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I'm a mess

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dar

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Jun 7, 2008
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I had a LTKR 7 weeks ago. My emotional mess started Friday after PT and I just knew I had to be farther than the last week and it turned out I was still 112 forced. A week with no improvement. I left in tears and cried most of the way home. I managed to work some, but cried through my evening exercises and then cried myself to sleep. I'm crying now. I can't explain what I'm going through and the disappointment I feel in myself to my friends. The words they say seem to cut deeper. "You must need to work harder" and "You are not trusting God". And yes they made me cry more. Last week I had thought about stopping the PT but the insurance company approved more visits and my PT is telling me I really need to push past this point and the advise here was to keep going. I will continue to go. I can't stop on such a discouraging day even if the gas and time off is killing me. Does anybody else out there go through this disappointed in yourself stuff?
 
Dar,

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You know how hard you are working even if others don't. They don't know what you are going through. I've been there and I understand. I am having a very successful 2nd knee recovery this time but my first replacement last October was quite the opposite. I didn't get over 90 degrees ROM until about 5 weeks and it took me about 3 months to get a ROM of 115 and -15 and I think you know just how hard I had to work to get it. I was 46 and people would look at me and tell me how their much older relative did soooo much better and what was wrong with me! All weeks were not successful but bit by bit, I got to 115. That was not the perfect outcome but it was acceptable. With the second tkr earlier this month, my OS was able to manipulate this knee and now it is at 120 and -5 which I am very happy with.

My advise is to keep going to PT and working on your own to increase the ROM. I wish I could tell you more but do know there are others out there that understand....You are doing great. Please keep up the spirit and know that. I am thinking about you and wish you the best getting over this hurdle. Karen
 
Well, I have to say that feeling down and weary at 7 weeks is not at all surprising. You've worked hard and have hit a plateau. Not uncommon. Just keep plodding on and the results will come little by little.

Anyway - who is it that is saying these horrendously negative things to you at a time when you need some TLC and encouragement? Don't listen to them! They have no idea what you are going through. They mean well but the damage such comments make is terrible.

Remember post-op blues is natural. You just need to be a little kinder to yourself and then grit your teeth and go for it!
 
Dar -
I feel your pain! I'm so sorry you're going thru this hard time. We all know exactly where you are. We've been there and will probably be there again before this is all said and done. I was on such a high the other day, but the next day I felt like this rehab was taking forever. Two steps forward and one step back, but we will get there.

I had so much pain sleeping again last night that I didn't sleep well, but when I walked down the the mailbox today I noticed that it hurt a lot less when I walked than it had the previous day.

Hang in there and keep venting with all of us, because we know your story well!

Laurie
 
Dar....the others are right. Most everyone gets discouraged at some point in the recovery process. Sometimes I think it can be related to the pain meds we take and the lack of restorative sleep. Those things really got to me. But it passes and you have many friends on this site that will support you. Post anytime you feel the slightest bit blue and also on those GOOD days that I know are coming!
 
We have all felt frustrated and worried about our progress---or lack of it. I made my mind up to just ride the roller coaster ride of PT and healing---there wasn't really anything that I could have done about it, anyway---other than work really hard at PT. The other reason I really pushed myself at PT was it helped relieve the stress that I may have been feeling.

We have all been disappointed and tired of the "same old-same old", but you cannot give up. Your body did not get this way in a matter of months, and it will take a long time to regain your life. At 8 weeks I was back at school gimping around...but I kept on "answering the bell", as they say---and it paid off. Yours will too.

Seven weeks---I was using a cain to negotiate the mall during Christmas time...it was discouraging, but it had to be done.

PT will pay off---in spades...The war that you are fighting---is actually made up of daily battles. You go out and fight the PT and emotional battle everyday---at times you feel that you are losing the battles; in reality, you are winning the war.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL HOW YOUR BODY HEALS; YOU CANNOT CONTROL HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR YOUR BODY TO HEAL. THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN CONTROL ARE YOUR ATTITUDE, AS WELL AS HOW HARD AND HOW LONG YOU GO THROUGH PT.


EVEN AFTER YOUR PT IS FORMALLY DONE---YOU, DAR, MUST CONTINUE WITH THIS "CHANGE OF LIFESTYLE" TO KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL YOU SAY IT IS OVER!

