tlfiore
member
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2019
- Messages
- 112
- Age
- 66
- Location
- Tecumseh Michigan
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
I always hesitate posting because I feel weak & ridiculous doing so. Herein lies my problem.
I have always been the "go to person" and the "person to lean on...the strong one" no matter what. Without boring everyone to tears and without getting into ancient details and family dynamics, I've always been the person who flies below the radar, remains out of the way, let's stuff happen and just plots through life. I do pride myself on being extremely independent and self-sufficient, as well as having a pretty generous and selfless spirit. My motto is, "Life happens, all is good, I'm blessed with what I have, everyone bears a cross."
So, yesterday during what was going to be a good presurgery "feel great" day with husband, my husband and I had a terrible wicked fight. Truthfully, we've had a turbulent marriage and I feel he's never truly been there for me during difficult times. I have one sister, who has backed away in recent years as I've become less useful to her and in her opinion "too toxic" (especially during my ongoing struggles with breast cancer).
I'm tired, friends. More than anything, I no longer want the job of being everyone's "rock" (not that I wanted it in the first place.
So, yesterday I told my husband, "Send me on my way...I'll take my stuff and recover in a hotel nearby my hospital." I've always managed quite well on my own with my dog(s). Not to sound pathetic but managing others, especially my very very moody and dependent husband is one of my bigger concerns post-surgery.
Sorry to whine but I cannot stop crying today. Didn't think my family and marital worlds would be like this at nearly 62 years of age. I'm not one to hold a pity-party but I FEEL STRESSED AND ANXIOUS today.
Surgery is Wednesday, the 30th of October. Waiting for confirmation any minute from my surgeon's office.
Any useful advice for getting through this mentally, emotionally, etc would be helpful.
THANK YOU, BoneSmart friends. I'd feel desperate if I had no place to share this.
I have always been the "go to person" and the "person to lean on...the strong one" no matter what. Without boring everyone to tears and without getting into ancient details and family dynamics, I've always been the person who flies below the radar, remains out of the way, let's stuff happen and just plots through life. I do pride myself on being extremely independent and self-sufficient, as well as having a pretty generous and selfless spirit. My motto is, "Life happens, all is good, I'm blessed with what I have, everyone bears a cross."
So, yesterday during what was going to be a good presurgery "feel great" day with husband, my husband and I had a terrible wicked fight. Truthfully, we've had a turbulent marriage and I feel he's never truly been there for me during difficult times. I have one sister, who has backed away in recent years as I've become less useful to her and in her opinion "too toxic" (especially during my ongoing struggles with breast cancer).
I'm tired, friends. More than anything, I no longer want the job of being everyone's "rock" (not that I wanted it in the first place.
So, yesterday I told my husband, "Send me on my way...I'll take my stuff and recover in a hotel nearby my hospital." I've always managed quite well on my own with my dog(s). Not to sound pathetic but managing others, especially my very very moody and dependent husband is one of my bigger concerns post-surgery.
Sorry to whine but I cannot stop crying today. Didn't think my family and marital worlds would be like this at nearly 62 years of age. I'm not one to hold a pity-party but I FEEL STRESSED AND ANXIOUS today.
Surgery is Wednesday, the 30th of October. Waiting for confirmation any minute from my surgeon's office.
Any useful advice for getting through this mentally, emotionally, etc would be helpful.
THANK YOU, BoneSmart friends. I'd feel desperate if I had no place to share this.
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