THR I'm leaning towards not having this operation. Does anyone know someone who didn't get it when they needed it?

[Layla]

Just noting a few things from my experience in response to some of your comments and concerns over your last few posts.

I fear I may have been overdoing my current pain levels. I can do some walking, I can sit and sleep with no problems... I was able to go to a restaurant and a movie last night with no assistance and not terrible pain. All I'm taking is aspirin.

I wasn't in constant pain either. I rarely took any OTC pain relievers. About two Aleve, every ten days and recorded it. The reason being, I don't like them. I could walk unassisted right up until surgery. I slept pretty well until the last couple weeks before surgery, when the front of my thigh began to ache down to my knee. Before that, any pain was in my back and groin mainly. If I changed position while sleeping during the night, pain did wake me and it wasn't always easy to get comfortable in bed. While sitting at night watching tv, or reading, I had no pain. However, when I stood up I would freeze and barely be able to move and when I walked I often experienced pain with some limping, the closer I came to my surgery date. Getting out of my vehicle was quite excruciating if I didn't manually lower my leg. That was the worst pain I'd suffer in my journey toward surgery, but we're all different. With all that said, I needed surgery. My hip was bone on bone, I tried PT, it did not help.

I was released to drive by my surgeon at three weeks post op, but chose to wait an additional week for no particular reason, just didn't have anywhere special to go as I was still taking easy. I don't everyone waits 4-6 weeks to drive.

You should be able to shower as soon as you get home if you want to. Most are in the hospital for one night, many go home the same day of surgery.

I never had a catheter nor a drain.

The instant someone isn't standing over me telling me to get up and do my exercises, I just know I'm gonna stop and lay here like a lump.

The exercises you're sent home with are not that difficult, truly. Maybe the first few times they feel challenging, but you really adapt to recovery quicker than you imagine. You comfortably settle into a routine that is ever changing for the better.

Physical therapy is not necessary for the great majority.
It is not necessary to exercise your injured hip to promote healing. The controlled trauma sustained through THR will heal on its own. Often though, we're impatient and want to move the process along. In doing so we run the risk of struggling with pain and setbacks stalling the healing process. The best therapy for recovery is walking, but not to excess. Start slowly increasing time and distance incrementally in an effort not to overdo it. If you give yourself the TLC you deserve you'll reap the benefits of a successful recovery.

Stay in touch, we're here for you!

 

[JusticeRider]

@Solar7 , as someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and pretty severe medical phobias, I really want to encourage you to see a psychiatrist. A therapist, yes, but also a psychiatrist who can give you a formal diagnosis and also medication if appropriate.

You are in a really difficult place right now. Whether you choose to have the surgery or not, your hip is going to be a big part of your stress. You know this. This is all a lot to try to handle, and if you suffer from depression and anxiety, you are going to need a little help to get through it.

I was terrified of surgery and the only way I got to the hospital and got myself to go through with it was some wonderful anti anxiety drugs. They helped make everything a lot less terrifying. There’s no shame in getting a little help from medication. I personally am so glad it was available to me. I was also very glad to have an antidepressant afterward and throughout my recoveries (I’ve had to go though a few). Hips weren’t bad, knee was harder.

After my knee surgery, I was in regular contact with my psychiatrist. At one point when I was really struggling, she prescribed an additional medication, but things improved shortly after that and I ended up not needing to take it. It was comforting to know it was there if I did need it.

Again, even if you decide not to have the surgery, you are dealing with a lot. Chronic pain is not good for your mental health, and a psychiatrist can be a huge help. I wish you the very best, whatever you decide. You are not alone

 

[Gloucestergal65]

@Solar7 I was very fearful before the operation too and I’ve always struggled with dentists and needles. My operation was postponed for six weeks because I caught Covid. In that six weeks I hardly felt any pain and I wondered whether I was right to have the operation. However, the reason I wasn’t in much pain was because I wasn’t doing anything. Before that there had been painful times and not so painful times but in the end the X-rays don’t lie and I knew my hip was in danger of collapsing and that I would be in a lot of pain and probably a wheelchair if that happened.
I am now at 4.5 months and have never really felt more than a mild discomfort even in the days just after the operation. A bit nauseous and fainty for a couple of days. No drain, no catheter.
In the end I haven’t found sleeping on my back a problem and I am getting back to my normal life although I do seem to tire more easily.
I wish I had been more assertive and had it done sooner, I was limping for a long time before having it done and my fitness dropped and my muscles atrophied leading to it taking longer to get rid of the limo and fully recover. However, I am already way better than I was. I’m not a particularly sporty person but there are people in here who have got back to proper sports.
Good luck with your decision. And remember this forum is only a snapshot of people and as my son pointed out to me, lots of people are too busy living their lives after surgery to bother with a forum.

