78 year old adult diabetic won't get surgery--

[maltese]

Everyone, hello. I have been reading your forum for a few months. My mother was diagnosed bone-on-bone June 2005--and it has gotten progressively worse--her diabetes, attitude--she crys alot every night (pain meds --she limits them due to side-effects--she reads the labels on what can happen, so won't take them). She also lost two close relatives in 2007 (grandma 98) and brother. My dad and i are all she has left.

I am at a loss what to do..she won't go for theraphy--won't go for surgery.

Does anyone know what happens if this gets progressively worse--joints freeze and then you call x911? A fracture perhaps that will be impossible to repair and then the person is wheel-chair bound? Really, i think you can't just keep bearing weight on this and nothing happens?

Any advise would be appreciated. My father can't make her get the surgery--and she screams and gets upset when we mention it-- she is of sound mind if you question her so we can't commit her for psy. care.

thank you in advance...i am open to suggestions...i do want to help her.

 

[JenniferG]

Joint replacement surgery is a big decision and for me I had to become emotionally ready before I would do it. Mine was knees. Don't under estimate the power of pain and the need to make this decision for your self. It doesn't sound like she is ready. When you have this surgery you really want to of a mindset that is ready to work to heal after. For a couple years or more folks who had had it already would tell me "you'll know when your're ready". they were right I did. I know it's probably not the direction you were looking for, but the screaming and upset can't be fun for anyone. just my thoughts. Best wishes.

 

[Jamie]

Has your Mom seen her regular physician lately? With all that is going on in her life, she might be experiencing clinical depression which can be treated. Depression is real and can impact everything in a person's life. But if that's not an option, I agree with Jenn that you probably need to just back off for a bit and let her come to terms with things when she's ready. Also....if her blood sugars are not in line, that could impact things too. Be sure the diabetes is in control. Our forum nurse, Josephine, would have to tell you what the ultimate effect of non-treatment would be, but my feeling is that she would begin to have a lot of difficulty walking and lots of pain long before anything would actually "freeze up" or a situation would arise where 911 was required.

 

[JudyS]

I think Jamie made a great point about depression. I am 51, just had a hip replacement in June. About 5 years ago, my whole life got too much for me to handle. It took me a while to realize this, when the crying started and I realized I no longer had patience for anyone, I went to my DR. It was difficult. He was great.
Started on antidepressants and sleep med. I hadn't realized until I was asked that I averaged 3 hours sleep per night.
It took a little while, but let me tell you what a huge , huge difference in made. And is still making.

I hope your mom has a good Dr. who can talk to her about this possibility and about the meds and how safe they are. I was one who never took any medication.

I have no medical info on what would happen to your mom. I am guessing the pain would get so bad , she would be in a wheel chair.

Good Luck with all of this and thanks for being such a great child for your mom.
Judy

 

[JenniferG]

My father had type one diabetes and that effected his mood like you would not know unless you lived it.
She definitely sounds like she has a lot of fear going on. Fear of meds, fear of surgery, fear of pain, fear of loss.

 

[Josephine]

My step-mother (67) had rheumatoid arthritis and her knees (amongst other joints) were bone on bone for ages. When she struggled to her feet with her walker, which could often take her about 10-15 minutes, the crack when they finally moved could be heard in the next room!

She also would not entertain the idea of surgery. She would get aggressive (she was Irish!) and almost hysterical when I tried to talk to her about it. The orthopaedic surgeon at her local hospital knew me and was very willing to talk with her, even to the point of calling on her at home but still she wouldn't entertain the idea.

Thing is, you can't force people to have treatment. If they're really opposed to the idea - and an awful lot of people are - then there's precious little you can do about it.

As regards my step-mother, I looked at it this way - she knew the price she was paying for her choice but it was HER choice and despite frequent demands on me by the rest of the family to the effect that "We HAVE to do something! We can't leave her in that state." I always answered "Well, no we don't HAVE to do anything. She's a sentient, intelligent human being. She has a right to make the choice she's made and we have NO right to impose our will upon her just because her choice wouldn't be our choice."

As regards the long term outcomes, worst case scenario is that eventually the joints will seize up and will no longer be capable of weight bearing in any shape or form. She will be confined to a wheel chair for the rest of her life. Pain will be an ever present companion which medications will only barely control. The joints will then get into fixed flexure so she will be unable to even stand to get from chair to bed without considerable assistance. My step-mother reached this point and spent the rest of her life in a nursing home as I couldn't cope with her on my own at home along with a full time +++ job. Ultimately, provided she didn't try to stand on her legs, the pain seemed to reside somewhat.

Sorry to paint such a gloomy picture but you wanted to know. I had it first hand so can speak from some point of knowledge.

I hope you can get her to change her mind but seriously, I doubt you ever will. I suggest you focus your efforts into aids and adjustments to home and activities of daily living to give her the best you can achieve under the circumstances.

 

[JenniferG]

Miss Josephine, our fount of wisdom and experience.