Gonna be long wait for me & others sagas as well - help??

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sheryl7

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I was writing all this in a post to Dog Lady reinvented, but felt it was too long to take up space on her thread, this is explaining why I have chosen to have to wait til I am about 50-ish to have my knees done.

For one I am still losing weight, lost 40 lbs so far, maybe 60 lbs to go to be at my ideal weight in my my eyes anyway :wink:.

The 2nd reason I'm only 43( I know I'm not too young, but most doctors think so, & overweight, I do know there are OS's that will have no prob w/my weight, which is 185 lbs, so not that bad, but I would feel better if i weighed 125 lbs, as it would easier on my body & poor knees if I wait til ideal weight for me, & hopefully a lot less weight my may make a diff in the pain( although back in 04 I was 125 lbs, & they felt really bad then as they do now, maybe even worse, as I tried to do so much more, & that's how I got to weight I am now, by cutting out my activities:walking thru the woods, roller skating, house cleaning came to a halt. But I just force my self to keep on house daily as no one will. Days of no cleaning, is overwhelming for me to clean, so I must keep it up daily. I'll wait til I can have bi-lat as I can't do 2 surgeries/recoveries. I had surgery to help w/my bladder:beg:.
It will be 2 weeks on the 3rd,& I am still hurting where they drilled holes in my lower spine to get leads(interstim= like a pace maker for a bladder, so easier to explain) to sacral area, so back, spine & left butt cheek hurt bad. This is suppose to be an easy out patient surgery compared to a tkr on any given day. ( Although I may be looking at more surgery in pelvic area, as the pain is is really bad, & this bladder surgery I just had may not be enough to take care of all the pain I am in w/the whole perineal area. I have ovaries and tubes left, may still have a cervix, not sure, will find out when i see gyno on the 19th of Dec.)
Also been thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that I want to be an empty nester by the time my knees get done , a bi-lateral if i can. I couldn't do that hard of a surgery w/my 13 &18 year old right now, they are way to selfish,& would still want me to do everything for them, I'm fortunate they at least cook their own meals. Its just that they are very sloppy, & hard to keep a clean house on a good day let alone being flat on my back with two knees done. Don't want to worry about cleaning up after their sloppy butts. Husband works 2 jobs, so he not much help, & since I don't work (because I physically cant between my knees & bladder. I was actually going to the loo between 75-100 x a day, now since surgery its has gone to less then 25 x a day, which to the normal person is still too much. But a God send to me!) It's an improvement of 75%, so worth it, just was hoping it would have helped the pain still have. It's not made to kill pain, only to help those who go too often, & actually the exact opposite, for those who are unable to go due to severe retention, and the urine backs up into their kidneys,making the diff between life and death, my friend has it for this reason. Her kidneys would shut down if she didn't have this sacral interstim in her ( the interstim is likened to a pacemaker for the bladder, its an easier way to explain it better that way)
Hubby feels its my responsibility to keep house totally clean, because he works all day & the kids go to school all day (sarcasm). But I would at least expect they clean up after themselves, but they don't, except for hubby, he will clean after himself. So I am hopefully looking at 50 before I get bi-lat done, if I can stand it for that long,as I know my recovery will be a lot easier when the kids have moved on. I could rest easier knowing the house wont become a wreck , & waiting for 3 months to clean properly won't be too overwhelming to get it done my self . W/hubby cleaning after himself, knowing I cant do it, it wont be to bad to recover & not worry about house being a complete pig sty. Once healed enough it wont be so overwhelming to catch up on it.
We are also planning a move this summer to the GA mountains or NC mountains, hopefully GA mountains, as I don't want to leave the state, too much of a hassle for me. So wish me luck.
My own thread has been locked for quite awhile,so I started a new one, so I can post this here. I could really use some support right now, especially with the move, bladder & perineal problems, & of course the knees, its very frustrating ,need to vent & share w/others. Thanks for reading post. Take care,Sheryl:flwrysmile:
 
Oh Sheryl, you poor lassie! Did your GP not offer you medication for your over-active bladder? I've heard of one called toltrodine which is very effective. I know quite a few people who are on it and are delighted with the results. As for the hoped for bilat, what makes you think you will be "flat on your back" afterwards? Activity is essential for good recovery and not that difficult to achieve. Not so sure about clearing up after your hopeless boys and machismo husband though! Perhaps you should just acquire a blind eye to the mess. It's about the only suggestion I can make there!

Would you like me to reopen your thread and add this post to it?
 