 

[Newhip_Pol]

for every five wonderful stories of recovery, I see one explaining continued pain, weakness, infections, and more.

Hi, I'm over 3 months out from my second hip replacement (my first was five years ago). My reasons for getting this done were to 'get my life back' by improving my mobility. Hip pain was not the overriding factor this time.
Yes, there are risks in having surgery but there are risks in living your life and there are definitely risks in not having the surgery done. You are imagining being comfortable in a wheelchair - as others have said, if your hip collapsed that is unlikely to be possible! Yes recovery takes time and patience, something the most active members here often find the most difficult, but it is possible to get back to many active sports type activities.
Please try and balance your fears of surgery, not just with the positive outcomes but also with the risks of doing nothing. We put ourselves at risk every time we get in our cars. We feel we are in complete control but that is just an illusion. Please don't let fear rule your life. Best wishes and take care.

 

[Newhip_Pol]

@Solar7 I was glad to read that you have an appointment scheduled with a therapist! I do hope that will help you overcome your fears. Do you have any ideas about what is triggering these fears? Past experience with surgery ( perhaps when you were quite young?) Or a family member who had a bad outcome from a surgery? If any of that applies be sure to discuss that with the therapist! If you do not know of any such experiences ask relatives who were around when you were young if they know of anything that happened.

Early childhood experiences with medical procedures of any kind can be very frightening and confusing for a child. Plus the mind tends to block out early experiences like that and one can forget they even happened. But the effects of those can crop up later in life ... and cause one to truly wonder WHY! I've been there, done that ... though with less pervasive impact on my life.

Here at BoneSmart we see many people your age and even younger ... including some teenagers .... getting hip replacements and returning to strenuous jobs and activities. Recently there were 2 police officers in their 30s who had hip replacements and now are back to full active duty.

Do let us know how you are doing! And feel free to ask questions, read threads here and in post op, and just vent if you need to!

Last I can reply to for now, but also thank you for your feedback (the Suns tip off in a second, lol).

My fears come from my relatively depressed mindset right now - I'm prone to depression and anxiety, and I don't feel that when I wake up in pain and out of it, that I'm going to get up and do the things I need to do to get back to normal. I don't have anything to look forward to when I get recovered besides getting back to a career that stresses me out and I hate. I don't have kids, a girlfriend, or any hobbies I'm missing out on that I'm going to get back to. In fact, it's highly likely I'll have to stop drinking permanently as that may be a part of what led to this blood flow issue, so my social life is going to be dead in the water too. I don't want to sound like too much of a sad sack, I used to be a highly paid marketing exec with pretty good looks and a lot of friends, but I'm definitely going to be hitting a hard reset button on my life when this happens, and while I don't love exercise, not being able to run, play basketball, football, or things that are going to put wear and tear on the joint is just such a bleak thought. It was only a year ago that I was out there running wide receiver routes in football and playing beach volleyball at a bachelor party in Cabo. Now... never again.

So, I don't think I have a healthy mindset about recovery. The instant someone isn't standing over me telling me to get up and do my exercises, I just know I'm gonna stop and lay here like a lump.

There's a litany of other issues, some listed above, but I don't trust my doctors. My orthopedic surgeon I'm stuck with due to insurance isn't the one that caught this. I had to ask a family friend that is a doctor to write an MRI and pay for it out of pocket, outside of my insurance.

As far as family members with bad surgery outcomes, yes. My grandma had elective surgery to get a stent put into her leg to deal with some minor pain because she was tired of taking medication. She had a horrible reaction, a stroke, and went from walking and independent to having foot drop, never walking again, and living in a nursing home.

I'll discuss it all with the therapist. Thanks for your suggestions and kind words.

Wow, you have such a lot going on and from where you are right now no amount of reassurance or cajoling from us is going to help you make this decision. I trust that seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist gets you the treatment you need to help you move forward. Keep safe.

