• RATE YOUR SURGEON ON OUR NEW JOINT SURGEON LOCATOR

    Your opinion matters so please click on this announcement to find out how to rate the surgeons you have worked with

    You could also go to the Surgeon Locator via the blue nav bar at the top - find the tab "Surgeon Locator"

THR One Month Today Since Left THR...

CricketHip

FORUM ADVISOR
Forum Advisor
Joined
Jul 12, 2015
Messages
3,286
Location
PA.
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
I am glad to hear that you finally have a date and it is good that it coincides with friends who can help!

You certainly have the right to ask your OS some questions and to expect to be treated in a professional manner. I would suggest writing down and prioritizing your key points so you can speak clearly and in a timely manner so he doesn't get antsy.
I've done this several times with both my doctors and my husband's Doctors and I think they respected me for valuing their time restraints and for having a clear protocol of what I are asking.
I've had a few Doctors ask me what I do for a living..apparently because I use their lingo and cut to the chase. :) :-) (:
All it takes is a bit of research ahead of time.
Good luck and I hope you can find ways to cope until December.. just think you will be a double hippie before the New Year!
 

leejaa

post-grad
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Messages
1,814
Age
65
Location
NY State
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
You do deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. You are not just whining but trying to make sure you get what you need.

I was going glad to see that you have done friends that will be around at the beginning.

Hang in there and your time to be pain free will come.
 
OP
OP
DesertDiva

DesertDiva

junior member
Joined
Sep 19, 2019
Messages
50
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
:xmark:The Truth of the Matter:xmark:

I'm the middle child of seven with my siblings basically spread out over the United States. This past summer, by oldest brother who lives in Indianapolis was diagnosed with a malignant bladder tumor. Subsequently he went through chemotherapy and surgery. However, the edges of the wall of his bladder still had malignant cells and he had a second surgery and a now has an external urostomy (bag). Recently, he had a scan and they discovered nodules on his liver and lungs.

It's not sounding good at all...

In the meantime, I find that I'm still reeling from my August diagnosis of avascular necrosis (AVN) and the first of two hip surgeries eight weeks ago today with the second being at the end of December. We're not a close family, but I worry about my brother and if I were "fine" would have traveled to Indianapolis to assist him.

My sister (the oldest) is somewhat dramatic and when a flurry of text messages from my siblings appear on my phone I find myself depressed because at this time I'm basically "powerless" to do anything. My oldest brother was never a good money manager/planner, so earlier this year when my sister said he didn't have a bed (and was scheduled for chemo), I went online and bought a bed for him from IKEA and used their program to have it set up for him. When I sent a group message to my siblings for them to chip in, one of my brothers contributed 1/5th and the rest were silent.

However, I digress. I'm having a hard time doing this all alone (for the most part) and my one brother (who contributed for the bed) calls me from time-to-time to make sure I'm OK. I'm having a hard time because I feel "half fixed," have had dental issues, and the stress is having an effect on my healing.

I suppose I wrestle with "what's the right thing to do" in the midst of all of this turmoil. My right hip is painful, but since I got cleared to drive I find myself trying to escape by "window shopping" until the pain is so severe I return home. I'm fine that the "focus" isn't upon me because my needs aren't as severe as my brother. However, everyone (except for my brother who helped with the bed) act like I'm totally fine.

I'm not.

I'm struggling.

Tomorrow I meet again with my OS to discuss my "issues." Prayers and/or good vibes would be welcome so I don't make a complete a$$ of myself.

I'm sorry that this is a rant, but I'm desperately trying to heal (yes, emotionally from the diagnosis) and physically and don't feel I'm doing a good job.
 

VSlowLife

graduate
Joined
Jul 24, 2019
Messages
665
Age
60
Location
Northeast USA
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
@DesertDiva So sorry to hear about your brother who is so ill. It’s scary when it’s your siblings. My siblings are stretched out across the country, too.
Do you have a senior center who may be able to help you with somethings? Senior centers often have social workers who can offer suggestions. Would meals on wheels help you?
 

