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OK...the truth is.......

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beth1954

beth1954

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I am so scared about having the TKR and I keep trying to ignore it or put it off. It makes me sick to think about it. I think I have mentioned before (early on) that I was scared about the financial aspect, my job, and just the surgery itself, the pain and the PT. I guess I'm just a big chicken. I'm going to see my OS Monday to go over the latest x-rays that I had after I had that bad fall in a parking lot a couple of weeks ago. I was just sure that I done some damage...make it worse than it is already. I tried to post my x-rays, but like I said, my computer has some kind of malfunction now with any kind of image.

I want to just say to him, let's schedule this! but i don't know if I can do that.

I have read so many encouraging and positive comments on here and thought I was ready, but I'm so scared. I also know I probably causing more and more problems when I put it off. I hear my bones rubbing together more now than before. It doesn't really hurt when it does that, it's just really loud. The only person I have to help me out is my 79 year old mother who has one lung. She is slowing down daily. My daughter doesn't have any sick leave or vacation leave at work, and would have time without pay. I can't have that because then I would have to help her out, and I'm gonna be broke. Good God I am rambling on and on.........sorry--I'm just in a bad state of mind right now and really nervous.
 
Hi Beth .. I understand everything you are saying. My husband lost his job I have 2 children. My job let me go because of this. At the same time I could not live like that anymore. The surgery is not that bad. The recovery is harder, bit after a week or 2 gets much better. Can your daughter atleast come over when she gets off of work...And PT will be comig to your house a few times a week. Sometimes a nurse can even come help out. Get your daughter to make some sandwiches that you can have during the day, easy to get to. Then if her or a friend came come over or yourself , get some frozen dinners and you will atleast have that for dinner. .. Are there any friends then can come by and help a little. After my surgery things feel in place. I got a job working out of the house. Dont sit in pain, it wont get better till you get it fixed. Sorry so long just trying to give you options...Hnag in there . I hope you feel better soon. Please post anytime, we will all try to help you.....Have a great night,....
 
Beth, you can do this. I had 10 days to prepare for surgery. I saw my doctor in March. He said to come back in a month. I was back there two weeks later to see if we could do the surgery as soon as possible. Why? My husband had been laid off months earlier and we were about to lose our health insurance. Again, 10 days after that second visit, I went under the knife.

I did not have much help. My husband was doing temp work at the time of my surgery. He took the day of my surgery off. The day after I came home from the hosptial, I was on my own . . . with a 7 year old who needed to be gotten up, fed and have his lunch ready to go out the door when he did. (My mom took him to school.) I was also left at home with a puppy who was full of energy and couldn't be walked until my husband got home in the afternoon. I dealt with these things. My mother brought me frozen food and made some things I could microwave. Other than that, I dealt with all of this by myself.

You can do it. Stock up on food. Fill your prescription for pain meds. Then do it. You can't allow other things in your life to cloud your judgment. If your knee is bone-on-bone, there is pain, isn't there? If you're hearing the bones rubbing together (like I used to), you can bet that you will eventually experience severe pain if you haven't felt it already.

We still don't have jobs. Money is incredibly non-existent around here. That wasn't going to stop me from getting my new knee. The pain isn't worth it.

You can do it. It's okay to be scared. We were all scared about this. I certainly didn't think I'd be doing so much of the recovery alone. It was fine though. You're really not up to doing much right after you get home.

Get all of your ducks in order and join the rest of us in the bionic world!
 
Beth, these guys have written the best words to help you see that you can and you NEED to do this. We all understand your fear...it is something everyone has! When you have the surgery, you know you will have a short period where you need some help. The suggestions from Kim and Surfsister are right on. You CAN prepare yourself and your house and arrange for people to come by after work or whenever it is possible for them to check on you. You can keep in touch with family by phone. You CAN do it!

But you are guaranteed to be in pain and miserable for every day that you DON'T do the surgery. At least the recovery pain is a healing type that gets better. What you're going through now will only be worse with time. You don't want that!! You have a life to live!

I know it seems scary now, but the more things you do for yourself in advance of surgery day, the more in control you'll feel. So go see your doctor, talk with him, and make that date. If possible see if you can go to a rehab facility after the hospital so you have a few extra days of full-time care. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and neighbors and family. They will be more than happy to assist you -- at least that's been my experience. So many times we women do and do for others and then feel guilty asking for any help ourselves. This is one time you need to put that aside and focus on the good days ahead with your new knee!!!
 
