Just wanted to post these thoughts that I composed on a post to
@sondrals, but they’re about me, so I think they belong here.
I was kind of bummed early this morning. I had gotten off my pain meds schedule yesterday and spent the evening very uncomfortable. Barely cheered by the British Baking Show Holiday episodes. Missing my parents who often made me feel better even as an adult. (My dad’s been gone since 2000 and my mom died this past January.) Bummed about missing a big biennial conference this December that I had to miss last time because we thought my mom would die while I was gone, which she didn’t and lived a harrowing, horrible year and a month longer. And just plain finding every reason to feel awful.
Then I read a post about not knowing which was scarier, not having the surgery or having it. And I said they were equally scary, but only one was designed to improve your wholeness. The following is what I saved for my thread.
That’s why I did my knee before I couldn’t walk anymore. I watch a lot of people soldier on, and I have great respect for their strength because surgery is tough and expensive and a drain on people around us. But I have things to do and people to help and hills to climb, so when my surgeon said ‘it could be time, whenever you’re ready,’ I said ‘Let’s go.’ There have been several times in these first eight days — goodness, only eight? — when I thought it was too hard, but then I think of the things I will be doing by this time next year, and I know I picked the better of the two scary choices.
I hope this is helpful for someone else. It sure is to me.
Now on to another episode of the British Baking Show . . .