Sonja,
I am sorry to hear of your problems--MS is a tough diagnosis without "emotional abuse" in the picuture. My husband has severe heart disease and is often ill and tired. But, his is also a warrior--he does what he can. he will come up to the mountain and maybe ski only two runs--but, at least he is out in the cold and skiing. He tries to do all of the work that is his part of our family--I have to pick up some of the slack, but he does what he can.
I only become impatient when he starts to complain for hours on end about his lot in life. As long as he keeps on going as best he can, I am supportive--but, I don't like the laments about what he can no longer do.
I am lucky in that I am strong and can do the yard work and the heavier jobs around here. This summer was a trial with my knee---but, after four weeks, I could pretty much do my work too. We are not in a position to hire outside help.
I can understand your husband's pain at turning down job opportunities--that must be very difficult for him and I am sure that you can understand his pain there. It would be hard for a man who is career oriented to see obstacles to growth that are behond his control. I am sure that you can see his pain there--and it is very brave of him that he thinks of your needs over his own.
It is hard to be the one who is ill too---not feeling well makes me querilous---but, I made our supper the second night that we were home---it was uncomfortable, but it was my night to cook and I am determined to do my work here. Now, I am working full time again, so my husband does more of the home chores--he is supportive of me--he makes my dinner so that I walk into the house and dinner is there and he brings me coffee in the am to help me get going.
To me, a marriage is a partnership---we have rather clear parameters about what is each of our work. Both inside and outside the house. Each of us tries to keep up our share and that makes the other person feel needed but not overwealmed. As long as Bob does some of his work, I feel okay picking up the slack--but it is so difficult when I have to do everything. that is when I feel like I am just putting one foot in front of the other. Supporting one another is complicated---especially when illness and disability enters into our lives. I hope that you and your husband are able to work this through--if not with a counselor will your priest or paster help? Or, maybe you will just have to sit down together and make lists of how things will work. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Kelly