Wow, Sheryl, that's quite the read. I'm not sure what type of comments you would want. I mean, we aren't living your life and so many of the things you mention, I'd take a different approach too because I'm not you. But it sounds like a lot of family dynamics in play as well as medical conditions and that both of those weigh into your final decision to wait.

Since you plan to wait, and given your other physical limitations, specially tailored exercises could be of benefit. You might want to get a referral to a physical therapist who can tailor specific exercises to keep your muscles in as good a shape as possible. I did so several years before and then again a year before and it did help. They taught me about using my other muscles much more, like in the thigh and derriere, to take some of the strain off my knee.

I have fortunately never had the problem, but I've known two women who had bladder issues. One worked with a urologist gynecologist and improved dramatically; but I think they both took meds as well for the condition. Not something women usually discuss so I could have known more without realizing it.

From my personal experience I'd say don't wait too long. In my case I did because of the concern over metal sensitivities and the limited solutions as well as a huge concern over putting something in my body that would be there forever. It didn't matter what people told me, how badly I limped, or how much smaller my world got, I wasn't ready to have a knee replacement. And any excuse was enough to keep a knee replacement on the back burner.

Once I was ready, I took the jump and didn’t look back. But only after I was ready. Both knees were bad, but I chose the one with the worst bone spurs and replaced it. The conversation with the dr went something like “which do you want to replace?”, me “the worst one”, the dr while looking at the x-ray “and which one is that?” :scratch: :heehee:

If I choose to have the other one replaced, I will be able to stagger the replacements. What I mean is that instead of doing both at the same time, someone might have one replaced at the age of 45, the other at the age of 50- 55, and maybe the first replaced again after the age of 65-70 if necessary at that time. There is a lot to be said for staggering the replacements.

You’ve made the decision, now keep those surrounding muscles working as best as you can. Wish you the best! :)
 
Oh, my goodness sweetie, you have been through your share and then some!! I can understand why you would want to avoid another surgery.

Now, as far as waiting until you are in your 50's, your knees may not allow you to wait!! Please don't wait until the joint deforms, you are very valgus or varus, and the muscles, ligaments etc, are compromised!!

I waited almost too long!! I needed a replacement and waited for 5 years until my knee said no more!! By that time I had a terrible valgus deformity, the ligaments were starting to stretch out on one side of the knee, and contract on the other.
My surgeon told me I made it to him just in time. Had I waited too much longer, there would have been a lot of messing with the ligaments etc to correct the damage. My quad muscle had started to get a bit weak also.

Since the deformity happened slowly over 5 years, I really didn't notice until one day I looked in the full length mirror and my knee had collapsed inward. Slowly over time, I got to the point where I could not put my feet together. My right shoe didn't fit because my ankle was rotating inward and my foot was in my shoe at a slightly turned in position.

At my consultation with the surgeon, he had me extend my leg out and he grabbed it, and actually popped it into the normal position it should be!! I was stunned to see how far out of alignment it had become when he showed me where it should actually be!!! My husband almost jumped out of his chair when he saw the difference.

I told the surgeon to schedule me that very moment.

Anyway, please feel better my dear, and we certainly understand your decision. I am hoping that you can wait, but if it gets too much for you, and your quality of life and activities starts to diminish you get it done.
You deserve quality of life, not just quantity dear one.

Wishing you all the best in the world!!!
 
Sheryl,

I don't know what to say.... Wait a minute, yes I do! :wink: YOU deserve to live life to its fullest! The sloppy teenagers need a swift kick in the rear and I would let them know it is time to shape up! Why should you have to take care of their mess? You are not the maid, and your husband should be with you on this idea of having a life of quality instead of quantity! If you would like for shy ol' me to come and explain the facts of life to your kids.... :rotfl:
 
Dear Sheryl,
I agree with Rest Assured.

Start teaching those teenagers now that they must be responsible for cleaning up their own mess. It isn't your job to clean up after them. They need to know how to take on some responsibility.

I really think that there is no good reason for putting off the surgery that you need. Why should you be condemned to a life of pain for several more years, just because you have inconsiderate children?

We do all have to let housework standards slip a bit after our operations. The world doesn't stop because there's a little dust around. And if the others in your family don't like that you are not cleaning and tidying for a while - well, let them do it!

Best wishes!
Celle
 
Awe Sheryl, I know it took a lot out of you to come to that decision, however you need to reconsider your options.