Layla

SENIOR FORUM ADVISOR
Senior Forum Advisor
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
19,636
Location
Minnesota
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
Good Evening, @DesertDiva
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Close family, or not, it's still your brother, he's ill and I'm assuming anxious and frightened. I'm sure you feel helpless and are worried about him. Maybe you're unable to travel in person, but you can support him via the phone or Internet I would hope. That should be a comfort to both of you.

A diagnosis leading to Total Hip Replacement can be a shocker for some. For others who worried their symptoms were something more sinister, it may have been a relief. We're all different in our reaction due to differing circumstances.
Sadly, it is what it is, you're dealing with it and in doing so will have a brighter future.

You contributed to the purchase of a bed for your brother out of the goodness of your heart and love for him, sadly we're not responsible for others choices and they're the ones that have to live with the consequences of the decisions they make. Hopefully you feel blessed with your ability to help him.

I'm sorry you've had to struggle with dental issues in the midst of your recovery. Hopefully the next six weeks move quickly and you'll be on your way to healing and recapturing life as you once knew it. Two new hips and dental work complete. The New Year should be a good one for you!

You may feel alone, but you have us. Cold comfort, but we do understand because we've been there. So, call on us when you're feeling lonely, or contact friends, neighbors, the local church or whatever other resources you may be able to benefit from to get you through the next few months. Many have done this alone. Personally, I don't know how they did it, but I know that many have. You'll make it through.

If you're set on using the surgeon you're scheduled to meet with tomorrow have any questions or concerns written down and ask if you can record the appt on your phone so that you can reference the recording later on. The short appt times often make it difficult to concentrate on answers when you're waiting to fire off your next question. If you're going alone, without an extra pair of ears, a recording will help.

Prayers for comfort and peace of mind for both you and your brother.
 

leejaa

post-grad
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Messages
1,814
Age
65
Location
NY State
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
Family can often be difficult. I am sorry you have that extra concern about your brother now also..

Just stopping by to see how your appt. went today. I hope it was productive. Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone.
 
OP
OP
DesertDiva

DesertDiva

junior member
Joined
Sep 19, 2019
Messages
50
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
@leejaa @Layla @CricketHip @RinTinTin @VSlowLife @Elf1 @Mojo333 (and everyone)

Thank You!

Words can't express how much it means that you care about a person you've never met and offer to help with their "struggles." Please let me say that your comments, thoughts, and well wishes don't go unappreciated and/or unnoticed.

Please know that your advice, comments, and support has helped me greatly in this journey so far (tearing up) and your support helps me to realize that I'm not alone and I can get through this "blip" in my life.

My Meeting Today with my OS...

I didn't record our conversation, but I was able to keep eye contact and discuss all of my concerns. I was nervous before our meeting, but I maintained eye contact, kept to my "list" of issues, and felt "calm" as I began our conversation. I did mention in our conversation that he appears to be conservative, he countered with he wants the best possible outcome for me and was concerned about doing a second surgery while I was still under hip precautions with my first hip.

He said he "would" do the surgery two weeks earlier, but would prefer I wait until 12/30. In actuality, he's going to be in town, but on vacation and is scheduling time for me alone (plus any surgical accidents on call) that are thrown to him.

Therefore, he is concerned about my well being and good outcome. I feel bad through the medical shuffle that communication was compromised, etc...

So, all systems are "go" for Hippy New Year! LOL

The Avascular Necrosis (AVN) Stage...

Previously, we had talked "around" about the AVN and the condition and stage of my hips. However, today, I discussed the four stages and asked what stage my hip(s) were. No surprise, but I'm at stage 4 where the femoral ball collapses and osteoarthritis sets in. Deep down inside I knew that, but no one likes to admit to the truth. It's a mute point to discuss/speculate what would have happened if I had been diagnosed earlier. At this point, it's obviously "damage control."

I think I'm tolerating the pain well, but when I try to do too much I'm a hot mess. Although, I've been cleared to drive with my left hip replacement I try to do too much and find myself in distress and pain. I have this strange "surreal" feeling that this is actually happening to me, but deep down inside I know it is.

It's comforting and distressing at the same time to know that in a little over a month I'll be doing this all again.
 

