share it. LOL. Good luck with your spouses surgery. Rowdy

 

[hnkford]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel much better about not staying the night or hanging around his hospital room.

Jamie, I hadn't thought about the number for the nurses station. I was worried about calling him while he was asleep but I hadn't thought about getting updates from the nurse instead.

This site has been such great help in preparing us for what to expect. We both now go in to this knowing to be patient about the process. Thank you again for all your help and support!

 

[Jamie]

Thanks, Hnkford! Information is such a powerful tool. It's what this forum is all about and it's always so gratifying to see people helping each other through difficult times. We'll be here for you whenever you need support or just to chat.

 

[stives]

I'm also a newbie as I've only just found this forum. I had a left TKR at the end of October 2008 and spent four nights in hospital. Although I did have visitors, I would have been quite happy if no-one had turned up as there is so much going on. Nurses coming to do tests, the dreaded physiotherapist trying to get you to move your leg (very hard work!), getting in and out of bed, going to the bathroom, walking down the corridor, talking to other patients , having cups of tea (this is England, it might be coffee where you are), having meals etc. The rest of the time I was probably dozing, but it went very quickly. I took a book in with me but didn't have time to open it. It is definitely much more important to have someone around when you get home, at least for the first ten days or so after the operation. I am waiting for my right TKR imminently. Well, as imminently as our fantastic NHS can fit it in. Might be done at the same time as yours. I don't think we would be able to have a spouse stay with us over here, but I wouldn't have gone for it anyway. Good luck!

 

[Simon]

Like Josephine I had no visitors for the 3 days in the hospital or the 11 days up on rehab as family was out of state and I was at a hospital about 3 hours from the house. I had no problem with it.

In the past my own experience is that when family is around I worried more about them and they would do things that I won't so I found it more irritating but that is my family and may not be at all how you and your wife work.

I would vote that if time off is involved that you save it for afterwards as that will be more helpful

Simon

 

[hurtingbuthopeful]

Its better to save your time when he will need it most - at home. I spent 4 days at the hospital for THR and even though I told everyone I'd rather be alone, everyone came! Guess I wasn't loud enough. At one point I had 8 people in my room. Yesh. They are all standing around your bed, just staring at you. It's unsettling.

 

[GaryM]

I was too high on the drugs to remember anyone stopping by to see me. haha. I did crave Gator Aid though. Ice cold Gator Aid. Yea man. My pastor stopped by but I didn't remember. He said I was sitting in my chair nodding out. Looked like I was trying to text someone. It was a busy time wasn't it guys. Lots going on but I really don't remember much.

I didn't want to be bothered either. Just wanted to get it done and get home. My wife was a big help. So was my mom. Could not have done it without them. Save your leave so when he comes home you can be there for him. That's when he will need you. I had someone with me for about 4 weeks.