Well ladies I am at a loss for words.
I went for my appointment this afternoon and was greeted by a surgeon ( whom I shall call Mr L) he asked me why I was there, I explained how I came to be referred to him, mentioning that my previous surgeon was unwell and that I didn’t know when he’d be back,Mr L said” oh well that’s a surprise I saw your surgeon not long ago and he looked well enough to me. “
I explained in the last couple of weeks my surgery was cancelled because i was told my surgeon was in hospital.
Anyway he proceeded to fumble around the desk looking for notes that were empty I.e. no previous hospital notes ( I have been a patient at the hospital before, ) I gave him the previous surgeons post-operative notes and pre-op notes for my right hip, he briefly glanced at them and said “just because somebody else had consented you doesn’t mean to say I’m necessarily going to offer you surgery”
He asked me to remove my trousers and climb onto the couch so he could examine me which he did. As I was re-dressing he went back to the desk and asked me if I knew how tall I was and do I know what my weight is? . I do and I do and I also know my BMI - I also know I am overweight and I am also deeply ashamed of this and highly embarrassed about this but I am doing what I can to recover and increase my exercise and mobility. It’s been many years since I was a supermodel size, but I’ve always maintained excellent general fitness, however I feel I was judged by this man as he proceeded to work out the figures on his calculator in front of me -which was unnecessary as it is in black-and-white ,printed on the letter I gave him.
He repeated my BMI and said that if I were a (few more) figures I would be bordering on obese and that I would be more At risk of getting a blood clot and a pulmonary embolus then and if I were to have that after surgery or to die it would be too late to come to him to blame him and say “you should’ve told me to lose weight.”
He asked if I’d been referred to a dietician or had anyone ever talked to me about losing weight etc etc .I let him continue this conversation until he said everything he had to say.
My husband was with me and a witness to this rude ,arrogant, judgemental conversation. I explained to Mr L that I tried to increase my mobility and he must understand how difficult this is, I explained to him I actually do eat a healthy diet, as in I take very little junk food etc - I would not benefit from seeing a dietician as it would be a waste of NHS resources as I know every type of diet under the Sun, and if it was that I needed to lose weight before he would go ahead with surgery then that’s something that I’m going to do. He then said” well if you’re not prepared to lose weight then you will have to take that risk. “
I said “I think you’ve misunderstood me ,I don’t think you heard what I said, “
I explained I am a nurse and I understand everything about risks and benefits and it took me a long time to come to the decision to have the surgery And if I need to lose more weight now then I’m prepared to do it.
He changed his manner and said he might have seemed a bit harsh and proceeded to then talk to my husband about how it would be remiss of him not to highlight the increased risks of surgery on a person who is overweight, and do you know what I really feel? had I not have mentioned or spoken back to him he would’ve continued in his rude, arrogant, bullying, manner.
Every overweight person I’ve ever spoken to know they are overweight and it takes quite a lot of courage ,motivation and action To set you on the right road to losing weight if you’re able to. (not to justify my actions in eating too many chocolate, cream cakes and foods that are perhaps the best for me, ) there was no necessity to speak to me in such a demeaning manner.
I do feel over sensitive and my husband Says that his manner was terrible and that he shouldn’t have spoken to me like he did.
So where does that leave us? Mr L said” it’s up to you whether you have the surgery done, but if I operate on you whilst you’re at this weight it is at your own risk”, he looked at my previous x-rays (which is quite strange because they were dated wrongly and probably not even mine), I asked him how long the waiting list would be and he was vague and said probably round about January or February next year,
I said does he have a target that he thinks I should aim for to lose weight , And he said” think about coming back to me when you have lost as much weight as you can”.
Even writing and reading the above few paragraphs seems so ridiculous to me. I haven’t put on weight since I had my first surgery, I am so frustrated that I had been told I would get my second surgery in August- 12 weeks after my first, I wish I hadn’t been told that, I wish I hadn’t had so much stress and so many cancellations over the past few months, I am feeling devastated tonight. I’ll cry it through and get my head round it and I’ll get back up and fight but for tonight the only words left a really not nice ones.
And I’m better than that.