THR How to stay positive?

Buttonbear

junior member
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May 16, 2019
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Hampshire
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The surgeon put me on the list for a right hip replacement at the end of February, saying there was no other help for it. We phoned up last month to enquire when it might be. They said in October or November. The trouble is that, that is still four months away. My hip is getting more persistently painful, with my ability to do things diminishing. My world keeps growing smaller. Do you kind folk have any suggestions as to how to remain positive and stop falling into a depression. My husband has been wonderful and does all he can, but he is at work all day, and those days seem to be getting ever longer. How did you all manage that long wait?
 
:hi: @Buttonbear and :welome: to BoneSmart.
I had a long wait for a diagnosis...almost two years, but once it was determined I had endstage OA, my surgery was scheduled very quickly.
I am so sorry you have a long wait and I certainly identify with the wearying pain and depression...
It can be a struggle to stay positive...and distract oneself best we can.
Usually day by day and with the knowledge that once this hip gets sorted...you will be back to life in a big way.
Of course, lots of friendly folks here!:friends:
 
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The wait is hard.. Worse at night when he sleeps and I muffle sobs. Some nights are OK however. Last night was one of those three hour nights and this am I can't sleep in as workmen are working on the deck outside the bedroom and will for several weeks.

I try to keep distracted. Today an hour each way drive to the cardiologist for clearance and I will try to do something nice after that appointment.. Even if it is just to drive along the ocean.

I am thinking about an Advent sort of calendar... marking the days off.. It started at three and a half months and is down to about two and I still exist somehow.
 
I waited 6 months for both replacements. It's tough - in fact the wait is the hardest part. Mainegirl is right - keep distracted. Find a hobby or activity you can do with you wait. Prior to my first THR I found BoneSmart and posted quite often. It really did help to "talk" to others who were going through a similar journey.

Life will be much different post THR. You won't regret this amazing surgery.
 
Thank you mainegirl1 and Javcey. I agree about the distraction. I’ve managed to continue on the sewing machine by switching to my left foot, but now even with a special cushion sitting too long at the table is hard. I’ve got several ‘hobbies’ lined up, but motivation drops on bad days (or after bad nights).
I like the idea of a sort of Advent calendar. At the moment I’m just counting the weeks up :)
This board has helped me feel less isolated. Some people who haven’t experienced severe OA don’t seem to see a problem. It really helps to hear others’ positive outcomes.
 
It's quite frustrating dealing with others sometimes.. You really want to be treated as a person and not a sickness. Yet there are things you can't do.. Yesterday I was confronted because I had written I could not help move someone out of a house because I couldn't walk.. They said "you are walking fine". Eesh it was a pretty good day but I can't carry anything and can move wrong once and scream.. The pain is there and it is poof not there.. and poof back. In public we try to put on a brave face..

You figure out pretty quick who is really a friend with empathy who will be there.
@Buttonbear do you have a date? Or just a block of months? ( that would depress me too!)
 
I am not familiar with the UK health system except for what I read here on the forum but if there is someone you can call periodically about the scheduling, I’d definitely do that as it would make me feel like I’m not forgotten.

Then as others have said, find things to keep you busy and distracted. Sewing is a wonderful way and that is what I did. In fact it was less than 2 weeks after surgery that I was back at my sewing machine for short sessions and it really helped. If sitting bothers you, still see until you’re uncomfortable and then move on to something else. Maybe do some hand sewing or learn to knit or crochet since you could do that in a recliner. Call a friend and talk about things other than your hip. Meet someone for lunch or invite them over if you don’t feel like going out. And then there is BoneSmart. Visiting this forum is a wonderful learning experience, helps us know what to expect down the road, gives us an opportunity to help others by just posting a supportive note on their thread so they know they are not forgotten and, of course, most important, it provides us with answers and support when we need it.

I was lucky and only had to wait a couple months for my surgery but as others have said, the wait is the hardest part of the whole experience. You might try icing for the pain (you could even use an ice pack as you are sitting at your sewing machine to see if it helps) and try using a cane if you are not using one already. It seems to take a bit of pressure off your hip and really helps quite a bit. You may find more ideas reading here on the forum. Sending positive wishes your way. You will make it just fine!!
 
