THR Moving into calmer waters'

HR is NOT on your side, it's on the side of management so they will not be your friend in this.
I agree with you here, I have watched numerous TED Talks on this subject and spoken with friends. I work for a gov entity so no unions. I wanted to ask HR to help me move to another area, but don't have much hope for that; yes I really don't think they are on your side--except maybe for establishing a paper trail

that said, the reality of a situation like this can be that the person making the complaint may win the battle but lose the war. It is possible to be labeled as a troublemaker and continuing to work in such an environment would be just as uncomfortable as before making the complaint.
Yes, there are already people there that say nothing and just want to retire; plenty of folks whether in gov or private industry suffer in silence with this problem.

Please also consider that you are very vulnerable when you are this soon out of recovery. Weigh that into any decision you make. Ask yourself if you were this unhappy before your surgery or is this something that has just come up once you advised your boss you were going to be off for a while
I was really unhappy before the surgery. Lets just say that when I started in this area this time last year, my first impression is the same as now, except now it is worse and I made an effort to get my old position back. I think this problem is pronounced in the US and we do not have really any recourse except to move on, or suffer in silence. For me hopefully to a new area within or a new job altogether. Yes, this is impacting my recovery and it impacted my health this time last year as well.
 
Last edited:
I especially think this situation is impacting my recovery :blackcloud:--definitely impacting my sleep:zzz:. Of course I don't think my doctor probably knows or understands that. (haha certainly the evil boss doesn't :gaah:) And, from what I have read here so far that it can be different for everyone too! I am noticing too that I am way more sensitive to stuff after this surgery.. not sure if that is the post op talking or the stress or both..this too shall pass...at some point :bath:

I am sorry if I have vented so much. :thankyou:I want to thank everyone here so much for the support. I realize I will ultimately have to figure out what to do, even if that is one day at a time. I guess I thought it would help to talk some about it; and all of the feedback has really helped given me some perspective.

I am having pain and stiffness that I did not have before. I think part of that is the PT last week of which I am going to back off of. I feel comfortable with just walking and some of the simple movements the home PT gave to me to do.. (I haven't even practiced them enough). Sometimes I wonder if doctors want to push/rush people to move after a surgery so scar tissue does not form??

I had a shoulder surgery a few years back and I thought it was strange that they had my sling off in only a week or so. Doctors years ago did not do this. So I wonder if it is the range of motion and scar tissue they are concerned with and recommending the PT? At least that was what I was thinking...OR.. is it that their reputation is on the line and/or ready to get folks moved on (next patient please) ? :scratch: I have older friends who have questioned this as well.. that all the moving around may impact the healing? This doctor of mine seemed really ready to get me into outpatient PT too. He wanted me to do that after only 2 weeks post op! This seemed strange to me. When I went in for my last check up he told me I should have just let go the home health, etc and started the outpatient PT.

Well tomorrow I am going to his office and I requesting another week. I really think that I need it, esp in lieu of the extra stress that I am under.
 
Last edited:
I am having pain and stiffness that I did not have before. I think part of that is the PT last week of which I am going to back off of. I feel comfortable with just walking and some of the simple movements the home PT gave to me to do.. (I haven't even practiced them enough). Sometimes I wonder if doctors want to push/rush people to move after a surgery so scar tissue does not form??
No, our Nurse Director who has decades of experience in joint replacement surgery says this is Not an issue with hips.
I think you have a good plan.
Tightness is a normal occurrence after this kind of major surgery. Your surgeon did major carpentry work and disturbed alot of soft tissue in this area. You aren't tight because your muscle is underused and needs to be stretched and rehabbed. You're tight because your tissue is healing...and full healing takes a full year OR MORE. If a long full step right now is causing pain and limping, don't take long full steps. Take smaller steps. Take a short walk several times a day, instead of longer walks. Use your cane. Use ice. Rest a lot.

So really, this isn't the time to do anything to excess. Baby steps now, and lots of patience.
All temporary, with a great payoff in the end.
 
I understand your distractions and anxiety BUT YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUR RECOVERY FIRST. Your health is what matters most. You say you work for a gov't entity so you should understand compliance or checking the boxes. PT is a box that many OS offices check. The health care system in the US is focused on getting you back to work. Very few Dr.s want to get involved in delaying an employee from returning to work. They cover themselves by sending people to PT. In the case of THR you'll read many threads where the OS is only focused on the condition of the implant and the tissue is not their concern.
 
