THR Hipster64's Recovery Thread

[Hipster64]

@mikeycat : Thanks for your kind words! Just took my temperature now and it was 99.3 which is an improvement over what it has been over the last few evenings-it was hovering slightly over 100. Hopefully this means the fever is no longer an issue and I can press on with some positive recovery!

I know I have been trying my best to remain positive and realistic, but I actually had a serious pity party/meltdown this afternoon. I realized my entire summer slipped right through my fingers. I had a nice family vacation trip to Omaha, NE scheduled in July that I had to cancel; I had beautiful brand-new dresses, purses and sandals to wear to work this summer that remained untouched in my closet because I had no real place to wear them; and the majority of my world has been confined to my living room, more specifically my couch which has become my temporary bed (we only have one bathroom and it's downstairs). My husband has become super-protective, pretty much watches everything I do, and has apparently developed radar during my surgeries; if I get up any time during the night to use the bathroom he can somehow sense it, even during a deep sleep and runs right downstairs to sit in the living room until I finish up. I feel like all my independence has been ripped out from under me-not once, but twice-and my life is not my own and is completely micromanaged by others. Don't get me wrong-I appreciate my support system very much, I know this is not going to last forever, and I will come back from this stronger than ever, but sometimes it's just plain too much, especially since this recovery has been tougher than the last one so far.

 

[mikeycat]

Oh gee, I know where you are coming from and I empathize because I am in the same boat but mostly because these surgeries have stripped me of my self confidence. I have taken public transit several times--it is how I get around but I realize how vulnerable I am. I was crying on the bus yesterday and find myself doing this daily. I was this super independent type-ha. My family let me do my own stuff if I say it is what I want. Maybe you can ask your loved ones to allow you to do stuff on your own and that it is essential to your recovery and emotional,physical well-being.You will get back your life. I want my life back too.And sorry this one has been tougher than the last. I have nothing to compare it to but it really has been uneventful . It is what was started as a result.

 

[Mojo333]

Hi @Hipster64
It's a very disconcerting place to be in...feeling infirmed and dependent.
Thankfully all temporary and you will be walking tall and get back to life.
This summer has been tough...but you are going to get there.
Sending healing hugs and wishing you a good day.

 

[DEL2019Sep-7]

My first visit to dependency happened when I was diagnosed with cancer many years ago. There was no way this Independent woman would accept help from anyone. My belief was the more Independent I was, the stronger I was (therefore better than). NOT! There were so many things I couldn't do for myself, much of which was accepting rides to chemo and radiation (on the other side of the Big Island). I've since learned two things: Independent folks often have to humbly learn to accept help now and again (which doesn't make us weak) and those that are Dependent types have to learn to stand on their own two feet a bit more. Life knows what we need to help us grow, IMHO, and we get the experiences that invite a healthier us to emerge. I'm grateful that through this very challenging HR, I can reach out for some of my needs to get met. It blessed me in ways I can't even articulate.

Sending you Love and Light to support you during your recovery.

 

[Hipster64]

Again, thank you all for your kind words and support and as always, much appreciated!

@mikeycat: I cried when I read about your crying on the bus because I know how you feel. I hate feeling vulnerable and I especially hate relying on people.

@Mojo333: I already feel like I am walking a bit taller. My husband informed me that my left foot is still turning out but nowhere near like it used to. That's what physical therapy is going to be most helpful for.

I hope you kicked cancer to the curb! It is very hard for me to humble up and accept help because I just hate inconveniencing people or am afraid of owing someone something down the road, and I won't be able to deliver.

 

[DEL2019Sep-7]

@Hipster64 , I did indeed kick cancer to the curb...twice! I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer (did surgery, chemo, and radiation) in 2000 and when I got to the 5 year recovery mark, I breathed a huge sigh of release. Thinking I was over the "hump" I was shaken to the core one year later, when I was diagnosed with an aggressive Ovarian cancer. I chose not to do chemo with this one, though that was the protocol treatment. I trusted my instincts/inner guidance and opted other alternative means, but I did do surgery, which took my uterus, ovaries, appendix and omentum. My story, hopefully, provides hope to those who hear those three devastating words, "You have cancer." In some ways, I'm grateful for its appearance in my life. It transformed me in many wonderful ways. However, in the future, I don't want something as life-threatening as cancer to give me those lessons.

Humble on!

 

[CricketHip]

Hi @Hipster64 You've been very brave and resolute this year and now have both THR's in the rear view mirror.. that's a big deal!
I hope today is a better day for you and each week shows improvement.. My second hip was a bit more stubborn at first, also. I agree that it is disheartening.

 

[Calgal]

I too felt my summer disappeared. But those lovely dresses and sandals will be waiting for you next year, still new! And you'll be feeling sooooo much better you'll be strutting your stuff in them. Here's to 2020!

 

[mainegirl1]

I feel like all my independence has been ripped out from under me-not once, but twice-and my life is not my own and is completely micromanaged by others.