It's quite frustrating dealing with others sometimes.. You really want to be treated as a person and not a sickness. Yet there are things you can't do.. Yesterday I was confronted because I had written I could not help move someone out of a house because I couldn't walk.. They said "you are walking fine". Eesh it was a pretty good day but I can't carry anything and can move wrong once and scream.. The pain is there and it is poof not there.. and poof back. In public we try to put on a brave face..

You figure out pretty quick who is really a friend with empathy who will be there.
@Buttonbear do you have a date? Or just a block of months? ( that would depress me too!)

I’m so sorry you were treated that way, but as you say we put on a brave face. I’m afraid we British are infamous for apologising and not complaining when perhaps we should. I think also it’s bad enough to keep living it, without keep trying to explain it all the time.

No, no date yet. Just that where I am on the list should be about October or November. Until I have some sort of date, I’m not building my hopes up. If they have to use the ward for emergencies, then they all get delayed, because they won’t mix elective surgery patients with them. I’m hoping it gets done this side of Christmas.
 
@Buttonbear “How does one remain positive and stop falling into depression?” If this isn’t the key challenge - mentally at least - of the pre-op phase, I truly don’t know what is. Perhaps the place to start is by mitigating the things that contribute to depression, to the best of our ability.

I had to start with sleep. You may want to look into good habits of sleep hygiene and see if there are helpful ideas there. In my case, pain and worry both cost me sleep, and my husband is a restless sleeper, too. It was a bad combination, and both of us were suffering. So, we’re temporarily in separate spaces, and this has the added bonus of giving me a private place to nap/rest during the day when night time sleep has been elusive.

The next thing I worked on was pain management and comfort. I learned there were limited options and they only help some, which led to the realization that good days are not invitations to overdo, they’re reminders of good times to come. Once I stopped trying to push myself to overcome hip difficulties with will power, and accepted that I was living with limitations for the time being, my attitude began to improve. You may want to work with your primary care doctor on interim pain management, experiment with meditation, massage, or other pain relief alternatives, and look into anti-inflammatory diets.

And then there is distraction. Is there a personal interest or pleasure you just haven’t had time for? I love novels...and I am giving myself permission to read a whole stack I’ve never had time for before. On BoneSmart, the posters have a whole array of interests they share - it’s inspirational. And it reminds me that this “small life” chapter for me is temporary, and it can still be very rewarding.

It’s always reasonable to consult a therapist, if you’ve given the other remedies your best effort and your mood is a bit stubborn. You may find that this chapter in your life is an opportunity to give some old emotional baggage the heave ho. And you’ll be all the better off without it by the time surgery gets scheduled; a positive attitude is a great ally then.

Finally: this too shall pass.
 
I agree with all of the above. It is easy to get depressed and worn down when you're dealing with pain and pre-surgical jitters. What worked for me was to keep busy, or as busy as I was able as my world narrowed with hip pain. Frankly, I just pushed on through some of the pain if I was feeling motivated some days, other days I collapsed with a good book in a cushy chair. This time around reading is problematic as sitting is more painful than walking. I suppose I could read and walk but I think that's a fall waiting to happen! I have good friends, and getting together with them for a cocktail or glass of wine, some gossip and laughter was always a mood booster. Reading Bonesmart posts, especially the cheerful ones where folks seemed to have an easy recovery was also helpful for my nerves.

Sleep can be tough, beforehand and, unfortunately, immediately post surgery (although drugs help!) and not getting adequate sleep really casts a pall on everything. Trying to stick to a bedtime routine in terms of going to bed and getting up, using pillows to prop your leg/knee up, whatever you can do to find a comfortable position. It worked sometimes for me, and other times not. But I think the key is to keep trying different things, knowing that it's not going to be great but you're going to get through this. Oh, and keeping a sense of humor helps--even if you have to "fake it until you make it"! Good luck with your journey, @Buttonbear. You are going to get this done and you will recover, and here's hoping that 2020 will be a good year for you.
 
Thank you Ptarmigan and Barbaraj. That’s certainly given me lots to think about.

I was doing well and staying positive until I found out that surgery was going to take an extra half year to what we had been led to believe. As the pain gets worse and I realise the joint is deteriorating and now the left hip (which was absolutely fine) is complaining about all the stress that is being put on it, I realised I was starting to lose my hold on my mood. Thankfully, I found this site!!

You have all helped me see a way through. Perhaps it’s truly time to be a bit easier on myself. The idea that this period can be rewarding, instead of a period of lost time, is not something I would have thought of, so a very big thank you for that.