I retired from a Federal civil service job and had a fair amount of experience with requests for leave under the FMLA - both from employees and I used it myself at one point to care for my parents for months. So I completely understand where you are with a government agency. All the best to you as you work through all this. Major life decisions are never easy but you'll get there.
 
Well folks I returned to work, and my gut was correct. My knees and legs feel extremely weak and I am having stomach issues and trouble concentrating most of the day. I was hit with a lot of the same petty stuff. What’s hard about this is it’s a lot of little things.. jabs and sarcasm because I can “get up out of a chair” and “fast” etc although I don’t notice my speed. It’s as if I’m being told my time off was not warranted etc.

I am feeling really really depressed.. I feel like I was gaslighted and attacked on so many small levels. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. I suppose since I had such a major surgery, I feel really sensitive. I feel like I just cannot deal anymore with the stress and anxiety of these types of attacks
 
Last edited:
Hello,
I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do. Physically and emotionally. At only 9 weeks post op you still have a lot of healing time left. I'm sure you're stressed given your on the job circumstances. My guess is you're still dealing with Energy Drain and therefore the weak feeling legs and knees. I hope you can go home after work and chill in your favorite comfy spot with ice until bedtime, not doing much else for a few more weeks at least.
http://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/energy-drain-for-thrs.12415/

I think you are feeling sensitive and I'm sure a lot of it has to due with what happened before your leave.
It also has to do with Post Op Blues - http://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/post-op-blues-is-a-reality-be-prepared-for-it.7591/

What if you tried to give your colleagues the benefit of the doubt. What if they're trying to be encouraging by commenting how effortlesly you're accessing your chair. What if they're amazed, or surprised themselves, given your leg was so recently sliced open, hammered and sawed upon. What if you didn't view it as an attack, for your own sanity.

I wonder how they would have reacted if you had smiled and said something like this. "Thank you for your encouraging words, it makes me feel more confident in my recovery that you perceive I'm doing so well....many days I don't feel I'm making headway and your comments re-enforce that I'm am indeed moving forward."
I'd try it. What do you have to lose?

Do you think the stomach issue is nerves, meds, something else?

I hope you have a peaceful evening and sleep well tonight.
@Trailgirl
 
@Trailgirl I do think @Layla has the right idea. Smilecand thank them for noticing how well you are doing and being supportive.

I know you went through a very difficult time before medical leave. But maybe they are trying to be supportive. At least some of them.

Hope you have a peaceful and restful evening and night.
 
Thank you for the info about the weak feeling.. it helps..
 
Last edited:
I'm truly sorry you're going through all of this. You have my sympathy. I can tell that it's all consuming and that's understandable. I feel bad that you're dealing with ongoing tension in the work place as you're trying to recover from a major surgery. My heart goes out to you.

However, not knowing you personally, only hearing your side of the story and never experiencing the same, myself, makes it difficult to offer advice. I advised as I would a friend, or family member. It was simply a suggestion, a different viewpoint....that's all.

Could you find a counselor to help you process through all of this, or clergy from your church since it's so heavily weighing on you? I'm sure you're suffering the Post Op Blues in conjunction with the depressed mood you're struggling with due to your circumstances at work. You are in the midst of an extremely difficult situation and could most likely benefit from help beyond what you'll find on a joint replacement forum.

I pray you find peace soon and wish you only the best moving forward.
@Trailgirl
 
@Trailgirl--I taught elementary school for 38 years and we really focused on anti-bullying my last 10+ years in public education. You are right, that genuine bullies don't immediately change their colors just because you are kind to them. I also went through workplace bullying once, and it nearly broke my heart--such an unexpected thing to deal with, and I felt so helpless at times. Luckily I wasn't recovering from a major surgery, which is a huge variable. My situation was resolved, and I learned a great deal about myself, and others in the process. I hope that your situation will lead you to a better place as well---and sooner, rather than later!

One of the strategies that is very effective with bullies is to take away their power by intentionally responding to them in ways like Layla suggested. (Plus for those people at your work who may be genuinely trying to be positive and supportive, it is a fair response.)

