PKR Emotional

[llwil2003]

I have been very emotional for the last 3 weeks. It feels like the baby blues but at least I could drive and get out between 3 hour breast feeding.

The physical pain, lack of being tied down, no interest in being touched or having sex with my husband is upsetting me.

We are 9 months married. He has taken early retirement and is home all day. That is bugging me.

The feeling of never getting better is upsetting even though I know that is not true. I am crying all the time. The exercises hurt!

I feel like I am a mess!

I am a amateur photographer and all my feel photographers are out going on (meet-ups). Meeting and going places here in Northern California to photograph and I can not go. The weather has been great too!

I am 1 month post op with a partial knee replacement.

 

[bottomshollow]

llwil, so please you have joined us here on the forum. Post op blues is a very common thing, and you seem to have a bad case of them right now. They will pass in Time, you just have to be PATIENT. You are very early in recovery---you've been through the roughest part, so things should begin to slowly improve if you are doing the right things. Recovery from a partial knee replacement is very much like recovery from a total knee replacement (even if your OS said it wasn't).

I have some reading for you! The first set is essential reading, the second and third are useful and the fourth is just good information, but you will need it all.

Group A
The importance of managing pain after a TKR and the pain chart
Myth busting: no pain, no gain
Swollen and stiff knee: what causes it?
Progression of activity for TKRs

Group B
How Long Does Healing Take ......
Chart representation of TKR recovery
Energy drain for TKRs
Elevating your leg to control swelling and pain
Using ice
Constipation and stool softeners
Sleep deprivation is pretty much inevitable - but what causes it?

Group C
Knee Replacement - Where Am I in Recovery?
So What Is It Going to Take? The Five “P’s” of Knee Recovery
Work “Smarter” and not “Harder”
About recovering a knee - from one who knows!
Some suggestions for home physio (PT) and activity progress
Myth busting: The "window of opportunity"

Group D
MUA (manipulation under anaesthetic) and adhesions
It's never too late to get more ROM!
It's Worth the Wait for ROM
Myth busting: on getting addicted to pain meds
Post op blues is a reality - be prepared for it

Please don't be overwhelmed by the list. The articles are not lengthy and contain information that will answer many questions and help you make your recovery much easier on your knee and on you.

I also want to share the BoneSmart mantra with you. Following it to the letter will assure you the best possible recovery:
- rest, elevate, ice and take your pain meds by the clock
- if it hurts, don't do it and don't allow anyone - especially a physiotherapist - to do it to you
- if your leg swells more or gets stiffer in the 24 hours after doing it, don't do it again
- if you won't die if it's not done, don't do it
- never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can go to sleep!

We are here to help in any way we can: answering questions and concerns; supporting and encouraging you from start to finish; giving you a place to vent, whine, complain if you need to; sharing experiences with one another; and having fun and some laughs along the way.

Take care and keep us posted. We care.

 

[landoz]

Hang in there it's still only early days! I'm sure hubby is understanding even though annoying hanging around the house. Just try to think of the "big picture" and how better you are going to be to go out on those photograph trips on your new knee. Come on here and vent seems like a good place to do it! Take care and I hope you start to see an improvement soon.

 

[tashia]

Its ok to cry you do know that. Its a big change in your life and also the retirememte of your husband. It is good to have him around to help. Did you also reitres. If so you really had some big changes in life. Just hang on and we will get you there. Rest, elevate, Ice, and pain control are what you need right now. There is a article in the Liberary about sex. Please read it. And remember when this gets well you can use your camera for hours because you will be abe to walk for hours. Take care it does get better. Tashia

 

[llwil2003]

Thank you to all that replied especially for all the great links from Judy B. I will take a look at them. I had some California SHort Term Disability mix-up today although solved it took the stuffing out of me. To answer Tashia's question my husband is retired with nothing to do but take care of me. I am not retired I will have 3 1/2 years left to work after my recovery. My husband is going to try and find a part time job as soon as I go back to work but he is both under foot and helpful at the same time. Thank ,you all for the comforting words. Linda

 

[Josephine]

The feeling of never getting better is upsetting even though I know that is not true. I am crying all the time. The exercises hurt!

But you are getting better only slowly. This surgery is a protracted business and can take months not weeks. Don't expect it to be quicker and you won't be disappointed. Read the articals Judy left for you and learn.

no interest in being touched or having sex with my husband is upsetting me.

Excuse me? You just had major surgery and already you're getting depressed because you can't be intimate? My dear girl, of course you're off it. You will continue to be for another 2-3 months at least. When you've read the articles, specially the ones about the energy drain and post-op blues, you will understand why. But it will come back eventually. Until then, you - and he - will just have to make do with a good cuddle. You will find that much more therapeutic! And you could read this talking about sex after hip surgery. I know it's mostly about hippies but some of it applies to any surgery!

 

[RestAssured]

Gosh the emotional ups and downs! I remember those so well! I could write a book... LOL
Find something funny to watch on tv or on the internet. Get your mind off of what you can't do (sex) and what you can do, snuggle. You will start to notice when you look at things in a positive light like hubby being around, that it isn't all bad. He is there for you! There are so many that are on this forum who wish they had someone to help them... well you have him. Tell him what you need and when you need space. Believe me, he will appreciate it when you give him something to do and then let him have time to himself. He is as anxious as you are, but he doesn't feel the pain. Most men are problem solvers. They want to help us "fix" whatever is wrong. Give him permission to just be there to love you and let him know that you now he can't fix this, but you love him anyway. It's amazing what that will do for a man's ego! It helped mine hubby anyway!

 

[tashia]

This is a ruff time for you with all major events. Remember change is very hard so Both of you go very slow. Take care and come here when you need to and do keep us posted. Tasha

 

[llwil2003]

Thank you to all of you and for taking time to answer my post.

