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Feeling discouraged

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HippyJill

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I'm having a THR this summer. I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old. I am feeling very discouraged. I'm thinking about all of the limitations and how they will impact my ability to mother my children the way that I want to. Of course I'm in so much pain now that I can't really function the way that I normally do.
I'm fortunate because we are able to hire a mother's helper until the end of the year. I still just feel so discouraged though.
I'm normally a very optimistic/go-getter of a gal. I've dealt with this so well until just now. I'm just having a bad night.
How do you deal with the discouragement? Any young moms out there? Any tips to make the recovery easier on my young family?
 
Hi Jill, welcome. If you mean you will not be able to do things after your surgery. You will be able to do the things you did proir to surgery and w/o all that pain. I have a 16 yr old and a 12 yr old, not as young as yours but you know right after surgery I was just there for them and them for me. With your lil ones just love and be with them the same as before surgery, so for awhile you wont be on the ground playing. they still know you love them. But after awhile you will be able to do things with your kids even better because you wont have all that pain. So you have a lil help till you get back on your feet, thats ok that just means you want the best for them , and make sure they are taken care of. Sounds like a terrific mom to me. Try not to worry look around at the forum, people amaze me at things they are doing after the thr. Keep your head up, think positive. And look forward to getting rid of that pain. What happened if you dont mind that you need this surgery........Others will be up soon to share thoughts with you. They are terrific people ask anything anytime........Hope you feel better soon.......GO MOMS!!! lol..Kim
 
hi jill, my three are 12, 8 and 7months. i'm scheduled for three weeks , june 8th. i get discouraged now but alot of it has to do with all the limitataions i have. i'm going to have both of mine done 6 weeks apart. i know that the recovery wont be easy but when i listen to the limitations of the first few weeks. well i'm really already there . every time i stand up and i grit my teeth all i can think is this is why its worth it. the kids arent even going to remember. its a matter of what you'll be able to do after that you cant do now. even the most posititve person can have a bad day.
welcome
monique
 
Welcome to BoneSmart, Jill. You'll find it all goes by quite quickly once you've had the op. A lot of people worry about the restrictions after a THR but it is only for 6 weeks and then you can start getting back to normal. There's a thread somewhere about celebrity sportspeople who've had joint replacements and went back to their sport! Maybe not on competition level but certainly took it up again. So try not to worry to much. Just take a day at a time and do your best.
 
Hi Jill,
Mother guilt is a terrible thing, something that we, as mothers need to let go of.

I am the mother of 5 children (aged between 15 and 2) and I am 3 weeks post surgery. I think the hardest thing for me in terms of the kids has been separating from my 2 year old for the last few weeks....I really missed him.....but I organised things so that he in particular had stability,,,,he went to child care and to his Auntys house....and to noone else other than his dad/siblings. Plenty of people offered to mind him for me, but I knew that he needed to be where he already felt secure.....he was absolutely fine, and now I'm home you wouldn't know I had ever gone....the only thing is that I can't twist ,pick up off the floor etc....I still have help at home to change the nappies /make meals/ washing/drive etc etc etc.
The important thing to remember is that your children won't remember any of this period, they are too young....we remember, but they don't....and before too long you'll be out in the park running around, kicking balls etc. and then you'll be mothering in the way that us aflicted by stupid hips can only dream of parenting....giving "piggy backs", playing horses, riding bikes, swinging the kids around.....sure a hip replacement changes how you parent, but ultimately its a good change.
If you are worried about the children whilst you are in hospital, try finding a favourite blanket or bunnyrug for the baby that you've slept with and cuddled with so the baby has something of "your" smell that he/she recognises as mummy to have with him/her...this will help the child feel secure....and a present in the hospital for the 3 year old will keep him/her amused when he comes to visit....hospitals can be dull after the first 3 minutes....and when its time for the children to go home make sure there is something exciting to go to from the child's point of view (eg "daddys taking Mary to the big park....") It sounds a bit like bribery but at least it helps the child to separate from Mum. If you know they are coping....you will cope better...and if they do cry....they'll stop the second they are out of your earshot
The other thing to try and maintain is the routine that they are already in, sleep times, eating habits etc....and then when you come home then you'll just slip right back in as though you were never gone.
The most important thing you can do at the moment is to look after you and give yourself the time and rest and care that keeps you going ahead positively....get the mother's help that you need and allow yourself to heal....without guilt about the children.....if you don't look after you....who will care for those beautiful children ...take the time and do what you need to do for your family.....and thats not housework, cooking, cleaning/washing, shopping (delegate that to someone else!) its relaxing, resting, exercising, swimming, sleeping etc etc....and before you know it you will be on your feet and off and running.
You are a wonderful , caring mother...and having THR is just another example of what us mothers will do for our children (and of course for ourselves) ...sure its an inconvenience but being the type of mother you want to be is more about how you relate to the children on a personal level than whether you can get down on the ground and play trains...THR just means that a few months later you can get down on the ground and play trains as well
Be gentle on yourself and be patient....all good things come to those who wait...
Rachel
 