 

[Solar7]

A therapist recommended that I allow myself to indulge in a different kind of fantasy: what would a best-case scenario look like? What if all the people saying "you'll get your life back" were right? What could that look like? It took a while for me to permission myself to go there, and I won't say that made my fear disappear completely, but it did help enough that I was able to see a path to health after surgery. I imagined all the things I haven't gotten a chance to do yet that I really want to do (like learn to surf). That work allowed me to create a little bridge over the swirling terror whirlpools that were still there, but which I was now able to pay slightly less attention to. It wasn't easy creating that bridge. It took work and I had to tell the Protectors in my brain to please STFU quite a few times. But it helped get me into that surgery prep room five days ago.

Thanks so much for sharing. Obviously I've mentioned my current depression, and I really am struggling to see what a "best-case" scenario looks like. I just want to be who I was a year ago, and the reality is that I'm not going to be that with this surgery. I can't think of things I really want to do yet that aren't going to be things I'll continuously doubt doing for fear of damaging the hip. I envision a life of saying "sorry guys I just can't do that, the risk to my hip is too high." But I also just can't think of anything I've missed out on besides travel, and with my life changing so much, I can't really experience the destinations I wanted to go to in the way I envisioned.

Once the anesthesiologist did an initial evaluation and saw how anxious I was, he started me on an oral anti-anxiety drug, and I was able to voice my fears both to him and to my surgeon. They both reassured me, and since I had decided a few months ago to trust my surgeon, because I picked him after doing a ton of research and meeting several different surgeons, I decided to believe them. Then I was out. When I woke up and settled into my hospital bed, I was hit with the most unexpected feeling of relief - the surgery was done and I was...ok. I really was ok. Maybe it sounds trite, but I didn't realize until that moment how unbelievably freeing it was to wake up and have the surgery be over.

I'm now on Day 5 of post surgery healing, and there are no drains (never were any) and no IV (that was unpleasant but tolerable with pain meds), and I'm healing. No wheelchair. I don't really need a walker, either. I have some pain and some swelling but it changes every day and I can tell I'm healing. It's been incredibly helpful for my mental health, which I would not have believed before the surgery.

There is an element of giving up control in order to submit to surgery that can feel terrifying. I had to get to a state of intolerable pain in order to "let go and let God", as some people say. (Some surgeons like to think of themselves as Gods, so this sort of works even if you're a happy atheist, lol.) If you are a person who is comfortably in control of their life, but now there's this wildcard that you can't control, that cognitive dissonance can be incredibly frightening. I wanted to share my process of getting into the OR, and I hope to give you some clarity that you actually have agency even in deciding to go through with the surgery. You've outlined some choices you see for yourself if you decide to cancel the surgery - sell your sportscar and get a wheelchair, etc. You can also choose your surgeon and your surgical approach and your date, and even decide what to focus your mind on when you're making all those choices. (Definitely try to tell your brain to drop the leg drain because I don't know of a single hip replacement patient who has had to have one.)

Like others have mentioned, you can also choose to postpone. I hope to give you an example of what a process of choosing to keep the date could look like. I hope this is helpful.

Take good care of yourself, and please let us know how the journey is going for you. This community has been incredibly helpful for me, and trust, dumping your anxiety into words here is exactly what the space is for.

Have a happy Tuesday.

One big challenge here: I don't really have a choice in surgeon because of my bad insurance. It's this guy (who missed that I even had this problem in the first place after 5 visits), or pay 100% out-of-pocket. He has good reviews, but it's not reassuring. It's hard to place complete trust in him when my care team as a whole doesn't seem to be working in concert with each other. My GP outright quit his job so I have to see someone completely new. Any other concerns I raise seem to go ignored. I think that worries me about the anesthesiologist and getting anti-anxiety stuff... they think my fear of IVs is the pain from needles, and doctors keep assuring me it won't hurt. But it's more the feel of having something consistently in my body. I'm likely to wake up from the surgery and have a panic attack or at least lose control of my body and start shaking before I can even articulate what's going on.

I'm not a religious person, so having faith in God to help is obviously not the most helpful, as you mentioned, lol.

