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I need to move forward

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RestAssured

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Hello everyone :shk:

I am going to have to move forward with my knee replacements. I had MRSA, and my knees have improved, but I am realizing that I am losing my husband because he is tired of me being sick all of the time. I don't have many options left anymore.

Sonja:cry:
 
Sonja are you ok? I had my first surgery in July 07 and it hasn't stopped with me being out of commission and not able to do much around here. Now i am waiting for my spine surgery which was supposed to be Oct 1 and is now Dec 11th.
I really can't do much or i get in intense pain for a while, sometimes weeks. Should not be a reason for a spouse to leave.

Is your surgeon going to agree to operate? Is your MRSA all cleared up?
judy
 
Sonja,
I hope your husband understands this is all out of your control. I'm sure he understands you didn't ask to have MRSA or joint problems. But I'll be honest that I've sometimes thought the same thing. My husband always says his wedding vows should have been in sickness and in sickness. I've had 14 surgeries and I've been hospitalized around 18-20 times. I've lost count. My husband is still here after 28+ years of all this, and with more surgeries to come. I hope you talk to him about how you are feeling because maybe he doesn't really feel that way. I hope not.
 
Sonja

If you need the knee replacement you should have them. You need to get back to living life and if you are hurting all the time you can't.

They have meds that can get you through the mrsa. Your OS will know.
 
Sonja,
Is your OS ready to do this??? I thought you were still not done with this last go around with the MRSA??? I think it is time for your "other half" to understand that you are trying to get hrealthy enough to have your knee's done. Has he been with you when you were told to wait??
 
Yes, he has but he is tired of me being sick all of the time. With MS I have to have a Neuro and he has had to turn down several moves in the company that he would have liked to do. Not for more money, just to leave this part of the country, but he says that there would not have been any med care around there. I think he is just depressed about my health, and he has diabetes so we both have health issues.:sigh:

I don't know what to do at this point as he has said no to counseling and he said he won't change. I am at the end of my rope.

Sonja
 
Sonja,
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I wish there was something I could do for you. The only thing I can do is be here for you through this rough time. Maybe through time your husband will open his eyes and see what you are going through and decide to be there for you. In the meantime try to be strong. I know it's hard but hang in there. Times will get better. God Bless You Sweetie!
 
Sonja i don't have a very good marraige here. Many times i was ready to split up but stayed together because of the kids. I don't know why it has to be so hard for some of us.
I did just get to the end of my rope too and got back on antidepressants. I wish they did not take so long to work., I hope this one works well for me.
Just a thought. I don't know what you can take with MS.
I am on a ton of meds for different medical conditions myself.

I am here for you. I can relate to a lot of it. Of course all our situations are unique .
I don't know what your husband is doing that he said he would not change. Is it his attitude/ Do you have any children?
judy
 
Hi Sonja, I am sorry for your pain. I wish you had a supporting and loving spouse. It is very hard having a sick spouse and not everyone handles it very well. Some handle it beautifully.

Please know that you are a strong woman, and that whatever happens, none of this is your fault. Do not rush in to any medical decisions because you are afraid of losing your husband. There is no guarantee this would be the end of your medical problems, and you will always feel "behind the eight ball" if you got sick again.

All I can do is pray for your strength and healing. I wish you comfort and confidence as you make decisions concerning your health and relationships.

God Bless, Kimberly
 
No, fortunately we don't have any kids in the mix. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and we have had good times. When the bad times hit though they are "emotionally abusive". I thought things were getting better but the strangest things set him off and I can never predict when the next "barrage" is coming.

Thanks for your replies and I know the decision on the knee must be based on sound medical decisions, but I am also realizing that I will probably have to go back to teaching next August and I need to be ready.

Thanks for the prayers and good wishes :cnsl:

Sonja
 
Sonja, I'm so sorry to hear you are having problems with your hubby. Even if he refuses to go to counseling, why don't you go. It can help you deal with whatever may come your way.

Of course, you can always come here and talk about it too. With so many folks on the forum, I'm sure more than a few can relate to exactly what you are going through. You are strong, though....and I have faith in YOU to get through this. Look what you've successfully accomplished already!! God bless you, hon....keep putting yourself first. It's important!
 
