petuniafish
member
But I can't. Have to go to work in an hour. I called in sick last Thurs to go to a doctor 4 hours away. Was off Friday. Now I have to fake "my story" today of why I was "sick". Been off so much this year with surgeries on my knee I can't take a day off anymore- have to be "sick". And who wants to lose their job in this economic climate- I really need to keep my health insurance now.
Had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. Woke up in a sweat with heart beating crazy fear. The idea of another 6 months waiting for surgery, slogging to work with quality of life totally sucking makes me sick. Have to wait because my knee is so cut up from all the surgeries this year and needs time to heal. May not even be able to HAVE surgery because of all my drug allergies. It's been like this for a year and a half. Got my hope up with each arthroscopy, and back down the slide again. How do you keep your spirits up? So many of you have MUCH worse than me.
Now headed to work in a little bit. Dread everyone asking as usual, "what did YOU do on this beautiful weekend?" Nothing? because this stupid knee hurts so badly that I don't want to aggravate it anymore? That quality of life has sunk so low I am constantly depressed and don't want to see or talk to anyone as life is work/ice/work/ice/work/ice. Anything else and it's off the edge of my pain threshold.
More whine. I know you've all been here, or here now. Sometimes I think I can't stand this anymore and better off dead- I come down off that pretty quick thinking of my kids. My poor husband who has been so supportive, bought me my dream car which is going to be delivered this week He's trying to cheer me up. I can't get whooped up about that or anything. No self talk is working. Should see a therapist, but all I do outside of work is do Dr and PT appts.
Want to curse in the worst way right now. I have acquaintances with much worse, liver cancer, malignant brain tumors etc. And I just have pain with walking and inability to do the things I want. Guilt on top of it all.
Forgive me for having a meltdown. Been whining every time I come here. Feel better just unloading and knowing that you are reading and understand perfectly. But ready to throw up. Aren't I being horrid?
Thanks once again......Nancy
Had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. Woke up in a sweat with heart beating crazy fear. The idea of another 6 months waiting for surgery, slogging to work with quality of life totally sucking makes me sick. Have to wait because my knee is so cut up from all the surgeries this year and needs time to heal. May not even be able to HAVE surgery because of all my drug allergies. It's been like this for a year and a half. Got my hope up with each arthroscopy, and back down the slide again. How do you keep your spirits up? So many of you have MUCH worse than me.
Now headed to work in a little bit. Dread everyone asking as usual, "what did YOU do on this beautiful weekend?" Nothing? because this stupid knee hurts so badly that I don't want to aggravate it anymore? That quality of life has sunk so low I am constantly depressed and don't want to see or talk to anyone as life is work/ice/work/ice/work/ice. Anything else and it's off the edge of my pain threshold.
More whine. I know you've all been here, or here now. Sometimes I think I can't stand this anymore and better off dead- I come down off that pretty quick thinking of my kids. My poor husband who has been so supportive, bought me my dream car which is going to be delivered this week He's trying to cheer me up. I can't get whooped up about that or anything. No self talk is working. Should see a therapist, but all I do outside of work is do Dr and PT appts.
Want to curse in the worst way right now. I have acquaintances with much worse, liver cancer, malignant brain tumors etc. And I just have pain with walking and inability to do the things I want. Guilt on top of it all.
Forgive me for having a meltdown. Been whining every time I come here. Feel better just unloading and knowing that you are reading and understand perfectly. But ready to throw up. Aren't I being horrid?
Thanks once again......Nancy