One way to deal with this is to be honest with hubby and to let him know what you want to and can do and just sit back and give him the pleasure of being needed. Yes I think that is an affirmation of trust; and there are things you can do so be firm and pleasant about doing those.

I was very headstrong too and was the house micromanager. To the detriment of everyone else who felt they had to clear things with me always and never piped up.

Cancer with a heart attack ( almost at the same time) in 2014 changed that. The MI was something easy to deal with ( a stent and an overnight stay. There was no cardiac damage). But I listened to the doctor and quit smoking right like that. When you have a choice or smoke or die its a no brainer but we don't think like that till something like a 95 percent occlusion of the most important coronary artery actually happens.
Then two months later I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. The chemo was horrid. I had no choice but to accept help as the chemo affected my balance and brain and caused incredible bone pain. I could do very little for four months and actually stopped chemo before the institutional standard of duration( I had had enough of being weak and stoned and winding up always in shape for the next round of chemo yet in the hospital mid cycle for transfusions). I was tired of being a patient but very thankful for help at home though he was no doubt tired of trying to make meals I could eat. ( I would think something wonderful at three pm and at six turn it down)

So when the first TKR came along two years later I really did not get too down.. I knew that it was not going to be like chemo where you have months of feeling increasingly worse.

Hip the same. I did not think that recovery would be awful and it hasn't been though there are some less good days

Now for first timers with major surgery it is a hard recovery as this role of patient is new and it seems to go on forever. Just remember that people do like to be needed and you won't be dependent forever. Friends do not run a balance sheet of favors given and received.

Cancer taught me some valuable lessons of personal growth. Not that I want a rerun!

 

[Layla]

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling down. Hopefully today feels brighter. You've experienced two major surgeries in less than two months. That is a lot to recover from and you're doing great! While it feels like your Summer slipped through your hands and you didn't have the opportunity to wear all of your great purchases, Summer will come again and you will be a better, stronger version of yourself, not gimping along in pain in your pretty dresses and accessories, but walking tall, pain free!

While I'm sure hubby's concern feels smothering at times, it's a testament of his love for you. He obviously cares deeply. As you begin to feel stronger, more energized and he sees you doing more, effortlessly, he'll scale back. Look at it as a temporary irritant, lol.

At only ten days post op, you're going to have these little post op blues episodes, but I'm sure you recall from your first hip that these instances are usually short lived. Things improve week by week and and when you look back at this a week from now it will most likely look insignificant.

It's good to hear the fevers have stopped. One more positive sign you're on your way!
Sending a hug....make today a good day.
@Hipster64

 

[Barbaraj]

Just chiming in here, @Hipster64 to say that I absolutely agree that for strong women (and there are a LOT of 'em on this forum) one of the big challenges of recovery is fighting against our aversion to be dependent--needing the help and yet resentful, and then angry with ourselves for our disgruntlement and the guilt that flows in as a result. One positive thing about dependence, at least for me, is that while I struggle against it I find it's an incentive to keep getting stronger and thus more independent--dependence as a motivator! I know it's hard right now, but it's TEMPORARY and every day, even though recovery #2 is more challenging, you'll be one day further along to feeling like yourself again and taking back that Wonder Woman mantle you've worn for so long. Patience, grasshopper, you're gonna get there. Have a better Thursday!

 

[Hipster64]

After reading everybody's posts I have only one thing to say: What an amazingly resilient group of folks we all are! And all your posts are putting things into perspective for me. Thank you all for the much needed reality check!

@mainegirl1: I send you good healing vibes for all your conditions. My mom quit smoking pretty much the same way you did-she had serious breathing issues in March 2010, was hospitalized and came out an ex-smoker, which she remained until her death in December 2017. My husband and I did have a long talk yesterday about him loosening up a bit and that I need to do more on my own in order to advance in my recovery. Things seem to be a bit better now. They were even more better when Home PT came today and advised that I only need the walker in the early morning and evening, and to use the cane in the afternoon. I will be discharged tomorrow and the goal is to have me exclusively on the cane. It always helps when a medical professional advises my husband of my progress because only then he will take it seriously and use that opinion as a guidepost.

@Layla: "gimping along in pain in your pretty dresses and accessories"-you nailed it! That was me in June, especially when I had to crawl up the stairs in a dress when the workplace elevator was broken. After thinking about that fiasco, how much pain I was in and how lucky I was nobody saw my underpants-clad behind crawling up the stairs, with purse and lunch bag in tow, you know what? Yeah, I'd rather be walking tall right now in my yoga pants and oversized T-shirt.

@Barbaraj: Dependence is definitely a motivator for me because I don't want to remain this way. Yes, I have been angry about needing others for help and upset because I am burdening them. I hate constantly asking my husband to do things for me because I feel like I am dumping on him. I went back and read Josephine's comments about post-op blues because they helped me the first time around and I figured I could definitely use a refresher. Things are starting to look up now. I am seeing the OS on 9/24 for a post-op and we'll see what he has to say.