Welcome Jill! You will be surprised how your family will rally around you! Just follow your rules of good common sense and everyone will do great! When Mom feels good, EVERYONE feels good! :)
 
Welcome to the forum, Jill. Rachel provided a wonderful post for you and I can't add anything! Just print that off and post it somewhere where you will see it often. In a short time, you will be so happy that you had the surgery and it is all behind you. In the meantime, use the forum for support whenever you need us. That's what we're here for!!
 
Welcome Jill! You'll find that this is a wonderful place to be! There is always someone on line to help give an answer, help with a problem or just have a chat if you need to. As Jamie said, Rachel gave you a most wonderful post to keep in mind. Only one other thing I could offer and it helped me so very much, was to keep a journal of your daily feelings. Good or bad, painful or much better day, you'll be able to look back and see how you're improving day by day. I know it seems like you won't have time to write in a journal with two babies to keep up with, but just jot a few lines now and then. You'll be surprised how much advancement you will make when you have it in writing. Please keep posting and keep us informed. You'll reach a point before surgery when you wonder if you're doing the right thing. Believe me, you are. The pay off is to have wonderful days in the future with those babies. Let us hear from you. We care!
Nancyo
 
Have you young mothers that are still pre-surgery, looked into hip resurfacing? There are some great sites out there with a ton of info. Here is one of them.

broken link removed: https://www.surfacehippyinfo.com

After hip resurfacing you literally have NO limitations at all once you are healed. Many have very quick recoveries and have no lifelong restrictions like not being able to lift over 30 or 50 pounds (thinking kids). With resurfacing, you can lift any weight after you are fully healed. Some larger head THR's have little restrictions, but usually there still are restrictions, not the case with hip resurfacing. Please look into that and realize that all doctors that do hip resurfacing also do THR's, but most docs that do THR's do not do hip resurfacing. You should look on the list on that website to find a good experienced resurfacing doc to find out for sure whether or not you are a candidate. Good luck!

Hippain
 
That is great Josephine! Maybe these young mothers can be advised that it is there so they can look into it? At their "apparently" young age with such young children, it seems to make sense to point them in that direction instead of just accepting a THR as their only option? Just a thought?

Hippain
 
WElcome HippyJill
Rachel sure did post a wonderful note to you. Can't really add to that. My 4 kids are older , but still the mom guilt hangs on.

You have a caretaker which is wonderful. Once you get home after a few nights away you will improve by leaps and bounds. It is a perfected wonderful surgery. At 3 months I was back to everything I had done before. Get a reacher grabber for all the things on the floor and you are set. There really is a quick improvement. At 3 months the only lifetime restriction my doc would like me to maintain is not running, only because it will wear the joint down . I did not get any lifting restrictions . My range of motion is so much better, it has been almost a year and still amazes me. It is better than my non operated hip.
I am all for it, you will do great, the kids won't remember, they will be fine.
judy
 