But I do appreciate your story, and your openness to talk about my options. Other people in my life are not being very supportive. If I bring this up to a lot of other people, they tell me to man up and get over it, it's what's best for me.

 

[Solar7]

Just noting a few things from my experience in response to some of your comments and concerns over your last few posts.

I fear I may have been overdoing my current pain levels. I can do some walking, I can sit and sleep with no problems... I was able to go to a restaurant and a movie last night with no assistance and not terrible pain. All I'm taking is aspirin.

I wasn't in constant pain either. I rarely took any OTC pain relievers. About two Aleve, every ten days and recorded it. The reason being, I don't like them. I could walk unassisted right up until surgery. I slept pretty well until the last couple weeks before surgery, when the front of my thigh began to ache down to my knee. Before that, any pain was in my back and groin mainly. If I changed position while sleeping during the night, pain did wake me and it wasn't always easy to get comfortable in bed. While sitting at night watching tv, or reading, I had no pain. However, when I stood up I would freeze and barely be able to move and when I walked I often experienced pain with some limping, the closer I came to my surgery date. Getting out of my vehicle was quite excruciating if I didn't manually lower my leg. That was the worst pain I'd suffer in my journey toward surgery, but we're all different. With all that said, I needed surgery. My hip was bone on bone, I tried PT, it did not help.

I was released to drive by my surgeon at three weeks post op, but chose to wait an additional week for no particular reason, just didn't have anywhere special to go as I was still taking easy. I don't everyone waits 4-6 weeks to drive.

You should be able to shower as soon as you get home if you want to. Most are in the hospital for one night, many go home the same day of surgery.

I never had a catheter nor a drain.

The instant someone isn't standing over me telling me to get up and do my exercises, I just know I'm gonna stop and lay here like a lump.

The exercises you're sent home with are not that difficult, truly. Maybe the first few times they feel challenging, but you really adapt to recovery quicker than you imagine. You comfortably settle into a routine that is ever changing for the better.

Physical therapy is not necessary for the great majority.
It is not necessary to exercise your injured hip to promote healing. The controlled trauma sustained through THR will heal on its own. Often though, we're impatient and want to move the process along. In doing so we run the risk of struggling with pain and setbacks stalling the healing process. The best therapy for recovery is walking, but not to excess. Start slowly increasing time and distance incrementally in an effort not to overdo it. If you give yourself the TLC you deserve you'll reap the benefits of a successful recovery.

Stay in touch, we're here for you!

Thanks for your story! It's relieving to hear some of these things that I'm worried about may be avoided or shorter. And I hope being younger would mean faster healing, but you just never know.

As far as the exercises go, it's not the difficulty that gets to me, it's the motivation to put in the time and the work. When I got sent to PT for my fracture recovery, I came home with the exercises, decided they took too long, and promptly was like "oh, I'll skip just today..." which turned into skipping 2 days, 3 days, and ultimately just canceling my appointments.

Even with those who have mentioned zero PT and just committing to walking... it's going to be so hot out when I get this surgery, I live in the desert. So like 110 degree average days. Even in full health I wouldn't be out walking, lol. So am I just going to walk in circles in my living room for 2 hours a day? I know myself, and especially getting back to work 9-10+ hours a day, the last thing I'll want to do with the limited time I have to myself is go for long walks. I know it sounds defeatist - but that's why I'm so concerned about myself. I'm in a defeatist mindset, and that's really not recommended.

As with everyone else, I appreciate your kind words and thoughtfulness in sharing your journey and trying to help with mine.

 

[Solar7]

@Solar7 , as someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and pretty severe medical phobias, I really want to encourage you to see a psychiatrist. A therapist, yes, but also a psychiatrist who can give you a formal diagnosis and also medication if appropriate.

You are in a really difficult place right now. Whether you choose to have the surgery or not, your hip is going to be a big part of your stress. You know this. This is all a lot to try to handle, and if you suffer from depression and anxiety, you are going to need a little help to get through it.

I was terrified of surgery and the only way I got to the hospital and got myself to go through with it was some wonderful anti anxiety drugs. They helped make everything a lot less terrifying. There’s no shame in getting a little help from medication. I personally am so glad it was available to me. I was also very glad to have an antidepressant afterward and throughout my recoveries (I’ve had to go though a few). Hips weren’t bad, knee was harder.