I totally agree about the sense of humour helping. l seemed to have lost track of mine though, but thank you for helping me get it back.

I’m so glad to have found you all and will keep dropping in and sharing this journey that we’re all on.
 
Hey, @Buttonbear, the wonderful thing about this site is that EVERYONE on it is going through or has gone through what you're experiencing, and there is definitely something to be said for "misery loves company". The whole hip replacement journey is uncomfortable, scary and a slog. But you aren't alone on this journey, lots of folks here to commiserate with, answer your questions and allow you to whine and complain without judgment or censure. It is what it is, frankly, and accepting that it is a tough journey but one which you WILL get through, emerging on the other side with a brand spankin' new hip with NO hip pain will, in the end, make it all worth it!
 
I had one of those nights of no sleep.. Poor hubby thought I would be more comfortable if he slept elsewhere so he did.. I was in agony.. I forgot where my pillow that is firm and goes between your legs is.. At 3 am I found it and sleep was better. Had to get up at six.. workmen on the house.. aagh.. Today is one of the days where I dare not sit down.. Stutter step in pain for 90 seconds after I get out of the chair.. In the chair its OK.. But its such a nice day that I should not be a couch potato . The hard part is staying active if you are comfy doing nothing.. Doing nothing doesn't in my mind prepare us for surgery.. I went and saw the cardiologist for pre op screening yesterday and he wants me to be active as much as I can.. I did get cleared. I think I have jumped through all the hoops required till now.

Yes it is what it is and key to maintaining sanity is not to try to go it alone.. I am fortunate to have a support system.
And a cross stitch project that will take many years. 16 gauge fabric and 20x24 in size !:yikes:

For now my little dog is demanding that I go out swimming with him.. I will try..
@Buttonbear we all lose our sense of humor sometimes. When I need to get it back, I come here. It truly is the judgment free zone.

Later I heard there is a field of lupines not to far away.. I have to go see
 
Waiting is awfully hard and our sense of humor does run away sometimes. I waited 5m last time for my left hip after a year of not being diagnosed correctly. This time it is a 6m wait for me - no only 5m now - time does move on though often not quickly enough. I am scheduled for Nov.13 and having a date does help. I hope you will soon at least have a date to aim for - for me it helps.

In the meantime, like so many here I come and visit bonesmart a lot even if I do not post often. It helps. I try to do things at home even though later it might be painful since I either enjoy them or they need to be done. I love mowing the lawn (riding mower) and right now am somewhat irked because I have this nasty cold and cough and I could not mow this week. Seems silly since after I mow with our uneven ground my hip always hurts more but ti gives me pleasure in between. I watch birds at the feeder that I fill and enjoy their antics. Like others have said it is hard to do things when it hurts but pick and choose what you want to do that gives you pleasure and try to do them even if it is small increments. I go out to lunch with friends and enjoy that time. It is all the little things that add up and help with the waiting.

We are here for you, come often, post, ask questions, let your feelings out and the time will pass.
 
Well, my pre-assessment was next Wednesday and the operation booked for 29th October, but this week I received a letter cancelling my pre-assessment to 13th November and booking the operation for 10th December. Doesn’t look like I’ll be retiring the wheelchair anytime soon :-(
 
Oh my stars...:sigh:
I know that has to be disappointing.
It is still before Christmas, which I remember you originally hoped for.
Little consolation, I know...but I shall be thinking of you and know you are going to be ever so glad to get this over with.:console2:
 
@Buttonbear , I just read the disappointing news about the delay in your surgery.
Hopefully you can keep your mind busy with some projects and time moves quickly for you. ((Hugs))
Hopefully there are some good days interspersed to help keep your spirits up.
 
So sorry your surgery was rescheduled. But at least you are on a list. Many patients can't even get on the list these days. Tough times for our NHS.

Hang in there - eye on the prize.
 
Even with the delay, although depressing, to actually have a date must be exciting. I have been coping with a year delay, because I read articles too late about the importance of teeth health before getting the surgery and then had to get funding for 6 teeth extractions at a cost of almost $2,000. And now I just tried to use my walker and because I have been moving around on an office chair around my apartment I'm thinking maybe I should be used to walker more cuz the top of the thigh was burning like the muscles are scrunched up or something. Cheers to you and can't wait to hear, not long now!
 

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