Not driving at 16 wks

[ilovedogs]

Thank you so much for this site, everyone! My mother has had 2 TKRs (October '08 and Feb '09) and for me as the caretaker, this has been a great help. I've shared it with her as well.

I know she's a little down and not motivated to get out and get going--especially since she retired right when the 1st surgery was scheduled.

At 8 weeks, her OS said that she could start driving. Now she's at 16 weeks and hasn't tried at all. I wonder if I should push it or just let her decide when the time is right? What has your experience been with post-op patients in similar circumstances? I suspect it will help overall, but she's still using a cane and sometimes the walker. She's 60 and in otherwise perfect health.

 

[Jamie]

So glad our fourm has been a benefit to you.

At this point your Mom may feel like she has been in recovery her whole life!! That can be the case when you have knee replacements one after the other.

What type of pain medication is she using at this point? Is she sleeping well? Is there pain that causes her to use the cane or walker? Did she do any post-op therapy and is she still going?

It is possible that your Mom has some pain going on that needs attention or she may be depressed. Both of these can be helped with medication for a period of time until the symptoms lessen. I wonder about the depression thing because you say she retired at the same time she had these surgeries.....that's some pretty major life changes all at once.

But most importantly....60 years old is YOUNG (heck, that's MY age!!!)....and she needs to get reconnected with life now that she is going to have those new knees to trot around on.

 

[loggon]

Ilovedogs
I am 68 and could not wait to be told I could drive. I started driving at 6 1/2 weeks. I don't do a lot but I do drive some.

I suppect your mom may just be a little nervous. Encourage her to drive or just tell her it is time for her to drive. Make sure you are with her for the first time.

I have you taken her back to the OS to see if there is any reason why she can't?

What is her flex degree? May she should sit behind the wheel a practice the gas peddle(beside it) and moving her let to the brake.
I did this several times to make sur I was ready. If nothing else take her to a road where is not much traffic or a parking lot where the stores are not open and let her try. I am sure she will be back driving in no time.

 

[Texas]

Aw I am so sorry about your Mom. I went thru a time of depression. Its hard when you have to depend on everyone all the time. Then retiring on top of that. I cant imagine. Maybe baby steps. Will she take a lil walk around the block with you? But as Jamie said make sure shes not in pain anywhere first. Maybe she is just nervous! You are terrific for caring for her so much! I sure hopew she gets to feeling better. Please let us know how she is doing........

 

[Judles]

The longer Mom waits to drive...the more difficult it will be for her! Take her to an empty prking lot and let her drive aroun and brake sharply, and get her confidence back! She just needs a gentle nudge....maybe a push! But she'll do it!

 

[ilovedogs]

Thanks all! At 10 weeks, her OS said she could start driving "soon". It's 16 weeks now, so I think she should try? I believe she's taking some Vicodin still, but I'm not sure. She lives alone and I'm about 40 miles away, so I'm not there every day.

I do think she's just nervous to drive. I don't know why she's back to the WALKER, that seems bad to me! Of course, I haven't been through this myself, so I don't know how it feels. I'm sure the retirement is compounding everything.

I think her flex is 120? 130? After her TKR on Feb 3, she spent 7 days in a rehab facility and then had ~10 sessions with a PT in her home. She has since continued the exercises on her own. The OS was very happy with her progress at her 4- and 10-week follow-up visits. (She missed the last one, scheduled for May 9, so she hasn't seen him since April 13.)

What if she doesn't want to try or says she's too weak or in too much pain? What would YOU want to hear in order to feel motivated? I'd like to hear from someone who has been through this pain. I'm just looking in from the outside and thinking let's move it! But maybe that's not how it works.

THANK YOU!

 

[Surfsister]

Got kids? Use the grandma card on her. My mom, who had a BTKR while I was pregnant, would move heaven and earth for her grandchild. I bet your mom would too. You just have to find a way to use the grandkid(s) as bait.

"Mom, (fill in the kid's name) said something so cute the other day. She said one of her favorite things is to look out the window and see Grandma pulling into the driveway." That would have gotten my mom into her car before she'd even hung up the phone!

 

[ilovedogs]

Brilliant! But no kids. I'm going to use a Irish history course that we can take together as bait. It's close to her house, but she'll have to meet me there. It starts July 1, so she'll have a month to prep. I'll keep you all posted.