Tim C.
 
hi dar im new here and i have agroup of friends that think i shuold be up runing around with them like i was till i told them my surgery wasnt like having my tosiles out thay cut on my bones there alot more uderstanding now i cry alot to cause i got some stuff going on with my recover that isnt nomal and it sounds like your doing good so keep writing were goinging to get better! janet2008
 
Dar, Sorry, But If Your Physical Therapist Is The One Saying All This Negative Bs To You Change Therapists. To Begin With, Their Job Is To Encourage Not Discourage, For Anyone To Judge Your Faith In God Is Beyond Words. Just Like No One Can No How Hard You Are Working At Home. This Therapists Supervisor Needs To Be Told Of The Negative Things They Are Saying. Even A Flower Won't Grow Without Sunshine And Warmth. You Have Hit A Plateau, Big Deal. We All Have Done That And Some Of Us Wih Much Less Progress Than Yours. If You Feel Like Crying, Cry, Let It All Out Then Take A Couple Of Big, Cleansing Breaths And Realize Tomorrow Is Another Day. You Have A Lot Of Support And Good Advise Right Here. Keep Posting And Communicating With The Other Tkr's Here. We All Love You And Know How You Feel. Rowdy
 
Hey Dar, hang in there.

I'm at over 8 weeks post-op and my big break-through was to hit 107 last Friday--with a great deal of pushing & pain. I'd never made more than 100 before. So, from my perspective, you are doing great!

Some of us have a longer & harder path than others. For me, due to years of messing up my muscles with limping and pain....so I started way behind. I know I really did not realize this at all before surgery.

I spent considerable time making little or no progress--than -wham--a big gain. But even then, for some of us, "big" is relative.

I know I still have a lot of therapy ahead of me. But I try to focus on the little victories--like sleeping through the night, replacing the vicodin with Advil, walking up stairs --not two feet on each step.

Keep focusing on the little stuff and ignore the stuff people say if it doesn't help.
 
Okay, thanks you guys. I can report that I have stopped crying. Thank God! -- I wasn't at all prepared for those emotions at all! I've read and reread and reread and reread your comments. Thank you! -- dar
 
I Wonder If Our Progress Doesn't Have Something To Do With The Amount Of Swelling We Have. I Know I Had Very Little Swelling And Even That Was Controlled By Ice And Elevation. At Four Weeks Most Of My Swelling Was Gone And I Have Been Able To Control It Using Ice. My Rom Seemed To Be Directly Related To The Amount Of Swelling I Had, Not How Much I Hurt. Even Without The Swelling I Still Have A Lot Of Night Pain And Aching. I Find That Really Strange, Too. Seems Like The Pain Would Be Less When You Were Up And Moving Instead I Have Very Little Pain When I Am Up And Going It Comes When I Have Been Asleep For A While. Oh, Well, I Am Sure This Too Will Pass Just Like It Has For The Rest Of Us. Seems That We All Have To Go Through Pretty Much The Same Things, Just At Our Own Pace. Good Luck To All And Have A Good Day. Rowdy
 
Rowdy -
My pain is the greatest at night too - not that it keeps me awake all night long, but I do get up during the night to take pain meds (even with taking Tylenol PM), but I can be busy all day and not even need pain meds for 8-9 hours at a stretch, but need them more regularly during the night.

I am 5 weeks post op tomorrow. It's definitely getting better and I love that I can take a walk and it doesn't hurt at all walking. I walked for a half hour yesterday afternoon and it wasn't until I came back and sat down that it started to hurt - but a good hurt because I know its starting to get stronger.

I went shopping this morning (retail therapy) and now I'm just elevating and reclining (and two Extra Strength Tylenol).

My new PT was pretty impressed with my progress. I'm glad I switch PTs because this one is much more encouraging... I'm only at 100 (which I'm happy with), but the PT I was with a couple weeks ago (one time only) started talking manipulation if I didn't work harder (and I was working my hardest). I am glad I'm with someone who can inspire me instead of scare me!

We all heal so differently!

Laurie
 
Hang in there. I have bilateral 11 weeks ago. I have had my times of crying and not making improvement in bending or extension. At about 7 weeks, PT changed my home excersises to be a little more agressive and it worked. It was fairly uncomforable, but I went from 109 to 118 in a week.

It will get better.
 
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