After my knee surgery, I was in regular contact with my psychiatrist. At one point when I was really struggling, she prescribed an additional medication, but things improved shortly after that and I ended up not needing to take it. It was comforting to know it was there if I did need it.

Again, even if you decide not to have the surgery, you are dealing with a lot. Chronic pain is not good for your mental health, and a psychiatrist can be a huge help. I wish you the very best, whatever you decide. You are not alone

Thanks! I wish I could... I currently don't get mental health care coverage through my insurance, and I can't really afford to pay the exorbitant out of cost fees for psychiatry. Also, because I drink more than the average person, I've been told I'm ineligible for any mental health medication until I can prove I'm 100% sober and have been for roughly six months - which is outside of the scope of when I'll be getting this surgery or choosing to indefinitely delay.

It's a shame, but that's good ol' American healthcare for ya.

Maybe I can get something short term for the anxiety. I'll put it on the list of things to bring up to my doctor on my next appointment. Sorry to hear you've been through so much, but seem to be doing better.

 

[Gloucestergal65]

@Solar7 Someone on here mentioned going for a walk in the shopping centre using a shopping trolley for support. That would be air conditioned I guess. Also, walking in the swimming pool is great exercise while keeping you cool.
I understand your mindset and how debilitating it is but even if you can’t in the future do things quite how you’d like to, are you able to do them at all now?
The way I look at it is, I’d rather have a bit more after the op than a lot less which is what was happening.
Have you tried finding someone who does Emotional Freedom Technique? I kind of thought it was a load of hippy nonsense but I didn’t think I had anything to lose and I’d seem my friend (who was more scared of heights than I am) bouncing around in a mountain after it. I tried it and it worked for a long time. I haven’t put it into practice recently but back then I was happy to go up into the mountains in a vehicle, eyes open, no gripping the seats, looking down at the drop, no worries.
Good luck with whatever decision you make but it will only get worse and the recovery will only get longer.

 

[lanstan]

I feel for you and your dilemma. I think you will know when it is the right time. I do want to tell you that this blog and others are for people who have questions to ask. Many are having some problems. I want you to know that many, many, many more are not on this site because they aren't having problems after hip replacements and are out enjoying life! I hope that will be you some day!!

 

[LaKarune]

A therapist recommended that I allow myself to indulge in a different kind of fantasy: what would a best-case scenario look like? What if all the people saying "you'll get your life back" were right? What could that look like? It took a while for me to permission myself to go there, and I won't say that made my fear disappear completely, but it did help enough that I was able to see a path to health after surgery. I imagined all the things I haven't gotten a chance to do yet that I really want to do (like learn to surf). That work allowed me to create a little bridge over the swirling terror whirlpools that were still there, but which I was now able to pay slightly less attention to. It wasn't easy creating that bridge. It took work and I had to tell the Protectors in my brain to please be quiet quite a few times. But it helped get me into that surgery prep room five days ago.

Thanks so much for sharing. Obviously I've mentioned my current depression, and I really am struggling to see what a "best-case" scenario looks like. I just want to be who I was a year ago, and the reality is that I'm not going to be that with this surgery. I can't think of things I really want to do yet that aren't going to be things I'll continuously doubt doing for fear of damaging the hip. I envision a life of saying "sorry guys I just can't do that, the risk to my hip is too high." But I also just can't think of anything I've missed out on besides travel, and with my life changing so much, I can't really experience the destinations I wanted to go to in the way I envisioned.

I totally get the dread around this scenario. I spent about a month mourning my active life until I started talking to people my age and younger with THRs. Turns out modern hip implants are really robust, and it's not just hype. One of the members here who helped me through some of my biggest fears around a post-THR life is a kickboxing & Muay Thai teacher who was back to full capacity after just about six months, and he says his artificial hip actually gives him more flexibility and stability than he had with his natural joint. Here's the post from him on my pre-op thread that gave me so much relief to read. It was hard for me to believe this, but it really looks like once you're fully healed, which by most accounts takes about a year, there's no reason you should have any restrictions at all on your movement. For real. I met a man a few weeks before my surgery at my PT's office who had just completed a half Ironman about 14 months after his hip replacement. I don't need to do that much running but it sure made me feel better to know that I might be able to do it if I wanted to. Now if you play a ton of rugby, you may have more precautions than a runner, but then again, if you can do Muay Thai, maybe you can do tackle sports too! I've heard the one big no-no is bungee jumping. There is a real best-case scenario to imagine here, I really believe it.

