Monday Funny

[Nursepair]

Good one for Dougie?

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...



Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.





Don't Mess With Mature Ladies

 

[Doug]

Good one.
"Senior" women can be a challenge with younger cops.
Years ago, I pulled up to a traffic crash. Got out and found that one of the vehicles had four "mature" women who were in town for a para legals convention.
There is a space on the accident report to list occupants name, address, ph. number and age.
I had all of the ladies up on the sidewalk taking the information. When I got to the question about age..... Silence.. I asked again......Silence, eyes darting.. Then it dawned on me....I had to ask each one to step away from the others with me , and give me her date of birth. Each one whispered it....I should have made an official face and asked "Real hair color". But then I wasn't in the mood for a fight.

 

[JenniferG]

Love it NP Wonder if it would really work. Yes Doug, but for the required straight face the world would be a much better place.

 

[Jamie]

Doug, it would appear that even "years ago" you had this same very, very ornery streak....what we enjoy most about you now! In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I see that SAME glint in the eyes of the Young Dougie photo! I bet you were a handful for your poor Momma. No wonder you take such good care of her. You OWE her!!!

 

[Doug]

My mother's ornery streak is even wider than mine...I learned it from her..She is constantly up to something with one of us. She embarrasses my sister at every all the time with her playing around.
She always kept the lines open between us and I try and do the same thing with my son.

 

[Jamie]

It's cool, Doug. It will ensure you and your son have a great relationship forever and he maybe will put you in the GOOD nursing home instead of the CHEAP one.

 

[Newwoman]

I don't think I told you Sue how funny that joke was. It really made me laugh.
Cathy

 

[Josephine]