Beth--
As usual the best advise comes from those who have done this. When you start using some of your nervous energy to make actual preparations for after the surgery, you'll feel better. I joked before my BTKR that my lists had lists of their own. All the preparation has made it easier, and yours will too.
Blessings,
Irene
 
How many people on this forum, or in other places, have you heard say that they wished they had waited? You will have some discomfort, but you won't be like totally crippled. They get up with a walker either the same day, or the next morning after your TKR. You are not bedridden. Sure, it helps to have someone there to fetch stuff for you, etc, but you don't really have to rely on that. You will be able to get around just fine. First with your real stable walker, and within a few days it will just slow you down and you will go to a cane or crutch. Don't obsess about not being able to get around. You just take it slow and easy the first few days.

Your daughter doesn't need to stay with you all day. She can help out by doing your grocery shopping for you after work, dropping by with the stuff you need, etc. If she did take time off from work what would she do, just sit there and talk. You can do that with your mother. Taking care of you is NOT a full time job after this. Its just an extremity. Heck, you got three others.

The pain meds help a lot, if you remember to stay ahead of them and not let yourself get to the point where you are playing catchup with the pain.

The surgery itself is a snap. The whole process feels like it takes two seconds, and you will miss even those two seconds. Really. You will be chatting with the docs, nurses, etc. and somehow, magically, you are suddenly in your room and it's all been over for a while.

Who said we have nothing to fear but fear itself? I think it was Churchill.
 
Close, Gringo, but not quite! Was FDR in his First Inaugural Address in 1932! But you have it right anyway.

Beth, you have to grit your teeth and go for it. You're never going to say I wish I'd waited or I wish I'd never had this done. (Though people sometimes get into that state of mind somewhere between weeks 2 and 6!). Think long term - the rest will have to get itself sorted out in good time. God bless you, honey.
 
Yes, of course you are right. Please note it was 02:00 when I was up wondering whether to take some codeine or not. I didn't. But I did find another quote from Churchill:


"Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others." (Sir Winston Churchill)


and
"No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear." (Edmund Burke)
 
I only see the times in the UK version, I'm afraid!
 
Bravery can be defined as "in the face of risks, doing what is right."

You've done your research, you know the pros and cons, somewhere long the line you ahve determined it is time to make a change; so find comfort and calm in knowing that you've made the right decision and just let it happen.

We will be here waiting for you on the other side.
 
Thanks everyone. As scared as I am, I will definitely push for the surgery tomorrow when I see my OS. I know it's the right thing to do. Yes, I do hear/feel my bones cracking and rubbing together. I do have alot of pain. Especially when I first get up if I've been sitting for quite some time. I have to hold on to furniture and walk like I'm 100 years old and I'm only 55. Hobbling, and limping, and it's really ridiculous. I have lost 50 pounds in preparation for the surgery and I hope I can lose some more. I bought a book that tells you all the exercises to do before surgery. So if I put my mind to it, I can do alot to be prepared.

Kim and Surfsister, you make me feel so grateful. I know I sometimes fall into terrible pity parties. But I do have a stable job. They aren't going to let me go because of this, I have at least 7 weeks of sick time (with a sit-down job, which is only a good thing I would think.) I have pretty decent insurance. With my car accident, foot surgery, etc. I've paid so much "out of pocket" that I think I'm about $500 away from paying my maximun out of pocket. That means that after I pay out another $500, everything will be paid for 100% after that.

My mother who is 79 years old, with one lung, does alot. She is still pretty healthy and will do everything she possibly can for me. I think for me it's just the idea that she has to help me so much. She shouldn't have to be doing that. She already works harder than me. She's pretty feisty.

So no, I won't be alone like some of you......that is a great comfort. My daughter can come over occasionally. She lives about an hour away from me, works about 30 minutes north of her home, so it would be quite a drive to do every day during the week. Plus she has a small zoo of animals (well, 2 birds, 1 spoiled dog and 3 cats) that she has to be home for alot. But I know she wants to help. She doesn't have any sick leave. She would like to stay with me the first whole week, but she just can't. If she has money problems, that means I have money problems, ya know?

My mom is a whiz at sandwiches, frozen dinners and an occasional pot roast. I am notorious for worrying about things that haven't happened yet and I don't really know that they WILL happen.

I have new x-rays for my doc to look at tomorrow too.

Thanks again for getting my mind going in the right direction.
:cnsl:
 
I was looking at your signature line, and it reminded me of another one I have used sometimes..

"I am not ever going to be as good as I once was, but I am as good once as I ever was."
 