Once the anesthesiologist did an initial evaluation and saw how anxious I was, he started me on an oral anti-anxiety drug, and I was able to voice my fears both to him and to my surgeon. They both reassured me, and since I had decided a few months ago to trust my surgeon, because I picked him after doing a ton of research and meeting several different surgeons, I decided to believe them. Then I was out. When I woke up and settled into my hospital bed, I was hit with the most unexpected feeling of relief - the surgery was done and I was...ok. I really was ok. Maybe it sounds trite, but I didn't realize until that moment how unbelievably freeing it was to wake up and have the surgery be over.

I'm now on Day 5 of post surgery healing, and there are no drains (never were any) and no IV (that was unpleasant but tolerable with pain meds), and I'm healing. No wheelchair. I don't really need a walker, either. I have some pain and some swelling but it changes every day and I can tell I'm healing. It's been incredibly helpful for my mental health, which I would not have believed before the surgery.

There is an element of giving up control in order to submit to surgery that can feel terrifying. I had to get to a state of intolerable pain in order to "let go and let God", as some people say. (Some surgeons like to think of themselves as Gods, so this sort of works even if you're a happy atheist, lol.) If you are a person who is comfortably in control of their life, but now there's this wildcard that you can't control, that cognitive dissonance can be incredibly frightening. I wanted to share my process of getting into the OR, and I hope to give you some clarity that you actually have agency even in deciding to go through with the surgery. You've outlined some choices you see for yourself if you decide to cancel the surgery - sell your sportscar and get a wheelchair, etc. You can also choose your surgeon and your surgical approach and your date, and even decide what to focus your mind on when you're making all those choices. (Definitely try to tell your brain to drop the leg drain because I don't know of a single hip replacement patient who has had to have one.)

Like others have mentioned, you can also choose to postpone. I hope to give you an example of what a process of choosing to keep the date could look like. I hope this is helpful.

Take good care of yourself, and please let us know how the journey is going for you. This community has been incredibly helpful for me, and trust, dumping your anxiety into words here is exactly what the space is for.

Have a happy Tuesday.

One big challenge here: I don't really have a choice in surgeon because of my bad insurance. It's this guy (who missed that I even had this problem in the first place after 5 visits), or pay 100% out-of-pocket. He has good reviews, but it's not reassuring.

Lack of choice really sucks, and yeah, I'd have trouble trusting someone who wasn't able to diagnose me after five tries. I don't think you mentioned your condition other than it involving blood flow - is it AVN? If so I wonder if you can find a rheumatologist in your network that you trust more for ongoing care? The only thing the orthopedist has to be great at is the surgery, so hoping the reviews you found are solid. You can also search this forum for stories from people who had AVN (or whatever your diagnosis is), which might be helpful for you.

(Side note - It's hard to find reviews of surgeons - did you use this ProPublica resource to research him? It's the only tool I know of that's not wildly biased, but it's also not totally reliable bc it doesn't have a ton of data to go on.)

It's hard to place complete trust in him when my care team as a whole doesn't seem to be working in concert with each other. My GP outright quit his job so I have to see someone completely new.

It absolutely sucks that you don't have a solid medical team to work with. I'm realizing how very fortunate I am, because I've worked with my GP for years and I trust her implicitly. Same for my PT. My team carried me through a lot of doubts and dark moments, and I wish that level of support for you. Finding a GP who you completely trust would obviously be an ideal first step for you here (and maybe a joint doc/rheumatologist), because like I said and many members on BoneSmart will reiterate, the orthopedic surgeon really only needs to be good at one thing - the surgery - but it's your GP and PTs who will get you through all the preparation and recovery. Most orthopedic surgeons only do an initial consultation, the surgery, and one or two post-op visits, so it's very possible that this guy is excellent in the OR, and you won't need him for much else.

Any other concerns I raise seem to go ignored. I think that worries me about the anesthesiologist and getting anti-anxiety stuff... they think my fear of IVs is the pain from needles, and doctors keep assuring me it won't hurt. But it's more the feel of having something consistently in my body. I'm likely to wake up from the surgery and have a panic attack or at least lose control of my body and start shaking before I can even articulate what's going on.