Layla

SENIOR FORUM ADVISOR
Senior Forum Advisor
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
19,636
Location
Minnesota
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
Words can't express how much it means that you care about a person you've never met and offer to help with their "struggles."
That's the best thing about the forum. People helping people through an experience that we all share!

It's comforting and distressing at the same time to know that in a little over a month I'll be doing this all again.
Understandable for sure! Look at it this way when it feels overwhelming...Your first recovery will roll into your second and you'll be done! You won't have to worry, wait and wonder how long your non op hip will hold out because you'll have a shiny new one to match Lefty. :yes:
I think 2020 will be a great year for you! :happydance:
Wishing you peace and comfort as you await your date.
 

ritabell

junior member
Joined
Jun 5, 2019
Messages
99
Age
71
Location
Florida
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
I agree with VSlowlife that a senior citizens center may be helpful right now. You should be able to get meds on wheels. Contact your local high school. There may be a club that offers assistance to seniors or the disabled.

As far as your siblings or friends not calling. I have found that people don't call because they are afraid that you will ask for help and they not be able to provide it. Sometimes all you need is a daily pep-talk and let them know that. I have found that most people don't have a clue what it's like to have this scary surgery and recovery and can't face that it will happen to them and would rather talk to you when you're better and commiserate with you then. Ignore those people for now. You don't need any extra aggravation right now. Just concentrate on what will help YOU. Do things that are positive for YOU every day and surround yourself with those people right now until you're through recovery.

This is a place for you to vent and we are listening.

Let us know how things went at your appointment.
 

CricketHip

FORUM ADVISOR
Forum Advisor
Joined
Jul 12, 2015
Messages
3,286
Location
PA.
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
@DesertDiva Your appointment sounds like it was very positive and am so proud of you for staying calm and having your list of questions ready. AVN can be so painful..and if yours is stage 4, well it's time to get this over with and fixed.
You must be so relieved to have had such a candid talk with your OS.
Hopefully you will be able to have a good phone conversation with your brother, soon also.

Take care and I hope you get a good night's sleep. :thumb:

Come on December 30th!!
 

Mojo333

SENIOR FORUM ADVISOR
Senior Forum Advisor
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
20,687
Age
56
Location
GA
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
So happy to hear you have a date...your candor with your OS seems not to have gone unnoticed.
:yes:
We are all rooting for you @DesertDiva
Time to get well and get back to life.:egypdance:
It's going to happen!
 

RinTinTin

senior
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
282
Age
61
Gender
Male
Country
Canada Canada
@DesertDiva ... looks like you do have a surgeon that cares.
Like you, my second surgery is 3 months apart and I am babying the bad one for quiet some time now... not being able to really work on recovering the already operated.
But c'est la vie!
You will be okay very soon... hold on there!
:)
 

Elf1

FORUM ADVISOR
Forum Advisor
Joined
Apr 2, 2019
Messages
1,128
Age
63
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
@DesertDiva sounds like your appointment went well and your surgeon really cares about you and your outcome from both surgeries. Sometimes things get lost in space when talking with some, not all, office staff. It's kind of like playing telephone when we were kids! :snork:

Definitely sounds like it's time to get that second one taken care of so you can get back to living life! It's going to be a heck of a new year! :cheers:
 
OP
OP
DesertDiva

DesertDiva

junior member
Joined
Sep 19, 2019
Messages
50
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
:gaah: When to Worry - or Not? :gaah:

There has been an issue that concerns me, and before I was released from Home Health Care, OT, and PT I did address it and was told not to worry. However, three weeks now after being released from services I'm still having "issues."

I've never been a back sleeper, and it was totally alien for me to sleep on my back with a wedge between my legs for six weeks. I'm almost at nine weeks (Tuesday), but I'm still sleeping on my back (without a wedge) as my un-operated hip/leg (right) is pretty painful. I have trouble getting comfortable in bed, and put a small piece of foam under my right lower back, and of course my knee is sore due to my uneven gait.