 

[mainegirl1]

@Hipster64
I really now have no "conditions" Things got fixed.
I am out of patient mode except for the final healing of this hip.

You are struggling with your first "condition" and two hips are a big chore. You too will emerge into the light and next year look back and say WOW!

Just a little more patience.. you are only ten days out from your last knife trip. The problem is that for you you have had some sort of recovery going on for two months and yep it gets old!

 

[Mojo333]

Dependence is definitely a motivator for me because I don't want to remain this way. Yes, I have been angry about needing others for help and upset because I am burdening them. I hate constantly asking my husband to do things for me because I feel like I am dumping on him.

He is doing no more than you would do for him if the situation were reversed.
He knows this is all temporary.

I felt a terrible sense of guilt when my better half , who was also overly protective, was seeing about me, taking over some of my work duties. And chauffeuring my dad about as he had knee replacement the week after I had my BTHR.
You will make it all to him by being better than ever when all of this frustrating recovery business is done.
Hope your weekend is sweet!

 

[Barbaraj]

Well, it is definitely a lesson in humility for all of us "take charge" types but it is something we all need to learn--to try to be gracious and appreciative even as we're stewing inside, @Hipster64. It is very hard, especially when the other person seems to be "hovering" over us and our reaction, well, mine at least, is to get snippy and unappreciative. I think when those feelings flood over you, stepping back--taking a deep breath, closing your eyes and counting to 10, might help. As I said before, this is all just temporary and soon you'll be back to your old, independent and proud of it self! Happy Friday.

 

[Layla]

nobody saw my underpants-clad behind crawling up the stairs, with purse and lunch bag in tow, you know what?

Such a pathetic lot we were before our surgery some days. All you can do is laugh, isn't it the truth though?!
Thankfully those days are behind you and you're walking tall, no more worries about flashing someone with your panties as you crawl up stairs. You're doing great, keep it up and have a wonderful weekend!

 

[mainegirl1]

The other positive thing about being dependent is that we may be able to do something With A Little Help from My Friends ( Sergio Mendes or the Beatles) that we can't currently do alone . Google either of those songs.

I had a friend have a TKR two days after me.. She went camping for a week with a little help from her friends in the Smokies instead of being an obedient patient doing PT. She gets the other knee done in Oct and will again go camping with her friends after. She did have a suitable reclining chair pillows and ice. What better than to recuperate while in a happy place?

so for you @Hipster64 can you think of a place hubby can take you that will be mutually fun and allow you to step out of your current "rut"? If even for a couple of hours.
Yes it will all resolve in time but if you are like me you get down stuck in a rut.

Tis leaf peeping time.. perhaps a drive to the White Mountains soon? Color is starting. When you are up to it I would be happy to be dependent on you. I will have tons of leaves to move soon!

 

[Elf1]

@Hipster64 I think we all find patient mode to be annoying and while our other halves mean so well, and yes we would do the same for them, it sometimes gets to be too much. I did find going out, even if it was only a short trip to the grocery helped break up the monotony some. It is only temporary and things will get better and you'll be up and moving around before you know it!

 

[Hipster64]

@mainegirl1: Great idea! I love the Joe Cocker version of "With A Little Help From My Friends" myself. I did get a great discharge report from Home PT-I can now use the cane exclusively, am off the walker and can return to sleeping upstairs. However, it was advised that I do not go out socially until my sutures are removed by the OS (9/24) and I have begun outpatient PT (9/26), so I can definitely begin to plan something for late next week! It will keep me busy and give me something to look forward to-two birds with one stone. We used to go to the White Mountains every year in the summer when my son was small. We'd stay at Indian Head Resort in Lincoln and do all the parks-Clark's Trading Post, Storyland, Santa's Village, Six Gun City-go on the Cannon Mountain Tramway and walk through Franconia Notch. Then we'd stop at Tilton Factory Outlets-no sales tax in NH!

@Barbaraj : Yep, that's me-I get so frustrated that I do become snippy and unappreciative. Thank you for the advice about counting to 10 because it comes in handy. Either I will count or do 10 ankle pumps before responding-at least I will get some exercise out of the deal.

@Mojo333: My husband loosened up and did go out tonight to a dinner that I was supposed to attend; I told him to go because we already paid for the tickets and it would be foolish for him not to at least go and eat. My dad, sister and brother-in-law were also going so he would not be alone. My son is here with me so I am sure that put his mind at ease.

@Layla: I already laugh over it because it truly was ridiculous. Although one of the HR folks said that if that ever happens again, to call her and she would carry up my stuff. I appreciated her offer, but I hope I won't have to take her up on it upon my return!

 

[Hipster64]

@Elf1 : I remember reading your posts during my Surgery #1 and being in awe of you going to the grocery store at approximately 2 weeks out. I already am hoping to do something late next week, even if we just go for lunch. I have plenty of gift certificates to redeem!