Sonja, I am really sorry to hear about your husbands attitude but I think that you need to look after yourself, do what is right for you and stop giving yourself the extra pressure of worrying what he will do. Work on getting your health to the best it can be, and learn to love yourself, I'm sorry but if he cant stick around to see you through this then you will worry all through your married life that if you become sick again, will he go. Life is too short to spend it with a man who cant love you enough to help you at your lowest point and I'm sure you are worth much more than that.
YOU ARE WORTH MUCH MORE, get yourself well and back to work and start living the life you deserve. XX
 
I have a friend in the US, he is 34, his wife is 36 and they have been married 9 years. Of those, she has been seriously sick for 8 years. It started when she had a tumour on her pancreas and after the surgery she was unable to eat properly and was constantly being sick and getting dehydrated. For years he has had urgent calls to rush her into the ER almost daily to be put on an IV and after having a litre of so of fluids they would send her home. After 5 years, their insurance co bailed out on them and then they had to declare bankruptcy because of the medical bills. This year she was referred to a hospital in LA where the surgeons discovered she had a paritaly paralysed stomach from the surgery. They did some kind of surgery to correct that and found heaps of adhesions in her abdomen which they separated. But a week or so after, they then realised she had perforations and peritonitis. When the infection was sorted, they repaired the perfs. But now ..... well, it just goes on and on still! On top of all this she has a slow growing malignant tumour in her thyroid that cannot be addressed until all the rest is sorted. "In sickness and in health" has tested this couple to the limit.

I do hope your husband has a change of heart.
 
Sonja actually in the beginning reading i was going to say the same sickness and health im sure you would what you needed to help him with diabetes he should do the same.....if not well, what kind of man is that...but if you think you all can get thru this...........what you are going thru is a shame but its out of your control......and having ms im sure you have that before marriage and he new.......all you can do is do your part if he is not willing they you did all you could.......Im so sorry about this you dont need this right now........Please post anytime i/we would be happy just to be there for you.........dont st by yourself we are here for you......vent anytime............and here is a big ole BS hug............)
 
Sonja,

I am sorry to hear of your problems--MS is a tough diagnosis without "emotional abuse" in the picuture. My husband has severe heart disease and is often ill and tired. But, his is also a warrior--he does what he can. he will come up to the mountain and maybe ski only two runs--but, at least he is out in the cold and skiing. He tries to do all of the work that is his part of our family--I have to pick up some of the slack, but he does what he can.

I only become impatient when he starts to complain for hours on end about his lot in life. As long as he keeps on going as best he can, I am supportive--but, I don't like the laments about what he can no longer do.

I am lucky in that I am strong and can do the yard work and the heavier jobs around here. This summer was a trial with my knee---but, after four weeks, I could pretty much do my work too. We are not in a position to hire outside help.

I can understand your husband's pain at turning down job opportunities--that must be very difficult for him and I am sure that you can understand his pain there. It would be hard for a man who is career oriented to see obstacles to growth that are behond his control. I am sure that you can see his pain there--and it is very brave of him that he thinks of your needs over his own.

It is hard to be the one who is ill too---not feeling well makes me querilous---but, I made our supper the second night that we were home---it was uncomfortable, but it was my night to cook and I am determined to do my work here. Now, I am working full time again, so my husband does more of the home chores--he is supportive of me--he makes my dinner so that I walk into the house and dinner is there and he brings me coffee in the am to help me get going.

To me, a marriage is a partnership---we have rather clear parameters about what is each of our work. Both inside and outside the house. Each of us tries to keep up our share and that makes the other person feel needed but not overwealmed. As long as Bob does some of his work, I feel okay picking up the slack--but it is so difficult when I have to do everything. that is when I feel like I am just putting one foot in front of the other. Supporting one another is complicated---especially when illness and disability enters into our lives. I hope that you and your husband are able to work this through--if not with a counselor will your priest or paster help? Or, maybe you will just have to sit down together and make lists of how things will work. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Kelly
 
Hello all,

To answer questions, I am already in counseling and that has helped me through a lot. :D My husband and I are back to working through our problems; no promises; I think when his blood sugar goes out of control he goes into these rages and I don't need that hassle on top of my health. So I will see how things progress. I have seen improvement over the past three and 1/2 years but I never know when the next "tantrum" is coming. He needs counselingfor unresolved issues from childhood, but he won't get help, so I have to make up my mind.

Thank you fo being here and I appreciate the encouragement :wub:

Sonja
 
Sonja,,,,I am so sorry for your troubles! But your health comes first! I am so glad you are in counsedling and wish your husband had a place where he could vent since its obvious from your posts that he so desperately needs it! You need emotional support and come here any time to vent! We may not be psychiatrists, but we'll certainly be there for you when you need a friend!!!! Good luck,hon!!! ((:0)
 
Things are improving between Pat and I. We are finally communicating better and that makes a big difference. I won't say things are perfect, but they are better :wink: Thanks for the support and I really appreciate all of the people on this board.:D
 
That's wonderful and promising news, Sonja! Continued good luck to BOTH of you and keep thinking positive thoughts!! ((:0)
 
Sonja....I'm happy for you and hope that the progress continues. Communication is EVERYTHING!!!
 
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