When I go to bed and I'm off my feet there's a certain feeling of numbness. However, once I'm on my feet again it feels "normal." (Whatever that is...) My PT said being forced to sleep on your back can cause a myriad of issues since you're restricted from your normal sleep pattern.

I had no issues pre-surgery, but after I came home the bone just above my heel hurt when I went to bed. The home health care team suggested a small pillow at night that would allow my painful bone to "drop" over the other side. This has actually helped and the pain is less and less. Gee, who knows how I was "contorted" during surgery...

After surgery, I basically wore my Birkenstock sandals. However, as the weather has turned cooler I've switched to Mary Jane Sketchers (and sometimes now knee length compression socks as I still have some swelling during the day in my ankle on the operative side).

The newest drama is that my big toe started out having a little red spot (bruised?) in the corner but has gotten progressively worse and now the red area (under the toenail) has spread and is throbbing. I don't recall injuring my toe/foot but feel like something is "pinched."

As many of you know if you look in an encyclopedia for the word "anxiety" my picture will probably be beside the definition. I've tried the "wait and see" but probably should visit my Internist on Monday if it gets more painful and worse. This is, by the way on the painful un-operated side which is giving me fits from my back, groin area, knee, etc...

Which brings me to my next point...

The ONLY thing that is giving me relief from pain is to totally stay off and "baby" my un-operated hip like @RinTinTin. I took my rescue malti-poo to the groomer yesterday, poked around in some thrift stores, and after 4-5 hours I was in agony. Meloxicam used to "take the edge off," but since I'm in Stage 4 of AVN I can imagine that hip isn't a pretty sight. After I got the green light to drive again, it's difficult for me to stay put.

I guess I should see my Internist next week, but it's just that I'm so tired of worrying about medical issues...
 

ritabell

junior member
Joined
Jun 5, 2019
Messages
99
Age
71
Location
Florida
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
I agree with VSlowLife.. See a podiatrist who are usually very busy around here, so ask for an emergency appointment thinking you might be getting an infection just to get in there to see him/her to be taken care of, I thought the same thing with hip#1 and they saw me right away. She was able to trim my nails and prevent a problem.

No only did I go to a podiatrist after hip number 1, but I was became convinced that I was anemic because I was so cold all the time. I ended up going to my GP for a complete blood work. What I found happened to me is that I became afraid of every odd thing/twinge, sore.. that I would notice , because all of this was so new to me and I felt very out of control. My GP was very helpful and supportive as I worked my way thru this period of time.

All I can say is try not to get overwhelmed by everything that's happening. I know that's not easy as I struggle every day, Give yourself a day off somehow from thinking about your hips 24/7. I have resented this constant worry and have been very angry about it , and my only solution is to have a day off. It sounds like your outing may have been too much, so try again but for a shorter time.

Hope you can have a pleasant weekend. I totally understand your struggle.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Stiff knee NC

junior member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
36
Age
62
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
@DesertDiva : I am dealing w/a difficult, tight KNEE not hip...but I just want to say HANG in there! This forum is great...lots of great advice and encouragement! We are all here for you. Wish I lived closer (I’m in NC) because I could drive you. I’ve made a vow to help those w/sore/post-op knees and hips if/WHEN I get better! Ps I am not a crier and I’ve boo hoo’d more in the past 4 mos (surgery aug 2) than I have in 4 yrs. Best of luck in your healing...
 

RinTinTin

senior
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
282
Age
61
Gender
Male
Country
Canada Canada
Hi there @DesertDiva...
I understand your anxiety... I would freak out too but I don't believe it's something serious.
It's a good idea to see your doctor and even the podiatrist as already suggested and get it under control.
Fingers crossed!
 

leejaa

post-grad
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Messages
1,814
Age
65
Location
NY State
Gender
Female
Country
United States United States
Get it checked out as soon as possible. It would prevent problems plus allay your anxiety.

I realize you want to be out and about but maybe arrange shorter outings with breaks in between to come home to ice and elevate and rest both hips.
 

BoneSmart #1 Best Blog

Staff online

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
48,905
Messages
1,337,586
BoneSmarties
30,855
Latest member
Gen
Recent bookmarks
0

Top Bottom