For the true bully/bullies you are dealing with, it is a public display of taking the high road---sort of a "killing them with kindness" that puts them at a disadvantage and may be one way to demonstrate to your HR as well that you have tried. When the bully realizes they are not able to rattle you, whatever positive reinforcement they were getting from doing it may end as well. Or not. The truth is, it's hard to predict. But it might be worth a try. Good luck.
 
Trailgirl, if your decision about work vs retirement is that you are going to stay on the job and you're still feeling the way you describe in your posts above, then I suggest you go to your HR office and tell them you need a recommendation to the Employee Assistance Program. This is available through all Federal agencies at no cost to you and can incorporate a variety of counselors and other helpful professionals who can get you through these challenges.
 
i immediately said all of the above.. that is the "thank you for your concern.. thank you thank you, etc".. bullies don't care about those words, I promise.. it is only for your sanity sake to say those and not be like them... and no not everyone there is like that. just the ones that have all the power.. I have continued to take the high road.. my body is not letting me carry on like before.. hence stomach etc.. crying jags..heart palpitations, probably no sleep and a lack of confidence.. most significant.. cannot concentrate at work on the job.. because the other folks are yelling at me and gaslighting me about the job itself....that is.. "arguing with me about the very nuts and bolts of the job i have learned, trained etc so well, I thought"..well. that is what they want tear down so they feel better. Nice words don't change anything, but it will help me..and my integrity that is; so y'all are right, but it definitely doesn't change the players.

I am sorry that I posted all of this.. I am wondering if I don't need a different support.. Thank everyone for your caring and I am sorry for the trouble.
 
Last edited:
You are so right about some of these people. So sorry you have been slammed by all of the things you mentioned above---it really is a helpless feeling, I know. I hope you can get some relief soon.:console2:
 
Thank you @Debru4 I don't think anyone wants to be faced with this, esp after a surgery. I am so sad to hear you went through that too. I do agree that just keeping my sanity about me is important and "kill them with kindness".

I think this is killing my health...and I take full responsibility that I did not extract myself from this situation a whole lot sooner. I am wondering if I was targeted due to my FMLA event. In that case I may have a case with HR, I am not sleeping and that does take its toll on making decisions --that is it is harder to see clearly. Either way I guess I just need to get out of there and hope my husband understands.
 
Last edited:
Could you find a counselor to help you process through all of this, or clergy from your church since it's so heavily weighing on you? I'm sure you're suffering the Post Op Blues in conjunction with the depressed mood you're struggling with due to your circumstances at work. You are in the midst of an extremely difficult situation and could most likely benefit from help beyond what you'll find on a joint replacement forum.
I think this is a good idea. Thank you
 
A few days ago I wound up in the ER with severe chest pain. It really scared me because they told me that even though it has been 8 weeks or so they said there can be a possibility of a blood clot. This was a real wake up call for me.

I wanted to thank everyone again here for your support with this difficult time. I ended up leaving my job!! So now I can focus on my recovery. :flwrysmile:I am going to focus too on finding support through a counselor and/or church.
 
Last edited:
Great decision! Now you can concentrate on your recovery.
So how do you feel about your recovery so far? Are you satisfied with your progress?
Hopefully so. Let us know how it's been going for you.

Many members here watch threads of those further along, looking for inspiration. I recall doing it, myself,
trying to gauge when I might be losing the walker, walking totally unassisted, driving etc.
Tell us something good! We'd love to hear...
I hope this weekend brings you peace. :)
@Trailgirl
 
Hi again, I'm responding to your PM on the forum as it may be helpful to others.
What did they do in the OR to reassure you there was no blood clot?
Assuming they told you of symptoms to watch for if there is still a possibility of a clot developing.
Following is a brochure on Blood Clots -
http://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/blood-clots-risk-and-anticoagulants.18507/

I think focusing on your recovery now, the progress you've made and your short term goals will be a nice diversion over all of the stress you recently experienced in the workplace. Onward and upward. Please continue to update us here on your thread. We're always here for support and encouragement in regard to your THR recovery. Stop by anytime, lights never go out!

Have a nice weekend!
 

BoneSmart #1 Best Blog

Forum statistics

Threads
65,181
Messages
1,597,074
BoneSmarties
39,365
Latest member
Dave4562
Recent bookmarks
0
Back
Top Bottom