@Mom2Lucy Thank you for your dear words. I have been thinking along those lines a lot. It restores some hope. I absolutely believe in the afterlife for all living things. Energy (the soul) is never extinguished, it just changes form.
@Irish471 So right - this particular dog (my sixth) had a rough start in life, shifted from owner to owner, briefly abused before she was passed on, and ultimately a refugee from a natural disaster zone which is how she came to our house. We gave her safety, predictability, and affection without anger or bullying. She always had a quirky personality and a high anxiety level but over time, with what we gave her, she did much better, able to show joy while playing catch when I got home from work, and meeting most situations with at least some level of enthusiasm. I guess I learned a lot about myself and about the importance of just showing up and being consistently kind and present.
@Jockette You are always there for us. If there is ever anything I can say to build you up, please please let me know, don't hold back.
@Benay Thank you so so much for the cartoon. It gave me great comfort even as it elicited more tears. It was just what I needed at the moment.
@Mutti3 I feel your grief and know that you have my spiritual support. Two of my dogs died after short and vicious illnesses with cancer. So abrupt and no time to get used to the idea of loss.
@Cementless I tell myself that time will blunt the pain and it's true, I've had six dogs and one cat in my life and over time the pain eases. Right now every now and then I think I see her out of the corner of my eye and then I remember she's not here in the flesh.
@TimeBuster Thank you for your kindness.
@FCBayern You are right, it's as long as a generation and you really feel the empty space when they are gone.
My heart is so touched by all of you. I've never had to decide to euthanize a pet because of progressive old age to the point that they could not function, and making the decision was very hard because I don't believe in throwing things out just because they are old. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of all of your support. Those of you who have followed my journey on this forum since last October know that I've fought hard for every inch of progress, that I'm left with some level of disability that just will not budge, and that along the way I've also lost not only a lot of mobility and independence, but also my job and much of my social circle. Losing my pup felt like the last straw in a season of losses and, crazy as this sounds, to a certain extent I felt like I was watching a version of my own life of losses over the past nine months as I watched her slowly decline. Last night lying in bed with the house so quiet without a dog in it, I told myself that all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep doing the things that I can still do. Hopefully it will be enough.
I head to the orthopod next week. If this silly ankle pain doesn't go away, I guess I'll have to have it worked up. Definitely not looking forward to that so everyone please pray for my left ankle!