The thing I love about this forum (or as I call it, support group) is you can come here to get the kick in the a%@ you need. Knee replacement seems so frightening when it's looking you in the face. No one will deny that. Truthfully, the surgery is the easy part. The hard part is the recovery. However, it's not hard in a way that requires help from others. It's hard because you have to be patient and motivated. I was in a bad place emotionally at five weeks out. Now, at almost seven, I feel totally different. I've never regretted the decision to have surgery. But there will be times when you just want it to be over with already. I'm actually at the point where I'm talking about getting back in the ocean to swim or ride my mat (which requires the use of fins). In another month, I'll be giving serious thought to getting back on my surfboard. It all depends on how much strength I'll have regained in the affected leg.

Your mother's emotional support and cooking skills will be what you need from her. Let her help you. You're a mother. You know how much we want to do for our children. Mothers don't necessarily age out of that. My mother is 79. There was no way I could tell her not to help after I had my surgery. Doing so made her happy. And Lord knows I would have starved to death in this house had she not done grocery shopping and made food on occasion.

I think your head is in the right space now, Beth. You're ready for this.
 
Heck, I moved in with my parents for a few days in Texas. And I am 58.

The worst weeks for me, so far, were week 2 and week 4. Week 2 because I was impatient, and said hey, I been out of surgery for a whole week already! How really long is this gonna take!?!?!?

Then the doc said I could fly home after two weeks, and that made it better.

Then week 4, I was still being told NOT to try to drive the manual transmission. NOT to get in the ocean yet. NOT to try to get off the pain meds.

But it got better again at week 5, last week. Cause all those restrictions went away.

So it's definitely some ups and downs. You just gotta realize that going in, and know you are going to be uncomfortable a lot of the time early on. You are going to have some issues sleeping for more than a few hours at a time for a few weeks. It's going to hurt to stretch the muscles and tendons.

But if you just KNOW all that going in, you can handle it. Just look at the calendar and say 'Yep, week two. Right where I am supposed to be." It takes some patience, for sure.

Then, when you get through the biggest bumps, you look back and say "hey that doesn't seem so bad, looking back at it from this side.

I am actually looking forward to getting the second one done, now. The sooner I get it upgraded, the sooner I can start using it.
 
I made a chart for the first 24 weeks ....

[Bonesmart.org] OK...the truth is.......

. mama mia! > > > > > > > > > getting back to normal > > > > > > > > > > > what op?
 
Oh Wow Jo,
Nice chart!!! I can hardly wait now for the 17th so I too will be able to say "what surgery????" It will be so Great.
 
Gringo,
I suppose you've heard that song, too? I'm not sure who sings it....maybe Toby Keith?
"I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was." Good song.

Well, I'll be at the doctor's office in the morning.......I'll let you know what happens.
Love you all!
Beth
 
Nope, I haven't heard a song like that. But I know of several songs I have heard that were based upon an old saying I had known for years. I remember when I first heard the Stones singing "Between a rock and a hard place", and I had heard that phrase all my life, decades before someone wrote it into a song.

You'll be fine. Just those pre-decision jitters. In the six months before I finally made the commitment, I must have found sixteen or seventeen hundred good, valid, reasonable, intelligent, reasons to put it off. In my case, it was a bit more complicated than usual since we had to fly to the US to do it. All kinds of reservations and arrangements to make. Heck, our kennel bill was going to run into the thousands, alone, and insurance didn't pay that. Or the car rental. Hotels, airport parking. I must have come to the conclusion that I could make the old knees go another hundred thousand miles a million times, Even after I had already set the date, In my case, I had made the mistake of finding and watching a video of the whole thing. Probably not a good idea right off the bat. Now, of course, I describe these steps in great relish to laymen, and enjoy watching their faces turn white. Of course, I have worked on my routine.

But when people ask me now whether I still thought it was a good thing to do after having gone through it, the answer is a resounding YES! And I knew that the very first time the hospital PT lady got me out of bed and standing in my new walker, the next morning after the operation. That feeling of having a stable knee was worth every twinge.

I know I could make my other knee go another few years, especially now that I have a solid knee to rely on. But I ain't gonna do that. If I could get the second one done sooner than Sept, I would.

You'll be fine. You'll have moments in the week after you get out of the hospital when you think "what have I done!" but you'll be answering your own question. And it just gets better as you mark the days off.
 
Gringo said:
Heck, I moved in with my parents for a few days in Texas. And I am 58.

*snip*
Click to expand...
After two weeks in the hospital (which was also the rehab facility), I spent two weeks at my parents' house because theirs is a single-level house with a handicapped accessible bathroom (I'm 39). My personal goal was "Once I master the steps, I can go home" because my house is two levels and the bathroom is upstairs. My parents had five steps up into their house and that was it. It took nearly the whole two weeks before I was comfortable enough to go up the steps (down was a breeze though).
 
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