My husband is very understanding and patient about sex but it is me that is not understanding. I am a newlywed first anniversary in June. My body just does not want to be touched even non sexual touch. That is what is upsetting me.

I am feeling better today!

 

[skigirl]

You know what they say about retirement: 50% less money---100% more husband!!!

Seriously though, I found that having my husband around all day long took away from my own time of being alone. Eventually, my husband took over the kitchen--and although sometimes I miss cooking, I am glad for him to have something to do.

I am concerned though that your "exercises hurt". They should not hurt--do not allow anyone else to hurt you either. Exercise should be done to perhaps slight discomfort--but NEVER to Pain!! You seem stressed right now---just slow down and relax a little more. You will be up and about before you know it and will look back on these days and wish that you had rested more. .
- rest, elevate, ice and take your pain meds by the clock
- if it hurts, don't do it and don't allow anyone - especially a physiotherapist - to do it to you
- if your leg swells more or gets stiffer in the 24 hours after doing it, don't do it again
- if you won't die if it's not done, don't do it
- never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can go to sleep!

 

[Roy Gardiner]

Hi, welcome to BoneSmart.

My body just does not want to be touched even non sexual touch. That is what is upsetting me.

So it's not about sex itself then, by the sound of it. My guess (and that's all it is) is that it's the body taking all the resources available to apply them to healing. We all know those days when we're too tired to do anything, after major surgery it's like that all the time.

Most men are problem solvers. They want to help us "fix" whatever is wrong. Give him permission to just be there to love you and let him know that you now he can't fix this, but you love him anyway.

These words sound good to me. You might also encourage him to do things away from the house - he might be feeling obliged to be around all the time.

 

[RestAssured]

Thank you to all of you and for taking time to answer my post.

My husband is very understanding and patient about sex but it is me that is not understanding. I am a newlywed first anniversary in June. My body just does not want to be touched even non sexual touch. That is what is upsetting me.

I am feeling better today!

As Roy said, your body is most likely fighting the internal battle of getting well. Fatigue from an operation this major can cause you to spend all of your reserve energy just trying to get well! We have been in your shoes, and there were a lot of us that did not desire physical contact at first. My husband and I "celebrated" our anniversary while I was in the hospital after emergency surgery for a washout and debridement on my knee! I was "feeling no pain, thanks to the morphine," and kept thanking the nurses for moving me to a lovely room for our anniversary! It was beautiful! My husband had brought burritos for dinner at my request, and I told him they were the best burritos I had ever eaten!"

The next day when I woke up, I hit the call button wanting to know where my beautiful room had gone!

By the way, I doubt those were the best burritos I ever ate either....

But you see the feeling of wanting to be touched, held, cuddled, and have sex will return again.

Give your knee permission to heal, be good to it, and you will be amazed at how much better you will start to feel! We are rooting for you! :iagree:

 

[llwil2003]

I am a female who is 2 months post op 14 February 2013. I enjoy sex "doggie" style. I am really missing this aspect of my life, I tried to kneel tonight and the pain was off the map! Not ready, when will I be ready if ever? Feeling sad tonight. Yes, I know there are other ways to have sex. I don't need that advice. I just want to know when or IF EVER people were able to kneel? Thanks Lin

Thank you for all the replies. It sounds like I have a VERY long wait. I am a 62 year old newlywed, June 2013 (he is definitely the love of my life) . Sex is pretty good considering. But with the pain and pills I am not too thrilled as often as I would like to have sex. I appreciate the moments I am in the mood and so does he. Lin

 

[tashia]

Your knees will tell when you can. When you kneel did you put a pillow under the knees?
That might help. Take care. Tashia

 

[desmo56]

I've had the same problem. Still uncomfortable to kneel on the bed at 4 months post op, but what I worked out was ...kneel on your good knee, back up towards the end of the bed and stand straightish with your 'bad' leg on the outer side of the bed.. Your partner just needs to stand at the end of the bed, or kneel behind you. This works well for my partner and I. A bit hard to put in writing, but I hope you get it. It slowly gets better, it just takes time.
Good luck Christine

 

[speccybecky]

2 months is still very early. I can kneel on the bed now but sometimes take most of my weight on other knee.
Just be careful rolling to your side afterwards.
Don't be sad ....you will get there!

 

[Josephine]

llwil2003 would you put your surgery date in your signature like the rest of us do, please? You can find the instructions here How to create a signature. But please also remember that our membership is international and for clarity use the International Date system being 7th August 2000 rather than 2/8/00 or 8/2/00.

This also applies to anyone else who is reading here. Thank you.

 

[Josephine]

Say 'two months' and it sounds a long time, say '8 weeks' and it gives you a better idea of how long it is since your surgery - it's a very short time and almost nobody is ready to kneel at 8 weeks. FWIW, I'm now 4 years out and it still hurts to kneel. Sorry and all that but everybody's different. I guess you've going to have to be satisfied that you feel up to having sex already because even that is pretty soon in my estimation!

 

[Buddhabear]

I asked my OS two weeks ago when I could kneel, and he said another month and I am 9 months from my first TKR.

 

[maryo52]

Oh my. You made my day when I read "Kneeling and Sex." I'm thinking "hmmm . . . and what is this about exactly?" Well it's a flip of the coin whether you can kneel or not. My knee has chronic synovitis and is never entirely happy yet kneeling is fine. (I wish my husband liked doggie style!!!) Pain pills kill sex life. The good news is that it's temporary.

How wonderful you are a newlywed at this (me too) age. I was a newleywed at 51. We were like teenagers.

Give it time, don't give up hope, keep adapting.