Oh, thank you everyone! Wow, there really is such an amazing support team here!! Amazing. Your love and concern make me want to reach out even more to others.
I know everything will be fine. I've been discouraged these last few days but I know things will get better in time.
For those who asked, I was born with severe hip dysplasia. I was casted from the waist down at 3 days old, had surgeries, a pin, lots of casts, and a big brace during my first year+ of life. I'm actually fortunate to be able to walk at all. I didn't have any major problems with my hips until getting pregnant-the end result of my last pregnancy was a beautiful baby girl who I absolutely adore, and a hip joint with little cartilage (it got torn badly), major arthritis, a rotated leg, and lots of pain. I've looked into resurfacing and osteotomy, but each time, by surgeons independent of one another I was told that my hip was too far gone for anything but a total hip replacement.
I am grateful the THR is available to us. I usually am very positive and grateful for the good in life. I was feeling especially down last night and appreciate so much the support each of you gave me.
Thank You my dear hippy friends!!
 
Hip Hip Hooray, Jill! (When else would you get to say that??? :))
 
As an Honorary Hippie (I'm really a Kneesal), I can tell you that we've had a number of forum members who have problems similar to yours. Their stories are in some of the old threads (do a search for hip dysplasia and you can find their posts). If you do some reading, you will learn that they were all helped tremendously by their hip replacements. Good luck to you, hon....and we'll be here for you any time you need support or have questions.
 
I am kneesie, But there for you as well. With all my loving and crazy friends haha !!! They are the best day or night........Hang in there........Hope you feel better soon............Congrats on the lil one as well...........Kim
 
Hip Resurfacing: I have said elsewhere that resurfacing is a great option for younger patients who may be facing a revision 10, 15, 20+ years down the road, but it is not a miracle alternative to a total hip replacement that is going to let you recover at lightening speed. In fact, I think some of the hyped up claims about the lack of restrictions is somewhat misleading. I had the 90 degree restriction until 6 weeks, I walked with assistance (cane) until about 6 weeks, my scar is larger than most folks who had a THR, the surgery is a little trickier than a standard THR, I can't lift anything over 50lbs until the 6 month mark, no high impact sports, etc. Having said all of that, I will lead into the next item...

Parenting: One of my main reasons for not putting off the surgery was becasue of my young son. You express concern that you will not be able to do things with them, well project out 6 months post-surgery and you should be able to do a lot more with them than you can now, and do it without pain or the need to take pain medicaiton.

The procedure is not totally without risk, most common are infection or a blood clot. But a full medical work up is performed before your procedure is approved to assure you are healthy enough to handle the process, and precautions to minimize complications are really very good, I believe less than 1% have any serious problem. You have a greater risk of having a serious car accident on your way to pick up the kids from daycare.

The only other thing I can offer is that now that I've done it, I can honestly say it gave me back my life and it gave my son back an active father.
 
Excellent post, MudPro....thanks for such a thoughtful response.
 
HippyJill said:
Oh, thank you everyone! Wow, there really is such an amazing support team here!! Amazing. Your love and concern make me want to reach out even more to others.
I know everything will be fine. I've been discouraged these last few days but I know things will get better in time.
For those who asked, I was born with severe hip dysplasia. I was casted from the waist down at 3 days old, had surgeries, a pin, lots of casts, and a big brace during my first year+ of life. I'm actually fortunate to be able to walk at all. I didn't have any major problems with my hips until getting pregnant-the end result of my last pregnancy was a beautiful baby girl who I absolutely adore, and a hip joint with little cartilage (it got torn badly), major arthritis, a rotated leg, and lots of pain. I've looked into resurfacing and osteotomy, but each time, by surgeons independent of one another I was told that my hip was too far gone for anything but a total hip replacement.
I am grateful the THR is available to us. I usually am very positive and grateful for the good in life. I was feeling especially down last night and appreciate so much the support each of you gave me.
Thank You my dear hippy friends!!
Click to expand...

Hi Jill,
My medical history sounds just like yours....although I jumped into surgery before it got to extreme pain
Rachel
 
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