1) at 13 & 18 you children should be doing there own laundry and picking up after themselves. I had a boy and a girl and the time they were able to reach the knobs on the washer and dryer, I taught them to do their own laundry. If they ran out of clean clothes that was their problem. Now I did this not because I was lazy, but because they needed to start being self sufficient. My husband learned to do the laundry when he got laid off and spending a lot of time home before he found another job. He saw the clothes piling up and commented on it, and I told him that he was a grown man with an electrical engineering degree and a masters degree computer engineering and that he should be ashamed of himself for being afraid of turning a few little knobs on the washer and dryer. From then on he has done his own laundry.
I look at it this way Sheryl, if I should die when the kids were young at least they would be able to take care of their needs. Also, now if something should happen to me, my husband can take care of himself. When I had my BTKR he did many loads of laundry. You mentioned that when you're nearer to 50 your kids will have moved on (please don't count on that they have a way of sticking around when everything is done for them), well when they move on they will need the skills to take care of themselves which means doing their own chores, washing and drying clothes and ironing. Ironing is the other thing my kids learned really young. As a matter of fact my daughter-in-law thanked me many times for bringing up my son to do his own stuff, now he does most of the cooking and he's a big wig in the dry cleaning business.

2) When and if you have BTKR, you probably will go to a rehab facility for 7-10 days which means somebody is going to have to pull their own weight.

3) The longer you wait, the worse it will get, that's a guarantee! You yourself said that your knees in '04 at 125lbs were as bad if not worse than they are now because you were doing so much more and you have cut back on you activity level therefore gain the weight. My dear by cutting back on the activity is not quality of life and that too will get worse as you age, trust me on this one I know. I waited so long I almost ended up in a wheelchair for life. This is not where you want to go my friend.

I had BTKR and I was not laid up for very long they want you up and about with PT and such.

Congrats on your weight loss! I was 227lbs when I had my BTKR done and it was the best decision I could have ever made! I am 6 months out as of yesterday and I feel like a whole new person.

I wish you luck my friend! Stay we'll and stay positive! :friends:
 
Sheryl you are 43, and I can tell you "I hung on from the age of 40 til I was 45! Why, because I am so stubborn that's why! If I knew then what I know now, my knees would have been replaced at 40! Life changes dramatically when you get out. Of bed and don't have shooting pains in your knees. Waiting til you get the weight off, well you know my story, and I would be even heavier than 435 if I had' not gone ahead! My life was all about quantity, the amount of food I could stuff down to try and repress feelings that I didn't want to deal with. Once I got active and moving I know that I will always be active from now on. You deserve to live a life of quality also! :yahoo:
 
Sheryl,
Sorry to hear all you have been going through, you have a lot on your plate. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery from your bladder surgeries, and that you are able to have your BTKR when you and your knees are ready.
 
Hi Sheryl,
I'm so sorry for you r bladder troubles and sadness. Oh, I remember the teen years. I promise that they will step up to the plate and do what they need to do when they should. Close their bedroom doors, tell them to keep their mess there, and let them figure t out. I had to do that, I think most of us did. I didn't care what mess they chose to live in as long as they kept it out of our living space and kept thier doors closed. I had one rule, no food in their bedrooms because I didn't want bugs. They now have their own beautiful and clean homes and coplain about their spouse's and/or children's messes. As my nana used to say, "God is good!" :angel: Do what you have to do. I think right now you need some time to heal. One thing at a time. HUGS!
 
You might be surprised at how you teens could rise to the situation. Especially if you started teaching now what would be expected of them. That is your job as a Mom. They need to learn compassion and action. I had a pretty severe foot surgery when my girl was in 9th grade and she was very helpful. 12 weeks of no walking at all and several years of pain. Yes she had some whiney days but, meh, that's what teens are like.

My knee surgeries are having to be postponed for dental work. And it's making me pretty mad. I have no idea when I will get it all worked out either.
But I won't postpone it for weight, and my doctor at the Mayo Clinic agrees with me.
And I wouldn't postpone for kids or husband, or moving. I had my three boys doing laundry by third grade and frying eggs, and my girl's room was left to her own devices more often than not. Yeah it was a mess but she had to live in it and learned to value cleaning herself.

Please re read Titianlady's post again. There was some discussion about postponing surgery so long that it damages the tendons and muscles too much. Be sure you don't sabotage your future. Take a year to heal from your knees and then you will be better equipped to keep up with your teens, especially the 13 year old, she has a lot to conquer yet with your help. Better one year healing than 5 years hurting...

Have you read other bi TKR's posters? I have and I am not expecting to be laid up for all that long. They are very encouraging.
 