 

[Jamie]

Does she have a social network of friends nearby that could engage her? Before the knee surgery, what were her plans for retirement? I think your idea is a good start, though. And maybe a session of driving with you in the car for support....just to get over the fear. Her progress is excellent and she should be happy about having that mobility. It does make me think there might be some depression issues going on too. That can happen when a person is on pain meds for a while. It is not necessarily permanent and can sometimes be helped by a short time on an antidepressant like Zoloft. As you spend more time talking with her, you'll be able to see if the problem is just fear, feeling lonely and disconnected or a more serious depression issue. Please do continue to post!! And tell your Mom we're VERY proud of her progress!!

 

[ilovedogs]

Her brother lives about 10 minutes away and her best friend is about a 20 minute drive.

The range of motion is 110 in left knee (TKR 10/08) and 100 in right knee (TKR 2/09). She has agreed to try to drive in a parking lot on Saturday. Yay!

She is taking meds for anxiety/depression. I think just knowing that she can drive--even just a little bit--will make a bigger difference than any pill can, though.

I'll keep you all apprised!

 

[marennorge]

You mentioned that she went back to the walker. Maybe she fell or tripped and hasn't told you about it. She may be feeling timid and vulnerable, consequently uncertain about driving. Take her out to an empty parking lot (is there such a thing?) is a really good idea.
Happy Motoring.....now that's a blast from the past.

 

[Jamie]

Glad to hear your Mom is willing to go out and drive. I think Marennorge is right that she is feeling vulnerable and extra attention from you and your brother right now would help her regain confidence. Nothing like driving to make you feel like you are more in control of your life!

 

[Josephine]

I thought that, marrennorge. I could just imagine she might have had a trip or a fall and lost her nerve, specially if she is already depressed. She probably just needs a little comforting nudge from someone who cares .... i.e. you!

 

[brs0660]

I was taking happy pills before the surgery and still had a few meltdowns. Psychopharmocologist says pain med plays havoc with emotions and motivation.
Good suggestions Jamie

 

[Texas]

I am so glad she has agreed to try to drive this weekend, good for her. You are a sweetheart coming on here for her. Please keep us posted and good luck, tell her she has alot of friends rooting for her !!!!lol

 

[ilovedogs]

OK, we're going for a spin tomorrow! She's more worried about the strength in her right thigh muscle than her knee. Huh. I'll let you know how it goes!

She's still taking 1 Vicodin daily, which her OS is still prescribing. Again the TKR was Feb 3. It's May 29 now. She's taking it for muscle pain rather than post-op/knee pain. Is that standard?

She heard through the family grapevine that her sister-in-law was calling her a "big baby" for not being out and about, which really upset her and ME. She's asked me to set up the treadmill so she can do some walking without having to go up and down the 20 stairs in her apt bldg to get to the ground level and, of course, she's willing to try driving a little tomorrow. That doesn't sound like a baby to me!

Any similar family experiences? People not understanding the time involved in healing? I admit, at times I don't either, but I'm not the one going through it.

 

[Judles]

Dogs.....You MUST tell Mom she CANNOT drive while taking ANY prescription pain meds! Its the same as driving under the influence!!!!! PLEASE make sure Mom is compliant!!! And BEST of good luck! It really IS like getting back on the proverbial horse after a fall!!

 

[ilovedogs]

No no. I told her no Vicodin for 24 hours before we try driving. It'll also be in a parking lot, not on a real road. :thmb:

 

[Judles]

Good luck to both of you!!! I'm sure everything will go well!!!Although YOU may need a valium!!

 

[aussie]

It's truly amazing how quickly your confidence can slip away from you even in very ordinary things such as driving. I absolutely love driving and have in the past had jobs where I was a professional driver, yet those first few trips after both my ops were the scariest. Everything is back to normal now.

I found a lot of people didn't understand just how long this recovery is, so they would expect you to be up and about zapping about all over the place and it's simply not like that. It takes a long time. I actually feel fantastic at 18 months post hip, and 6 months post knee, but I can still feel there is still healing and repairing going on in there, it's not over yet. I'm not sure who it was (maybe Jamie) who gave me the best answer when people gave the 'Arn't you better YET?" look! I just said "I'm not sure how long it takes your bones to recover when they have been cut in two places?"

It also seems some people think because it was "elective" and not caused by an accident of some sort that the recovery is quicker. Same solution but not as much understanding about the pain and recovery time. Your mum is lucky to have you by her side.

Best wishes to both of you.