Losing friends

faster pussycat

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Hi I had right THR 2014, am due left THR 30 November. I'm shy and I'm not a wildly sociable person but I've always had friends. However this last year or two I've felt so awful I've not gone out much and have turned down invitations etc because I just haven't felt like going anywhere.

Now I find that my friends have abandoned me and don't contact me any more and I'm feeling very lonely. I don't want to contact them just to let them know I'm having the surgery because that feels like emotional blackmail. But I'd appreciate their support. And if it was the other way round and they were having surgery, I'd want to know, and to see if I could help.

But my friends know I'm on the waiting list for surgery so I feel they could have asked if I have a date yet. Does anyone else feel the same way ?
 
So sorry you feel abandoned... some folks just don't know how to deal with other people's crises. And yep, do know some fair weather friends also. Do you have family that will be there for you?t
I hope so...they could possibly let some of those you felt you were closer to know and oh my stars...when you get this hip thing done and back to your life...
Chronic pain can make us feel sensitive and destitute.
Let it be known and then if you don't feel the love...you didn't really have a true friend anyway that's what I think.
You might be surprised ...
You sound like a sweet person...not everyone is.
 
Sadly, hip issue the pain, not wanting to go out...it leads to isolation. The more you decline, the less people ask. Your friends should understand. Long known friends will come around.....

Take care,
Liz
 
I found many people get very uncomfortable when you discuss hospitals or surgery. I think it's fear. But yes, you have to deal with it and it would be nice if "friends" supported you. I don't think mentioning your upcoming surgery is emotional blackmail. It's something you are concerned about and anyone who cares will want to help. Take that first step and reach out to one friend today. I'll bet they will be more than happy to help!
 
People are so involved in their own lives they don't always consider what someone else may be going through. Perhaps it would be good to let them know you miss them, appreciated past invitations, let them know you are scheduled for surgery and that hopefully after some healing look forward to going out with them again.
 
Hang in there @faster pussycat. Going through two thrs was an eye opening experience beyond the thr part! Agree with all the above, some people can't handle it, others can. Part of the pre op condition is alienation and it spirals inward and can leave you feeling overwhelmed, alone and a bit sensitive. All very normal.

Others don't or can't understand the magnitude of constant pain and immobility and the effects it can have on a person either, my sister thought it was like getting a root canal -if only!

You're not alone here, people on BS get it :yes:
 
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Now I find that my friends have abandoned me and don't contact me any more
Have you ever thought that the shoe might be on the other foot? YOU stopped contacting them and meeting them out so they probably feel you have withdrawn from the friendship. I bet you anything that if you rang them and just said sorry for being out of touch but you've been in so much pain it was hard for you to be sociable. But now (joy of joys!) you have a date for your new hip so soon you'll be able to pick up with the socializing again. That's it. You can test the waters which such a conversation starter and see how they respond. My bet is that they will quickly step up to offer help and support. But just try it and see.
 
When I was limping around with the first hip I felt very anti-social - almost ashamed as I had major mobility issues. I didn't want people to see me on crutches. But in reality my friends were concerned and wanted to help.

Some people may be uncomfortable talking about your upcoming surgery. There are plenty of people out there who are just terrified of anything medical. Just tell them you are anxious as well. They will understand.
 
Wishing you all the best...:flwrysmile:
 
Hi @faster pussycat
Happy to hear you're willing :yay:
Pick up the phone and do it....all the sooner you'll feel the love.
Don't forget you have US to fall back on :loveshwr:
If you feel like sharing....let us know how it goes.
Hugs
 
Sending positive friendly thoughts your way. Like Layla said, we are all always here for you when you want to chat or need support/encouragement.
 
Thank you lovely bonesmarties. I've reached out to a couple of people and had nice responses back, so thanks for the encouragement. I'm just trying to get through the next 48 hours or so before the big day. I know you all know what that's like, and it helps a lot to know I'm not alone. I'm going to be an NHS patient in a private hospital which will be a bit weird, but will mean I get a single room, which after my experience last time on a totally crazy ward feels like a good thing xx
 
Good luck faster pussycat.....in 3 days it will all be over and you won't have that dread hanging over you :yahoo: Glad to hear you have contact with people who know what's happening.....we all need someone on our side, whether it's family or friends....and of course, there are lots of listening ears here, with endless patience and bucketloads of sympathy and advice! :friends:
 
Wishing you all the best. You have this!:roseshwr:
 
So happy you reached out to friends and got positive responses @faster pussycat
Just know you have us too. We'll be here to encourage and cheer you on.
Best wishes as you wait out these last couple days.
 
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