This was part of a response to Margaret in Australia.
Here was mine portion, thought i would share,have been busy and in much pain, so been responding to emails i get thru bonesmart email, having Hard time keeping up with daily posts like i useded to, hopefully soon I can, I miss everyone

If nerves, neurotin works very well in that dept, I am fixing to go on that my self next month after seeing Pain Dr. Jan 17th, and trying to get in sooner, in so much pain. My new gyno who feels i have no female problems after all his tests, all severe pain is coming from spinal sacral area prob not helping my bladder prob which i have known since i was 11. but has gotten worse over the years, spinal sacral pain has even superseded the pain of my knees( since i have lost 50 pounds, i fit again in my braces, so maybe they will stabilize good bit. Will have to buy me a new braces in about 25 lbs more weight loss so they will fit right. plus a lot more weight loss( although at 120 lb in 2004 soaking wet, back and knees still killed me why i gained 100 pounds, Bextra helped, only nsaid i could safely take, off the market now, no others work, and make me feel bad), which will just have to wait 6-10 years it looks like for my bi-lats, I can only take so much at one time, and so many surgeries at one time. I need bi-lats, too afraid to go thru twice. waiting for the kids to move out, make for easier more relaxing recovery, and i will be older, 50-55.
I think by that point and not too young, I know all that now, but that's my decision for now, unless God intervenes like he does and says no, you do it now. i have met my deductible thru DEC of 2013, so may have 2-3 more surgeries next year including the bio-lats too if Gods says so, and doctors agree. First is an interstim to help pain in spine(will not have nerve surgery to many horror stories, do not want fusion either, bad stories there too, i know they are stories but hub agrees with me, as he has severe pinched nerve in his neck, and refused surgery, Dr said 65% success rate and possibility of paralysis, i don't want to face that either, thru some PT,but mainly his own PT he had full use of his arm again, where he could not use it before at all about 3 years go, but now getting all tingly again and hurts him to play his guitar ( he is a musician, and a mechanic), so wants to got back for another series of shots, helped the last time), which i have a bladder interstim re installed in bladder to reduce voids per day, like a pace maker for your bladder, i have went from 75-+100 x a day to 15- 30, which is still a bit much for a regular person but a god send for me w/ my , and i do not wake up once during the night to go, better not,on enough meds to choke a horse, so i better sleep. If pain stimulater for the sacral spine don't work, which they will do trial first, than we will have to go to pain pump, so i don't have to pop pills all day long, i feel like a pharmacy. I need to go update my thread,will copy and paste and put there to update everyone, been so busy, and in pain, haven't had time t keep up with daily post, i just able to answer the ones i get emailed in from bonesmart, hopefully when things slow down i can keep up with post regularly again. I am also waiting for any helpful surgery to try a patch so not so many pills, nuerontin for nerves, and flexerill for muscle spasms.
Right now my gyno in giving me percocet every two weeks until i see pain doc on 17th, because he can see how much pain i am in. but cant afford to keep that up, so hope PM will have better options, he is so far away, still will have series of cortisone shots, although have not worked in past, but will try again, even had nerves burned still no help. Afgter any surgies and post ops, I hope I only have to got every 3 months to keep up meds,if they are refillble.
wish for better for all, take care my friends and thanks for the support... Sheryl:flwrysmile: and Have a wonderful Christmas Holiday season, keeping me real busy, sure keeping u busy too,takes our minds off things anyway:xmaskitty:
 
Oh honey, I so feel for you. I pray that you have better days and get some relief. You know that we all care and stand by you in all of your decisions. CONGRATULATIONS, on the weight loss! That is fantastic! Sending healing hugs!
 
Thank you Nyland, i appreciate your support. I alway follow your thread, u seem to be doing well, & ready for that next knee to be done soon, hopfully they will give u enough pain meds to get u thru this time. take care...Sheryl:flwrysmile:
 
Sheryl, I so wish you more pain free days and I know what you are facing is not easy. I hope your weight loss is in a healthy way and not because you are ill. You deserve to be pain free and I pray for that for you. Stay well my friend, I've been thinking of you a lot lately and I hope you have a great and happy holiday with your family! Stay positive my friend! :friends:
 
thank you Jacky for thoughts and support, I hope my bi-lats goes a smoothly when its my turn as your have. Take care:flwrysmile:
 
My dear young woman Sheryl, when you are ready, your BTKR will go smoothly because you are a strong woman who knows what she wants and needs! Take care of yourself and stay strong! :friends:
 