You can absolutely explain this to the anesthesiologist, but even with anxiety you don't explain, they'll medicate for it. The surgical team (incl anesthesiologist) want your body to be in the best possible state it can be for surgery and recovery, which means calming the nervous system among other things. (Incidentally I completely get the reason you're sketched out by the needles - same reason I had my babies at home, couldn't stand the idea of an epidural!)

I'm not a religious person, so having faith in God to help is obviously not the most helpful, as you mentioned, lol.

I was more wanting to recognize that what we do when we consent to surgery requires us to get to a place where we feel we can trust our body to people who are basically strangers. In some not-subtle ways, that can feel like an act of faith. And it's not easy. It's a real "this decision is final" moment, which can be scary AF. I don't know that I would have gotten there if I hadn't also gotten so miserable in my body over the few months prior to surgery. It took a lot of work and support to get me to that OR!

But I do appreciate your story, and your openness to talk about my options. Other people in my life are not being very supportive. If I bring this up to a lot of other people, they tell me to man up and get over it, it's what's best for me.

I'm glad my note reached you, and like you, I'm incredibly grateful for this forum. No one really gets this struggle unless they've been there in some way, and this forum is full of people who get it.

 

[JusticeRider]

Thanks! I wish I could... I currently don't get mental health care coverage through my insurance, and I can't really afford to pay the exorbitant out of cost fees for psychiatry.

Ohhhh bad insurance. I’m so sorry, that’s so unfair. And subpar insurance policies definitely don’t seem to prioritize things like preventative care or mental health. I haven’t looked into it myself, but I believe there are programs/clinics who work on a sliding scale based on what you can afford.

I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself to do anything extra when you’re depressed, but maybe do a little googling and make a couple calls? Or recruit a friend or relative to help you do a little research. There’s a good chance your new GP could help direct you somewhere.
Not sure you want to go this route, but I bet AA chapters could point you to affordable or free psychiatric resources. If so, those might be a little more willing to work with you in spite of the alcohol intake. Just some food for thought.

My heart goes out to you because I know how incapacitating depression and anxiety can be and it’s not fair to ask people to just try to muscle through it on their own (or ‘man up’ ha). It’s like telling someone who has asthma to just deal with it and not use an inhaler. I hope you can find something even if, as you mentioned, it is a temporary stop-gap. I really feel like you could use a lifeline.

Sorry to hear you've been through so much, but seem to be doing better.

Thanks, I am doing well now. The surgeries have been hard but worth it in the end And as I said, the mental health care has been an absolute life saver. Please keep us updated on your situation. As you have seen, you will find a lot of support here.

 

[SophyValevskiy]

Thanks! I wish I could... I currently don't get mental health care coverage through my insurance, and I can't really afford to pay the exorbitant out of cost fees for psychiatry. Also, because I drink more than the average person, I've been told I'm ineligible for any mental health medication until I can prove I'm 100% sober and have been for roughly six months - which is outside of the scope of when I'll be getting this surgery or choosing to indefinitely delay.

I am also not happy with mu "insurance" - not being able to choose a surgeon for my hip implant neither implant itself (they do not use those high quality here in Russia if you do not buy it yourself:(((

I got ellipse on my balcony and this is a great way to exercise easy - get some fresh air - and get nervious tension off.

 

[Layla]

Hi Sophy,
Welcome to BoneSmart! Please consider starting a thread to tell us a little about yourself and to document your journey here to reflect back upon at a later date should THR become necessary for you. Please join us!
@SophyValevskiy

 

[Solar7]

@Solar7 Someone on here mentioned going for a walk in the shopping centre using a shopping trolley for support. That would be air conditioned I guess. Also, walking in the swimming pool is great exercise while keeping you cool.
I understand your mindset and how debilitating it is but even if you can’t in the future do things quite how you’d like to, are you able to do them at all now?
The way I look at it is, I’d rather have a bit more after the op than a lot less which is what was happening.
Have you tried finding someone who does Emotional Freedom Technique? I kind of thought it was a load of hippy nonsense but I didn’t think I had anything to lose and I’d seem my friend (who was more scared of heights than I am) bouncing around in a mountain after it. I tried it and it worked for a long time. I haven’t put it into practice recently but back then I was happy to go up into the mountains in a vehicle, eyes open, no gripping the seats, looking down at the drop, no worries.
Good luck with whatever decision you make but it will only get worse and the recovery will only get longer.