Thank you Jacky for the vote of confidence. I am fortunate enough to have my gyno taking care of the percocet for me till I see Pain Doctor, & my uro will be giving me Zofran til I see PM. I have migraines. Please all pray the Pm will help me with a stimulater, or pain pump, or both, if it will keep me from taking so many pills, But right now I am am in extreme pain, no quality of life w/o any pain killers, barely any w/ the pain killers, but they help a bit, and i am keeping my fiber up, so i don't have to add constipation to the mix, thank God. please pray he helps me so i can have a more pain free life. thank you all for care and support, bonesmart is the best forum i have ever used. i reccomend to everyone. love..Sheryl:flwrysmile:
 
Lord, our friend Sheryl is in pain right now, and she needs relief! Lord, guide the Pain Mgt doctor to a better solution for controlling the pain she is feeling. With You all things are possible! I ask these things in your name Lord, and I know when two or more are in agreement You do miraculous things! :angel: in all these things I ask Lord, Amen.
 
what a wonderful prayer Sonja, i know God will help in his own time and place, I wont lose faith. Like Jacky said I am a strong God fearing woman. I just needed support from all my bonesmarties, because honestly i don't get it from any one else, except my drs. weird uh? Family tired of hearing about pain, think i am a hypochondriac. Have demanded i stop talking about meds, and drs and stuff. Although my husband will pay for my dr visits and med money and towards surgery, i guess if it helps him feel hes is helping me, why not. He told me not to tell him not to drink to much( although he may drink a good bit, he is never late for work, never missed a day of work, so until that happens, i will keep my mouth shut, he needs his vices, drinking and smoking, he just a judgy kinda drunk,not mean or anything, just not over himself, & is better than anyone etc,my son and daughter don't like it either, and i don't act diff on pain pills, at first I was a little loopy but now, its just barley helping the pain, so i always say i hurt, its hard to bite my tongue and not say it, I am sorry I am obsessed with it, but what can one do when enduring so much pain, just shut my mouth grin and bare it, and pretend i doesn't exist, its bad enough i do all the cleaning( which prob makes hurt more, but for them to tell me to shut up is not nice,?where as i need pain pills as long as i am in pain. Truthfully and being honest here, so men u may want to look away! I think he mad and frustrated because he aint got none in 6 months or so, making for a very unhappy man. So maybe he just tired of it, but my daughter just like him, and i guess because she is 13 yr old****. My son who is 18 will actually listen to me. he is proud i lost 50 pound about down to 175 from 225. He does get tired of hearing it too,but sometimes listen to me, hubby will listen at times too, but he works two jobs, already very frustrated in many ways, no sex, work too hard, and we are moving into a smaller nicer house in may or June in upper GA which is about 2 hrs from here. Its Blueridge, its in Fannin county, much get on line and learn all about it. And i am the only one who has prepared packing and clearing out my room ect. New house all wooden floors. i feel like i already posted all ready, sorry if repeating my self. maybe i deserve to hurt because i simply do to much. I just cant stop, God help me?. The new house is a good bit smaller, but easier to take care of, so may be easier on me, and as son moves in a couple years, we wont have to hear the hatred between he and his sister. So some peace, all tho I will miss him to death, just now started getting closer to him in his upper teen years,( yes he still thinks he knows everything!!) Daughter is just a bundle to deal with, hope she grows out of it, she is slightly aspergers, but not so much any more, more bi-polar and adhd, then anything, and schools and iep's don't do anything for her, gonna discontinue that in new high school, they will have after school tutoring if she needs help, just like any other normal person, making her not stand out like she does now, she has been torturer-ed and bullied and been called retarded since she was five, and still goes to school with these same you know what's. So if go to new school, no iep's, no labels no torture, but she got to hold up her end of the bargain and try real hard to fit in, and work well academically too, she not stupid, just lazy like her brother, but in high school finally came to his senses and graduating in may 2013. thanks for listening, I am on prozac, helps some, don't wish to see a phych, all they do is presrcibe meds, and uncertain about phychologists, just prefer my sister who cares, and my bonesmarty friends. i have to go to a funeral of a 20 year old young man who died of a heart attact this week in his sleep, not sure why, but way to young to die.God has him in is loving hands now. So must be getting ready to go soon. I will try harder to keep up with my daily peeps on here like i used to when i am not so busy and stuff, I want to be there for u like u there for me. Thanks again..Love...sheryl:flwrysmile:
 
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