I could walk around my local grocery store, but it's pretty crowded, and it's going to be hard to get in and out of my car because it's so low. Maybe I could have someone help me, but I don't know. As for the pool, doesn't your wound need like 6-8 weeks or even more before being submerged?

No, I can't really do those things now, and never will again, but there's still some things I can do right now that at least for a period of time, I won't be able to do after the surgery (like the aforementioned pool). Getting to the store, using a toilet normally, crossing my legs, leaning forward, and sleeping in comfortable positions (I'm a side sleeper). Among other things.

I'll look into EFT! I'd never heard of it. Even if not for the surgery, maybe for my work stress when I get back to it, haha. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Solar7]

I feel for you and your dilemma. I think you will know when it is the right time. I do want to tell you that this blog and others are for people who have questions to ask. Many are having some problems. I want you to know that many, many, many more are not on this site because they aren't having problems after hip replacements and are out enjoying life! I hope that will be you some day!!

Yeah, this is a personal challenge for me. By default, I always think of the worst case scenarios, so seeing people struggle sets off an alarm in my head to be prepared for. That's normally been a pretty helpful thing for me in life - I'm already acquainted with what needs to be done or where we can end up. In my career, people always marvel at my ability to weather bad storms in our business choices, and that's because I've thought about them well in advance.

But in this case, maybe it's not the best for me mentally. I don't know. My dad's a very positive person and sometimes I feel like he's really not putting in any research into what this recovery really entails. I feel like he thinks I'm going to be up and at 'em day one with next to no restrictions, just two or three days before I'm climbing upstairs and hopping into bed.

 

[ladyj]

I try and treat surgery like going on holiday on an aeroplane.
You turn up and then the system takes over.
For a short time you are not in control.
Choose a really good and experienced surgeon and then let them take over.
They should make sure you are not in pain, and you will be out of hospital before you know it.
It is one of life’s experiences.
I know from first hand experience over a lifetime what anxiety and depression feels like.
You can do this, just look at it in a different way.

 

[InkedMarie]

JMO you aren’t ready for the surgery.

Marie

 

[Solar7]

Welp, my therapist didn't bother to show up for our first appointment, so there's that.

@LaKarune I won't quote individually to save everyone's eyeballs, but I'll try to reply, hah.

It's interesting to read about the Muay Thai teacher, and the other person running marathons. I don't think I'd be so risky with it. Maybe if I wasn't afraid of having another surgery, or getting this done again in my 50s. Cost/benefit analysis is a big deal to me, haha. Do I really want to run, hike, do high impact sports so much that I'm willing to get sliced open again and have this done all over? Especially knowing that my parents are both getting older... by the time I'll need to have this again, I really can't expect to count on them. They'll be pushing 90 or already be there. I don't really play any tackle or contact sports, but I played WR/Safety/backup QB in HS, and if I'm out messing around with people doing some flag or two hand touch, I generally liked being able to run around. Now that's kinda gone. I sucked at basketball, but can't play that anymore either... just for the risk of the damage, or a slip and fall.

AVN is the diagnosis, yeah. This is part of where I'm worried and might make another thread - I'm worried that there's some other issues going on with pain on the side, in my knee... stuff that could complicate the recovery process if I get up and the majority of the pain is still there.

I'm actually not afraid of needles, it's just having something foreign plugged into me that seems to get to me. I'm not afraid of the pain from needles/IVs, either! It just makes my body react really poorly. This is why I have a DNI (do not intubate), even if I recover from being intubated, I'll probably immediately panic and make things much worse.

JMO you aren’t ready for the surgery.

Marie

That's kinda how I feel.

 

[JusticeRider]

JMO you aren’t ready for the surgery.

Marie

Solar7: That's kinda how I feel.

I have to agree with this. In my case, as terrified as I was of the surgery and all it involved, the pain left me no choice. For some of us, that’s what it takes. If it becomes painful enough, you will find a way to do it. Maybe just take some time to work on your mental state first. Get some therapy, possibly medication. Think about what you really want out of life. Do some research, read some more on BoneSmart (;
I think you will know when you’re ready.